Disclaimer: One day, I shall own the world

Chapter six: The Moanings of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller

Potter is back in classes

After spending the weekend in the hospital being mothered by Poppy, Potter is back waltzing around the castle, much to the delight of Malfoy who has now perfected throwing himself on the floor when ever Potter is near him. I would find it terribly amusing, but that would probably be unprofessional so I just ignore it. And Lupin is back at work, unfortunately in full health despite my attempts at poisoning. I'm wondering if I can get a group of first years in detention to go out into the Forbidden Forest while he's roaming around. A couple of dead first-years might persuade Dumbledore to reassess his staff policies. Of course, it might also make him reassess my position at the castle, but if I get thrown out I can also go and produce illegal potions and sell them to rich, important people.

McGonagall is a streak of bat droppings

She has somehow managed to convince Dumbledore that I was the one who told the Dementors to come and attack Potter while he was flying, apparently because I didn't want Gryffindor to win. I'm the first to admit that I can be quite churlish at times, but I draw the line at being that bothered about losing to McGonagall. Dumbledore spent half an hour trying to 'question' the Dementors, who rasped a bit at him then floated off, making Dumbledore even more peeved and therefore deciding that if he couldn't have a go at the Dementors, he find someone he could have a go at. Namely me, while I was minding my own business trying to feed the Squid rat poison.

"Ahhhhhh Severus." I've started to notice that the more annoyed he is with you the longer his 'ahhhh' gets. Wonder how long I can get him to 'ahhhhhhh' for…

"I fear that you HARBOUR resentment for one PARTICULAR student."

"I harbour exactly the same resentment for every single last one of them Headmaster." He actually laughed at that, he either thinks I'm joking or wants to ignore the fact that he employs a potion's teacher who hates the very fact that other people exist.

"Severus, walk with me." Errr… think up an excuse, an excuse, anything, just say something… He's going to lure me into the Forbidden Forest and bury my mutilated body under the Whomping Willow…

"Severus?" Ah damn it; I'll have to go. If the raving loony does kill me I promise I will haunt him until his dying day.

Anyway, to cut a very long and draw-out and roundabout conversation short, he basically said that if I hurt Potter I will be fed to the Squid. One limb every month until Dumbledore deems appropriate. I've found a loophole in his threat-he never mentioned McGonagall. And that's the problem with Dumbledore- you don't realise you've been threatened until about two hours after it's happened.

Christmas cheer and good health to all

It makes me sick, it really does. Dumbledore goes so over the top its ridiculous, you can't walk anyway in this bloody castle without being covered in tinsel and fairy lights. Yesterday I went through a doorway at the same time as Poppy and before I knew what was happening, she was pointing at piece of twig stuck to the door before launching herself at me. I untangled myself from her as quickly as possible and limped away with as much pride as I could manage. She's been avoiding me ever since, though I suspect the House Elves have been slipping a bit of 'Christmas cheer' into the bacon and eggs at breakfast because I was feeling a bit more cheery than normal this morning. McGonagall has been throwing death-glares at me for the past few days away, as she now believes I'm trying to kill off the whole of Hogwarts single-handedly, starting with Potter and Lupin and closely followed by her and the squid. She's crazy, she really is. I'd leave her until last…

Nobody loves Potter...

He can't go into Hogsmeade because nobody has signed his parental consent form, I'm still surprised that Dumbledore didn't rush down to put his scrawl on the dotted line, but I suspect he just doesn't want Potter wandering around with Black on the loose. He may find himself in a dangerous situation, and that would be so unfortunate. I think I am going to go and find Potter and goad him a little bit with the fact that all his little friends are having heaps of fun while he has to stay in the castle. Serves him right the jumped-up little turd. I thought I was sad, but at least I don't need permission to go out when I want to.

Potter, Potter, Potter

Can't find him anywhere, this is really starting to get suspicious. I've been all over the castle and even lowered myself to asking the Fat Lady if Potter was in the common room, but she hasn't seen him all day. I don't get it… He should be here somewhere. Unless… He's down in Hogsmeade; I can feel it in my bones. I'm going to go and get Dumbledore to let me out for a bit of a prowl.

Hate Dumbledore

Apparently McGonagall and Hagrid have gone for a drink and he can't have his teachers wandering around Hogsmeade. He seemed to think that I might take a trip down Knockturn alley as well for some strange reason, and that wouldn't be setting a very good example. I would tell him I only wanted to go to catch Potter doing something wrong so I can get him expelled, but he still think I hate Potter more than everyone else so that might not have been the best thing to do. Hmm, just read what I wrote about me not needing permission and realised it's a lot of rubbish because I DO have to get permission to do anything n this place. And if I do get permission McGonagall always ruins it somehow.

Holidays… Peace and quiet

At last! They've all gone, well apart form the few whose parents were clever enough to book their holidays without booking a place for their children. I would go home, but there's really little point and if I'm here I can annoy McGonagall that little bit more. I've been pondering about Christmas presents and I'm thinking of buying a cat, hacking off its paws and sending them to McGonagall on Christmas morning, that should start her day off well. The only thing that is putting me off is Dumbledore and his opinion concerning my 'aggressive' behaviour. And by the looks of it Potter is ill- he was sat at the Gryffindor table this morning looking like a bat that's just indigested frog spawn. I really hope its something serious.