Disclaimer: Do I have to do this on every chapter?

Chapter nine: The Moanings of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller

Dumbledore is officially an idiot

Well, Black has scarpered and its all Dumbledore's fault. I suggested taking the castle into full lock-down and just letting the Dementors in to do their jobs, but it seems he doesn't want his precious students endangered in any way. What's a couple of students to Sirius Black? I happily sacrifice a few of them in return for Black, hell I'd even push them off the Astronomy Tower myself if it would help. I also told Dumbledore who I believe is to blame (i.e. Lupin) and he has said that if I find any evidence that he was behind it, he will act on it accordingly. So now I just need to catch Lupin doing something incriminating, which shouldn't be too difficult seeing as how he is a) a werewolf and b) new best friends with Potter who is always incriminating himself. I still debating whether or not Black being caught and killed is better than Black catching Potter and killing him. If the world was perfect Black would kill Potter then get caught himself, get the Kiss then be carted off to Azkaban. I hate this world.

Stupid McGonagall

Sticking her pointy little nose into everything that's going on. She cornered me in the staff room despite my best attempts to avoid her. She accused me of being jealous of Lupin. Me! Jealous! I ask you.

"Yes Minerva, it is secretly my life-long ambition to sprout fur and slaver uncontrollably once every month unless I take a potion provided by a man who hates me and will probably try to poison me before the end of the year. In fact, I think I'm going to go and offer myself up to Lupin so that I can be just like him. Excuse me."

Severus 1

Nosy bitch 0

Like I don't have enough to do…

Dumbledore has had the brilliant idea that I should take over from Lupin while he is 'ill'.

"By ill I presume you mean something a bit more sinister Headmaster?" Dumbledore gave me a look, you know the one I mean, it says 'You know exactly what I mean Severus and if I wasn't Headmaster I would smack you round the head repeatedly, but fortunately for you and unfortunately for me I have to maintain an air of smug superiority over you.'

"Ahhh, Severus. I feel you would be the most APPROPRIATE teacher to STEP-IN for Remus while he is…ill."

I get the feeling the only reason he suggested it is so that I can't follow Lupin and find out what it is he's actually up to. And of course it gives Dumbledore a chance to show me what I could have been teaching if he wasn't such a moody git. At least I get to torment Potter in my next cover lesson, there's no problem that can't be sorted out with a bit of Potter-baiting. And I have got the perfect subject to study with his class…werewolves. Though they're all so dense that they'll put two and two together and come out with seven.

Ahhhhh!

What is it with McGonagall these days? I was walking towards Lupin's classroom and she suddenly appeared with this smug little smile on her face.

"I don't think Albus would be terribly impressed if he thought his Potion's master was stalking his Dark Art's professor."

And with that she buggered off! I didn't even have a chance to think of a witty and scathing reply! Stalking indeed. I have never stalked anyone in my life. I ended up just staring down the corridor after her amble backside, thinking of all of the things I would have said to her if she was still stood in front of me.

Anyway, back to the lesson. I've got them all writing notes on werewolves at the minute, it's only twenty minutes into the lesson and I've already taken 20 points from Gryffindor and given Weasley a detention. I should take Lupin's lessons more often. Still thinking about what McGonagall said; wonder if she'll go to Dumbledore? Now I just have to think of something absolutely gut-wrenchingly awful for Weasley to complete for his detention.

You'll never believe what she's done

I am, of course, talking about McGonagall. I went into the staff room and McGonagall was sat there with Hooch and Flitwick, and they were giggling. Not laughing. Giggling. At me. I came in and they both stopped talking then Hooch looked at me and said,

"Have you seen Remus anywhere Severus? I'm looking for him and apparently you're the person to talk to."

McGonagall nearly peed herself laughing; she was starting to go red and Flitwick starting snorting into his drink like a deranged pixie. I couldn't think of any thing to say that didn't sound really really childish. The responses in my head ranged from a straightforward "shut up" to complete and utter raging denial. I settled for simply raising an eyebrow, sneering at McGonagall before leaving them to giggle to themselves. As I shut the door they both broke into whoops and snorts of laughter. I hate them all.

Peeves came swooping down the corridor at me and starting wolf-whistling, but I soon put an end to that by threatening to jinx him the next time he came any where near me. Few can master the jinxing of ghosts, luckily I am one of those few and it's the only thing that can control Peeves.

Not leaving this room

The last few days have been awful. McGonagall has told all of her little teaching buddies and I can only hope that she hasn't told certain students. This is ridiculous; I'm acting like it's actually true! I'm going to go and have a wander around the castle; it's a Hogsmeade visit today so there won't be many people around.

Hmm, Potter and Longbottom are having a nice chat about ten meters from where I'm stood, and neither one of them has spotted me. I'm going to go scare the living hell out of Longbottom, just because it's so damn funny.

Well, he did a bit of squeaking but unfortunately Potter did all of the answering so I've got no bumbling quotes to repeat to you. It's a pity; they can keep me amused for days. As Potter and Longbottom were wandering back to Gryffindor Tower McGonagall suddenly appeared and smiled happily at me.

"Should I warn Remus that you're prowling the corridors Severus?"

"It seems you're the one with the obsession Minerva, constantly bringing everything back to Remus? Do you notice how you manage to include him in every single conversation you have?"

Ha, that got her worried. I stalked off before she could compose herself and think of a comeback. That'll teach her to mess with Severus Snape.

Wonder what Lupin's up to?