Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or Severus or blah blah etc etc

Apologies for the huge delay in getting this chapter out but it's tough, basically.

Chapter twelve: The Moanings of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller

Well

McGonagall has indeed been gloating since Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup, until I pointed out that there is actually a mark in the Slytherin display case where it has been sat permanently for the last however many years. At this point I was told not to be 'such a spoil-sport' and to 'join in with the fun'. Apparently 'fun' consists of laughing and gloating, which I will certainly have no part of. Don't get me wrong, I'm partial to a bit of gloating, just not when it's directed at me.

Good grief

Apparently McGonagall has been expressing concerns about me to Dumbledore. In other words she's been shit-stirring specifically to make my life that little bit more difficult and Dumbledore, instead of telling her to stop sticking her beaked nose in where it's not wanted, listens to her and even more staggeringly stupid actually acts on her suggestions! She has had a sudden brainwave that if I get a hobby; it will make me a) more sportsmanship-like, b) more sociable and c) less bitter. I pointed out to Dumbledore that the reason I'm an unfair, unsociable, bitter git is mainly because of her.

I'm playing poker

Dumbledore said I should 'get a new hobby' and 'get out more' so I invited some people from the Hog's Head up to the castle to play poker with me, drink a lot of Firewhiskey and smoke a lot of stupidly expensive, exotic cigars. And I don't see how he can complain about anything; I'm doing exactly what he told me to do. Poker is a very social activity. I will admit that fair-play isn't really on the agenda, these are inhabitants of the Hogs Head, but I won't begrudge people cheating as it's poker and you're meant to cheat.

Ha

Apparently I managed to break nearly every single one of the Hogwart's rules in one night. The only thing that was left was killing or seriously injuring a student, but I informed Dumbledore that I could quite easily take care of that if he simply sent for Potter.

"I am VERY serious Severus, your humour at this moment is NOT appreciated."

"I wasn't being humorous headmaster."

Five minutes later found me back in my rooms with a strict instruction not to go anywhere near Potter until all Firewhiskey had left my system. I'm just flicking through the school rules to see where Dumbledore draws the line between accidental death and murder.

Hippogriffs…

… are surely the most pointless animals I have ever encountered. That creature that Hagrid has couldn't even kill Malfoy when it had the perfect opportunity. Anyway, it's going to get killed basically because that hairy oaf messed up on the appeal. Let's face it, he never really had a chance with Malfoy senior on the panel but he could at least have made some sort of an impact. Wonder what they're going to do with carcass, Dumbledore probably won't let me have it out of sympathy to Hagrid but I can always ask.

Bored

Usually I love sitting in my rooms away from the unwashed masses that mill around the castle, but I'm so bored it's unbelievable. The one time I've been told that I must stay in my rooms and the only thing I want to do is go out! I wonder how long it takes for Firewhiskey to leave the system? And I'm hungry, I could always call a House Elf I suppose, but where's the fun in that? If I can just avoid Dumbledore for an hour or so I should be able to get away with it.

Great Hall

Eating food and glaring at the randomers who wander past me, gawping at what I'm doing like I'm a monkey in a zoo. I'm eating, is that really something that merits this level of interest? We all do it, three times a day or more, just because I'm a Potions master does not mean I survive on fresh air. Ooo, first years, can you take points off houses for being exceptionally nosy I wonder?

"Severus?" Oh balls.

"Yes Headmaster?" Damn it, damn it, damn it.

"You seem INTENT on disobeying ME Severus," okay, the way he said that was really creepy, if he suggests any weird punishments I swear I'm out of those doors, he can stick his job.

"Indeed Headmaster. I am, in fact, eating." Crime of the century I'm sure.

"I asked YOU to REMAIN in your quarters Severus."

"If I remember correctly Headmaster, until such a time as all alcohol has left my system." He just smiled knowingly at me and buggered off to go and annoy someone else at this point. He really does freak me out sometimes.

Drama!

Buckbeak has 'mysteriously' gone missing. I know Potter was behind it and I'm going to go and find out what's going on. Malfoy senior is going to be mad at Dumbledore too, and those two arguing is always a good source of entertainment, mostly because Malfoy will never win, he's not witty enough.