Chapter III

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Those who are unfamiliar with Monty Python or the "lyrical stylings" of Peter Andre or have not yet seen the second ova may find some of this a little hard to understand. But hey, hopefully it's funny anyway.

One week later.

Yuuri walks into the Maou's office where Conrad is sitting, perusing a copy of the Mazoku Times.

"Conrad?" Yuuri asks.

Conrad jumps up. "I'm working – I am in no way reading Gwendal's knitting pattern exposé! ...Oh, it's only you, Yuuri, I thought it was someone with an actual work ethic coming to chastise me. What was it you wanted?"

"Well…" Yuuri begins, "You know on Earth there's a festival for the…er…forty-second day of sunshine every year-"

He breaks off as he is interrupted by Conrad: "Really? There wasn't when I was there."

"Well you obviously weren't there on the right day," Yuuri replies, becoming exasperated due to his own lack of mendacious ability and Conrad's inquisitive nature.

"But it's not in Günter's almanac of "Weird Earth Festivals and Traditions We Mazoku Don't Get and Never Will" – are you sure this festival exists?"

"Yes! Very sure! Now-"

He is interrupted once more by Conrad: "Is it celebrated everywhere or just in Japan?"

"It's international," Yuuri replies, through gritted teeth.

"But what if there aren't forty-two days of sunshine in a year?"

"Look, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Suddenly the members of the Monty Python group jump out from behind the wall wearing scarlet ecclesiastical robes and screeching: "No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Conrad and Yuuri stare at them, utterly dumbfounded, as the Pythons look around, understanding dawning on their faces.

"Sorry, wrong TV show," they say in unison and troop out.

There is a pause before either of them speaks again.

"Anyway…" Yuuri continues "Never mind about the festival's legitimacy, I just came to give you a present for the…er… "Sunshine 42 Festival" which I have mysteriously never mentioned before, which in no way means that I just made it up, shifty look, shifty look…"

"You're giving me a present? Cool! What is it?"

Yuuri whistles and Wolfram and Yozak enter on cue, wheeling the Maryoku Conveying Stuff Kun into the room with game show smiles on their faces.

"What the hell is that?"

"Just watch."

Wolfram turns the Kun on and suddenly Cheri appears on the screen in a horrifically revealing and gaudy cerise gown, with a rhinestone tiara balanced on her head. She acts as presenter in the surreal scene that is to follow.

"Introducing the best new show in town," she simpers, "it's what you've been waiting for…Presenting the birth of the Yehak Channel!"

Suddenly the scene changes to the set of a music video, except Mazoku-style. The camera shakes a lot and the sound is rather distorted but Conrad doesn't notice as the bizarre spectacle unfolds on the screen before him.

Yozak stands in the middle of a dark glade flooded with candlelight and smoke from Günter's "smoke-machine" – basically an excuse for him to brew his random and deeply dubious purple potion to create a smoke effect.

Since he is dressed as his pop persona "Yehak", Yozak wears a Zorro mask to hide his identity. The introduction music begins as Yuuri starts to play the Mateki to the tune of Peter Andre's "Mysterious Girl" and Yozak (or "Yehak") starts to shimmy.

Wolfram and the thieves from the second ova (the ones who look like extras from a 1970s flashback who are still serving their three-month public service sentence for trying and failing to steal stuff and later making offensive remarks about Yozak's biceps) dance in the background throughout. Gwendal accompanies on the drums, which he plays with knitting needles instead of drumsticks.

When the introduction finishes, the glade is flooded with bright light as Yozak rips off his shirt to stand, in cut-off breeches and bandage socks, underneath a waterfall created by Yuuri's masterful Mateki-playing.

Yozak continues to dance underneath the waterfall, the camera occasionally zooming in on his biceps as he sings:

"OOOOOH MYSTERIOUS CONRAD!

I WANNA GET CLOSE TO YOU!..."

"Conrad…I've heard that name somewhere," Conrad muses.

"It's your name," Yuuri replies heatedly, "Yozak is singing about you."

"That's Yozak?!" Conrad exclaims, looking flabbergasted as he points at the shimmying figure on the screen "He looks so different! Thanks Yozak, this is a great "Sunshine 42 Festival" present."

Conrad smiles at Yozak, who looks close to tears at his lack of understanding.

"There, there," Gwendal says, gruffly patting him on the shoulder in an attempt tp sustain his manly bravado whilst also seeming vaguely consoling.

When the video finishes, Conrad stands and says: "Thanks guys, that was a great present."

He shimmies off, whistling "Mysterious Conrad" as he goes.

"At least we got him to watch it," Yuuri says, "and you know the saying: if at first you don't succeed, try again with more Maryoku."

Günter suddenly pops up from behind them all, blood dripping from his nose, and squeals: "That was wonderful! Heika was hot but…That Yehak…Sublime! Such fiery hair! You don't know where I could find him, do you?"

Wolfram points down the corridor and Günter scampers off in search of the elusive pop-star.

"Do you think he listened to anything we said during those meetings?" Yuuri asks.

"Judging by the number of times he shrieked "Heika" and the nosebleed count, no. I just sent him that way to get rid of him," Wolfram replies.

At this point, the Pythons appear in the doorway again.

"We've been stuck here for half an hour. Could you direct us to the BBC in the 1970s?"

Wolfram points to a vortex in the wall labelled "BBC 1970s – BEWARE THE HAIR!".

"Thanks. Cheerio!" The Pythons reply, crawling through the vortex.

"I didn't know that vortex was there," Yuuri says, looking bemused..

"Maybe you weren't there in the episode when we got it installed," Wolfram replies, only to be kicked by Gwendal and continue "Oh yeah…I mean maybe you weren't there at the time – no references to episodes, TV or animé whatsoever…shifty look, shifty look…"

"Don't worry Yozak, we'll think of something," Yuuri says, patting Yozak, who has reverted into a foetal position on the floor and is sobbing quietly, on the shoulder.

"I have it! The Yehak Campaign!" Wolfram exclaims, a candle appearing above his head once more, only to be accidentally snuffed out by Gwendal.

"Sorry Wolfram. Dorcas!" Gwendal calls

Dorcas enters with a lighted splint and relights the candle.

"So what about this campaign?" Yozak asks.

"Well," Wolfram begins, "what we do is…"