Love Will Tear Us Apart

She walks out of my room without a backwards glance. She's proud and haughty and all the things she should be. She's angry, more than that, she's furious. And she still loves me. I glance at the sketch on my wall, three figures aiming for the heart, and I wish I could take it all back. I think I knew she wouldn't forgive this.

It's her birthday but she's nowhere to be found. Lucas wraps his arm around me and I let myself be comforted. He's strong and safe and all the things I wish I'd had when I was 16. He wasn't there then but she was. He stops me from getting into my car, his hand warm on my shoulder and as his lips brush my cheek I wish she were here with me.

She hands me an empty box. Her leftovers. She laughs with Lucas, looking as beautiful as ever. I don't know which one I want more. They're like my night and day, she's beautiful and brilliant and Brooke and he's loving and loyal and Lucas. She's standing outside, hugging herself, her arms curled around her body. I stand next to her and we're silent. I Love You, Lucas.

I catch a glimpse of her along the hall. She's laughing with Haley and I feel a pang of jealously. I don't show it as I gather my books and leave. I'm sketching her face; she's hesitant, waiting by my bedroom door. I watch as she pushes her hair from her cheek. As I stand, she starts as if frightened; I sit back down and she inches her way into my room. She catches my eye and I'm shocked to see she's crying. I close my eyes and whisper her name. The phone rings, breaking the silence. Lucas. As I move to answer it, she's gone.

Brooke and Nathan. Before Lucas, there was Nathan. They roll around on Nathan's bed, the same bed I slept in. She's shaking her head slightly, as if she can't believe what she's seeing. Before Lucas, there was Nathan. My fist connects with her face and I'm glad to see her hit the floor. Lucas pulls me away and I'm crying harder than I can remember crying for a long time. He gathers me to him as I press my face into his shoulder. I crawl into bed. Lucas murmuring things to me that I can't hear and I'm alone when I wake up.

She came, she fought and we won. They wheel Derek or whoever the hell he is away from the house. Her hand grips mine under the police blanket.Where do we go from here? I wish I could tell her. I squeeze her hand and rest my head on her shoulder - how can I know if this is love?

There's only one bed in the apartment. She glances at me and I paste on a smile. It'll be fine, we're friends, and it'll only be until we can get another bed in here. She's not convinced and neither am I. I call Lucas and he doesn't answer. She watches me as I drop the phone. She holds her arm out to me and I crawl against her. She smells like strawberry lip gloss as I press my mouth against hers. Parting her lips slightly, she sighs, and I use that moment to deepen the kiss. I'm lying on the bed, Brooke propped against me, when the phone rings. I can't look at her when I answer.

We sleep together every night I'm not with Lucas. I can sense her watching me as I wake slightly. Her hand traces my arm, face, hips. She whispers I love you and I pretend I'm still sleeping. The end of school has arrived. Karen and Haley give birth. Lucas needed me more than ever and Brooke had Chase. The end of year party is hosted by Rachel and I have to stop myself from pulling Brooke out of her embrace.

She's standing in a room, watching the party. I take her hand and she smiles. She pulls me to her and kisses me, I want to pull away but I owe her this much. She stops the kiss, leaning against me and I know somebody is behind us. Rachel. She doesn't look surprised. I can't do this. I push past her as I leave. Brooke shouts my name but I don't stop.

I'm going to love you forever, Lucas Scott. Am I? He doesn't want me to go – but he'll wait as long as he has to. As I let myself into the apartment, she's waiting for me. She looks small and hurt and I know: this is what true love is. It isn't Lucas. It isn't getting caught up in the fairytale of the story. It's sitting up for your best friend until 4am. It's never pushing but always being there. It's Brooke never complaining when I spent the night with Lucas. It's the way she hugs me when I'm down. It's the way she kisses me and I know. Something that I'd been too scared to admit:I love her.