Chapter seven: The Moanings of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller

Newsflash…

That Buckbeak creature is going to be executed; Dumbledore got a letter this morning, though I don't think he expected anything different really. Not with Lucius being as close to the Ministry as he is. However much I despise Potter and anything that happens that will make him feel a bit crappy is a plus in my book, it was Draco's own fault and I wish he'd lost an arm. And maybe a leg as well. Hagrid has been weeping and wailing all day and I get the feeling that he really needs to get out more. I'm wondering if it would be terribly inconsiderate to ask for the internal organs when it's dead to do some experiments on. Oh, I should mention that Hagrid can appeal but we all know he's going to fail because he's an oaf and couldn't string together a logical argument using a piece of a rope.

Deck the halls…

…with bat-wings and cat's heads. Its nine o'clock on Christmas morning and I've already been visited by Dumbledore who brought me some very old Firewhisky and some quite nice tumblers to go with it, Poppy who had trays and trays full of brandy biscuits and finally Lupin, though I don't know what he wanted because I shut the door the minute I opened it and saw him stood there. I did buy a cat for McGonagall but the minute I advanced with my butcher's knife, it tried to claw my eyes out. I dumped it on top of Mrs Norris in the hope that they'd have a fight and I wouldn't have to get my own hands dirty, but one look at Mrs Norris' ugly, squashed face and the cat bolted. It's probably skulking around the castle somewhere, waiting for its chance to exact its revenge.

I HATE Christmas!

What is the point? Sat around one table, all pretending to be happy and friendly when we all know that I despise every single one of them. The only reason I stay in this place is to torment McGonagall. Dumbledore has insisted on getting crackers and we're all having a laugh at my expense, as usual. Even Lupin is grinning in that weird lop-sided way that makes him look like he's just smoked something illegal. Why can't you students go home? Why do you actually want to stay here? Do you not understand that it is really quite desperate that you volunteered to stay in school over Christmas? Go and enjoy yourself with your families and leave me alone to wallow in my misery! In peace! And Dumbledore can sod off as well, him with his stupid Muggle ideas. And we all know that McGonagall will end up pissed, have a fight with a suit of armour and finish off the night upside-down on the Slytherin table with a bottle of eggnog in her hand. It's the same every year, and every year I'm the one who gets up early on Boxing Day and shifts her great carcass into her room so that the students won't see her. I've been avoiding Lupin as well, it's obvious he has something for me and has not been in the least bit perturbed by my slamming the door in his face this morning. Perhaps I could stick a note to my forehead saying 'Leave me alone. I don't want your crappy gifts.' Then I could be accused of being 'abusive' to not only students, but staff as well.

Then Trelawney suddenly appeared and guess where Dumbledore sat her? That's right. Next to me. The only person I hate more than McGonagall was sat next to me. Why am I sat at a table with six people I hate (McGonagall, Trelawney, Potter, Weasley, Granger) one person I detest (Dumbledore) and one person I despise with every fibre of my being (Lupin)? No wonder I get stressed. Though, to be fair, Lupin is ill again and isn't actually here in the flesh to annoy me.

Now that is interesting

Potter has been sent a Firebolt from someone, but nobody knows who. Granger has just told McGonagall about it because she thinks it was sent by Black and might have a curse on it. Potter and Weasley are going to be so pleased with her when they find out, because it'll have to be stripped down completely and that may take a while. I'm thinking of volunteering to do this personally, completely destroying something that belongs to Potter would be the best Christmas present ever. And I could conveniently forget to rebuild it. Or, even better idea, I could rebuild it but include a few of my own more imaginative curses. It could come to life at night and strangle him while he sleeps. Or kick him off when it reaches a certain altitude. True, I would be the only suspect if this did happen, but I'm thinking that it might actually be worth it.

Dumbledore said no

He's such an arse, he said that it might not be a good idea me examining the Firebolt. When I asked why he kind of went all distant and starting mumbling about trees and flowers for some reason. It is very obvious when Dumbledore is trying to avoid answering a question. I was extremely tempted to hit him over the head with one of the many large objects that litter his office, but Fawkes was eyeing me like he knew what I was planning.

Holidays have ended

On the one hand, good because I'm beginning to get bored as setting jinxes on suits of armour gets repetitive after a bit, but on the other all the students will be returning to make my life a misery once more. Tried to avoid making Lupin his potion last week but Dumbledore tracked me down to the high tower and did a bit of whinging at me. Though I think I annoyed him quite a bit in the end, he lost his rag with me anyway. Asked how I would feel if Lupin did change and bite one of the students and I said overjoyed, which might not have been the answer he wanted to hear. Anyway, basically I make potion, Lupin drinks potion, Lupin stays reasonably harmless, I get certain privileges. Though he did say something a bit odd to me as he was leaving,

"A life is only as precious as one makes it."

I mean, what the hell is he going on about? Is he talking about me not valuing my life? Because I can tell you I wouldn't sacrifice my life for anyone, especially not him.

Perhaps that's what he's suggesting? Telling me he expects me to die for him and I'd better be ready whether I like it or not?

Hate Dumbledore

Haven't been able to get what he said out of my mind. Did he mean I should value Lupin's life?

…

Or even Potter's?

Trelawney predicted Potter's death

Again. I would have a celebration, but I know she's a mad old bat and the chances of it actually coming true are very slim.

An interesting thought…

I suspect Lupin is a chocoholic. Well, he seems to be handing it left right and centre, regardless of whether you have a headache or your leg has just fallen off, he appears with a lump of chocolate to force down your neck. I banged my head in the staff room and he just popped up, dumped about half a ton of chocolate on me, sat and watched me eat it all, then buggered off. Such a weirdo.