Annnnd… I'm back. I survived, but just barely. Twelve hours total stuck in the car with the famdamily. Never again, I say.
This chapter is long(er). Not particularly one of my favorites, but it's necessary to get us from point A to point B. So read, review, and be merry. Oh, and this song is by the Dixie Chicks.
Chapter 3
You Were Mine
I can't find a reason to let go
Even though you've found a new love
And she's what your dreams are made of
I can't find a reason to hang on
What went wrong can be forgiven
Without you, it ain't worth livin' alone
It begin to rain as Addison made her way from the parking lot to the main entrance of Seattle Grace Hospital the next morning after only four full hours of sleep the night before. What a fan-frickin-tastic start to this already wonderful day, she thought bitterly. She headed upstairs to check in with Patricia at Richard's office, where she met Dr. Preston Burke, who was acting as Chief while Richard was out. She immediately liked Preston. He seemed like a very level-headed, capable doctor. After getting her badge and changing into the most hideous salmon-colored scrubs she had ever seen, she set off to find Dr. Burke again and find out in what room her patient was located.
As she rounded the corner, she saw Preston down the hallway… talking to none other than her husband. Here we go.
"Excuse me, Dr. Burke. Sorry to interrupt."
"You're never interrupting," Preston told her with a smile.
"She's always interrupting," Derek replied bitterly.
Addison ignored his spiteful comment and turned her attention to Dr. Burke. "I was just wondering if there was anything else I need to know I go meet my patient."
"Actually, there is," Preston began. "As I am sure you are aware, Seattle Grace is teaching hospital, so we frequently assign an intern to an attending for the day. And as I am acting as Chief until Richard is well, I don't have a lot of extra time on my hands to mentor an intern. So if you don't mind, I would like to have my intern assist you today. You are the best in your field…" he added at the end, hoping it would be enough to convince her.
"Of course, Dr. Burke. I would be happy to have to extra help."
"Great. Ah, here she comes now."
Addison turned to her right to see who Dr. Burke was looking at. You have got to be kidding. Is he trying to torture me? Addison thought to herself.
"Uh, Dr. Burke, are you sure about this?" Derek asked nervously.
"I'm always sure, Dr. Shepherd. But thank you for your inquiry." He then turned his attention to Meredith. "Good morning, Dr. Grey."
"Good morning, Dr. Burke."
"Meredith, this is Dr. Shepherd," Preston said as he nodded toward Addison.
Panic was rising up inside of Derek. Why hadn't he said anything to Meredith last night when he had the chance? He should have known all hell would break loose.
Meredith looked thoroughly confused and turned toward Derek, who was doing everything he possibly could to avoid eye contact with her.
Dr. Burke continued, "She is here to attend to our TTTS case, and since I will be acting as Chief until Dr. Webber recovers, I thought I would give you the opportunity to assist her today. She is the best in her field. I think you will learn a lot."
"Oh, I think I will…" Meredith said cryptically as she glared at Derek.
"Well, I will check in with you later, Dr. Shepherd. Let me know if you need anything."
"Thank you, Dr. Burke," Addison replied politely.
Derek looked completely bewildered as Dr. Burke walked away, leaving him standing between his wife and his girlfriend. Meredith was getting angrier by the minute, and Addison's stomach was doing flip-flops as she was realizing that Derek had never mentioned the fact that he had a wife to his intern.
Addison finally broke the tension. "Alright, Dr. Grey, shall we? We've got a busy day ahead of us."
Derek took off in the opposite direction as Meredith following Addison down the hall to meet her patient and begin the consult. This is definitely going to be an interesting day, Addison thought sarcastically to herself.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Define TTTS," Addison said to Meredith without looking up from the patient's chart.
"Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Conjoined fetal twins," Meredith quickly answered.
"Connected by?"
"Blood vessels in the placenta."
"Meaning?"
Meredith hesitated. She couldn't remember for sure off the top of her head. And this woman, whoever she was and however she was related to Derek, was intimidating.
"One twin gets too much blood, the other too little, endangering the lives of both. I'd expect you to know that, Grey," Addison snapped. Okay, snapping at the intern probably wasn't necessary…
"The other doctors told me there wasn't a chance that much could be done," said Susan Phillips, the mother of the TTTS babies.
"Well, in all honesty, TTTS is usually impossible to correct… unless you happen to be one of the handful of surgeons in the world who knows how to separate fetal blood vessels, which, luckily for you, I am," Addison reassured her patient, giving her a quick smile. "So, we'll get you into surgery tomorrow. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me or Dr. Grey."
"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd," Susan told her gratefully.
"My pleasure," Addison replied, and she and Meredith left the room.
Addison walked over to the nurses' station and began to make notes in the patient's chart. Meredith just stood off to the side, wanting so badly to ask the intimidating doctor just one question but not finding the nerve to be able to do so.
"So, uh… you think the babies will be okay?" Meredith asked, feeling the need to break the silence.
"There are always risks, but I've done a couple of these procedures before with great success. So if all goes as planned, yes, I think the babies will be just fine."
Addison turned back to her chart as Meredith kept fidgeting beside her. She knew what the intern wanted to know, but she refused to volunteer the information.
"Dr. Grey, I need you to order an ultrasound and pre-op labs for Ms. Phillips, and could you please page me when those are done?"
"I will. So… what hospital are you with?"
"Mount Sinai. In New York."
"So… you are out here as a favor to the Chief?"
"Yes."
"Oh. How long are you, uh… going to be with us?"
"Dr. Grey, come with me, please."
Addison led Meredith down the hall to the empty break room and closed the door. "We have a very busy day ahead of us, so why don't you just ask me whatever it is you really want to know so we can get on with it?"
Meredith was taken aback by the bluntness in Addison's statement. She took a deep breath and then blurted out, "Please tell me that 'Shepherd' is your maiden name."
Addison looked away. She felt sorry for the poor girl; she really did. After all, it was apparent that she had no idea her boyfriend was actually married. The look on her face told Addison exactly what she needed to know: Derek had moved across the country and found himself a girlfriend, failing to mention the fact that he was currently married.
"It's not."
"Then are you… um… Derek's sister-in-law? Cousin?" Meredith asked hopefully, albeit naively.
"I think Derek is the one you need to be talking to," Addison told her, saying what Meredith already knew without actually having said it. With that, Addison left the intern standing alone in the empty room.
- - - - - - - - - -
It was almost 2:00 that afternoon before Addison finally got a break. One patient had turned into four, and before she knew it, her whole day was booked. She made her way to the cafeteria to grab something quick to eat before it was time to consult on another patient that afternoon. As she paid for her lunch and was exiting the cafeteria, she couldn't help but notice that all five people at the table where Meredith was sitting kept looking over at her and whispering to each other. Wow… real subtle, guys. Could you be more obvious?? Oh, forget it. It doesn't matter, Addison. Even as she told this to herself, she hated that people were talking about things they knew nothing about.
"So, how's it going with the new attending?" Cristina asked as she saw Addison leave the cafeteria.
"Who is she?" Alex asked with his mouth half-full of sandwich. "She's hot."
"Oh, where to begin…?" Meredith said.
"Why are you being so overly dramatic? I don't think I can deal with Moody Meredith today," said Cristina.
"Cristina! Stop. Okay, Meredith: Go," Izzie said.
"Okay, well… the new attending? Her name is Addison Shepherd." Meredith paused as a shocked look covered her friends' faces at once. "And before you ask, no, that's not her maiden name."
"So you mean… McDreamy is married?!" Izzie asked.
"It appears that way."
"Wait… that's Addison Montgomery-Shepherd?! You are working with Addison Montgomery-Shepherd? Ugh! This is so not fair. She is the best there is in her field. And seriously, how often does Seattle Grace get a TTTS case?" Cristina raved. They all just stared at her. "What?! I'm still on her side," she said as she pointed to Meredith.
"What did Derek say?" Izzie asked.
"Oh, you mean aside from the nothing he said to me last night and this morning?"
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh, God, she's going to kill me. And she could easily make it look like an accident."
"It's not like you knew he was married, though, Mer," George piped in.
"That's true. And she seems very professional. Just make it through today, and you won't have to work with her again," Izzie pointed out.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Okay, I can do this," Meredith said, sounding less-than-enthusiastic about it. She stood up and turned to face George and Izzie. "But if I'm not home by 9:00, send someone out to look for my remains, please."
Izzie rolled her eyes. "It will be fine, Mer. She really doesn't seem that awful."
- - - - - - - - - -
The afternoon passed by fairly quickly. Addison's other consults had been fairly simple, and now all she had to do was check up on her TTTS patient before heading back to her hotel. After reassuring Ms. Phillips about her surgery the next day, Addison asked her if she had any last questions.
"Actually, I was wondering… is it at all possible to have Dr. Grey taken off my case?" Susan asked Addison.
"Why? Is there a problem?" Addison asked her. She looked from her patient to her clearly baffled intern, obviously confused as to why Susan would be asking a question like that.
"I've heard the gossip around here, Dr. Shepherd. And Dr. Grey reminds me of someone I don't like very much. A certain someone my soon-to-be-ex-husband likes a lot, particularly in lingerie. You understand."
"No. No, I don't understand," Addison said, starting to get annoyed with where this conversation was headed.
"Well, she's sleeping with your husband, right?"
"Ms. Phillips, not that this is any of your business, but I lack Dr. Grey's class and patience, so let me set the record straight: My husband didn't cheat on me; I cheated on him. So despite whatever rumors you've been hearing around here, Dr. Grey is the wronged woman. So, I think you owe her one hell of an apology."
Addison stared her down for a few seconds to let her know that she had not appreciated the inquiry into her personal life and then she left the room.
Meredith stood there, too stunned to move for a few seconds. She finally spoke to the patient. "Um… if you need anything, just have a nurse page me." She then left the room, heading in the direction she had seen Addison go. She heard a door close loudly down the hallway and walked in that direction. Peering through the half-closed blinds of the break room, Meredith could see Addison on the couch, her face buried in her hands. She waited a few minutes before knocking softly and slowly opening the door. Addison looked up as Meredith entered, clearly embarrassed, and quickly tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Meredith grabbed a box of Kleenex that were sitting on the table and handed them to the attending.
"Thanks."
"No problem," Meredith said quietly. "If you don't need anything else… medically related… my shift is over…"
"No, we're done for the day. But I do want to apologize. I lost my temper, and I shouldn't have. That's not how you should have found out about any of this. It was completely unprofessional of me, and quite frankly, it was embarrassing."
"Uh… okay," Meredith replied. She looked around nervously as she tried to think of something to say. "I, um… I never knew Derek was married. He never told me."
"I figured as much from the way things went today." Addison sat on the couch staring blankly ahead as a few tears escaped down her cheek. "You can go."
Meredith quietly slipped out of the room, totally bewildered by everything that had just happened in the last ten minutes. She really needed a hot, relaxing bath. And a drink. A strong drink.
- - - - - - - - - -
Sometimes I wake up crying at night
And sometimes I scream out your name
What right does she have to take you away
When for so long you were mine
Ding-dong! Ding-dong!
"It is almost 11:00. Who the hell is at the door?!" Meredith complained as she forced herself up off the couch where she had been watching a movie with a half-asleep George and Izzie.
She stopped in her tracks when she saw who it was through the glass door. She just rolled her eyes and began to turn around.
"Meredith, please… I need to talk to you," she heard Derek say though the door.
She opened the door just enough so he could hear what she had to say. "No, you needed to talk to me last night. Or two months ago!"
She slammed the door shut again.
"Meredith, come on. Give me five minutes. Please."
She opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. "Fine. You have five minutes. Ready? Go."
"I'm so sorry, Meredith. I should have told you about Addison the day we met. But I didn't, and we started this thing, and it made me happy, and it almost made me forget about everything bad that was going on in my life. I was hurting so bad when I moved out here that I didn't even want to think about that part of my life. I just wanted to forget about her. How could I not? She cheated on me."
"So I heard," she replied in an annoyed voice.
"What? How?"
"She told me. Well, technically, she told a patient after the patient pissed her off with some comment about how I reminded her of the woman her husband cheated with."
Derek was shocked. He couldn't believe Addison had actually had this conversation with his girlfriend. But he was pretty sure she had left out one significant detail. "What exactly did she tell you?"
Meredith sighed. "That's it. Just that she was the one who cheated. She seemed pretty upset after she told the patient off."
"So, I see she failed to mention the fact that the man she cheated on me with just happened to be my best friend. My best friend! He was like my brother, and she slept with him! In our bed!"
"Yeah, she didn't mention that…"
"After I found them together, I couldn't bear to stay in New York. So I left. I called Richard, he offered me a job, and I came here. Drove all the way here from New York. And then I met you."
"So what was I to you, then, Derek? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?"
"Meredith, I don't know! I don't know much of anything right now, okay? Addison just showed up out of no where, and I don't know how to deal with that. She's here, and you're here, and I… I'm going to need some time to think about all of this. It's just… so much to handle."
"Fine, whatever. I love being with you, and I think this could really turn into something great. But just so you know, I'm not waiting around forever, Derek. You have to choose. It's either her or me. You can't have it both ways."
"I know, Meredith! Damnit! Don't you think I know that?!"
Meredith was quiet now as she watched Derek continue to pace.
"I never meant to hurt you… I'm sorry, Meredith."
"Yeah… me, too." With that, she went back inside, leaving Derek alone on the porch to sort out his feelings.
- - - - - - - - - -
I took out all the pictures of our wedding day
It was a time of love and laughter
Happy ever after
But even those old pictures have begun to fade
Please tell me she's not real
And that you're really coming home to stay
Addison walked through the lobby of her hotel and had almost reached the elevator when the man at the front desk got her attention.
"Dr. Shepherd?"
She whipped around. "Yes?"
"A package came for you today," he said as he reached behind the counter and pulled out a box.
"Thank you," she replied, obviously confused, and continued up to her room.
She saw on the return address label that the package had come from Savannah. That's weird, she thought. I don't remember asking her to send me anything.
As soon as she reached her room, she tore open the package, wondering what as so important that Savvy had felt the need to overnight it across the country without even letting her know it was coming.
Inside the box were many rectangular tissue-wrapped objects with a note on top. Addison opened the envelope and pulled out a short letter.
Addie,
I saw these when I stopped by your house yesterday, and I knew you would tell me not to send them, which is why I didn't tell you they were coming. I think you should have them with you, though, to remind you why you're there. I hope everything is going well. Or at least okay. Call me when you can.
Love you always,
Savvy
Addison put the letter aside and pulled out the first object. She suddenly realized what it was that Savvy had felt the need to send. She slowly tore the tissue paper off to reveal a picture frame that held a photo of a bride and groom, staring lovingly into each other's eyes. She and Derek. On their wedding day. She stared at the picture for a long time before pulling out the next and then the next. There were three picture frames in total and an incomplete wedding album. Savvy had taken the liberty of removing all the pictures that Mark had been in, which turned out to be a great deal, seeing as how he had been the best man at Derek and Addison's wedding. She flipped through the pages of the album, smiling sadly as she remembered the happiest day of her life.
As Addison reached the end of the album, she saw her favorite picture from that day. She and Derek were standing on the steps of the church where they were married, embraced in a kiss as rice was thrown all around them. They looked so happy, like they had really believed they would live happily ever after.
She sighed as she put everything back in the box and then put the box in the closet. Seeing her wedding pictures made everything come screaming back to her, and she couldn't help but think about when her marriage had been good and strong. Back before it all went to hell. It was all too much to deal with right now. She was already on the verge of tears from the day she had had, and she was sick and tired of crying. She'd been doing far too much of that lately. She quickly got ready for bed, crawled under the blankets, and fell into a fitful sleep.
- - - - - - - - - -
Derek lay alone in his trailer later that night. He couldn't sleep. His mind was racing. He still couldn't believe that Addison was here. Even more than that, he couldn't believe that she had had the conversation she did with Meredith. Addison. Meredith. Addison. Meredith. His life used to be so simple. Love Addison and work hard at his chosen profession to provide for her. Somewhere along the way, the work had become more important than the part about loving his wife. Not that he ever stopped loving her. He just became… indifferent. It was a terrible thing, but it happened. Which is the same thing Addison had said about Mark. It was a terrible mistake, but it happened. So what did that make Meredith? Derek didn't feel that she was a mistake, but he had an unsettling feeling about their relationship. Oh, God, what was he going to do?
Sometimes I wake up crying at night
And sometimes I scream out your name
What right does she have to take you away
When for so long you were mine
I remember when you were mine…
Hmmm... what do we think? Me thinks the next chapter will be more interesting. Should be up in a few days, depending on my social calendar. It's usually pretty empty, but the county fair is this week, and I have plans to go listen to some hick music and eat an elephant ear. And if you don't know what that is, you are really missing out on something great.