Sorry it's taking so long, I've got another project going on you see

Disclaimer: You know the drill…

Chapter Two: The Moanings of an overgrown Dungeon Dweller

I hate mornings

I am, what can only be described as, not a morning person. Neither am I an afternoon, evening or night person. But I am especially NOT a morning person. Why then does everyone try and talk to me in a morning? Find me around ten o'clock at which point I may acknowledge your existence. But not before. Malfoy is putting on a stage show, I think it's meant to be Potter fainting, I always imagined he would have a higher-pitched scream than Malfoy is giving him.

What has Hagrid got? A dead polecat. Yep, sit at the teacher's table in the Great Hall of Hogwarts School with a dead polecat swinging against your knees. A way to make an entrance at least. I've got to go and teach some first years, it's my job after all.

That was invigorating

There is nothing like intimidating, scaring and generally being mean to a group of first years. I love it when they all turn their terrified, unknowing faces towards me as I slam through the door. Pure bliss. I made them do a nail removal potion, at least four of them had to go to the hospital wing to have nail regrowth. I'll probably get sent to Dumbledore at some point during the day for misconduct but it's the sprogs own faults. They should listen and follow instructions correctly. And I've set them a two-foot long essay to complete on famous nail removal gone wrong throughout history, which should be interesting as there are no famous nail removals, gone wrong or otherwise. I have to start making Lupin's potion tonight, wonder if I tell Dumbledore that I have a pressing social engagement if he'll let me off?

The Hairy One has done it

One of Hagrid's creatures has attacked Malfoy, not seriously but seriously enough. Pity it didn't go for Potter instead, he could survive with just one arm. Hagrid might get sacked, if Lucius has his way. Which he won't, Lucius can be a stubborn old goat but Dumbledore is the oldest, stubbornist goat of them all. I can guarantee he'll be back teaching, and Lucius will whinge and complain, Malfoy will whinge and complain and Dumbledore will ignore them. Like he ignores everyone. Like when they suggest perfectly good reasons why a werewolf cannot be employed at a school.

I've got Gryffindor for potions on Thursday; I've already been given a lecture from McGonagall as well. Apparently taking twenty points off a first year for getting stuck in the disappearing stair is not an acceptable reason for point deduction.

Potions I hate potions with smelly third years. I don't know why I, or them for that matter, bother because we all know they are going to fail. Miserably. Malfoy has returned to lesson, why I don't know seeing as he can't actually do anything anyway. I suppose this is an opportunity for me to inflict some much needed pain on Weasley.

"Cut up his roots, Weasley." Now they're arguing about it. I suppose I'll have to go and sort it out? Yep, thought so. Stupid horrible students. Actually, it's Weasley complaining and mutilating Malfoy's roots while he just stands there.

"Swap roots." Ha, that'll teach you to complain in my classes Weasley. Get Potter to do the Shrivelfig, that'll keep him amused for a while and Malfoy a chance to annoy them a bit more. Where's Longbottom? I haven't picked on him for ages…

Orange. It's orange. Not green, like it's supposed to be. Even blue would be closer, but orange? I am, of course, talking about Longbottom's pitiful attempt at potions and the even more pitiful result of that attempt. And I use the term 'attempt' very loosely. Pity Dumbledore says that tattooing instructions of certain potions on the foreheads of thick students is 'unadvisable.' He did not, however, specify anything about killing off student's pets…

The potion worked in the end; I knew it would with Granger stood next to Longbottom. I suppose it's for the best, McGonagall would castrate me if she found out I was slaughtering student's pets. Even toads.

I HATE LUPIN!!!

That jumped up, smarmy, flea-ridden bad of cow dung has just made a mockery of me. Me! In his lesson with the third years. Stupid Neville Longbottom made the stupid Boggart turn into me (which I was quite pleased about when I was first told. I'm quite proud to be Longbottom's worse nightmare) but then he put me into his grandmother's clothes! I am ridiculed from every angle! And do you know what Dumbledore said?

"Ahh Severus, Professor Lupin could not have KNOWN what shape the Boggart would TAKE. Have a SENSE of HUMOUR Severus." Sense of Humour! Sense of Humour! I'll take my 'sense of humour' and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Sense of Humour! McGonagall is going to have a field day. I hate Hogwarts, I hate Dumbledore, I hate Longbottom but I especially, especially hate Lupin.

Life is hell

Pure hell. I hate them. Dumbledore's a barmy old git and he still expects me to make Lupin's potion and didn't believe me when I told him I had to go and disembowel some mountain toads in Bulgaria. Potions with the third years is as fun as ever, Longbottom's face when he sees me lurking around a corner, ready to pounce on him, is worth living in this dump all year round. Quidditch is starting up again, and I keep getting various members of the Slytherin team coming and whinging to me about various things, I have taken to ignoring it. And it seems to work quite well too, they just splutter away to themselves for a while then bugger off when they realise I'm not taking a blind bit of notice.

Hogsmeade visit

Most of the students are out of the castle, apart from Potter who didn't get his form signed because he is hated and unloved by everyone. And everyone else has gone and left him. On his own. My mood is strangely improving. I'm making Lupin's potion and this bottle of the poison in my right hand seems to be strangely tipping sideways into it. Oops. Well, it's too late to start making some more now.