Her Big Mouth, His Big Feet
By Fantasy-chan
Disclaimer: Fa la la la, la la la la, I don't own! Hmm hmm hmm. Fa la la la, la la la la, I don't own! Hmm hmm hmm. Elmo has his goldfish, his crayon toobut I don't own nadda!
Pairings: Blatant fangirl hints of Tidus + Riku + Sora
Uber-Fun Author's Notes: I love you all, I truly, really do. I mean, what a response. I'm lovin' it like Micky Ds. I wish I could've gotten this done faster, but between graduation and finals well…(sigh). Life really sucks and blows.
Summary: In which some explaining is done, and Sora and Tidus are infected with stupid. Artists Galore!
Warnings: You bet your butt this is yaoi.
Chapter 6: The Young And Mentally Lacked
When Sora had entered the house that morning, he wasn't surprised to see the note that informed that his father was at work and his mother wouldn't return until late in the afternoon a la the unspeakable horrid and dreadful trip each woman takes to a mall at least twice a month. Sora crumpled the letter and threw it in the trash, quelling the urge to tear out his heart and throw it in the bin as well. After making a quick P B and J with Mayo sandwich and pouring a glass of O.J., Sora made his way into the living room, where apparently his mother had forgotten to turn off the T.V. Sora curled his lip as he saw what was playing out on it.
"You don't understand, Jill," a male voice was saying. "Please, just let me explain…I love you…but I love Katherine, too."
"Oh God," a woman cried rather overdramatically on the television. "How could you do this to me, Richard!"
Reason Number 16 as to why Sora hated girls: Forget Soap Operas in general; it was because of girls The Young and the Restless came on. The Queen of Soap Operas.
Sora shuddered as he reached for the off button. However, just before his index finger made contact, a shrieking voice caught his attention.
"Richard," the woman snapped. "You used me to get to Katherine. You used me! How do you think I feel—you hurt me and you don't even care!"
Shocked, Sora leaned back as the woman ranted on. "You led me on, making me think that you've finally returned my secret feelings, and then when you got confident enough you crept behind my back to unveil your true feelings to my best friend! And now you have the audacity to tell me that you're going to go to Las Vegas and get married so that you can have trailer trash kids!" The woman slaps Richard. Hard. "I hate you, Richard! And don't you even think you're going to get our daughter either—I'm going for full custody, baby!"
Sora nodded, entirely captivated to the show. This woman was right, Richard—no, Riku had used him! How dare he? He had absolutely no right—whether he liked Katherine or Tidus or Kairi —and with realization, Sora gasped. Had Riku used him in meeting Kairi as well? After all, Sora had known Kairi first and then after a while Riku had wanted to be introduced…
Sora stuffed his sandwich in his mouth, swallowing it down with some orange juice. His eyes stung with tears as he watched on…but he didn't care, since the woman on the T.V. was crying too. Sora grabbed on to the stuffed rabbit that both he and Riku had dubbed 'Mr. Bear' and bit down on its ear, holding in a sob. Mr. Bear had been given to him by Riku about five years ago, and Sora still had no heart to part with it…even if his father thought it made him 'soft'.
As the episode went on, Sora couldn't help but think that perhaps he had been wrong about these soap opera things. They definitely knew the truth about men—that they were lying, cheating, uncaring dogs.
Sora neglected the fact that he himself was a male.
The doorbell rang just as the woman's best friend—Katherine—launched forward and declared her undying love for the both of them. Sora let out a miserable sigh—too bad real life couldn't be as simple. Pushing himself up off the couch, Sora treaded his way to the door before opening it. What he saw made the entire soap opera scene replay in his head.
Both Riku and Tidus were standing on his doorstep, looking like the lying, cheating, uncaring dogs they were. Stupid boys—they had some nerve to come here, looking as if he was the guilty party. Sora glared at them with undying disgust. "What?" he snapped. "Is this where you tell me you're going to run off to Las Vegas or something tasteless like that and get married and have a bunch of trailer trash kids? Because if you are, I'm telling you right now, don't you even think you're getting Mr. Bear because I'm so going for full custody, baby!"
Both of them looked extremely taken aback...and confused. So very confused. "Sora," said Tidus weakly. "We're both guys…I don't think we can have kids."
"And they haven't even legalized gay marriage on the island in the first place," added Riku, who looked very much offended at being accused of running off with Tidus. "Furthermore, I don't intend to take Mr. Bear away from you, Sora."
"Why?" Sora snapped, temper rampant. "Because it's one of the only things we share? Is that it? You want to start completely over with your new lover? Is that it?"
Tidus couldn't help it; he burst into giggles. This reminded him of that scene in All My Children, when John decided that he loved both his girlfriend and his long-lost sister. He was just lucky that Sora seemed to be concentrating only on Riku.
"Sora, please," said Riku, looking very perplexed and frightened at Sora's current frame of mind. "Please…it's not what you think…you just don't understand. Just let me explain…"
"Oh ho!" Sora roared. "I know this sketch! Now you're going to tell me how you love us both, right? How dare you! You used me to get to Katherine—I mean, Kairi! And Tidus! You used me! How do you think I feel—you hurt me and you don't even care!"
Riku was looking more and more like he wanted to cry, or run, or both at the same time. "But—Sora—"
"You led me on, making me think that you've finally returned my secret feelings, and then when you got confident enough you crept behind my back to unveil your true feelings to my best friend!" Sora slapped Riku. Hard. "I hate you, Richard!"
All time stopped. Even Tidus, who was bright red and had been shaking with uncontrollable laughter, froze. Riku's cheek reddened, and Sora, who had just realized what he had done, stepped back, looking shocked at his own actions. Riku carefully rubbed his cheek, his eyes blank as he observed Sora silently. Sora didn't know what to say—he honestly hadn't meant to take things so far. He had just got caught up in the moment…
Sora clenched his fists in embarrassment. That was the very first and very last time he'd ever watch a soap opera.
Especially the Young and the Restless. Sora shuddered. What had really compelled him to watch that trash?
Reason Number 17 as to Why Sora Hated Girls: For the very last time, Soap Operas. They could be so…clandestinely vindictive. And addictively hazardous, if taken in large doses. Soap Operas demonstrated and highlighted the disgusting behavior that girls partook in. Or in other words, illustrated how overdramatic, overbearing, psychopathic, snobby, girly, and gold-digging brats girls could be.
"…." Riku's mouth opened and closed noiselessly, his eyes radiant with confusion. He took his hand and rubbed his reddened cheek, while the other one curled in his hair, scratching his head. Riku shook his head, as if trying to decide if the entire event had even taken place.
Tidus simply asked, "Who the hell is Richard?"
There was silence, followed by more silence. Sora felt as if his mouth had been cottoned by his tongue, but eventually managed to blurt out "I hate soap operas! No wonder girls are so stupid" before giving Riku an apologetic look.
The total scene that had just conspired had been entirely too stupid—too Sora—and maybe that was what made it so easy to forgive. Riku enveloped Sora into a hug while Tidus looked on in what might've been wistful envy. Sora, having a knack for noticing these things, merely reached over and pulled Tidus from off his stoop and took him into his arms.
"Group hug!" he cried.
"Moron," they said simultaneously, fondly.
Sora could not ever remember a time where he had felt so complete. He was warm in their embrace—not that it had been cold before, it was an island—but he felt warm on the inside as well now. Like nothing could go wrong. Or be wrong, ever again.
Maybe he could even get used to that topsy turvy feeling in his stomach.
"Sora, there is still something I'd like to explain," said Riku, who's voice was muffled in what was probably Tidus' hair.
But, of course, nothing lasted forever.
Sora drew back tentatively, not wanting to let go but knowing he had to. "…what is it?" he asked warily. If this was Riku's declaration of love for Tidus, then Sora figured that he'd have to support his best friends in whatever type of relationship they pursued. And if they chose to have kids well…Sora guessed he wouldn't mind being some sort of godfather or something. As long as he could still be with his friends—that was what supposed to matter, right?
Riku pulled back from the embrace as well, taking a few steps back while Tidus stayed at Sora's side. Neither looked at each other. They watched as Riku dug into his pocket and pulled out a rather large roll of paper—with pants as large as Riku's, Sora wouldn't have been surprised if he carried a toilet in there as well. Not that Sora should have been talking—his pants were four times too large in the leg area, and were only held up by the rest of his jolly red jumper.
Riku unrolled the long bit of parchment before unveiling the print that Sora had seen earlier—but not the one, thankfully, of the boy. No, this one was of the raft…or what Riku had called a raft. Sora still thought it was a wall with a giant pole with a flag protruding through the middle.
Ah, well. Riku had never been as good as an artist as Sora. At the thought, Sora buffed up his chest in pride. Inwardly, he gloated. He was the best artist on the island—he had been since he was 2. Or, at least, that was what his mother told him.
"So what were you saying?" asked Sora, looking curious. Tidus leaned on his shoulder, looking just as curious. Riku felt as if he was having a hot flash—twin Soras. Damn, was he going to stay in a cold shower for the rest of his life or what?
"This," Riku announced, "is 'The Plan.'" He raised it up higher in satisfaction as both Sora and Tidus squinted at the blue prints, and then at each other. Inwardly, he gloated. He was the best artist on the island—he had been since he was 2. Or, at least, that was what his mother told him.
"A wall?" Tidus guessed. Riku wanted to smack him. Any blind man could see that the picture on the blueprint was obviously a raft—both he and Sora must have been infected with stupid when they ate that chicken the other night. Every Tuesday night Sora's mother made chicken, and that was usually when Tidus came over for dinner and to stay over. When Riku had first heard of their little ritual, he had been rampant with jealousy, but when Sora had reminded him that Riku usually spent nearly the entire week with him only to himself, Riku couldn't help but feel like an envious ass.
"No, stupid," snapped Riku. "It's a raft. Our raft."
"What the hell do we need a raft for?" asked Tidus, scratching his head. "I mean, we do have a bunch of canoes and boats here anyway…so why do we need to build a raft?"
That was undeniably true. When you live on an island, there tended to be boats. "It…it makes it more official!" exclaimed Riku, blushing. "And besides, all those boats are out for rent. We're not even sure if we're coming back."
"We're not coming back?" asked Sora, wide eyed. Riku wanted to kiss him—Sora looked so adorable like that.
"Well, we might not," admitted Riku. "I mean, it'd be well worth it, y'know? To be able to see other worlds. Instead of just staying here and growing up to be stinky fishermen like our forefathers, we'll be adventurers!"
"And we might not come back," Tidus repeated, awestruck. A thought hit him and he gave Riku a look. "Dude, I don't think my mom will be too happy with that. I mean, she already gets upset when I skip curfew by a few minutes. She'd probably catch a heart attack if I'm out for a few days—and your moms, too," he added, belatedly.
Riku shrugged his shoulders. He really didn't care. His mom could be a real nuisance, a lot of the time. Especially when it came to his lifestyle and his very small obsession with his best friend. Just because he had pictures of Sora everywhere did not mean that he was crazy! He was just in love! "That's a chance I'm willing to take," Riku replied. Riku gave both his friends his own sinister and superior look, complete with official trademark smirk and one eyebrow up. "I mean, if you guys wanna chicken out because your mommy won't be there to give you a beddy-bye kiss, I completely understand…"
"Chicken out!" roared Sora. "Never!"
"Same here!" agreed Tidus, looking flushed with a prevailing temper. Riku had to suppress a smile—goading always worked. Boys could be so predictable. He put his hand down in the center of the trio.
"So we begin work tomorrow, then?" he asked.
Sora put his hand on top of Riku's, and Tidus' on top of Sora's. "Hell yeah!" they raved.
Riku smirked. "Then congratulations, gentlemen. Tomorrow begins the start of our new lives as real men."
End Chapter 6
Next Chapter: In which the building of the raft is commenced, and sand ball fights just aren't what they used to be.
Uber Fun Author's Notes: I had some problems with this chapter, but after a while I finally got it. I do hope you like, and don't forget to review! Ahand my group YaoiBishies (link in profile)!
And Now—for the Fantabulous Reviewers' Response! (And there Are just so many!)
Lakina-Kun ahiakam: Totally! I've always been into the SoraxRikuxTidus fling! You get a Bronze Sephiroth plushie!
xXxSoRixXx: As if you didn't see it coming…(wink wink nudge nudge) You get a Silver Sephiroth plushie!
AllPowerfulDaisy: Thanks! And you're right! You get the special prize a Platinum Jeweled Sephiroth plush with Pretty Cloud plush attatchment! XD. I'm so retarded.
XO'MagickMoon'OX: I know, right? Poor Riku-chan. But can you really blame Sora's mom, when her poor son looks so much like an uke? (wink) Thanks for such a long review!
bob the builder: LOL! Of course—we ADD people have to stick together! AND OMG YOU WERE JUST SOOOO CLOSE! But T.I.D.S. stands for The Incredibly Dumb Sora…thanks so much for your review and guess! PS: You'll just have to read on to see Tidus' fate, ne? Here's a Gold Leon plushie!
Darkness-Heart: Thank you so much! I really tried to keep up the humor. Afterall, when there's Sora, there's bound to be absolute silliness XD. Here's a Gold Axel Plushie!
BisquickBismarck: California, ne? That sounds really cool—I had thought you had abandoned me (sobs). But you're back, and that's what counts (BIG SMILEY). Here's a Gold Roxas Plushie!
Silver: Thanks sooo mucho! I've always loved fluff with more than a tinge of drama and angst. Here's a Bronze Axel plushie!
pankeekii: LOL, I totally agree with the Kairi comment—and I'm really glad 'Maia' showed this to you too! Roxas plushie? For reviewing, you totally get one! (hands her a Bronze Roxas plushie).
Yurikitsune: Totally. I love KH2. And tell me you noticed the completely indiscreet yaoiness of it all! Riku and Sora are sooooo together. You get a Gold Cloud plushie!
TomiSama04: Trust me. I feel like smacking Sora too…and mind you, I'm the author, LOL. You get a Bronze Seifer plushie!
Horanto: And hence, a complete RikuxSoraxTidus threesome (wink). You get a Bronze Leon plushie!
grlkat: I know. But who isn't a moron when they're in love? XD You totally get a Bronze Cloud plushie.
mooncat011: Sex kitten? Have you seen Advent Children yet? Take a good look at Kadaj. Tell me he doesn't scream sex kitten, LOL. I actually posted Ch. 6 on YaoiBishies first, since we have so many members and I found it unfair to leave my loyal members lacking and just put it on first. You get a Platinum Riku plushie!
BlackRoseVixen05: Awww….Here's a Silver Wakka plushie! (sniffles) I get so Emo, watching a fellow yaoi fangirl glomp a poor bishie…XD
Ayumiyori: LOL. Yes, yes, connect everyone so that they may be under my mysterious powers….Bwahahahahaha. You get a pretty Silver Cloud plushie!
kawaii-yaoi-overdose: Hey me too! I so totally care! And I wanna add on like, my mommy, and like God, and oh wait, this is your speech. (pout) Ah, here's a Silver Tidus plushie!