Standard disclaimers apply

Alone in the world

After graduation, the three of them had been accepted to Maryland State University, about 45 minutes away; they carpooled to save money. Joan and Grace were looking at the driveway from the house; Adam had never been this late. They were going to sell their books back since they had all finished their finals the previous day. The trio was finishing their sophomore year. Grace was majoring in Psychology while Adam was going into Graphic arts and design. Joan had surprised everyone by double majoring in Communications and Philosophy. Joan's Speech professor had commented after their debate team took nationals, that Joan had the most talent he had seen in many years. She seemed a natural speaker.

"I'm gonna call him." Grace dialed his home number.

Joan couldn't hear what was being said, but knew something was wrong.

"What? Is Adam all right? Grace!?" Grace just stood there for a moment. Finally, Joan grabbed Grace by the shoulders, "What happened?"

"That was Adam's Aunt Kathy. Adam's dad died the other night, at work." Grace could barely get the words out. "Massive heart attack. Said he was dead before he hit the floor."

Joan turned towards her door. "Where is he?"

"He's at his house. His family's there. Funeral's today."

"We should go over."

"Hi Kathy. How is he?" Joan looked at the group.

"Hello, Joan, Grace. Thanks for coming. He's in the kitchen. I'm not sure. He's shut down. Barely said anything to anyone."

"Thanks. Is there anything we can do to help?" Grace asked.

"Talk to him." Joan nodded to Aunt Kathy and walked into the kitchen.

"Adam. I just heard. Is there anything I can do?" Joan hugged him.

"Yeah, get the bread out." Adam turned away.

"I meant…"

"I know what you mean. I'm fine." Adam looked like hell. Jerking his head towards the other room, "I have a lot to do and none of these guys are helping. I'd almost be better off alone."

"No, you wouldn't."

"How would you know?! You have both your parents. I got nobody." Adam collapsed into a chair, sobbing. "I got nobody."

Slowly approaching, Joan wrapped her arms around him. She softly said, "You have me, and you have Grace."

"It's not the same. He and I were talking again; I mean really talking and now…" Adam lost it.

Joan just held him. She couldn't begin to understand his pain. He was right; both her parents were alive. Will was planning to retire in a few years and Helen had put in her notice to leave the High School after Luke graduated.

"I can't imagine the pain you're in. But I understand loneliness. When you're ready, I'll be here." Joan wanted to help, but knew he had to ask first.

The day progressed into the graveside service. Will had pulled a few strings and had arranged for a bugler to play 'Taps'.

At the house, Adam was running around, meeting and greeting lost relatives he had not seen since his mother had passed.

"Adam?" Joan found him in the kitchen pounding a bag of ice.

"What, I'm really busy." He wanted to be alone, but she knew he wasn't ready for that.

"Can I help?"

"Can you bring back my father?" Joan shook her head. "Then grab that case of pop."

"Adam, you need to…" He cut her off.

"What I need is everyone to stop telling me what the hell I need!" He stormed past her.

"Joan, give him some time and space." Cute boy god said as he entered the kitchen.

"Why him? Why now?" Joan looked at God.

"It was his time. I have no control over death."

"But, you're God."

"And I can't interfere in people's lives." God tried to explain the rules. "Adam's in a lot of pain. You need to be there when he's ready to talk."

"Okay." Joan hugged God. Adam caught the last bit of this.

"Get out, you cheating whore! And you!" Adam turned to cute boy God. "You come to my home to be with my girlfriend. Get out!"

"Adam, it wasn't like that." Joan started,

"I SAID GET THE HELL OUT!"

"All right, but I'm here if you need me." Joan left with God following.

Joan grabbed her cell phone, "Hello." She had just changed into her sleeping pants and a T-shirt.

"Joan?" The voice sounded small.

"Hey Adam, how are you?"

"I don't know." He sounded lost. "I shouldn't have called."

"Adam, what's wrong?"

"You were just trying to be nice to me today and I was a dick." Adam's voice had no emotion in it. "I've been running on coffee and pain for three days and I saw you and that other guy and you looked really happy together. I'll leave you two alone. Good-bye Joan." He hung up. His voice had a tone of finality in it

"Adam! Adam!" Joan yelled into the dead line. She spirited down the stairs, missing one and sliding down the last few steps. "Dad, I need a ride to Adam's house, fast. He sounds really upset and I'm worried."

"We'll take my unmarked. Should I call for medical?"

"Not yet, I'm not sure he's in trouble."

As they pulled into the Rove's driveway, she saw a light on in the front room.

"Adam, open up!" She pounded on the door.

"Go away Joan," His voice was slurring as he spoke, "I'm not worth the effort. Just walk away."

"No, not until I know you're okay,"

Adam opened the door and Joan pushed past him. "I'm worried about you. What are you doing with that bottle?"

"Just trying to forget all this." He took a long swig.

"Adam, you don't need that." She reached for the whiskey.

"I am so fucking tired of everyone fucking telling me what I fucking need and want!" Adam shouted at her as he turned away. "What I want is to wake up and find out that this was all be a bad dream. I want both my parents to be alive!" He finished off the bottle and threw it down the hall. He jammed his finger into his own chest, "That's what 'I' want!"

"I know…" Joan started to say, but was cut off at the knees.

"NO, YOU DON'T KNOW! Cause your dad is right there, about to shoot me." Will realized that he had drawn his taser; he quickly holstered it. "Do it! Shoot me! You'd be doing me a favor."

Joan knew she had to get him refocused on her. "Adam, tell me what you're feeling right now, at this moment."

"I HURT! I'M SCARED!" He punched the wall. Sobbing, Adam collapsed onto the floor; Joan held him. "I'm all alone."

"No Adam, You'll always have me." She let him cry himself out.

"Yeah Jane," The whiskey and exhaustion took over; He was barely awake, "We'll always have each other. Probably die within days of each other." He passed out.

"Dad, help me get him to the couch." Together they got Adam on the couch; his shoes and pants off. They went to the door.

"Dad, I'm going stay with him tonight." Will gave her a strange look. "He drank a lot and I wanna make sure he's okay. I have my mace if I need it."

"You call if anything gets out of hand."

"Promise." She hugged him. "Dad, would you have shot Adam?"

He looked away; "I don't even remember drawing the taser. He started acting violent and I just reacted like I was trained to do. If he had come at you, I probably would have, but I didn't."

"I'm glad. Tell mom what happened. Good-night."

"Night."

Joan quickly set about cleaning up the broken bottle. The smell of the aged whiskey made her nose burn. "He's gonna feel this tomorrow."

"Yes he will." Joan heard in her head.

"Hi God, what's up?"

"I'm glad you didn't give up on him. He gave you every reason to."

"He didn't give up one me."

"He could not ask for a better friend than you. Get the bucket, by the sink."

"Why?" Joan dumped the dustpan full of glass and reached for the cleaning bucket. She heard Adam moan in the other room.

"Oh no." She ran to the couch and managed to get the bucket placed before he vomited.

"Sorry." Adam never opened his eyes.

"It's okay." She whispered. Adam vomited again and again. Adam had nothing left in his stomach, but heaved one last time. Joan felt great pity for him as she wiped his mouth and put a cool cloth on his forehead. She cleaned up a little bit of the kitchen and made a sandwich from some of the leftovers in the fridge. She turned on the TV as she ate. Adam rolled over and started snoring. She thought he looked aged, more worn down. He'd been through a lot in the past few days.

Joan finished her sandwich, switched off the TV, and set a bottle of water and three Advil on the coffee table. She took off her shoes and pulled a blanket over Adam and found one for herself.

"Goodnight, Adam." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Night mom." He slurred, his breath reeking.

Adam slowly opened his eyes. The ceiling spun wildly. He quickly shut them and breathed deeply, attempting to keep his stomach in check. He rolled over and opened them again. His mouth felt like he had eaten sand while his stomach churned at the smells coming from the kitchen.

"Huh?" He saw the water and Advil. 'Who did I let stay the night?!' He sat up too fast and fell back onto the couch.

"Adam? You awake?" Joan called out. "You wanna try some eggs?"

"Eggs?"

"Yes, I made bacon, eggs and toast." She carried two plates into the living room. "Or I can put a nipple on a fifth if you'd rather."

"What?" Adam could barely remember anything. "Just shoot me." He laid back down.

"Dad almost did."

"When?"

"Last night. When you threw that empty bottle down the hall." Joan ate her breakfast. "How you feeling? Physically?"

"Like shit." Adam sat up and swallowed the pills, chasing them with the whole bottle of water. Joan handed him another bottle of water. "Did I do anything stupid?"

"Let's see. You got sloppy drunk in front of the chief of police, begged to be shot and puked four times. Just your average night." Joan swiped a piece of his bacon, "Oh, you did call me 'mom'."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you were out of it and probably just…" Adam raised his hand.

"I mean for the drunken asshole part. I had no idea what was going on yesterday. Everyone just kept talking at or around me. Not one of my relatives asked me how I was." He was tearing up. "I needed someone to talk to and then you came in and I, I don't know why, I shut you out." He wiped his eyes. "Why did you come over last night?"

"Because you asked, in a very round about way. Just like I asked you to come through my window and save me." Joan looked at him and smiled.

"You should do that more often."

"What."

"Smile. You have a nice smile."

"You're tired." Adam nodded. "I mean emotionally. You've had to be strong for so many other people that you got nothing left for yourself." He looked at her questioningly. "When your mom passed, when I killed myself, and now this. You have nothing left."

"I got you."

"Only because no one else would take me. I'm crazy." They shared a laugh.

"The eggs smell good." He slowly ate, not wanting to put too much in his upset stomach. "If I ever do that again, kill me."

"Adam David Rove!" Grace was one of the few people who knew his middle name and would use it. "What the hell were you thinking? Getting drunk, then picking a fight with a cop?"

"You invited Grace over?" Adam groaned.

"She invited herself. In here Grace."

"Well, what have you got to say for yourself?" Grace was steamed.

"Could you not yell so loud. I'm hung over and half sick."

"NO!" She yelled louder. She had tears forming in her eyes "You may think that you're the only one that hurts, but…"

"But what Grace?" Joan knew she was keeping something from them.

"Last night, I, I told my parents that I was bisexual." Grace lowered her head. "They, they…" Grace lost it.

"What happened Grace?" Adam forgot about his hangover.

"They told me to pack my things and find another place to live. I thought that by telling them, they would accept me. Instead they…" Grace started sobbing.

"It's okay Gracie," Only Adam was allowed to call her that. "You're with friends."

"They called the local Synagogue and told them that I was gay and that they were casting me out of their home." Joan brought here a cup of coffee. "Thank you." She looked at the mug and cried.

"What? I thought you took it black and sweet?"

"It's not that. This is the first nice thing anyone has done for me today." She sipped the steaming brew. "For someone who doesn't drink it anymore, you make a great cup of coffee."

"Thanks. What are you going to do?"

"I guess I'll have to quit school and get a job."

"No." Adam said flatly.

"I have no home, very little money, and a college debt that is only getting bigger."

"You can take the spare bedroom." Adam offered.

"How much?" Grace was leery; "You're not going make me sleep with you or anything like that?"

"Free of charge."

"I couldn't do that."

"Okay, you cook twice a week."

"Deal."