(A/N) This story is set after the Arrancar arc but before the Hueco Mundo arc. This fanfiction contains angst and dark themes not suitable for younger viewers. Rating may change.

Title: Transgress Prevarication

Pairings: Renji/Rukia, slight hints of Rukia/Ichigo

Rated T for angst, language, violence.

Summary: Misunderstandings commits the fall of wickedness. One shinigami violates the law of God, a faux pas, falling deeper drowning in his own sin. How can you breathe?

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or the characters.

Blah - talking

Blah - thoughts

Chapter 2: Desolate

Renji sighed as he glanced out the window. The second period had only begun a mere ten minutes ago and he was feeling jittery already. The red head tapped his foot with anticipation, eagerly waiting for a hollow attack, hoping to escape the boring lecture of polynomials. Oh so he told himself.

Mathematics were not enough to distract him from the object of his affection. Dark red eyes drifted from the blue sky outside towards a petite girl sitting two seats from his right, three seats in front. He counted how far apart they were, he would never tell anyone why. They would probably think he was weird. Renji had his reasons though.

Rukia, oblivious to Renji's hard stare, payed full attention in class. Her small slender hands quickly writing notes for future exams. Dark eyes that equally matched her dark short hair, squinted at the small equations scattered across the black board. A small frown creasing her perfect porcelain face whenever she misunderstood a question. It was cute, simply adorable and...

Perfect... thought the crimson shinigami, absolutely perfect. Though these classes were unbearably long and boring, this was the only time he could feel at peace. As long as he had one minute to be able to admire her from afar, he wouldn't ask for more. But those were in his academy days which were decades ago, and one minute was never enough anymore. He yearned for her touch, a simple hug, a comforting hand on the shoulder. Renji wished she would ask him if he was alright, why he was acting different recently, why he lost weight and had dark bags under his eyes.

In his mind, he knew it was such a selfish thing to wish for, but the stray dog is dyed into his bones, begging for attention like any other mutt would. Such simple acknowledgment would brighten his gloomy days. But instead, the raven hair shinigami would refuse to meet his eyes. Will never ask him about his problems or concerns about his health. She was already preoccupied with the substitute shinigami to notice him anyways.

Clenching his hands into fists, tight enough to make the knuckles white, Renji tore his eyes off Rukia and instead endured the pointless lecture about integers or somewhat. It was childish to feel so jealous and want attention. He was a shinigami, they do not feel pain, they do not have emotions. They fight, and fight again. Renji furiously scribbled across his blank paper a failed attempt to pass the time.

A great power above blessed Renji as he heard the class dismissal bell rang throughout the school. Letting out a sigh of relief he stood from his desk, groaning from the movements causing strain on his wounds. The gashes along his chest will take some time to heal. Hopefully nobody will notice his slight discomfort, the shinigami knew he would have to be extra cautious during the next few days. It was a price he was willing to take. Maybe he should try to take a nap during the lunch break. It would certainly make him feel better. Or maybe rip himself out of the tight gigai and find some Hollows to slay, that would help burn off some steam and-

"Abarai-kun?" A small voice spoke softly. Turning his head Renji faced Inoue who wore a bright smile. "I was wondering if you would like to join us for lunch today?" She waited for his response. Not this again. Everyday she would ask him to join the rest of their friends on the roof top to eat in peace, occasionally discussing further preparations for Aizen's next attack. Renji never brought a lunch and the thought of food made him feel nauseous. But he politely refused her offer too many times already, making up stories of fake hollow attacks or calls from Soul Society. Renji bit the inside of his cheek slightly ashamed of himself for lying to Inoue who only had the best intentions.

"Actually..." Scratching the back of his head he tried not to look at her as he tried to think up an excuse.

"Great, lets go then," Clapping her hands together cheerfully, Inoue ran out the door before Renji could say anything else. Damn, now he would have to go. Frowning, he dug his hands into his pants pockets reluctantly following the orange haired girl.

"Ah, I can't believe we have that math test tomorrow, I didn't have time to study for it!" Ichigo exclaimed, as he poke the small straw furiously into the defenseless juice box. Rukia rolled her eyes, clearly not amused by the teenagers outburst.

"Well that's your fault and you know it," she grinned when he shot her a glare. Chad and Inoue chuckled softly and Ishida only shook his head. They ate and laughed, the atmosphere around them was comfortable and peaceful. Unbeknownst to them, their older friend stood his distance from the others, not quite feeling relaxed, another nauseating feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

Renji leaned against one of the metal poles connected to the chain link fence, staring blankly at the sky noticing the once blue sky slowly being swallowed up by the darkening clouds. The sight could describe his feelings at the moment, feeling his body, mind and soul engulfed by the cold darkness, holding him tightly. Allowing his eyes to close, he felt himself shiver. Why was this so unbearable? Why was it so difficult to be around them, to be around her...Rukia. He wished they were children again. Playing and laughing, only caring about one another.

"Renji?"

Holding his breath, he tilted his head slightly, forcing a grin. "Oi Rukia, what's up?" Everyone turn to face him. He felt out of place suddenly. No this was never his place to begin with.

"Did you forget to bring a lunch again?" Rukia asked him, never once taking her eyes off him slight annoyance and perhaps concern lingering in their dark depths.

"You're an idiot to think she cares about you," The voice in the back of his head echoed. Renji changed his mind about wanting her to look at him, a feeling of anxiety rushing through his veins was almost too much.

"Uh..." What could he say?

"You really are an idiot aren't you," Ichigo mumbled before taking another sip from his juice box. Renji shot him a glare, gritting his teeth.

"I was in a hurry this morning, a few Hollow bastards got in my way," he lied, it was okay though, Renji always lies especially to this particular group. They wouldn't notice anyway, Renji just had to keep on smiling and goof around and no one will notice. But with Ichigo around, the silliness died, the anger and hate took over.

"Just doing my job, unlike some people I know..." Dark red orbs staring at Ichigo with a dangerous glint as if challenging him.

"Nani, you calling me lazy you ass!" By now the substitute shinigami stood up, a fist raised. "You're the one always lying around, sleeping late, whining and complaining about Hollow attacks!" The tattooed Death God would have to disagree. He complained because he was tired of fighting. Sleeping was never an issue because he never did anymore. It's funny how you could be so wrong Ichigo. The red head thought darkly.

Before the tension began to rise another voice spoked up, "Would you two stop arguing already?" Rukia frowned, crossing her arms tightly against her chest. "I swear you both act like children and not shinigamis!"

"Hey he started it!" Ichigo shouted back, a finger pointed directly at Renji.

Well, actually you're the one who called me an idiot so technically you started it. Renji tighten his hands into fists.

"I don't care if he did you both need to stop fighting." Rukia continued her lecture.

You don't care what I do... Shaking his head, the tattooed teenager looked away, knowing exactly how this conversation would end, he himself on the losing side.

As usual...

"Look, I'll try to keep cool alright?" the orange spiky boy finally agreed. Rukia smiled, eyes sparkled with glee and warmth. Even in an argument Ichigo could make her smile.

How he hated that. And that was how it ended. She would smile and Ichigo would win.

As usual...

The dismissal bell rang loudly informing the students to head back to class. The small group on top of the school roof stood to stretched, breaking into a small conversation about plans for the evening, leaving Renji out of their discussion. It was alright though, they were planning a study session at the strawberries house, something he would rather not be involved with. Who would want an annoying loud mouth stray staring at Rukia for company anyways? No, they want someone better, stronger, not weak or stupid. Not him.

"Outsider!"

A voice hissed in his head. Flinching from the harsh words, he stood still watching his best friend from the corner of his eye, once again walk away from him. Laughing and joking with the human.

It just wasn't fair.

His shoulders tensed, watching the group disappear behind the door. Renji swore he saw Rukia look back, no that was false hope, the dog crying for attention. Suddenly the world fell into silence, the echo of the steel door shutting remaining as a memory as the sky darkened. Soon he was alone again, always alone. Shuddering slightly he fell back against the chain fence sliding onto the ground.

"Maybe she'll come back to get me," he whispered to himself, trying to make sense of everything. "Cause she wouldn't leave a stray behind, she's so kind, Rukia wouldn't leave me behind right..." Bringing his legs ups against his chest, Renji circled his arms around his shins lowering his head between his tone arms.

"Don't think like that, not now...no stop don't think like that," the shinigami voice quivered, his frame shook violently. Renji felt his heart ache over and over again, the feeling was unbearable.

"She'll be back, she'll be back, she'll be back..." He choked, thunder rumbling above.

"Rukia will come back, Rukia will come back, Rukia will come back,"

Renji rocked his body back and fourth, looking like a man reeking of insanity. Rain pelted the ground. He smiled grimly.

"She wouldn't leave a stray out of the rain, Rukia is so nice and sweet and..." Renji tighten his lips, the school bell rang, students quickly ran out of the building to seek shelter at home. A boy with orange spiky hair and a small girl with black hair shared an umbrella, laughing and joking.

And Renji watched them...

And watched them walk around the street corner...

And he knew, that he was just a stray left out of the rain.

That's all I have for now.

Awe poor Renji but I can't help myself. He is just full of angsty goodness! Anyways sorry about the lack of updates. But I will update the next chapter soon. Thanks for the lovely reviews that feeds my muse.