Here is the last chapter. I wish I could have written the whole story better. But I've written it and hope you liked it somewhat. Thank you for all those who took their time to leave the reviews. They meant a lot to me.
Chapter Twenty: Always beside you
Why must you sound so final? Hannah's eyes questioned him, making Erik feel heavy with the unfamiliar sense of guilt.
"That's it?" She sighed. "You are not asking me whether I want our marriage legally sanctioned. You are telling me you want it so."
Erik looked at her helplessly. She looked so withdrawn.
"Hannah, I said it that way because I knew the concept of conventional marriage repelled you. Please, just hear me out." His voice was gentle but unyielding. He already knew she wouldn't be exactly overjoyed by the prospect of a legal marriage. He still had to persuade her.
"You are much younger than me. You said it yourself. You are likely to survive my death. When that happens, I want you to own everything I have. It is just a matter of formality to ensure that you will live comfortably after I'm gone."
I don't want to live comfortably after you are gone. I don't want to live at all. What reason do I have to remain in this world when the only meaning for my life here is no more? She protested silently.
Realizing that Hannah was not going to change her mind anytime soon, Erik decided to use a different approach.
"Hannah," he called her softly, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Observing her relaxing slightly, he continued. "We will have to live outside this place eventually. I cannot let you become the subject of unpleasant gossip. Is it so terrible that we choose the easy option, when you do not wish to confront the world?"
"Erik, I'm not disputing that I am a coward. I have always wanted to be hidden from the world. I certainly do not want to be talked about. I dislike the concept of the legal marriage but our relationship is more important to me than my views on the subject."
"In that case, am I not entitled to know why you do not warm to my request?"
Hannah nodded her agreement. He needed to know the reason behind her apprehension.
"I don't want you to be unhappy because you are legally tied to me. Judicial divorce, even on grounds of fault, will not be available in this country till 1884. I know you do not want a child at the moment but there might come a time when you do. Most people want to leave something of themselves behind; they want children. When that happens, I want you to give the legal protection to your children and their mother."
"You will tolerate the abusive glares of society just in case I might change my mind about children?"
"I can endure that. What I cannot bear to see is for you to regret your commitment to me. When I realized that you would not give up your attempt to bring me into your world till you were dead, I decided that I could make a real sacrifice for you. I was ready to give you everything you would want and expect from me. But I can not be responsible for bringing another life into this world. What I am saying is that you don't have to marry me to have all of me. I can give all you want from me as your mistress."
"Are you the same Hannah who was avoiding me because I had had a one-off affair with Christine?" Erik was trying his best to suppress laughter. He was, of course, touched by her willingness to give up so much of herself for him. Still, the images of Hannah playing a docile wife were almost comical.
"I know I didn't exactly react to the affair the way I should have done." Hannah retorted, sensing his amusement. "But I mean what I've just said, Erik. You don't have to marry me."
He lifted her head up to look at her straight in the eyes.
"I haven't got time for anyone else. Why would I want anyone else in my life when I have my soul mate next to me? Do you think I could have brought you here, had I not had that connection to you? I will never have that much power over anyone as I have over you. I don't want anyone come between us. Not even a child. Well, especially not a child. Besides, I know, for you, it's more of a sacrifice to become a wife than to become a mistress. Just make this one sacrifice for me. I need you to live beside me, each and every day, without worrying about what happens to you when I am gone. I ask of you nothing else."
"I do not have to play someone else for your sake?"
"You never have to wear a mask when you are with me. I will not allow it."
"I suppose we can always move to England if you change your mind." She wrapped her arms tightly around him, with a slight smile.
"I will take that as a yes." He let out a sigh of relief.
"Long hair suits you well. I love it so," she said, her slim fingers playing with his soft brown hair, which now almost touched his shoulder line.
"Do you think you can manage to fall in love with me in my world?" He asked, holding her waist firmly with his hands.
"Woo me," she said with a playful grin. "Let's just pretend that I could go back to my world, if I wanted to. Convince me why I should give up my world to be with you in 1870 France which does not excite me that much."
"Men in 1870 have better dress sense than their counterparts in 1970."
Hannah laughed. "So true, especially when it comes to your refined taste."
"The year 1870 has something that you did not have before. Come… lie next to me."
Hannah felt his penetrating gaze upon her. She slowly closed her eyes as a sense of wonder overtook her.
"What do you feel, Hannah?"
"I feel your body… its weight."
"Does the weight of reality still frighten you?"
Hannah shook her head.
"Touch me," he commanded.
She ran her fingers through his hair, over his face and his chest, inhaling his smell and breathing his breath.
"Can you honestly tell me that there is no difference between this… and what we shared in our dreams, however beautiful we were?"
"No." Her eyes were now open to meet his searching gaze.
"Then, Hannah, you have your answer. I am sorry that I brought you here without asking your permission first. I can be, at times, reckless and impatient. I'm not an easy man to live with, but I promise I will make it worthwhile for you to live here beside me. You calm and pacify me without even trying. I know it will work."
"Then do whatever you want with me." Hannah whispered, her eyes mirroring her heart's desire. "I will not be without you. I do not want to breathe a single breath in this world… in any world… if you do not reside in it."
He slowly and lovingly moved his fingers over her, his eyes focusing on every move she made, his mind masterfully recording every sound she muttered. She moved gently but with purpose, drawing his pleasure and sensing his touch. As their bodies entwined, their breaths mingled, their hearts beating as one. In this lair where the sun held no power, where the boundaries of the conscious and the unconscious blurred, their dreams merged into reality. The duality of body and soul gave in to the all-encompassing power of darkness, melting into one, just like the way it had been at the beginning of time. In that darkness, he played her entire being as he had never done before, till she became the very essence of his music.
They lay side by side, her head resting on his shoulder and her hand holding his tightly. She was happy, deliriously so. A lone tear rolled down her cheek. She knew what that happiness meant. It was the loss of the most fundamental freedom; she was no longer free from the fear of death.
"Why?" he asked, his voice full of concern.
"Akhilleus said the gods envied us because we were mortal. Our life is beautiful because it will not repeat. Yet, happiness makes us envy the gods."
"I am sure I will find you again and again. You will never be free of me."
"You took your time."
"I will be more alert next time, and that's a promise."
A gentle smile appeared across her face. It didn't matter if he could not keep his ambitious promise. He was next to her, and nothing, even fear of the future, could take away the fact that they were happy together.
"You said once that you were afraid of looking at the night sky because the loneliness of the stars overwhelmed you," he said, almost in a whisper. "Next time you see the stars, you won't find them so lonely because I will be there to hold your hand."
"And when you feel small and insignificant at the sheer scale of the universe, I will be there to tell you that you are the universe," she replied, sealing her promise with a kiss.
"Hannah," he called her softly and found her smiling at him. "I love you."