Chapter Thirteen: Lessons I

Christine looked, with quiet anticipation, at the man who had just made her sing selections from Così fan tutte. She knew that her songs had pleased him, and her heart felt that nearly-forgotten pride once again. It did not unnerve her that she was alone with this man in his house during her lessons. She dressed as simply as she could. Her lessons were her little secret, and she did not desire to attract unnecessary attentions to herself. He had been treating her politely but with indifference. It pained her not to see desires in his eyes and feel longing in his voice.

"You had been well tutored, Madame," he said, barely lifting his eyes from the keyboard. "May I ask who your tutor was?"

"My previous tutor wishes to remain anonymous," she stammered, feeling rather uneasy at his direct question.

Erik gave a brief glance towards her direction. You continue to deny me. He thought to himself with quiet anger. Your heart is treacherous. Yet, you accused me of having been a false friend to you.

"Would you like to sit down?" he offered, rising to his feet.

Christine seated herself on the sofa, murmuring thanks. She waited for him to say more. Oh how I love hearing your voice. The voice of my angel. Yet, you speak to me so rarely. She answered that she did not care for tea, hearing him ask her whether she wanted any refreshments. She had so little time with him and didn't want to lose the sight of him during her short stay.

Erik sat across from Christine who looked slightly agitated.

"I heard you had been to one of the rehearsals. How did you find it?"

"It will be an amazing production. The actors all sang their parts perfectly. The story and music will appeal to the public."

The sparkle in her eyes soon gave away to sadness. How she wished to play the part of Fiordiligi.

"Meg's Despina was a joy to watch. I heard you were giving her lessons," she continued, feeling his penetrating gaze upon her,

A sense of jealousy stirred in her heart. Meg spent more time with him than she did.

"Despina is a good part for Meg. Her voice suits the role while her playful nature makes the portrayal of the character perfect. I am satisfied with my cast although I wish you could play Fiordiligi."

"I wish that too," Christine blushed at the thought of singing the duet Fra gli ampless (In the embraces) with him.

"It can be done," a seductive voice purred into her ear. "I can be seduced."

Christine turned her face in surprise and found his beautiful green eyes looking down into hers.

"You need not offer me all of you." The mesmerizing voice continued working its charm on her, violently waking that silenced urge inside her. "Christine…"

She raised herself slowly, her eyes greedily taking in his chiseled features. He did not move, his eyes commanding her to make the first move. She took his unwilling hand into hers and pleaded. "Please."

His lips finally came down onto hers. His kiss was fiery, and hers was desperate. He broke off the kiss and said in a quiet voice, "Madame, it is nearly a time for your carriage to arrive at the Opera Populaire, where you are supposed to have been. Perhaps you would like your visit to the Girys… to be a little longer, next time."

She nodded meekly and headed towards the door which he held open for her.

"You will not ask all of me?" Her eyes were hopeful.

"I will not ask anything of you," he replied. "Ask whatever you want with me during your weekly visits. I will try my best to oblige your wishes."

"Thank you." The genuine gratitude in her voice startled him but he just nodded at her unexpected reply.

Just as she was turning from him, she heard him saying, "Madame, all our arrangements will come to an end when your husband comes home or when I judge that it is time for me to finish them."

Erik sat at his writing desk, looking intently at a gold ring placed on his palm. He had bought the ring for Christine, before Raoul came on the scene and crushed any hope of Christine returning his passion for her. He had meant to make her wear the ring at the night of Don Juan Triumphant. But, for some reason, he had been reluctant to give it to her. Instead, he had given her the ring that Raoul had bought her for their engagement, the ring that had been consuming his heart with jealousy. Had he known all along that he wouldn't be with her always? When she suddenly reappeared into his life, he was afraid that he still loved her and hated her. He still wanted answers to his questions that would not allow him to leave the past behind. The lessons confirmed to him that the musical connection between them still existed; that her voice still was and would always be the object of his desire.

However, each encounter with her also confirmed that everything had changed. Even that special connection between them lost some of its magical appeal. He no longer saw her triumph as his. He used to need her voice to find that glimpse of beauty in his miserable life, a life of self-loathing and despair. That life was far behind. As soon as he realized that she had missed him, his heart clearly told him that he no longer loved her with the same passion he once held for her. He had expected that he would despise and leave her, once his love lost its all-consuming intensity. That did not happen either. And now, he clearly understood what Christine had really wanted, and that realization made him pity her. All the time he and Raoul planned her future for her and forced her to make a choice, they never asked her what she really wanted. She did not want to choose between them. He could have prevented her from making that painful decision. Raoul didn't even have to be aware of his existence, had it not been for his fierce jealousy and intense desire to possess her completely. Christine could have continued to sing for her angel. His soul no longer needed her. Yet, to his surprise, Erik found himself unable to abandon her entirely. He still desired her body, and even though he no longer desired her heart, he still cared for her in some way. He had to know what it was like to make love to Christine. More importantly, he had to know what it meant to Christine to love him physically.