Random thoughts from the weekend: (1) I, too, have a thing for ferryboats! Aaahhh, I love them! (2) I want to go to grad school in Seattle. (3) Rodeos are rather entertaining. Who would've thought? (4) I'm glad I was driving the opposite direction of the people who were backed up for 30+ miles on I-90 Monday afternoon. (5) Kate Walsh looked gorgeous in her wedding pictures. (6) I love that she chose "Bless the Broken Road" to play at her wedding. It's one of my favorites. (7) I am mad at Dell for backordering my new laptop for another month. (8) Three weeks until school starts... depressing. (8) Three weeks until Private Practice starts... exciting! (9) The big spider outside my window is starting to freak me out. (10) I'm a little freaking out by Halle Berry now, too, after watching Perfect Stranger. (11) I love The Sound of Music. Thank you, ABC Family, for playing it all weekend. (12) I don't think Justin Chambers is as attractive as I once did. (13) Patrick Dempsey, however, is still veeerrry good looking. (14) So is Eric Dane.
Props to you if you actually read all that. HA. Here's chapter 7.
Song: "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait (looove him).
Chapter 7
I Cross My Heart
It had been about a week since Derek and Addison had had their conversation in the NICU. Things had been going fairly well. Not great… but okay. They had been trying to eat meals together, if they had the chance, and Derek was making more of an effort to talk to her. They hadn't actually talked about anything serious regarding their relationship, and sometimes it seem as though Derek was annoyed at having her around, but overall, they were doing okay. At least for the time being.
Addison had signed her contract with Seattle Grace the day after they had decided they were going to try, and ever since, she had been kept fairly busy with laboring mothers. Today had been an especially busy day for her. She hadn't had time for anything other than a muffin for breakfast, and she'd had to skip lunch altogether. Derek caught up with her mid-afternoon as she was finishing up her notes on the patient she had just seen.
"Hey there," he greeted her.
"Hey, yourself. Sorry I had to skip lunch. I've been up to my elbows in placenta all day," she said.
"Thank you for that mental image. Here. I brought you a sandwich. You need to eat something."
"Thanks."
"So… how's everyone adjusting to your being here to stay?"
"Well, OB-GYN and neonatal are thrilled; however, I'm not a favorite among the interns. And I'm pretty sure the nurses couldn't care less so long as I don't make their jobs any more difficult. So overall, not much has changed."
Derek laughed. "Figures. Okay, well, I've got to get going. I have a consult in ten minutes. See you later?"
"Yeah," she said. After a quick pause, she asked tentatively, "Hey, Derek… can I see where you live?"
He paused for a few seconds, clearly a little uncomfortable about letting her that far into his life again and seemingly thinking of how to respond.
"Um… sure, I suppose. I get off at 6:00 tonight. Meet me downstairs?"
"Okay," she said. As he turned to walk away, she quietly said, "Thank you, Derek."
He turned around, flashing the tiniest hint of a smile. "You're welcome."
- - - - - - - - - -
"You ready to go?" Derek asked as he approached Addison in the hospital lobby that evening.
"Yep. Do you want me to follow you or what?"
"You should probably just ride with me, and I'll bring you back here later. Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll get lost. You were never great with directions."
"Ha ha, very funny. You're a funny guy, Derek," she said, secretly pleased that he was joking around with her. She agreed, though, and followed him out to his car.
After a ferry ride and what seemed like hours of driving through nothing but trees, Derek finally pulled up on a large stretch of land, in the middle of which stood a shiny silver trailer.
"Uh… you're kidding, right? You don't really live here… do you?"
"Actually, I do. It's beautiful out here. Just come and have a look. You might change your mind after you see it."
She doubted that. But she would give it a chance. After all, it seemed as if Derek was making somewhat of an effort here, so she would do the same.
He took her inside and showed her around the trailer. She couldn't believe that someone could actually live in that small of a space. Her closet in New York was only just a little smaller than that. The trailer definitely wasn't a home, but she liked it more than she thought she would. And she really did love the land it was sitting on, though she didn't actually admit that to Derek.
"You hungry?" he asked her from the small kitchen. "I've got a couple steaks I could throw on the grill, if you're interested."
"That sounds great, actually. I haven't eaten anything since this morning. That sandwich you brought me was disgusting."
"Okay, well… there are some drinks in the fridge. Make yourself comfortable. It shouldn't take too long."
- - - - - - - - - -
Addison and Derek sat on the porch after dinner in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. Dinner had been relatively pleasant, both of them making small talk, being too afraid to bring up something that might spoil the evening. But now that all the small talk was out of the way, neither knew what to talk about next.
The radio was quietly playing in the background, set to a local country station. Derek was mindlessly peeling the label off his bottle, and Addison was lost in thought when a familiar song caught the attention of them both.
Our love is unconditional; we knew it from the start
I see it in your eyes; you can feel it from my heart
From here on after, we'll stay the way we are right now
And share all the love and laughter that a lifetime will allow
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true
In all the world, you'll never find
A love as true as mine
Derek stood up and held his hand out to Addison. "Come on," he almost whispered.
She took his hand, and he pulled her up out of the chair and into his arms. Taking her right hand in his left, he held it next to his heart as they slowly danced in circles on the porch.
You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete
And as long as there's a breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be
He pulled her closer as they continued dancing. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, just listening to the words and forgetting about everything else for just a little while.
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true
In all the world, you'll never find
A love as true as mine
And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm
You've go the promise of my life to keep you warm
Tears were silently falling down Addison's cheeks as she listened to those two lines, and Derek was beginning to tear up as well, though neither could tell how the other was reacting.
In all the world, you'll never find
A love as true as mine
A love as true as mine
By now the song had ended, but Derek was still holding Addison close. He could feel her shaking as she began to cry harder. He stared to rub circles on her back with his free hand to try to calm her down, but it wasn't working.
"Shhh, Addie. It's okay…"
"No, it's not! It's not okay!" she yelled as she pulled away from him. "This is our song, Derek. Our song. Do you even remember why it's our song?"
"Of course I do," he replied softly. "It was playing on the radio the first time I told you that I loved you. We were leaving Kathleen's wedding, and it was really late and really cold. You were mad at me for some reason… I can't really remember why. Anyway, we were sitting in the car waiting for it to warm up, and you had your arms crossed looking out the window, and all I could do was smile at how angry you looked. You got even more annoyed when you saw me and told me to wipe that 'silly-ass grin' off my face. Then I laughed and leaned over and kissed you, and I told you that I loved you. And this song was playing. You just sat there for a few seconds… really shocked. Then you got an equally silly-ass grin on your face, and you said that you loved me, too, and that… that no stupid fight or anything would ever come between us."
She paused, surprised that he remembered that even in so much detail. "Yeah, I did say that. And you know what? I really did believe that we could make it through anything. I had so much faith in us. Shows how much I know, though, doesn't it?"
She sat down in one of the porch chairs and put her head in her hands as she continued to cry. "How did everything get so screwed up, Derek? How did we lose everything that ever mattered?"
"We haven't lost everything, Addie."
"Then why does it feel that way?"
Derek had no response. He hated seeing her like this. Nothing he could say would calm her down when she was this upset; so instead, he pulled the other chair up beside her and took one of her hands in both of his and just let her cry.
- - - - - - - - - -
Twenty minutes or so passed before the tears finally subsided. Now they were both just sitting on the porch in silence, Derek still holding Addison's hand.
"Do you want to talk?" he asked timidly, breaking the silence.
"No."
"Okay."
Silence. He hated this. He wanted to talk to her, make sure she was going to be okay. He hated that she was this broken. How had he not noticed it before? Oh, that's right, a voice in his head began. You were too busy thinking about you to even see what was happening to her.
"Look, Addie… it's getting late, and you look beat. Why don't you just sleep here tonight? You can take the bed, and I'll sleep out here in the hammock."
She really didn't want to stay, but she was too exhausted to argue with him. "Okay," she replied.
"Come on, I'll get you something to wear to bed."
He led her inside and pulled out an old t-shirt and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms that she used to love to wear.
"There's an extra toothbrush under the sink and extra blankets in the cabinet above the bed," he told her, remembering how she used to get cold at night. "Let me know if you need anything else."
She nodded in response, and he gave her a little smile as he headed back out to the porch.
"Derek?" she called quietly after him.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry I didn't want to talk tonight. I know I've been bugging you about us needing to talk, but I just couldn't tonight. Just… don't… don't give up on me, okay? Because I've almost given up on myself, and if you give up on me, too..."
She looked away as she trailed off.
"Addison. Look at me." She turned her face toward him. "No one's giving up. I may still be mad at you, but I'm here. We're okay. Now, get some sleep, alright?"
"Thank you."
He smiled sweetly at her. "You're welcome. Goodnight."
Well. Lookie what I did there. You thought things were going to be all happy and sunshiny after that little dance on the porch. Wrong again. Addison is an emotional wreck. A little dance on the porch isn't going to fix that. Derek is trying to be there for her, despite the fact that he is still angry with her. Such a good boy. I'm so proud of him.
Derek and Addison get a surprise visitor in the next chapter. Who will it be…? I know! And if you review, you can know, too…