Chapter II

Many nosebleeds, Yozak shrieks and ominous bursts of purple smoke later. The Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kun was ready.

"So if we record a message using the Maryoku Converting Stuff to Be Conveyed Kun, we can broadcast it to Conrad using the Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kun!" Yuuri exclaims.

It is their next "Yozak and Conrad Lovefest Discussion" meeting. Gwendal has taken Conrad shopping at the Knitting Needles and Swords Rock My Socks Emporium.

"But what is Yozak actually going to say and how are we supposed to get Conrad to watch the screen?" Wolfram asks.

"He does have rather a short attention span – maybe we should use bright colours, like Yozak's hair," Yuuri replies.

"And you guys can be in it, for moral support and generally to get the point across," Yozak says, in between combing Günter's curse-banishing hair gloss into his locks and the occasional Conrad-fuelled sob.

Wolfram produces two pairs of Bob-style shades which he and Yuuri put on. Günter mumbles "Heika!" again.

"Is he actually going to help?" asks Yozak.

"No," Wolfram admits, "but even when threatened with my amorous wrath, he climbed in through the window."

"To the point of the matter," Yuuri says decisively, in the style of that time when he made everyone call him Chief and generally made a fool of himself "we need to think…"

Many hours of pacing back and forth with studious Gwendal-style frowns on their foreheads – except Günter, who crawls around on the floor after Yuuri, trying to see up his trouser leg – later.

"I have it!" Yuuri exclaims, "We should convey it through song! On Earth, we're always using songs to tell people with a limited grasp on life's complexities stuff they otherwise wouldn't listen to."

"By people with a limited grasp on life's complexities you mean you?" Wolfram teases.

"Shut up!"

"You failed you Earth History Test!"

"How do you know about that?" Yuuri asks, looking bewildered.

Yozak pipes up: "Because very little ever happens when you aren't here – which has nothing whatsoever to do with us being in a TV show (shifty look, shifty look) – we print anything we can on the front page of the Mazoku times."

Yozak holds up a copy of an old issue of the newspaper – which happens to be right next to him, in true TV style – and Yuuri reads the headline: "MAOU YUURI THE KAWAII IS JUST A PRETTY FACE – INTERVIEW WITH BROTHER SHIBUYA (CALL ME ONII-CHAN) SHORI".

"I did write headline "YOZAK CONFESSES LOVE FOR CONRAD" once," Yozak continues "but Conrad was more interested in the fact that we printed his "hilarious" joke and didn't notice."

He stifles a lovesick sob.

"There, there," Yuuri says, patting Yozak consolingly on the shoulder, "but we can't dwell on this – we must take action! We need lyrics! We need instruments! To the drawing board!"

Yuuri marches out of the room decisively, followed by Günter, who is still crawling after him.

"He's not going to get all weird again like that him he wrote "What Will You Do Yuuri?" on the wall, is he?" Wolfram asks.

Yuuri's head appears round the door again as he cries "Call Me Chief!"

"Oh dear," sighs Yozak.

A flash of pink light appears as Wolfram and Yozak hear Yuuri's Maou-mode voice bellowing from outside: "I am the Magistrate of Love! I am compassionate but may kill some people if I really have to!"

"Oh, that's even worse!" Wolfram says, "Quick, stop him before he seers that sign for "Justice" into the carpet again."

Yozak and Wolfram exit the room quickly, only to see a blazing globe of magenta light leaving through the window and find the carpet burned with the "Justice" sign, surrounded by flashing Valentine's hearts, with Günter swooning in the middle.

"Okay…maybe we'll have to think of a plan on our own…"

"Yozak, what you need is a makeover – we want you to be you, but a new, better you!" Wolfram says, marching up and down the room whilst Yozak sits looking bewildered with curlers in his hair.

"Wolfram, don't you think you're getting a bit carried away…" Yuuri says hesitantly

"No, I'm just the only one of us with any sense of style. Now, we know Conrad likes redheads, so that's fine." Wolfram begins but is interrupted by Yuuri.

"I don't even want to know how you know that," Yuuri replies, shuddering.

Wolfram ignores Yuuri completely and returns to his monologue as Yozak's stylist: "You can keep the tunic because it shows off your as you said "splendidly sculptured" biceps and I don't know about the bandage socks but…"

"Oh, I couldn't possibly take them off – I'm very self-conscious about my calves."

"You dress as a woman half the time!" Yuuri replies, exasperated.

"Yes, but I always wear stockings," Yozak says coyly.

"Maybe we need to get you a new personality, like Yuuri's Maou-mode – someone people listen to…" Wolfram continues.

Wolfram looks thoughtfully into the distance and Yuuri and Yozak observe him expectantly. Suddenly, his eyes light up as an idea springs forth from out of the blue.

"I have it!" Wolfram calls out, a look of triumph on his face. A candle appears, suspended above his head.

"Yozak," Yuuri says slowly, leaning over, "why is there a candle above Wolfram's head."

"We don't have what you call "electricity" in this world, so we use candles instead of "light bulbs"."

"God, everything's so literal in this world," Yuuri sighs.

"Shhhh! I have an idea!" Wolfram says, "From now on, Yozak, you will be…Yehak!"

"What the hell?" Yuuri asks.

"It may take some explaining," Wolfram replies, "but, gentlemen, I think I have a plan."