The next chapter is up. Enjoy! R&R
Thanks for all the reviews!
Reminder: Harry Potter and the other characters are not mine….
Chapter 9: Occlumency.
"Harry, Harry" called Ron, trying to wake Harry up, "You are going to be late for your detention with Snape."
Harry groaned, he was too tired to get up and his head felt heavy. This was probably the best sleep he had for a long time. He was asleep for almost four hours.
"What time is it?" he mumbled, his face still buried in his pillow.
"Five o'clock" answered Ron, "Snape won't be happy if you are late."
Harry sat bolt in his bed, "I slept that long?" he asked Ron, "What did I miss?"
"Well," Ron scratched his head, "McGonagall wasn't happy, but you know about her, Hagrid sent his best wishes for your recovery and I don't think Binns noticed you weren't there, so you are lucky…"
Harry dressed up and on the ten minutes that were left ran to the dungeons. He barely made it on time. He still had two minutes when he knocked on Snape's door, trying to steady his breath.
"Enter!" he heard Snape's voice and entered the dark office.
"Close the door," commanded Snape, "and sit down!" Harry obeyed.
"Apparently the headmaster thinks that his little prince has a nightmares," started Snape, as soon as Harry sat down, "and apparently the headmaster thinks that I'm the only person that able to help…" Harry was looking at the Potions Master bewildered.
"Unfortunately he is right or almost right since he is able to help too, but probably thinks that I should be punished for something…" Harry was confused even more.
"I'm going to teach you Oclumency!" stated Snape when he saw Harry's expression.
"What's that?" blurted Harry.
"O, Merlin, Potter, don't you read books?" asked Snape, irritated.
"Why don't you just tell me?" Snape's attitude angered Harry.
"Two points from Gryffindor for you being cheeky," Snape spat.
"Git!" mouthed Harry.
"Another five points!" said Snape, although Harry didn't know how Snape was able to hear him. Harry frowned and crossed his hands on his chest.
"Now that you finished acting like a five year old…" Snape was looking at Harry, "Oclumency it's a fine art of blocking your mind from outer interference." Harry was curious now.
"Your nightmares or visions are probably you entering the Dark Lord's mind. I believe it's a two-way connection. It won't be long before he realizes that. When he does, he'll be able to read your mind like an open book and a certain Prophesy…"
"You know about it?" Harry interfered.
"Of course I do!" stated Snape, "but it is none of your business! I'm going to teach you how to block your mind and it is in your interests to learn. Our lessons will take place every Thursday at seven o'clock. Next week due to your detention with Lupin it will be at five thirty as today! Your excuse would be you taking remedial potions, I'm sure it is quit believable…" Snape gave him a smirk. Harry nodded. He didn't like the idea of Snape meddling with his mind, but he suddenly understood the importance of keeping the Prophecy out of Voldemort's knowledge and he really needed to get rid of the nightmares.
"Get up and take your wand out," ordered Snape, "I'm going to brake into your mind and you should block me any way possible, without killing me!"
Harry got up and Snape with the wave of his wand moved the table and the chairs toward the wall and then pointed his wand on Harry. "Legilimence!" and Harry suddenly saw himself at the age of four, sitting on the rug in the nursery school, playing with some toy cars. He saw his cousin coming near him and pushing him aside, while grabbing the toy. Harry just sat there then got up and occupied himself with something else. The memory switched, he was six, it was his first day at school and he was holding a cellophane bag while Dudley was bragging his new Spiderman bag. He was nine and received his haircut from his aunt. He was ten and he was talking with a snake in the zoo. He was eleven, it was his birthday, and he was reading his Hogwarts letter in the shack. He was in the maze, Cedric Diggory was by his side, and they were arguing who should take the cup. He was in the graveyard, the cold voice "Kill the spare!" Cedric dead on the ground…
"NOO," Harry shouted, the connection was broken, he found himself on the floor, kneeling in front of Snape.
"Get up!" commanded Snape, "Again!" As soon as Harry got up and faced his Professor, Snape pronounced the incantation.
Harry was four again, this time he was standing in the corner in the nursery, he was supposed to face the wall. Once in a time he would send sad glances toward the other kids. One of the kids had pink hair and was crying and accusing Harry of his state while being comforted by the teacher.
He is five; it is Christmas, his aunt saying him that he wouldn't receive any presents because he was a bad boy.
He is nine, trying to explain his principal why he was found on the school kitchens' roof.
He is in his first year in Hogwarts, saving Neville's Rememberall.
He is in his third year, trying to produce a Patronus to protect himself and Sirius from the Dementors.
The end of his third task, he and Cedric taking the Cup. The graveyard. Cedric dead. Harry is being tied to the gravestone. The pain in his arm, while being cut by Wormtail. Voldemort coming out of the cauldron, the touch…
"AAAAAH" yelled Harry, and once again he was on his knees, his scar burning.
"You are not trying!" Snape berated him, "Get up and do it again!"
Harry got up and once again Snape attacked his mind. Once again Harry found himself on the floor, his scar hurting. After the third time Snape decided that it was enough.
"I think it's enough for today," he said, "clear your mind before you fall asleep. You may go; the werewolf is waiting for you."
Harry collected his things and left Prof. Snape office. His head was about to explode and his scar was slightly burning. The memories that were buried in his subconscious were fresh on his mind. He thought about them while he made his way to Lupin's office. He thought about his childhood memories, he couldn't think of one happy memory before his Hogwarts letter. He suddenly remembered the scene with the pink haired kid. The kid's name was Bradley or Bobby; he was one of Dudley's friends in the nursery. He teased Harry about his glasses, took the toys he was playing with and pinched him really hard. Harry was really mad at him and somehow the kid's hair turned pink. The boy accused Harry of course and the teacher punished him, although he tried to tell her that he couldn't have done it. The teacher didn't believed him, actually nobody ever believed him. His relatives were to be thanked for it. They warned every teacher Harry had about him being difficult child, so every time something strange happened, Harry was accused. That day Harry was spanked by his uncle and was locked in his cupboard for the whole weekend without lunch and dinner. After that Harry became passive, he was letting the kids to take his toys without respond, especially Dudley, he didn't want to bee punished.
Then there was the memory from the graveyard, the most painful one, the memory that was haunting him since the event occurred. Snape made him relive it again and made his scar burn. Once again Harry felt guilt.
Harry arrived to Prof. Lupin's office for his detention. He knocked on the door and got the permission to enter.
"Hello, Harry," greeted him Remus Lupin, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine!" was Harry's answer.
"Come and take a seat," invited Remus. Harry complied.
"How are you after visiting Godric's Hollow?" asked Remus, "and I'm not accepting the 'Fine' answer."
"I'm really glad you took me there…" Harry admitted.
"And…" pushed Remus.
"Er… That's it…"
"How do you feel, besides being glad?" Harry shrugged, "I don't know..."
"O.K., it sufficient for now," said Remus, "What happened at the evening?"
"You herd about the fight?" Remus nodded.
"I don't know, Hermione annoyed me and then Dean startled me…"
"So, you felt that you needed to release a steam."
"Kind of…" admitted Harry.
"How do you feel about your talk with the Headmaster?" asked Remus. Harry looked puzzled, does Remus know about the Prophecy?
Remus as if read Harry's mind, "I know what he talked to you about"
"O… I don't know how I am feeling… I somehow always knew it would be me…but…"
"But, what?" Remus pushed further, he needed Harry to open up. It wasn't good for the teenager to keep his feelings inside.
Harry shook his head, "I don't know," he finally said.
"Scared? Confused? Angry, maybe?" Remus tried to help. He knew Harry wasn't good at revealing his feelings. Hell, the kid probably doesn't know how, with his poor excuse for relatives.
Harry thought for a moment, he finally whispered, "Scared, I guess…" he felt ashamed for this feeling.
Remus sensed Harry being uncomfortable. "It is a legitimate feeling, Harry, I probably would be terrified. Don't be ashamed to admit that you are scared. You are human, after all." Harry nodded, he felt tired from this talk, his head still hurting from the lesson with Snape. Harry kept his head down; it was easier this way, since his head felt heavy. Remus noticed it, "Harry, what's wrong?" he asked.
Harry lifted his head and looked at Remus, "Just a headache" he said.
Remus looked concerned, he went to one of the cupboards and brought a small vile to Harry. "Drink it," he handed the vial to Harry, "It is a mild pain reliever potion, it will help." Harry drank the potion, already feeling better.
"You just had a lesson with Severus?" Remus asked and Harry nodded in response, "How did it go?"
"I couldn't block him," said Harry, "he tried three times and said to clear my mind before I fall asleep… So I guess I just should practice." Right now he isn't going to complain that he can't block Snape and that he has no idea how to clear his mind at night.
"I'm glad you have a positive attitude," smiled Remus, "Oclumency requires a lot of practice, if you need any help don't hesitate to ask." Harry smiled back.
They talked a little longer Remus informed him that Sirius doing fine and missing his godson. Then Remus told him some stories about his school years and about Harry's parents. Finally when the curfew was coming near Remus released Harry and asked him to bring his Transfiguration books tomorrow since he is going to help him in his studies.
When Harry left Remus' office he felt better. His head stopped hurting and his mind seemed clearer. At least he wasn't thinking about his miserable childhood anymore.
Harry made his way to the Gryffindor tower.
"Harry," called Hermione as he entered, "how are you?"
"Fine," he replied, "just came from my detentions with Snape and Prof. Lupin." He took his place in his favorite armchair and flung his legs across the handle.
Ron and Ginny came to the common room, their faces flashed.
"Hi, everybody!" called Ginny, and flopped herself on the couch near Hermione, Ron did the same on her other side.
"Ron, you smell!" teased Hermione, "where have you been?"
"Quidditch practice!" announced exited Ginny, "the game is in two days." Harry's face fell, he missed Quidditch and he was jealous of Ginny that she took his place, although he isn't going to admit it. Ginny noticed Harry's change in mood, "Sorry, Harry," she apologized.
"It's O.K.," he faked a smile, "we already decided that you should practice for the next year."
"How was your detention with Snape and Lupin?" asked Ron.
"Fine, how was your practice?" Harry changed the subject, he felt pretty sick of people constantly asking him how he was.
"It was great, although Fred and George think there is something contagious in the job of the captain because she is acting as mad as Wood was. She squeezed us like lemons; she threatened to beat us with her broom if we do something that could jeopardize the game. I think she is pissed with you, mate. She made it clear that if one of us will be banned she'll hunt him and kill him." Ron told this story with excitement. It was his dream, after all, to play in his house team.
"Well, what did you expected, mate, it is Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, after all," said Harry, his voice offered no condolences, "either you win or you are humiliated, especially if you are Keeper and it's your first game!" Ron paled.
Ginny smacked Harry playfully on his hand: "It's not funny, Potter!" Harry flinched a little.
"I wasn't trying to be funny!" he said coldly and then laughed at Ron's terrified face.
"Harry, we need to talk," suddenly Hermione said.
"What about?" the teenager asked.
"Come on; let's go to your dorm. Ron, you are coming too," she gave her boyfriend a meaningful look. Ron understood the hint and got up. "Sorry, Gin, see you later," he apologized and went after Harry and Hermione.
When they got to their dormitories, Hermione cast Privacy and the Silencing Charms.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Harry asked.
"Listen… Harry," Hermione started unsurely, afraid of Harry's response, "We are really worried of you… and… um… what happened today was really dangerous… I don't think you should drink anymore…"
"I told you, Hermione, I can control this!" Harry said and was about to go back to the common room.
"Harry, it's wrong!" stated Ron, "What if something like today will happen? What if you hurt yourself or someone?"
"Don't worry, Ron, I can control myself, it won't happen anymore!" Harry said.
"Acio Fire Whisky!" suddenly was heard, and Harry saw with terror as his trunk got open and his two bottles flew out of it toward Hermione. He was about to grab him, but Hermione called "Evanesco!" and the contents of the bottles disappeared.
"Why did you do it?" Harry yelled. He was ready to strangle his friend, "I needed it!!!"
"No you didn't!" said Ron, "It only ruins you!"
"You don't understand…" Harry kept shout.
"Then explain us!" Ron shouted back, "We are your friends, tell us what's wrong!"
"Please, Harry," Hermione pleaded, "Let us help you!"
"I don't want to talk about it!" Harry stated.
Hermione sighed, "O.K., Harry, but at least promise me one thing, promise you wouldn't drink anymore."
"Fine, I won't!" Harry muttered.
"Harry, you know we would do anything to you, if you just let us," said Ron.
Harry muttered something unrecognizable.
Hermione put a reassuring hand over his shoulder, but Harry moved further to avoid the touch.
The three friends then sat in silence for a few minutes till they heard a loud knocks on the door.
"I think your roommates want their room," smiled Hermione, "I'll better go. Remember what you promised Harry." With that she undone the spells, bid them goodnight and left.
-aaaaa-
Harry sat on his bed for at least an hour after everybody was asleep. He was tired but was afraid to see another vision. Harry tried to clear his mind, but found it not possible with everything that happened today. He knew that Hermione and Ron were right, he shouldn't have been drinking, but he felt that the alcohol made him more relaxed. He needed that stuff, but he promised Hermione, and being who he is he couldn't brake his promises, at least not now.
Finally the tiredness bit him up and he lay down. Harry tried to think about nothing, but his mind was full, and he didn't know how to do it either. He mentally cursed Snape and finally fall asleep. Soon the nightmares began.
Once again he saw Cedric being killed, then his parents blame him and his uncle killing Hedwig. Then he dreamt about himself, sitting drunk in something that looked like a court and being accused in killing Parvati and surprisingly Ginny. Then he was executed by Snape while the murdered children from the orphanage were shouting and cursing him. Harry woke up with a start as he saw his friends dead at the foot of Voldemort, while he, Harry, was next to the monster and Voldemort was praising him for killing his friends and then forcing Harry to drink a whole bottle of 100 alcohol.
Harry sat in his bed, sweating. He was glad that he cast the silencing charms on his bed; otherwise he would wake his friends up.
Harry got up, took a clean pajama and went to take a shower. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw that his scars almost closed. They will never disappear without magical healing, but at least they weren't hurting anymore. Harry signed after seeing himself and headed to the shower. After taking a cold shower that woke him up, he made his way to the common room and occupied himself with some homework.
At about five a.m. he fell asleep, his head resting on the table. He was awaking two hours later by students heading down to breakfast.
"You are early?" commented Hermione when she came down from her dormitory and saw him sitting in the common room.
"Couldn't sleep," admitted Harry, "at least I hadn't have visions." Hermione gave him a sympathized smile, "It will work out, eventually," she said.
"I hope so, I really do," was his answer.
