Nothing you recognize is of my creation. They are those of Miss J.K. Rowling.
James Potter stood absolutely still, examining, with narrowed, critical eyes, his rather unhappy-looking reflection staring back at him from within the grimy confines of the common room bath mirror.
Presently, he fiddled with the way his glasses sat slightly askew on the bridge of his nose, deciding with a quizzical eyebrow and a set jaw, to tuck his glasses farther back into his ears.
"Alright, all systems go," James whispered gamely to himself, and with an eager nod, he exitted the bath, rumpling the back of his dark hair with his right hand thoroughly as he went.
"Ready for breakfast, then?" mused Sirius from inside the common room, which was now entirely vacant of the other students who had all departed shortly for the Great Hall, desperate to assuage the delicate pangs in their stomach.
"Quite ready, yes," James smiled, following a mumbling Sirius to the portrait hole,
"I swear, Prongs. You're becoming more like a woman by the day,"
"Oh well, I suppose it's perfectly easy for you, looking like the incarnate of Adonis,"
Sirius ceased walking for a moment, his sleepy expression livening to reveal a cheeky, lopsided smile.
"Why, are you flirting with me, Potter? That's certainly a bit odd. I thought I needed at least a nice bum, and flowing red hair to elicit that sort of coquettish behavior,"
James frowned, flushing a tell-tale, blood-red.
"To be fair though, Prongs, I do have a nice bum," Sirius considered out loud, "Or so Roberta Bowles tells me,"
"The same Roberta Bowles that allegedly snogged Snivellus's monstrous nose after that one Quidditch match?"
Sirius turned right around to glare at James, favoring his best friend's biting remark with an arrogant curl of his lips, "She was drunk."
"With celebratory Butterbeer?" James sputtered out in disbelief,
"Evans snogs Adams with her shirt open!"
James blanched an immediate paper-white,
"You told me that was a lie! …She doesn't really? Surely not!"
"You weren't there, "
"She doesn't... she wouldn't!"
"Oh but she does!" insisted Sirius cruelly to James's incredulous stare,
"She doesn't."
"Does,"
"Doesn't,"
"Oh for Merlin's sake, be silent the pair of you!" impatiently broke in an adamant Remus Lupin who was propping a battered copy of Joshua Plotkin's Mother, I'm a Werewolf distractedly against an empty pitcher of pumpkin juice.
"Moony, you talk to Evans!" James ventured desperately with open hands, "Does she snog Adams with her shirt open?"
Remus cocked a scandalized eyebrow.
"How would I know!? And thank you, by the way, for that rather savory image,"
"Blame, Padfoot here, apparently he spends his afternoons spying on Evans and her boyfriend," James sighed moodily, to Sirius's uncontained amusement,
"Bloody hell, Prongs! You should be able to tell if I'm lying right about now!"
James felt his face grow unbearably hot. He'd never felt so silly.
"Unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable..."
"Two times, mate, that bit never gets old," Sirius beamed, endeavoring to pat a sulking James consolingly on the back, "Where's your lady love anyway?"
James glanced up hopefully from Remus's towering stack of buttered toast, and found, to his enormous shock and disappointment, that Lily Evans was nowhere in sight.
"Moony, have you seen Evans?"
"Five seats up—five seats up, Prongs!" Remus repeated louder, in response to the confused look James shot him,
"What? I looked and-"
"Not the most observant individual, are you?" Remus abruptly turned a page in his book, "Look closer."
James followed Remus's advice, and gripped the edge of the table to afford him a better view from where he sat. He counted five seats ahead: Wood, Thomas, Raskin, Rosen, Carmichael, and-
"Evans?" James broke out loudly in surprise. Sirius clucked his tongue.
"Honestly, Prongs. Subtlety is key, will you ever listen?"
"Why is she wearing that hideously frizzy, old hat?" James had to laugh despite himself.
"A stain apparently," Remus informed James warningly, easily detecting the note of burning excitement in his friend's voice. "So don't tease her about it."
"A stain? On her hair? I could help her with that," James felt suddenly lifted.
"No, she explicitly said that-" Remus found himself suddenly speaking to no one however, for both James and Sirius had gotten up, sniggering, from their seats.
"Anyway, it should all be sorted out in the weekend-"
"Evans!"
At the sound of James's voice, Lily immediately pursed her lips in annoyance.
"What is it now, Potter?"
"Just heard of your misfortune," James casually broke in with a salesman's smile,
"Have you, now?"
"Indeed I have. And just so you know, I'd be more than happy to take care of it for you,"
"So you're planning to move to the Orient then?" Lily chirruped in tones of mock excitement, and the two girls sitting the closest to her exploded with laughter.
"Now, now, Evans," Sirius drawled pleasantly, "That's no way to treat your saviours,"
"Saviours?" Lily's lips twitched into a sneer, "I hardly need saving,"
"You certain of that?" Sirius leaned in, fingering Lily's hat with a distasteful look on his face, "Because this could, quite possibly, be the worst thing I've seen on you since Elijah Cornwood,"
"You shut your mouth, Black, and mind your own bloody business!" Lily cried, appearing well, and truly livid now, her big, green eyes positively swimming in fury as she glared nastily from over her shoulder at a triumphant-looking Sirius.
"Evans, listen. It's just a simple vanishing spell, nothing to worry about," James was desperate to assure Lily, and curiously, she began to pull at her hat as though fearful it would fall off,
"Just a flick of our wands, and it's gone, we've done it before-"
"Listen, Potter. That's all well and good, and I appreciate it. But I didn't ask for your help."
James couldn't help but wince at Lily's resistance.
"Didn't anyone ever teach you that if one is in trouble, one must ask for help? I don't care if you loathe me to pieces Evans, but you're clearly in need, and I'm going to help!"
And before Lily could even finish what strangely sounded to James like a dramatic, high-pitched, "No!" at least twelve pieces of balled-up tissue paper came tumbling down from the inside of Lily's frizzy hat, abruptly joining the omelettes, and sausages that lay cool on the plates of those that sat, suddenly horrified, around her.
Lily's shoulders began to tremble as though she were crying, and James, stunned, took a disoriented step backwards, his bottom lip low and quivering at the full realization of what he done.
"Are you happy now, Potter?" Pragna Patil scowled, and what followed made James terribly sick to his stomach: slowly but surely, people started nudging at one another, laughing.
"Lils, come on!" A gaggle of Lily's friends worriedly rushed to where she sat, shoving both James and Sirius roughly aside in order to shield Lily from inspection.
"Lily, I didn't mean to-"
"Enough, Potter. I think you've done enough damage for one day, don't you?"
And with that Belinda Carmichael turned to attend to an unspeaking Lily, gesturing for the others to follow as she lead them all out in a great rush from the thundering din of the Great Hall.
I would like to thank loonymarauder who was rather helpful in sorting out a particular kink in this chapter. :) To anyone else present -cough- please don't hesitate to point out anything else awry! (I'm sure there are others I have shamelessly overlooked.)