A/N: Thank you if you reviewed. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Something big happened and I've had to help my mom. So please review this chapter! J
CHAPTER 7: WHEN SUES GET CAMERAS
It was the week after the last challenge and all the remaining Sues had shunned Rose Petal for being what Stormy called a '//bleeeeeep//ing little //bleeep//," and that pretty much summed it up.
Rose Petal didn't seem bothered by this though. She spent her days singing with little birds and making the world a better place in general.
Keanna and Jade S. had been trying to find out how she had made them vote Vixen out in the last voting ceremony.
They all were sitting on the couch discussing what Rose Petal had done when she came twirling in gracefully with the mail.
"Hello, friends! Looks like we got another challenge!" She cried, opening the envelope and reading out loud.
She read, " 'To the remaining Sues of Hogwarts: For this challenge you are required to use the enclosed mini video cameras to film what a typical day in the life of a Sue is like. Good luck.' Wow, look at these things!" Rose Petal gasped, picking up one of the four video cameras that had come with the instructions.
"Wow, this is going to be awesome!" Stormy said.
"Yeah, I can't wait! Although, my life is not that interesting." Jade S. said. Stormy smacked her in the head.
"WHAT KIND OF SUE SAYS THEIR LIFE ISN'T INTERESTING?! ARE YOU INSANE?! ALL SUES HAVE A FASCINATING LIFE!!!!" She screamed.
"Uh, yeah, I mean, my life is like, super awesome! I do all kinds of stuff!" Jade s. said, staring at Stormy as if she had gone crazy.
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I have a feeling I'll win this challenge. MAWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!" Rose Petal laughed manically. Then she turned around. "Oh yeah, I made you all cookies!" And she left.
"OH MY GOD!!! I THINK I JUST REALIZED WHAT ROSE PETAL DID TO MAKE US ALL VOTE FOR VIXEN LAST WEEK!!!!!!!!" Jade S. screamed.
"Oh my god! What?!" Stormy cried.
"She used that unforgivable curse that makes you do what ever someone wants you to so!! My author is too lazy to just look up what the curse is!" Jade S. said excitedly.
"Wow, your right! I can't believe we didn't figure this out sooner!" Keanna cried.
"Yeah, well, my author wanted me to figure it out today," Jade S. said.
"Well, now that we know, we can tell Jade H. and maybe she'll be voted out!" Stormy said happily.
"Yeah, but until we can, lets just do our challenge and act like we don't know so she doesn't try to kill us or something!" Keanna said.
"Your Voldemort's daughter, and your scared of some little Mary Sue?" Jade S. said, raising her eye brows.
"Hey, she has powers my father and I will never have and lets face it, she's way more evil!" Keanna said shuddering.
"Amen to that!" Stormy said, and everyone agreed.
XOXOXOXOXO (everything in bold print is Jade S. interrupting the story)
Jade S. was trying to turn on her camera that after noon so she could do the challenge. She finally clicked the right button and blinked into the camera lens thing.
"Oh, uh, your on. Well, I'm Jade S. Holloway and I'm here to do the SUEvivor challenge. As you probably already know, I'm the author insert Sue. I live here in Hogwarts and spend too much time glorifying my author, cause let's face it, people who write author!Sues are sad people with little self confidence. Not that my author is, but hey, it's a parody. Oh crap, I'm not supposed to know that….Anyway, on with the show."
"My day starts out like every other author!Sue's. I wake up so the sun can rise (yes, I control the sun) and my author describes my insane beauty."
The scene goes to Jade S. waking up in her huge bed, with little birdies singing and the sun shining down on her.
"My author says something like this. Ahem: 'Jade woke up the morning of the first day of the new school year. She had gotten her own private dorm reserved for Americans, but she conveniently shared it with Professor Snape, despite the fact that it was so wrong on so many levels.
Jade's golden blond hair shone-'
"Here, the author pauses to look up fancy words for this sentence. She decides 'brilliantly' makes her seem specialer." Jade S. informed everyone. Back to her life.
'-Brilliantly. She didn't have the hair normal people have when they wake up, it was always awesome.
She rubbed her big, soulful eyes and noticed that Professor Snape was gone'
"Notice how the author throws in a pointless description of the Sues eyes. She would go into the whole speech about how she looked, but she did that in the first paragraph of the first chapter." Jade S. interrupted.
'Jade decided she should get ready for class, even though it was not necessary. She was smart enough.
She got gracefully out of bed and changed into her skin tight hip hugger jeans and red tube top that perfectly hugged her perfect curves. She needed no make up, of course. '
"And all readers die a little when they read that. Notice how there is never a reasonable explanation for why she doesn't wear the uniform. Now, lets skip the boring details my author will put in about my appearance and go straight to another Sue moment." Jade S. said into the camera.
The scene skipped to Jade in her potions class .
"And there is, of course, lot's of sexily simmering caldrons, but that's more boring detail. Now, on with my life."
'Jade was surrounded by her friends in potions class, wondering why Professor Snape was giving her those strange looks full of lust.'
"Or was it just pure distain?" Jade S. asked. "Sorry. Back to the story."
' "Class, today we will be making the Super Rare Love Potion #9. It is extremely difficult, so do not ask why I have given it to you as your assignment.'
"Here, the author finds herself questioning her own work." Jade S. said.
'" I don't expect any of you to do this right, but do try to keep up." Professor Snape said.
Jade raised her hand. "Professor? I already finished."
Snape walked over to her caldron and looked into it.
"This is incredible! You are the only girl your age to ever make this potion! A million points to Gryffindor!" Snape said.'
"Ah, yes. What story is complete without OOCness?" Jade S. sighed.
'In the midst of Jade and her friends celebrating, someone ran in. "VOLDEMORT IS IN THE CASTLE! RUN FOR YOU LIVES!!!!!!!!!!" This unimportant person screamed hysterically.
"Harry, you're the only one who can save us! Hey, where'd Harry go?" Hermione asked looking around. "OK, Jade, you're the only one who can save us!"
Jade stepped up bravely. "I will! You see, the prophecy was really referring to me"
Everyone gasped at that huge revelation, but other then that they showed so signs of surprise.'
"So, yeah. You read write. Ignoring everything the books have told us, JADE is really the savior of the wizarding world. " Jade S. said.
'Jade went down to the Great Hall, where she found Lord Voldemort, waiting for her.
"Hello, Jade." He hissed.
"Lord Voldemort." Jade said dramatically, circling around him.
"We meet again." Voldemort said.
"So we do. And this time I will not be defeated. STARING CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jade shrieked.
"What?"
"That's right, Voldemort! A staring contest. If you win, I die, but if I win, you die!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh, it's on, bee-otch!" Voldemort screamed, dropping his dramatic hood and standing right in front of Jade.
"I'm the staring contest champion of 1968! Red eyes don't blink!!!!"
"You forget, Voldemort, that when you tried to kill me the first several times, you gave me the power to take over the world with my staring abilities!!!!!"
They both stood there, staring into each others' eyes for a long time. Then-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!1 I'M MELTING!!!!!1111 NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!11111!" Voldemort screamed, for he really was melting.
After that, Jade fell to the floor.
Snape came running in and picked her up.
"Oh, my love!!11!!! You have made a dramatic sacrifice for love!!!!!!111 How will I go on with out you?!?!?!?!/!
"Oh….Severus…..Do not cry for me. I had to do this, it was the only way. I love you!" //slump/
And she died.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! MY ONLY LOVE!!!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!! NOOOOOO!!"'
"Yep, so there's a normal day in my life!! Thanks for watching!!! Bye!" Jade S. turned off the camera.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
//Keanna//
Keanna looked into the camera. "Hello. I am Keanna Riddle, daughter of Lord Voldemort.
For this challenge, you will take a look into my angst filled life." She said dully. "OK, so lets get on with it so I can get back to angsting around."
"My day starts out like any other Sue's." Keanna said as the scene cut to her creeping back into her dorm room with blood dripping from her mouth.
"That's right, I'm also a vampire princess. That WOULD be really cool if it weren't so Sueish." Keanna explained. "Of course, I can survive in day light because my author forgot I was a vampire and had me outside in the day. Oh, here I am cutting myself, cause I'm just so darn angst-y!"
Keanna was sitting on her bed with the curtains drawn, cutting herself, even though she was a vampire and they have no blood. (I don't think cutting yourself is cool or funny or anything. I just know Sues do it to look angst-y).
"Now here I am being hated by people." Keanna sighed. The scene was several people saying mean things to her cause she's so different.
"This should make me more sympathetic, but the other characters are so damn OOC that the readers just don't care."
Now we see her talking to Harry. "This is pretty much the same thing we saw in the last chapter when I had to do a romance scene. Course, Harry still doesn't believe I can be good, even though we kissed a lot. So let's go to the part when I'm telling my father that I can't kill Harry." Keanna said.
And that's what the scene is. Keanna's eyes were filled with tears and she was explaining that she loved him.
"And of course, my father is not happy, so he tries to kill me." Now we see them dueling.
"I fight back and kill him, but almost die in the process. Here's Harry now, declaring his undying love for me."
In the scene, Harry leaned over her and declared his undying love for her.
"And we live happily ever after. It makes me sick. So the end. See ya." Keanna said, and she dropped the camera.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
//Stormy//
//tosses hair// "Hi, I'm Stormy Cool and I'm here to show you what life as an American!Sue is really like"
Stormy said happily.
The scene went to Stormy happily chatting with friends, who were listening intently.
"Seeing as how I'm American!Sue, I spend my days making people love me. See how many friends I have? And just look how muscley Harry and Ron have gotten for me!" Stormy said.
Then the scene was Stormy in potions class, arguing with Snape.
"See how smart I am? And I argue with teachers and get away with it!!!! That's not all I get away with." Stormy told the readers.
The scene skipped to Stormy choosing her outfit that morning. She was going through her closet, full of stripper clothes. She chose an outfit of a red bikini top, black leather skirt that was shorter then short, and chain belt, fish net stockings and thigh high boots. Then she put on too much mascara and red lipstick.
"We all know that McGonagall would destroy me if I wore that, but that's the beauty of fan fics: No need to follow the books at all!" Stormy said. "And since Americans are obviously super awesome, I spread my American joy all through Hogwarts every day!"
The scene goes to Stormy giving Hermione a make over.
Then it shows her and the everyone else listening to American muggle music that hasn't even been made yet.
"When I'm not doing these things, I'm saving the wizarding world from Voldemort!!!" Stormy said.
The scene changes to her fighting off Voldemort. She blinds him with her shiny hair and then hitting him with a frying pan.
"So you see, I am pretty much awesome!!!! I'm also running for president! Vote for me in '08!" Stormy said, winking at the camera.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Rose Petal was working on her camera when Jade H. and some others came up to her.
"Uh, hi Rosy…" Jade H. started.
"Hi guys! What are you doing here? I was just about to do my challenge." Rose Petal said.
"Yeeeeeahhhhhh, about that, um, you have to leave the show….." Jade H. said slowly. Then she stepped back and covered her eyes to avoid being hit by Rose Petal.
Rose Petal dropped the camera. "WHAT!?"
"See, some of the other contestants figured out that you had used an unforgivable curse to keep them from voting you out. You can't stay now." Jade H. told her.
"B-b-but…..No I didn't!!!!" Rose Petal cried.
Everyone stared at her. . "We know you did."
"FINE! I'LL LEAVE! BUT AS GOD AS MY WITNESS I WILL FIND OUT WHO TURNED ME IN AND DESTROY THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOO! THEY'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!" Rose Petal screamed as she stormed away.
"Wow, that was dramatic for a parody." Jade H. said as they left the room.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
That night all the remaining Sues headed into the Great Hall for the voting. The were surprised to find the sorting hat wasn't there.
"Sues, today we have some big news. There will be no voting tonight because Rose Petal has been asked to leave the game cause of her evilness." Jade H. announced. But as soon as they heard the words 'Rose Petal has been asked to leave the game,' all the Sues started celebrating.
" YES! FINALLY! WOO!" Stormy screamed.
The Sues all went back to there room to party.
END OF CHALLENGE 7.
NEXT WEEK ON SUEvivor: "NO! HOW COULD I GET VOTED OUT?!?!"
END NOTES: Man, that took a long time to write! Please review this chapter! J