Geez, you are all so demanding. :-) I figured I better get this up before I leave for the long weekend. I'm going to be packing tomorrow night to leave after work on Friday. That's right, kiddies, I am venturing to SEATTLE! And… I'm going to ride the ferry. Oh, I'm excited.
My world is very small.
Song: "The Space in Between Us" by Building 429.
Chapter 6
The Space In Between Us
"Wow, what was that all about?" George wondered aloud.
"Wise up, Bambi. Satan just gave McDreamy divorce papers," Cristina said.
"She gave him two envelopes, Cristina," Izzie pointed out. "They can't both be divorce papers."
"What do you think the other one was?" George asked.
"I don't know. But hey, things seem to be looking up for you, Mer," Cristina said, taking a drink and turning her attention toward Meredith.
"Don't jump to conclusions. You don't know that he will even sign divorce papers, if that's what they were," Izzie said.
"I hope he does," Meredith finally chimed in.
They all turned to face her.
"You can't be serious," a shocked Izzie replied. "Oh, my God, you are! Meredith, you've only known him a couple months. They've been married for years. Would you really want him to throw that all away? Put yourself in their positions."
"Well, he can't care about her all that much if he was able to just pack up and move across the country, start seeing me, and never even mention her."
Izzie just looked at her in disgust and disbelief. "If he didn't care, Meredith, he would have signed divorce papers months ago. He would be with you tonight instead, and he would have been with you the past few weeks instead of taking time to think. If he didn't care… this wouldn't be so hard for him. Think about that." She got up and walked out the door, leaving a speechless Meredith, Cristina, and George in her wake.
- - - - - - - - - -
Look at my heart again
Look at the mess I've got it in
I'm learning to trust in you
To know that you'll see me
Through my pride and through my shame
Into your love, into your grace
I'm not looking back 'til I see your face
I'm running straight to you
Derek sat on the porch outside the trailer, a beer in one hand and the two envelopes in the other. He had no idea what to do. He had left New York to uncomplicated his life, or so he though, and ironically enough, it had become even more complicated since he got here.
He had thought that he and Meredith would be able to start a relationship and that it would make him feel better. It had been easy and carefree, and she had fawned over him. He thought he could really fall for her. There were no worries, no history, no complicated feelings. Meredith was the complete anti-Addison.
But then Addison showed up. Addison. His wife. He had been married to her for almost twelve years. They had shared dozens of birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions together. They had experienced some of the best and worst times of their lives together. She was his wife. But she had cheated on him. She had hurt him more than anyone else ever had or could.
But… if he could manage to pull himself out from the situation and was totally honest, he would have to take part of the blame. He had become indifferent to her over the years. He had put her needs second to his obligations at work. And that was wrong. He hadn't been there for her the way he had promised he would be. She was lonely. She tried to tell him. But he didn't hear her. And then she had cheated. And then he found Meredith…
He was back to where he started. His thoughts just kept going around and around in circles.
He finished his beer and pulled the two sets of papers from their envelopes. He read over both of them for a good hour or so. Finally, he put them back in their respective envelopes and went inside to go to bed. He wasn't going to get anywhere tonight.
- - - - - - - - - -
All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is
The space in between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is
The space in between us
Erase it and bring us together again
Derek got in the elevator as soon as he arrived at the hospital the next morning and pushed the button for the NICU. He had woken up at 3:30 that morning and had not been able to go back to sleep. He couldn't stand the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had to sort this whole mess out, and if he had to take a sick day in order to do that, he would. He had been awake for at least an hour when suddenly his mind raced back to one of the most defining moments in his relationship with Addison.
He had gotten off before her that night, and using the key that he had secretly stolen from her a week ago, he let himself into her apartment.
It took about half an hour to get everything all ready, but it was perfect. He couldn't wait to see Addison's face when she saw it. He had covered the whole kitchen and living room with white candles, which were all lit, and he had the music that he knew she loved quietly playing in the background. A romantic meal was all set up at the table; the pasta that he knew was her favorite.
He suddenly heard her key turning in the lock, and he ducked into her bedroom where she wouldn't see him right away.
He heard the door swing open and her purse fall to the ground. "What the… oh, my God…"
From his hiding spot, he could see her slowly walking around, taking everything in. Her back was turned when he quietly emerged from her room.
He was there behind her as she turned around with tears beginning to form in her eyes. She looked him in the eye and opened her mouth, but nothing came out.
"I love you, Addison. I've loved you from the moment I met you. I love the way you laugh at the most random things. I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you run your fingers through my hair. I love how my apartment smells like you, even after you leave. I love how my clothes look better on you than they do on me. I love you more than you'll ever know. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you. I know it won't always be easy, but I have faith in us, and I know we can make it through whatever life throws our way."
He got down on one knee. "Addison Montgomery, will you please do me the honor of being my wife?" Pulling out the ring from his pocket, he took her left hand in his.
She stood there speechless as he held her hand. She moved her mouth, but nothing came out. Derek was starting to get worried that she was going to say no, until she began nodding her head furiously.
"You'll marry me?"
"Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!" she finally managed to choke out.
He quickly slipped the ring on her finger, then jumped to his feet. He pulled her into a hug, picked her up, and spun her around. Putting her down, he took her face in his hands and slowly kissed her lips. "You have just made me the happiest man in the entire world."
He remembered that night well. He had meant every word he said that night. He really did love her as much as he professed to, and he had felt like the luckiest man alive when she agreed to marry him. So then, what went wrong? How could he become indifferent to someone he claimed to love so much? He just couldn't seem to figure it out.
Then it hit him. "I have faith in us." Somewhere along the way, he realized, he had given up on that faith.
After that, he knew what he had to do. He had to act on that faith he had professed to have so many years ago. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was right. Even though it didn't feel right at this particular moment in time.
- - - - - - - - - -
The doors opened, and he stepped out onto the neonatal floor. His assumption that Addison would be up here had proved to be correct. He stood outside the NICU and watched her through the window for a few minutes. This was something he used to love to do back in New York. He would watch her with the babies. She would talk to them and stroke their tiny little arms. Sometimes she would even sing to them if no one else was around. He hadn't realized how much he had missed those little kinds of things. Eventually, Addison looked up and saw him standing outside. She flashed him a small smile, and he walked in.
"Hey."
"Hey," she answered quietly.
"You okay?" he asked. Her eyes were puffy, and he couldn't tell if she had been crying or if it was simply a lack of sleep.
"Yeah, I think so."
"Listen… I just wanted to apologize again for saying those things to you at Joe's last night. I didn't mean for them to just slip out like that."
"It's okay. You're angry. I understand."
"It still wasn't right, though. And I'm sorry."
"Okay."
They stood there in silence for a little while until Derek reached into his briefcase and pulled out one of the envelopes she had given him.
"I, uh… here," he said, holding it to her.
She just looked at it for a moment, her stomach jumping up into her throat. She hadn't been expecting him to decide on something so quickly. Now she was preparing for the worst. She finally took the envelope from his hand.
"Do I want to open this now?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"You can open it whenever you want," he replied as he sat down in the rocking chair in the corner.
She eyed him suspiciously, and after her curiosity had gotten the better of her, she opened the enveloped and pulled out a set of papers. A small smile began to spread across her face as she registered what set of papers were in the envelope.
"Sign them."
"Are you sure about this?"
"Yes. You deserve this, Addie. And… I couldn't forgive myself if I just let you walk away without trying to fix us, despite the fact that I'm still angry with you right now. We have to give our marriage another try. I want to give our marriage another try. Even if you are Satan and an adulterous bitch, which I shouldn't have called you…, you still may be the love of my life," he said, smiling a little after the last sentence.
"I don't know what to say… thank you, Derek." She crossed the room toward him.
"You're welcome," he replied softly, smiling up at her.
He stood up out of the chair to go change into his scrubs, and Addison took hold of his arm to stop him. She looked him straight in the eye and moved a little closer. He didn't pull away, so she leaned forward and kissed him ever so lightly on the lips. Pulling back, she saw a tiny smile play across his face.
"So… we're trying?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"We're trying."
All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is
The space in between us
Erase it and bring us together again
Well, are we happy now? He gave her the contract and they kissed (sort of). And they're trying. But it's not going to be an easy road for them. Because really... what's the fun in that?
Like I said, I'm outta here for the weekend, so no updates until Monday night, at the earliest. Have a great long weekend, everyone! Reviewing will make it better…