Chapter Ten: Christine's secrets
"Christine. You look rather ill. Is everything alright?"
Christine nodded meekly to Meg's concerned voice.
"I am fine. I do not have much time, but I just wanted to see you both. It has been so long."
"Well you must have been very busy, my dear. I heard that the wedding would take place next week. There must be a lot to do," Madame Giry spoke in warm voice, thinking Christine must have seen the resemblance too.
"I am so sorry that I could not invite you and Meg to the wedding. His parents just would not have it. I so wanted to see familiar faces in my wedding."
"Don't worry about it, Christine. We already suspected that something like that would happen. Besides, we are not even sure whether we could get time off from work so easily, as we have been just employed by the new management. We merely want to see you happy. You are happy, aren't you?"
Meg consoled her friend, thinking that she wouldn't have liked mixing with snobbish relations of Raoul, anyway. She would rather be a mistress of a noble man than his wife. The prospect of having to suffer the sneers of the upper class while being forced to remain in their company didn't appeal to her at all.
The Arts come before romance or marriage anytime. Meg reflected. I'd rather grow old without any companion than give up my dancing. How could you give up your singing, Christine? And, for what? The reality of marriage is not a fairy tale. That's why all fairy tales end, when two people get married. Do you wonder what would have really happened to Cinderella after the wedding? I don't think she would have made a credible queen. Do you? Only the Arts allow us to live in our dreams, forever. You have given up the true beauty of the Heaven for the false promise of the Earth. My poor friend… How my heart aches to see that you must live by your decision.
"Meg is right, Child. All that matters is your happiness. You do still want to marry Raoul. Don't you?" Madame Giry saw a glimpse of uncertainty in Christine's eyes, which she found a little disquieting. They had to be happy for her sake.
"Yes of course," Christine answered. "He has been so good to me and I love him very much. It's just that he will leave our home to serve the Emperor… not long after… our wedding, and I'm so worried about what might happen to him."
"Christine, I'm sure Raoul can look after himself. He will always come back to you, no matter what," Meg mumbled whatever she thought would help to calm Christine's fear.
"I thought that about him too, and I do not even know whether he is still alive. He promised he would be always my angel."
The bitter tone in her voice surprised both her friend and her adopted mother.
"I'm sorry… I sometimes feel angry at him for making me choose. Why couldn't he just accept what I could offer? I shouldn't have been forced to choose between him and Raoul. I needed him just as much as I needed Raoul, for different reasons. And I could not be happy without both of them in my life."
"Child, we all must make painful choices in life. I'm sorry that things cannot stay the same. None of us can have everything we want. That is the sad reality," Madame Giry replied calmly to Christine's little outburst, while Meg took her friends' hand into hers, displaying tender sympathy.
Christine's unguarded remarks angered Madame Giry, as she now realized that her betrayal of Erik's trust had been, indeed, all for nothing. Still, Christine was her family and a child. "You will, however, always have our support, and I'm glad that you finally shared with us your inner thoughts on this matter. If things are getting tougher for you in future, you will find us here to give you the comfort you need. We are to move into the opera house soon."
"Yes… of course," Christine murmured, feeling rather embarrassed and wondering what on earth had possessed her to make that uncomfortable revelation.
"You must come and see us often, Christine." Meg gave a warm smile at her friend, secretly wondering whether she could ever be happy.
"Thank you both. It means a lot to me that I have your love and friendship. I think I better leave now. You must be eager to get back to your discussion, and I have so little time today," Christine rose, then hesitantly added. "Would it be possible for me to have moments alone with Monsieur Russell? I believe I owe him an apology. It won't take long."
Standing close to the door of the manager's office, Erik shook his head in disbelief. It seems that I can do nothing right by you. He laughed at the irony of it all. You were desperate to rid of me, and now you are angry because I didn't contact you again. So where does this lead us to? It was a good sign for him that she was not entirely happy with the prospect of her marriage to Raoul. He understood that time was against him if he tried to persuade Christine to break off her engagement from Raoul. He wasn't even sure whether he wanted to, given that he no longer knew whether he wanted Christine by his side, for the rest of his life. Still, it pleased him to know that Christine missed him for whatever reason. He knew that it wasn't just music she desired from him. He would make sure that she would not run away from her secret desires once again. He silently moved away from the door towards Nadir, who was fidgeting in safe distance, not bothering with the rest of the conversation between the women.
"You wished to speak to me alone, Mademoiselle?"
Christine turned to face the man who stared down at her. His lips were curled up slightly in bemusement. For one brief moment, she fancied she had seen a hint of tenderness in his eyes, before they resumed a composed indifference.
"I would like to apologize for my strange behavior towards you," Christine spoke finally, "earlier today."
"Oh, that," he replied grimly. "I am afraid that I do remind you and Madame Giry of someone whose association with you was perhaps not altogether pleasant. I only hope that person does not bother you any longer and that you can look at me without whatever thoughts that are haunting you."
Ah, but… it is your voice that haunts me. Christine thought to herself. You have his voice that does not leave my head.
"You have a beautiful voice," Christine drew in a deep breath before continuing. "Do you sing, Monsieur?"
"I have not sung for a while, Mademoiselle. I do, however, compose music, and I would be honored if you could sing for my music, some day."
"It is such a shame that you stopped singing, Monsieur." Christine saw a glimpse of pain from his eyes. Perhaps he too had an aching memory that he would rather forget. Christine thought to herself. Angel. Where are you?
"I can no longer sing in public, but I would feel privileged if you could give me private singing lessons. I find life without music rather suffocating."
So you seek me out once again. Erik laughed inwardly. This time, however, I will take what I want from you. Never will I allow you to have so much power over me. You will not have another opportunity to unmask me.
"I will be free on Monday afternoons, Mademoiselle. Contact me nearer the time you could begin your lessons. I am not easy to please, but I trust your voice will give me much pleasure."
He applied his lips briefly to her outstretched hand, and left her without a single backward glance.