I know, I know. It's been almost… two weeks? That's what happens when school consumes my life once again. I hope this chapter makes it for it. It was kind of hard to write because I wanted it to be just right. And like I've said, I'm a perfectionist. I hope it makes up for making you wait so long for an update.

Song: "I Lost It" by Kenny Chesney.

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Chapter 13
I Lost It

No one can make me cry, make me laugh
Make me smile or drive me mad like she does
It's like the curse that is the cure
For better or worse, one thing's for sure
It's real love
And I don't know what I do
If I lost it

"Are you sure she's here today?" Derek asked nervously.

"Yes, for the seventeenth time, I am sure," Izzie replied, clearly annoyed. "I saw her up in the NICU already this morning."

It was two days after Izzie had tracked Derek down and verbally kicked his ass. She had left him sitting on the bench that afternoon, not entirely convinced that he would man-up and do the right thing; however, later that evening, he had called Izzie, begging her to help him make it up to Addison.

After he had convinced her that he was in it for the long haul this time, Izzie had agreed to meet him the next day to figure something out. Miranda had volunteered to stay with Addison, who had taken the day off, and keep her occupied. Izzie met Derek at a nearby restaurant, and after four hours, they had come up with a plan. She had to admit that even though Derek Shepherd had done some pretty stupid things in the past couple months, his "master plan," as he liked to call it, just might help him redeem himself.

"Okay, here's the first one," Derek said as he handed a plain white envelope to Izzie.

Izzie snatched it from his hand, flashed him a knowing smile, and then spun around on her heel and headed off to find Addison.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Alright, Stevens, I need you to run labs on the Murray baby and follow up with me afterwards. Mrs. Wyant may or may not need a c-section this afternoon; I'll keep you updated. Everyone else seems to be doing fine for now."

Izzie nodded and picked up the charts for the patients that she and Addison had just consulted on.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd? This is for you," Izzie said nonchalantly as she handed Addison the envelope.

Addison was confused. "Who's it from?"

"I don't know," Izzie lied as she quickly exited the room.

Addison walked over to the rocking chair in the corner of the NICU and sat down as she opened the envelope. She pulled out a piece of paper and began to unfold it. She froze when she recognized the handwriting.

Addie,
Today is November 28. On this day sixteen years ago, I told you that I loved you for the first time. Our song was playing on the radio. Here are some of the words. Read them and remember…
-Derek

"Our love is unconditional; we knew it from the start. I see it in your eyes; you can feel it from my heart. From here on after, we'll stay the way we are right now, and share all the love and laughter that a lifetime will allow. I cross my heart and promise to give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. In all the world, you'll never find a love as true as mine."

To be continued…

Addison couldn't believe what she was reading. After the way Derek had acted the other day, this was the last thing she had expected to find inside that envelope. She wanted so badly to believe what he had written on the piece of paper she was holding in her hand; however, the last few years had brought out the pessimist in her, and she was doubtful of the sudden change in her husband. It was going to take more than a note to fix what had happened the other day. But still… she couldn't help but feel just a little bit happier than she had five minutes prior…

- - - - - - - - - -

Derek was pacing back and forth in the conference room. Izzie was supposed to meet him there any minute to get the next letter from him, and he really wanted to know how Addison had taken the first one. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this nervous about anything.

It was ironic, really. Just a few months ago, Addison had been the one in this position, not knowing if her husband would take her back after her wrong-doings. She had been the one who was scared and nervous about what the future would bring and whether or not she would be alone. Now the roles were reversed. And Derek found it all extremely ironic. If someone had told him a few months ago that the rest of his life would hinge on whether or not Addison would forgive him, he would have laughed in their face and called them crazy. But that's where he was today. Hoping and praying that he hadn't lost her forever. He hated that it took this much for him to figure out that he couldn't lose her.

The door opened a few minutes later, and Izzie walked in and closed it behind her. Derek stopped pacing and turned toward her.

"Did you give it to her?" he asked immediately.

"Yes."

"And?"

"And what? I think she read it."

"You think she read it?"

"Well, I didn't stay and supervise her. I handed her the envelope, and I waited outside the door until I saw her sit down and open it. So yeah, I think she read it."

Derek sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Calm down," Izzie told him. "It's going to be okay. Give me the next one."

Derek pulled the second envelope from the pocket in his jacket and handed it to her.

"I'll see you in a couple hours," she said, heading out the door. She stopped when she saw he was pacing again. "Hey, Derek… relax. It's a beautiful day to save your marriage."

He couldn't help but smile as she walked away.

- - - - - - - - - -

Addison collapsed onto the chair in her office. She really wanted a nap at this particular moment in time. She'd hardly gotten any sleep the last couple of nights, and she had just finished with an emergency surgery. It had gone smoothly but was still very stressful. And all she wanted to do right now was sleep.

Unfortunately, she didn't have any time for a nap. And even if she did, she didn't know if she would be able to stop thinking about that letter long enough to fall asleep. It had intrigued her at first, but now… now it was just pissing her off. For the past few hours, she had been trying to figure out what was going through Derek's head today because last she knew, he wanted nothing to do with her. And then, out of the blue, he gives her a note that seems to prove otherwise. What was he trying to do? Play with her emotions just a little bit longer?

"Argh!" she sighed, tired and frustrated.

"Uh… is this a bad time?" Izzie asked from the doorway.

"Oh, Izzie… hi. Sorry. No, it's not.

"I just thought I'd drop off the post-op notes for you to review."

"Thanks," Addison said, taking the chart from her. "So, Stevens… anything you want to tell me?"

Izzie looked confused. "I don't think so…?"

"Nothing? So you have no idea what my husband is up to?"

She immediately looked away from Addison.

"Ah, so you do know something," Addison said. "Spill it. What's he trying to play at with this little note of his?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Izzie said, not at all convincing.

"Oh, really?"

"Nope. But this might help clear it up a little bit," Izzie said with a knowing smirk as she handed the second envelope to Addison.

"Seriously?"

"Just read it. I'm going to grab some lunch. See you later."

Addison played with the envelope in her hand for a few minutes after Izzie had left before finally opening it and pulling out another note with the same familiar handwriting.

"You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete, and as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet."

These words couldn't be truer. You are what makes my life worth living. I'm so sorry for the way I acted the other day and for making you think that I was going to leave you again. I'm asking you for just one more chance to show you how much you mean to me. I don't want to live my life without you. I can't live without you.

Addison set the letter down on her desk and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. What's he trying to do to me?! She wanted to believe what was written on the paper in front of her. But with so much evidence pointing to the contrary, she was still skeptical. But then again…

She stood up and marched off to get this whole thing cleared up.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Stevens! Over here. Now!" Addison ordered her intern.

Izzie hurried over from her table at the cafeteria where she had been eating with Cristina and George, both of whom had shocked looks on their faces, wondering what Izzie had done to anger the beast.

Addison held up the two letters she had received. "My husband seems to have gone into hiding. So you're going to tell me what these are all about. Or I will have you doing sutures until your eyes cross and your hands go numb."

Izzie took her arm and pulled her over to a table out of earshot of the others in the cafeteria.

"He loves you. And before you say anything, let me say that I was just as unconvinced as you are. But I hunted him down that day. I talked to him for an hour. And then he called me that night, begging me to help him. He went on and on about how he couldn't imagine losing you. It actually kind of made me a little nauseous."

Addison just sighed and looked at her, not entirely convinced.

"Look, I don't blame you for thinking that he's not being sincere. But I wouldn't have agreed to help him unless I truly believed that he was. Just give him a chance. I know you still love him, too."

"What if that's not enough? What if we've just hurt each other too much?"

Izzie looked her in the eye and repeated what she had told to Derek. "What if love is enough?"

Addison didn't reply.

Izzie pulled the last envelope out of her pocket. "Here's the last one."

She handed it to Addison and then left so she could read it in private.

"And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm, you've got the promise of my love to keep you warm. I cross my heart and promise to give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true. In all the world, you'll never find a love as true as mine."

We've both screwed up. We've had more than our fair share of heartache over the past couple years. But I've finally learned what it means to forgive like crazy. All the pain and horrible things that have happened seem so insignificant when I realized that love is all that really matters.

Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, I love you. Two days ago, I was faced with the possibility that I may have lost you forever, and I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life without you beside me. I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you more than anyone else ever could. If you are willing to give me another chance, I will be at Pier 52 at 8:00. Please meet me there.

She set the letter down on the table and let her eyes wander aimlessly around the cafeteria as she thought about what she should do. She really didn't want to get hurt again. She'd been hurt too much lately that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces if it happened again.

But then her father-in-law's words played in her head. Forgive like crazy. Then Izzie's. What if love is enough?

She rose from the chair and left the cafeteria.

Well. Should she meet him?

I originally wasn't going to end it here. But I wanted to get this out to you guys sooner. And I like to torture you with cliffhangers of this sort. You love me.

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