A/N: Hey everyone the chapter is finally up and I am sorry if the wait was longer than usual. Life kind of took over for a little while but I'm back :)
Thank you again for all of your great reviews! and so many more keep them coming they keep me going.
Chapter 9
Alec stirred from his sleep and burrowed deeper into his pillow. Smiling he tightened his arms around the person in his arms. It felt like forever since he had actually gotten a good night's sleep. As the fog lifted from his sleep addled mind, he distantly remembered where he was and his body tensed.
At the moment, he was an intruder in his own bed. No matter how much Max had wanted him to stay it somehow felt wrong. Slowly opening an eye he looked at the peaceful expression on his face and the small ghost of a smile curving his lips.
She was holding on to him so tightly it was as if she was afraid to let him go. His eyes shifted around him and he tried to figure out a way out of this predicament. If Max woke in this position it would definitely be his ass she'd chew out and he desperately wanted to be as far away as he could when that happened.
Slowly he removed his arm. It had gone slightly numb from the weight of the body pressing down on it. Gently he pulled her arms away and she stirred slowly with a moan making him stop.
Waiting a few moments more he waited for the even breathing to start up again and pushed himself away slowly and she reached out for him. His body was no longer there to hold so instead she grabbed the pillow and nuzzled into it.
Walking away from the bed with careful steps he was stopped when he heard his own voice call his name, "Alec…" He turned slowly with eyes searching in the darkness expecting the worst but it never came. She simply went back to sleep and he walked out of the room. "Goodnight Max," he whispered and left the apartment.
Abstractedly he made his way back to her apartment. Chaotic thoughts played in his mind. If he let himself he could easily get comfortable with this new attitude of hers. Only he knew it wouldn't last long. When she woke up to realize it was him, Alec, the one person she loved to hate he would rudely find himself on his ass again.
He couldn't understand how in the last two days she had changed towards him but he dreadfully wanted to hold on to it if he could. She actually talked with him now, making him feel a sense of ease when he was around her. Instead of hitting him when he made a smart ass remark she would just roll her eyes and playfully hit him and that had him terribly confused.
When had they gotten so comfortable with each other? He absently kicked at a rock, she was right. Why weren't they changing back? He had nonchalantly pushed it to the back of his mind but as much as he loved this new friendship he had with Max he wanted his life back. They had to figure this bitch out as she would say it and he tried to figure out what they had missed but he couldn't come up with anything.
They both learned some things about each other but obviously there had to be more.
Sighing dejectedly he pushed the gate back as he approached the apartment building and walked up the familiar set of stairs. Opening the door he headed straight to her room and flopped on the mattress. He stared at the ceiling. The same one he had watched for the last two days thinking he was going to lose his mind while in heat. He didn't fall back asleep he just lay there thinking about the last week and found himself laughing at the absurdity that was his life.
Max woke, stretched her limbs slowly and sat squarely in bed. She looked around the room feeling lost and looked down; she had fallen asleep fully dressed again. Have to stop doing that.
Something felt out of place but she couldn't put her finger on it. Remembering the previous night she realized what was missing. It was Alec. He had left and she was alone in his bed. She didn't understand the feeling but it was as if he should have been there when she woke. She had no idea when it happened but she had grown slightly attached to him almost needing him there with her.
Giving her head a shake she rose out of bed. Heading towards the shower, she peeled off her shirt, slowly she left a trail of clothes the nearer she got to the washroom. Finally undressed she jumped in and washed herself. With a dull mentally she realized Alec was right she had gotten comfortable in his skin. With amusement she tried to picture herself in anybody else's body but she couldn't.
She thought of Normal, Sketch and even Logan, the last making her laugh with hilarity. Nope, somehow Alec and her seemed to fit in a strange sense. If anybody had been in her skin going through half of what Alec had witnessed they'd have lost it but Alec had simply kept his cool and remained well…her Alec. That brought a small smile to her face.
Musing the entire morning she walked around the apartment in his red jogging pants and white t-shirt. Walking back and forth from his room to the kitchen she caught glimpses of the TV. Eating her pop-tart in one hand she stopped in the middle of the living room when she heard a familiar musical piece. It was the same one Alec had tried to teach her.
Frowning she stood behind the couch and watched with fascination. A man was losing himself looking at a picture of a beautiful woman on a wall. Not only did the tender moment get her attention but the sensation she had when she listened to the classical piece in the background was overpowering. She felt that longing sensation again. Alec's body tingled with it.
Closing her eyes she felt enthralled by the musical notes and a small smile crept on her lips. She was actually itching to play it and remembered her own fingers showing her the keys. Alec's body practically hummed with the strange sensation and she was lost in her own memory. She went back to the first day of their strange situation. Sitting down she started watching the movie forgetting the task of getting ready for work.
An hour later she was wiping tears on her cheeks as the movie ended and sniffed. It had been the most incredible love story she had seen and she felt a pang of emptiness in the pit of her stomach. She longed to have that. To have a man love her so much he would stand the test of time itself to be with her.
She idly wondered if Alec would do that and her breath caught in her throat. Where did that come from?
In the last three days she hadn't even given Logan a moment's thought and it didn't even bother her. What bothered her was that her first thought had been Alec. She must have sat there forever thinking about it. Her heart beat madly in her chest. Looking over to the clock she gave a start and remembered she had to get to work.
Practically blurring around the apartment she gathered her things. Finally she closed the door behind her and headed to Jam Pony. An idea suddenly sprung to mind and she flipped open his cell phone.
"Joshua," she said as he answered his phone. "Hey Pal I have a huge favor I need to ask you…"
Walking into Jam Pony wasn't any different than any other day but deep down it was singular for her. Today she knew he would be there and she was actually looking forward to it. When had they gotten so comfortable with each other that she looked forward to seeing him? She spotted him from a distance.
He was sporting a hat this morning of all things which brought an amused expression to her face. Apparently she wasn't the only one who had gotten comfortable in his skin. Approaching from behind she playfully pushed his head into her locker and grinned when he let her do it.
She knew he had known the exact moment she showed up and still let her tease him. "Nice hat," that was the greeting she gave and O.C. turned around at the same time. It was so obviously blatant she was trying to hide a small smile that Max grinned at her. Looking back to Alec in her body she smiled.
O.C. saw the change in them almost immediately and smiled to herself. It was about time they stopped playing around and started to realize they were made for one another. If they had been two completely different people she would have said something. Only she knew her two friends and kept her mouth shut. The minute someone made the situation clear and spoke the words out loud they would revert back to themselves.
They would try to pretend it never happened eventually bringing them back to square one. So she wisely remained silent and simply enjoyed the moment.
Sketch chose this instant to make his presence known and leaned on the locker beside Alec. Crossing his arms he waited with a curious expression on his face. "Dude, Skye and I are having an argument and I need your help to settle this once and for all." He started in amusement and then stopped. Noticing O.C. and Max were both there, he glanced in their direction including them in the conversation. "Actually you ladies might be able to help."
Max rolled her eyes at her friend, this could be interesting. He was dubbed an idiot but sometimes contrary to popular belief he came up with interesting topics of conversation. By the look of seriousness on his face she almost expected the topic to be about his New World Weekly job or something pertaining to transgenics.
The next words out of his mouth were, "if you found yourself in a woman's body what would be the first thing you'd do?"
She was so stunned by his question her mouth slightly dropped open. She vaguely heard the loud snort followed by the laugh that came from Alec who did actually find himself in a woman's body.
In a daze they all turned around to look at Max who had suddenly snorted. It was followed by a fit of laughter as she doubled over holding on to the locker.
After a few moments of hysterical amusement she raised herself and noticed everyone watching her. Trying to stop she ran her hand down her face to straighten her features. "What?" she finally asked Sketch who just smirked back.
"Where do you come up with this stuff?" she said with a nervous laugh. Her eyes grew round and she turned around to hide the look of astonishment on her face.
Sketch turned an expectant look to his blond friend. Max who was trapped in Alec's body was trying to think fast. It was a hypothetical question but it hit so close to home she had to think of the first thing Alec did do. "Uhm…try and find myself?"
"See! I knew it!" Sketch laughed as if proving a point and slapped Alec on the shoulder. "Skye, dude I told you!" he yelled at his approaching bald friend. He leaned on the next set of lockers and shook his head. "Alec just proved my point."
Max was clearly mystified by what he thought she meant. Obviously he was thinking something else and danced as if holding invisible breast.
"No…wait, what?" Max was completely thrown off when she realized what he meant.
"No!" she burst out and her eyes shifted quickly in Alec's direction. He had turned around again his mouth moved like a fish out of water trying to gasp for air. All amusement was suddenly gone from her face.
"You'd do you wouldn't you? Just to know what it feels like right?" Sketch finally elaborated on his comment "dude one word, boobs."
He grinned and before Max could react Alec in her body reached over and slapped Sketch upside the head. "Idiot," he said unimpressed. "Do you realize what you're saying? Are you living in a closet?" Sketch gave Max a confused look and she said shrilly. "You'd screw a guy and in this case, you?"
"Spunk here has finally lost it," Cindy retorted with her usual nonchalance. "Original Cindy could see herself in that position but you a few marbles short fool."
"Oh c'mon you don't mean to tell me that if you did find yourself in a woman's body you wouldn't want to know what it feels like? You'd wake up with boobs and you wouldn't want to experience with it? Who better to help you? Than you," Sketch tested again and waited with a curious expression on his face.
Max stopped and replayed what he just said in her mind. "You know that is an interesting point," she finally managed and grinned in Alec's direction. He was trying to say something in answer, but apparently the thought kept eluding him.
"What about you Max, what do you think of all this?" Alec's characteristic smirk appeared on the face she was now wearing and he glanced back in Sketch's direction. He was now waiting for his answer as well.
If the situation hadn't been so close…ok exactly what had happened he may have come up with a wise ass remark but he found himself thunderstruck. "Uhhh" he said dumbly.
"You mean you've never thought about it?" she tested again playfully. Seeing Alec speechless was too rare a moment to pass up.
Sketch nudged who he thought was Alec, only it was Max. "Dude, I'd never leave my apartment again."
At Sketchy's remark a small laugh escaped Max, Alec looked through her eyes. "Nope," he said simply finally regaining his composure. "Because in what crazy world would something like that actually happen?" He put both hands on his hips and waited with what Max could now see was a small lilt to the corner of her mouth. He was trying so hard not to smile and her own mouth quirked up in a side grin because they were going through one of Sketch's strange fantasies.
"Yeah in what world," she agreed slowly.
Sketch looked at Max who was truthfully Alec with what could only be called a leer. "If I had a choice I would want it to be in a body just like yours."
"Oh you did not just say what I think you did." Cindy took this moment to slap Sketch on the back of the head
Alec's facial expression was one of surprise. He stopped to look at Max with a raised eyebrow. They shared a look and then he challenged Sketch with a wide grin. "Well let's take this one step further Sketch. If you're in a woman's body who's in yours?"
Sketch opened his mouth but then closed it with a look of deep thought. "Hey, yeah I never thought of that." He almost looked depressed as the thought played over in his head. "You?" he offered meaning Max.
Alec who was truly in her body finally lost it with a laugh. "I doubt you'd be that lucky."
Hearing Alec's words Max's facial expression changed to one of wonder. "So before you go off to screw yourself you might want to think on that one for a minute."
"You have a point Max." With those words he turned around to meet Skye who was also laughing. "But dude seriously if I ever ended up in a woman's body…" he whistled. The thought was left unfinished as he walked away and he could no longer be heard. Max and Alec both shared a look as if to say "only Sketch would come up with that."
O.C. took this opportunity to say her piece. "That is one spun boy. Well time to go to work meet up later for lunch?"
Max answered her before Alec could, "sure O.C."
Cindy looked at Alec with a smile, "I guess you too hot boy." She left Max and Alec alone.
Alec was muttering under his breath at this point, "if he ever ended up in a woman's body he would lose what's left of his mind." Then he chuckled "'cause breasts really don't make up for it."
"What was that?" Max asked him amused. She heard every single word.
"You heard me" he smiled slyly. "I still say you got the better end of that deal…" He laughed, "Buster."
"You seem to be doing fine." She smiled then added "in fact you could even give Sketch a lesson or two."
He turned around and his eyes were completely round, "don't even go there."
"So I've been meaning to ask. Do I get some of that 500 bucks? You know that was my body you were using."
"Humph," was his only answer and she raised her eyebrow.
"All that huh?"
"Yeah all that," he said curtly. Trying to steer the topic away from his short lived fame at the Blowfish he whispered, "so what do you say Max you want to put his theory to the test?"
"Don't encourage him," she groaned.
"Come on, when are you and Buster ever going to get another chance?" he quirked his eyebrows playfully and she slapped his arm.
She turned around and slipped on her gloves. "Me and Buster are none of your business."
"I beg to differ," he gave her a sidelong glance.
"You know he makes a compelling argument." He stopped and paused with a snigger. A comical mental picture formed in his head and then became disturbing and he shook it off. "I'd like to know what it feels like but I wouldn't go rushing to my own doorstep." He continued absently, "maybe yours." He laughed lightly, "what do you say Max?"
"My ass," she scoffed and eyed herself up and down the same thought going through her head.
"Is that an invitation?" he chuckled.
"No." She knew he was kidding but that didn't make the thoughts going around in her head stop; it really was disturbing.
"And Max… it's my ass." He winked at her and she gave a small sniff, "whatever pretty boy, let's just go."
"Oh now you want me to tag along?" He thought out loud and then he added, "did I wake up in an alternate reality? Who are you and what have you done with my Max?"
She playfully slapped his arm then added with a sidelong glance of her own, "possessed by my Alec, so you can stop looking."
"You know you're going to have to stop checking yourself out Max its alarming."
"Am not," she defended herself.
"Oh you so are," he smirked.
He leaned into her and whispered, "I know you want me." His breath tickled her ear and she had to force herself to stay still. He looked up into his green eyes, as she rolled them and scoffed, "whatever it's this body. It has a mind of its own," she retorted lamely. Down Buster.
He chuckled in response, "no Max it's because you know I'm in here." This time she did reach over and slap him upside the head but it didn't have its usual punch. "In your dreams."
"No Max I'm in yours," he replied quickly and grinned. Brown eyes shone with mirth and before she could stop herself she tensed slightly. "Are not," she deadpanned too quickly. At her swift defensiveness he raised his eyebrows with a slow, "wow..."
She looked like she had swallowed a lemon and he burst out laughing. "Max I never knew…"
She worked her mouth and his laughter slipped. When she didn't say anything, he stopped and his facial expression turned serious. "Really?" he asked in shock.
"Ugh," she rolled her eyes, "get your ass in gear already," she avoided the question and pushed him to a walk.
"No wonder you're in a good mood lately," he teased and she couldn't help but grin at his back.
She was actually flirting with him and that left him reeling. He smiled and pushed it to the back of his mind, there was no sense in over analyzing the situation the only thing he could do was sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. So they progressed somewhat as friends but he wasn't going to be the one to point it out.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful since they both had the hang of being in each other's skin. Alec made a comment about Normal's behavior towards her and she laughed saying she would gladly switch back if it meant he would leave her alone.
"Honestly how do you put up with that?" she asked out loud after being called Golden Boy again. Not that she minded. Her work load had reduced drastically but she felt like a prized trophy. "I feel like my skin is crawling."
Laughing he whispered "remind me to tell you about his Gladiator dreams."
"Ugh, I don't even want to know," she muttered and hung up his bike. He followed suit.
"Yeah I don't really want to relive that one anyway," he said after thinking about it.
Their work day was over and she took off her gloves. Heading towards the lockers, she looked over her shoulder. "Crash?" she asked and he shook his head. "Have something I need to do."
"What?" she tried to keep the curiosity out of her face but it wasn't working. It was her body after all she had every right to know what he was doing with it. "Where are you going?" she asked in sing song trying to keep the edge from her voice.
He knew her too well. "Don't worry, its nothing bad," he replied amused at her curiosity. She never really cared what he was up to before. Also he had never gotten a personal invite from her to go to Crash and he wasn't about to pass it up. "I'll meet you later ok?"
There wasn't much she could do after all. "Fine," she almost pouted.
"Maxie…relax it's a surprise." Too late, he realized he had used the usual moniker but was relieved when she didn't say anything.
Her eyes almost lit up. "For me?" she asked timidly. She had caught the nickname but strangely wasn't that bothered by it.
His reply was a laugh, "catch you later." And she watched her body leave the building.
The wide haphazard room with its subdued lighting housed its usual stale aroma of alcoholic beverages. The many screens positioned in the room were replaying scenes of unbelievable accidents that gave the bar its name and atmosphere; Crash.
The loud music in the background made Cindy speak slightly louder to Alec who was patiently listening to her words. He gave an occasional nod of his head indicating he was still listening. Never realizing that because of his genetically enhanced hearing the fact that she was raising her voice was for her benefit alone and not his. Some habits died hard.
Max was positioned facing the entrance so she would know who and when people arrived. Assessing the room was second nature to her. Already she remembered all possible points of entry, considered anything that could possibly stand in her way if a situation called for her to flee. The location of each person surrounding her was embedded and she continuously followed them with a trained eye as the situation kept changing.
Strangely she followed her instincts and training but she couldn't help but feel that most of what she was doing had an enhanced feeling to it. It was almost like she had never really done them before, at least not this intensely.
She already had three different plans of escape just in case something went wrong and knew exactly who and what she would use and how. She had never been a planner she usually reacted and made things up as she went along but this gave her an incredible feeling of control.
Now she couldn't help considering what she was doing as if in a different mindset. She had the strange impression that it was due to Alec's training and not hers. That gave her another sense entirely, security.
She never lost sight of Sketch who was busy playing pool. He let an occasional hoopla when he managed to sink a shot. O.C. sat facing her, chatting up a storm which she was keeping track of in the back of her mind. Okay barely keeping track of.
Max was replaying the last couple of days over and over in her mind. She kept saying the appropriate words at the appropriate times to avoid O.C's suspicion. She was so preoccupied that no matter how hard she tried to concentrate on her friend's chattering, her thoughts kept drifting back to Alec out of its own accord. She thought of the way he had tried to ease her guilt about Logan. Remembered when he had watched with amusement as she dealt with the fawning women. The way he had tried to help Sketch when he hustled those two guys. That had actually been extremely satisfying, now she wished she had thought of it herself.
If she had been left to her own devices she would have probably resorted to just kicking their asses. No, he had done it and managed to have a good time while doing it. Only he would do something like that.
Her mouth curved up in a small smile and she was rudely brought back to the table when Cindy's small hand flashed in front of her face with a snap of fingers. "Original Cindy not going to be ignored so easily, you here with me but you with someone else and I know you not smiling about Normal 'cause that's who I was just talking 'bout so spill." She grinned wryly, "wait! Three letter name starts with M?" She leaned in the table and watched Alec's facial expression with scrutiny.
Max smiled at her friends intuitiveness. She badly missed talking and confiding in her best friend so she chose the honest approach. Besides she would get it out of her anyway, she always did.
"Yeah" she said slowly. "I don't know why…I mean all we ever did was fight before but now it's different. It's like she's a completely different person and we actually get along, it's weird." Cindy would never know but some of her words had true double meaning but it would be the only way for her to talk with Cindy and try to be utterly honest with her.
"Suga'…" Cindy smiled and reached out to touch Alec's hand. "In Max's world you know being hit is actually a good thing right?"
Max frowned, "it is?"
"Oh yeah, my girl don't deal with emotions like everyone else. She may be all revved up but she gets scared too. You, hot boy, you got her scared. 'cause 'round you she can be herself and dat's new to her. Max don't know how to deal wit dat. So she shows you the only way she knows how." Cindy leaned back in her chair satisfied with her explanation and watched her friend's reaction to her words.
Max never really thought of it that way and couldn't help but clarify with O.C. "Max hits me because I'm a pain in her ass," she tried to give her an "Alec grin" but O.C. remained unaffected.
There was a small laugh from her darker skinned friend. "Boy you may be able to fool my boo but you can't fool Original Cindy, you like the attention in fact you want it all fo' yo'self." There was a small look of wonder on Alec's face. "I take my hat off to you because no one in their right mind would do half the things you do and manage to walk away without a scratch. Okay maybe not completely but you her rock."
Max felt slightly uncomfortable at her friend's words but listened keeping her mouth shut. Cindy continued "she treats you so bad sometimes I feel it but you the only one who can take it, smile back and give her a taste of her own medicine. You the only one who ever stood up to her and gave back just as good. She may not show it but she respects that because even Max not always right." Max wanted to laugh, if Cindy only knew who she was talking to but it was extremely refreshing to hear it from a different perspective.
"You challenging her makes her feel safe in her world 'cause it's what she knows, command and conquer. If I didn't know any better I'd say you both need it like you need air and water. You've gotten comfortable with your roles and without realizing it come to rely on it. She knows she'll always have you no matter what. For Max that's a BIG deal 'cause my boo loses everyone that's close to her. She tries to keep you at arms length because of that but still manages to keep you close at the same time it's her defense mechanism."
She stopped with a small smile and took a drink of her beer. O.C. was right, she did rely on Alec. Only she never really thought she hurt him because he never showed it. He just gave her that cocky grin and walked away. It was what defined their relationship. He talked, she hit, things were dealt with and they moved on to the next argument but always together.
It was so true and she never even stopped to think about it. Alec was her rock, he was the one constant thing in her life and she was just seeing it for the first time. Unfortunately she had taken him for granted. Hurting him continuously and he never once said anything. He just took it. Of course he won't tell you, idiot. Cindy smiled and brought her out of her thoughts, "speaking of my boo."
Max looked up.
Alec in her body approached their table. Her pouty lips were curved in a smile, her brown eyes glinted with mischief and her long hair was tucked in a hat. He was wearing one of her leather jackets, a black tank top and a pair of tight blue jeans. For the first time in her life she was really looking at him and he wasn't himself.
With the feeling of nostalgia in the pit of her stomach she gave a small yearning sigh. She wanted to see him in his own body but would have to settle with the memory. He gave her a nod. The new thoughts flittered to the back of her mind and she gave him a whisper of a smile. Grabbing the stool beside her he sat down.
"What?" he asked abruptly, getting the feeling he did something wrong.
O.C. and his face were both staring back at him without saying a word. It was the strangest feeling. Like walking in a room where you knew people were talking about you and immediately stopped upon spotting you. He knew without a doubt that's what was happening. "Okay what did I do now?"
O.C. gave a small laugh and her eyes looked in Alec's direction, "girl you' starting to sound like yo' boy."
"Nothing," Max answered him slowly. "You didn't do anything," she added as if to emphasize what she was saying but it was in reference to his past actions. She was replaying her conversation with Cindy, over and over like a broken record. Trying to read between the lines, because it was apparent until now she didn't know how to. He had put up with her for so long and done nothing about it, he had just taken it.
"Ookay," he said slowly and raised an eyebrow. He looked over to Cindy who was smiling and immediately hid her face in her glass of beer.
"Should I leave?" he suggested. "Because you're obviously not done talking about me," he said jokingly, testing them, but seeing their stunned expressions he knew he was right.
O.C. and who everyone thought was Alec spoke up at the same time.
O.C. said "wait!"
Max quickly shot out "no stay!"
He almost jumped with the vehemence behind their words and then laughed. "Jeez if you insist." Then he smirked coyly, "I wasn't leaving anyway."
He took off her leather jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. Grabbing the extra glass he poured himself a beer. "So what did I miss?"
"Not much, Sketch still hasn't won a game but came close," Cindy nodded in his direction. "If I hear 'bout it one more time I'm a slap him."
"Oh take it easy on the poor guy he barely ever wins." Alec couldn't help but smile and gave a short laugh.
O.C. sat back in her seat and gave her friend a look. "That's just it, Wigga' like a lab rat he doesn't know when to quit. It's like he thinks losing is good, he overloading on defeat."
Max and Alec both burst out laughing at her snarky remark and looked over at Sketch who was oblivious to the conversation.
Alec couldn't help but continue where she left off, "I don't know lab rats eventually learn you know."
O.C. just gave him a high raised eyebrow. "Yeah they do but it usually happens before they don't have any brain cells left to function, this one running on fumes alone."
"Oh give poor Sketchy a break, he's trying. He wins sometimes." Alec laughed again feeling a little sorry for his friend but it was so close to the truth it was funny.
During the exchange of quips, Max was quiet and lost in though. Vaguely following the conversation she kept thinking of Alec's friendship with Sketch. Then her musing drifted to her own experience with him. It was true the guy appeared to be a complete idiot on the outside but she knew he wasn't that bad. He could be deep especially after a few beers; that's when he actually started to make sense.
Her mouth curved in a smile as she thought of their night at the Blowfish. She could still remember the look of amusement on his face when he saw her and Alec together.
O.C. laughed "Yeah he wins, maybe one night a week, I think that's all he can manage right now."
Alec hadn't stopped smiling, "well it's a start right?"
One night a week… "One night a week!" she said out loud as her brain caught up with her ruminating.
O.C. and Alec jumped and then she added in shock "it's me."
This earned her strange looks from both. I'm so stupid, she reprimanded herself.
O.C. angled her head to the side, "what's… you?"
She was answered by a silent croak.
Alec looked at her with a grin. "One night a week?" he repeated and again nothing came from Max. "Are you okay?" he waved his hand in front of her face but she wasn't moving.
All Max managed to hear was the mad beating of her heart. Feeling as if her entire body had rooted in that one spot she tried to speak, every time she opened her mouth to say something nothing would come out.
She did tell them she was fine. Did I? She couldn't remember, maybe she thought she said something and hadn't or maybe she did and they weren't convinced. "I'm fine," she finally said but she was so far from fine it wasn't funny. It's me, I'm the one.
Oddly she felt…happy, butterflies started to congregate in her stomach. She felt short of breath and her head was swimming. It felt as if she had just woken from a dream.
Alec had feelings for her. She slowly looked up in his direction and when she tried to speak again, her mouth wouldn't move.
Alec and O.C. were waiting for her to say something else. When she didn't Alec started to get worried. "Did you die on us?"
Still looking at Alec she was disheartened that she wasn't looking at his face but hers. Brown eyes looked back where green should have been and she hated it. If only she could see him she would be able to gauge her thoughts and figure out what was happening with her.
She tried to think clearly, only she kept hearing, this isn't happening, this is a joke. She just couldn't do anything like this. He was watching her with concern and it was almost enough to make her stay and try; almost.
"I'm… going to go," she said slowly and rose from the stool.
"Why?" O.C. asked slowly not understanding the sudden change in Alec.
Alec was right behind her, "was it something I said?" Those words made O.C. turn around and look at her best friend peculiarly. Max had never been one to worry about what she said especially to Alec of all people. This was a strange turn of events.
Max felt bad for Alec, his first instinct was to think he was responsible and that was her fault. She had always treated him so poorly and it showed. Until now she had never stopped to pay attention. He was concerned about her but felt like he was at fault again. She gave him a smile, "no you didn't…don't worry about it."
Alec wasn't fooled that easily he knew her too well. Something was definitely wrong.
O.C. thinking it was Alec didn't really put much thought into it. She wasn't going to push him into talking. Turning around she focused on her best friend. She looked worried.
Cindy wondered exactly what had happened between those two. She looked back at Alec who was putting his grey leather jacket on, "I'll see you later then."
Max gave them a smile and walked away her heart racing a mile a minute. It took every ounce of willpower to stop from turning around to look back at Alec. The same thoughts were playing over in her head. It's me…How could I be so stupid? He has feelings for ME.
Opening the door to Crash, she stepped out and looked around completely lost. The sun was gone replaced by several gray clouds. Barely paying attention to anyone around her she just ran in the first direction her feet took her. She needed to be away and as fast as she could get there.
The strangest part of it all, she wasn't angry, upset or even uncomfortable. She felt warm, like she had finally found what she was searching for. Somehow it gave her a sense of fulfillment and that scared her. Her thoughts drifted to Logan and she felt guilty, she was in love with him and no one else.
How could she even be pleased by this outcome? This feeling was impossible and shouldn't even have existed in the first place. It was all so wrong. For a split second, she almost convinced herself. Then her thoughts went back to dark blond hair and hazel eyes and she frowned. Get real Max this is Alec. It can't be true.
Her running slowed to a slow distracted walk and she finally heard the ringing on Alec's cell phone in her pocket. Taking it out, she looked at the caller ID, it was an unknown number. She really wasn't in the mood to act like his secretary so she ignored it. It's probably another one of his bimbos looking for him, she though viciously and stopped in her tracks.
Suddenly, it was like the world stopped turning and her thoughts screeched to a halt. She felt her stomach turn to ice. Dread filled her as she recognized the emotion within.
All those times he was around women and she got upset. She blamed it on his womanizing but that wasn't it at all. It was fear, fear that he would end up with someone else. That first night, he had truly hit the nail on the head.
The phone rang again and this time she didn't even bother looking at the caller ID. He's right. I'm…I'm jealous. She was without a doubt insanely jealous and she almost felt sick at her awareness. Why would I be jealous? She asked herself denying the emotion all together.
How could she have not seen it until now? People were walking beside and around her in a hurry. She was jostled and staggered but stood her ground without moving. She knew if she took another step everything would start up again and she wouldn't be able to analyze the situation. It would forever evade her and slip through her fingers. She was getting frantic. She must have stood there for a good twenty minutes the ringing phone forgotten in her hand. This isn't happening… I'm…
The phone rang again and in vexation she flipped it open and answered, "what?!"
"Max…Are you just going to stand there all day?" her voice asked softly in the cell phone.
"What?" she asked confused.
"Behind you," she could hear his smile through the small phone.
She turned around slowly and saw him or rather her, standing there under a small shelter. A cell phone was in her hand and concern showed on her face. Of all the crazy thoughts in her head, from the emotions she couldn't believe or even start to understand and her confusion. Her only comment was, "when did you get a cell phone?"
He smiled sheepishly, "surprise?"
Her mouth dropped open and she blinked.
"I think it was well worth the 500 bucks to see the look on your face," he said with amusement.
She couldn't believe he spent the money on her instead of him. "You spent that on a cell phone? Are you crazy?" she sputtered but couldn't get past how sweet it was. He was always doing things like that for her and it was the first time she noticed how cute it actually was. Pull yourself together soldier.
"I figured I owe you since you lost your pager on my account," he said shamefully.
She was about to tell him he didn't have to. Losing her pager had been a necessity considering the circumstances but she didn't get a chance because he spoke up again, "Max…?"
"Yeah?" She asked expectantly. By the sound of the voice on the phone she was half expecting him to come clean with his emotions. The next words out of his mouth had her reeling, "come to me…" he coaxed.
Just hearing those three simple words, her heart beat faster. "I…" she swallowed.
"It's pouring," he said softly in explanation. She finally looked up and realized it was raining. Fat rain drops hit her face and leaked down the back of her neck into her jacket. Completely soaked she had been too preoccupied with her thoughts to even notice.
She blinked and rain trailed from her eyelashes to her cheeks. She didn't want to move. Moving meant getting closer to him and getting closer to him meant she would have to deal with how she felt that much sooner.
Turning the phone off, she ignored the rain. Walking towards her, he took her hand and brought her beneath the wooden slate that was a shelter. It wasn't extravagant considering the state Seattle was in but it stopped the rain at least. There was a wall and he made her lean against it. Hoping to keep more of the frenzied rain from reaching her, he stood in front of her. Bringing his hand up, he wiped some of the rain from his face and she just quietly stood there.
"What's wrong?" he asked and she shook her head as if to tell him she didn't know.
"Talk to me," he pressed seeing the weird state she seemed to be in.
"Alec… I…" she didn't know what to say to him. How could she say anything when she didn't even know how she felt? This was all so unexpected.
Absently she noticed his hand around hers and the motion of his thumb brushing her hand in a comforting manner. Now that she knew how he felt every movement, every touch from him had completely different meaning. Oddly she didn't feel the urge to push him away which was astonishing. "I…" she tried again but the words wouldn't come.
"C'mon it's me…you know you can tell me anything right?" he tried to appease some of the fear on her face.
That was just it. It was him and she couldn't bring herself to say a word. How could she tell him she knew how he felt about her? On top of that she was petrified that she felt something for him in return.
Looking down at their hands for a moment she then looked back at her face. He was waiting with worry in her eyes.
"I don't know…" she said in a slight croak, "just…" she was trying so hard to go back to herself. "Take me home please," she said dismally unsure what to do.
Regarding her intensely, he tried to read the facial expression and thoughts on his face. Eventually he seemed to come to a decision and nodded his head. He looked towards the street. It was still pouring rain and they could barely see ahead of them. She wanted to go home and that's where he would take her.
Pulling her hand he took her in the opposite direction towards his place. It never even occurred to either of them that she had called it home and he knew exactly what she meant. Their walk quickly turned into a run and it started to rain harder as they made their way to the apartment building.
Walking up the steps Alec was thinking about her abrupt change in behavior. He knew he had done nothing wrong but somehow still felt responsible. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn't talk about it either but it didn't hurt to try.
This was odd even for her. If he was right she would emotionally close off, try dealing with it on her own and then would shy away from anyone who tried to help. Over the last couple of days they had talked a lot. She had changed towards him or so he thought. Now he was surprised and saddened that she wouldn't open up to him. Pondering in silence he glimpsed at her. He knew his face and she looked scared. What could scare her so much? He silently dreaded the return of the old Max.
Still holding her hand he opened the door to his apartment and when he walked in his jaw dropped. Max bumped into his back wondering why and peered to the side to see what rendered him so still.
She smiled slowly. She had forgotten her call to Joshua that morning.
Alec turned back to look at her, "Max…did you?"
She instantly forgot about her turmoil and looked at her face. All of a sudden the roles changed and he was now speechless instead of her. "Joshua helped…but yeah."
"I don't know what to say…" he was in awe.
She watched his expression with curiosity. In a split second he went from speechless to serious. His entire mask slipped to reveal something she never saw on Alec. Even though it was her face she was watching she could read her features easily. Shocked and overwhelmed, and he was trying so hard to hide it.
"You don't have to say anything…It's nothing," she waved her hand in casualness.
He couldn't take his eyes off the piano. It sat against the far wall in HIS living room. "Are you kidding? This is…" he stammered and tried so hard to swallow the tears burning the back of his throat, barely succeeding. "Everything…" he breathed.
"Logan wasn't using it, and Joshua was only too happy to bring it over when I asked. But he asked for some ham hocks whatever those are," she shrugged and grinned trying to lighten the mood but he didn't hear her.
He approached the piano and sat at the bench carefully touching the keys.
"Well go ahead it's yours," she said when he just sat there unmoving. She sat beside him and waited.
After watching the piano for what seemed an eternity he turned to look at his own face wishing he was looking at hers instead. He yearned to see the look in her eyes, not his. To see the smile she only gave on rare occasion.
He never told anyone how much he loved to play. Secretly, he had longed for it. He was only truly at peace when he played. At Manticore it had been his one and only pleasure before it was ripped away from him, then his world had fallen apart.
He had played since then but never been given a gift that would allow him to do it anytime he wanted to. His voice was barely above a whisper, "Max…No one has ever done anything like this for me." He had never gotten anything from anyone; final.
A single tear slid from her brown eyes and without realizing it she reached in and brushed it with her thumb. Instinctively he timidly pulled away. Max took her hand back and closed it in a fist.
Forgetting the action, she smiled at him, "I know how much it means to you." That caught him off guard and he faintly frowned. Then it dawned on him. Of course she would know how he felt since she was now him and could feel his emotions to a somewhat true extent. "Thanks Maxie," he said quietly past the lump in his throat.
"My pleasure," she said softly.
Reaching up he wiped his other cheek where another tear had strayed and smiled weakly, a little embarrassed. No matter how tough he tried to act or how hardened his shell was, she had managed to momentarily break it. Receiving a glimpse of what was underneath.
Deep down, he was just as vulnerable as she was and felt great remorse that she ignored his feelings for so long. She knew how hardened and practiced they were at keeping their mask in place. For her to manage to crack it was something incredible. Without thinking she reached in and wrapped her arms tightly around him. He faltered at first but then held her back just as strongly.
"Sorry" their bodies were pressed together and his voice came out muffled. She leaned her head on his and they stayed like that for a long time. She simply didn't want the moment to end. For a brief instant she could pretend she was herself and vice versa and it felt good. "For what?" she wondered.
Alec couldn't believe what she did and beyond his control he had let his control slip. But he wasn't upset because it was Max. "For being so pathetic" he answered with a shaky smile.
His undoing was when she had reached in to hug him. Actually reaching in of her volition and the rest of his wall crumbled to pieces.
She gave a small laugh, "don't worry about it."
Not for the first time that day, he wished it was her body she was in. Just so he could really hold her. Up until now they had rarely ever touched beyond fighting. There was the occasional arm around the shoulder the quick slap to the arm or in his case the back of the head, but never like this.
Ever since a couple of days ago she was changing all the rules on him. He felt somewhat lost and didn't know where he stood. But it was nice and it made him feel wanted and that was an extraordinary feeling. He didn't want to let go but he knew he had to and pulled away from her slowly.
Trying to slip his mask back in place he resorted to his usual aloofness and air of mischief to cover his vulnerability. "Let's try this puppy shall we?" he made an elaborate motion of cracking his fingers and putting them on the keys he started playing the first piece that came to mind.
Hearing the first notes she recognized it as Chopin and smiled sadly. Watching him play she felt satisfaction. She was able to give him something he adored. Rising from the bench she put some distance between them and watched him from the couch. As she sat there her thoughts came back and she lost herself in the music. It was soothing and all of a sudden her feelings weren't so scary anymore. True she was confused but she wasn't going to jump to conclusion. She was going to let things play out by themselves.
Time usually mended everything and for once in her life she would let it take its course. If there was one thing she learned from Alec this week, it was to start relaxing and stop trying to control everything. With that thought she gave Alec one last look and walked towards the bedroom. She changed out of her soaked clothes into dry black jogging pants with a gray t-shirt. Taking out a change of clothes she returned to the living room and set it on the back of the couch where he would notice it, once he was done. She didn't have the heart to disturb him.
Heading back to his bedroom she climbed on top of the bed and curled up in a little ball. Staring at the window she watched the rain hit the panel in an unforgiving battle as it drummed harder and harder. The water streaked down in rivulets and she became melancholic and sighed. What do I want?
Beyond her control and her own decision to let it go she still couldn't stop thinking about it. She had told Logan to stay away because she couldn't take the heartache anymore. She couldn't stand the fact that she would constantly be a danger to him but she also came to realize that maybe what they had was no longer there.
They were simply holding on because they had nothing else to hold on to. She did love him but she was unsure as to what love truly was. She couldn't help thinking that between her and Logan something was still missing. She wasn't in love with him. The last time they were together she knew the moment she touched him.
Now there was Alec and deep down she knew she had feelings for him. Jolted so unexpectedly by her best friend, she didn't get time to process everything. The fact that she couldn't look at him, or touch him didn't help her at all. She knew he was in there, looking through her eyes but everything just felt so surreal.
The music stopped and she came out of her pondering to look over to the doorway. Standing there, he was watching her. Dressed in a black t shirt and grey jogging pants but he barely fit in them. The shirt was too long and he rolled the pant legs, it was adorable to see. She gave a small laugh and he looked down at her body.
"Yeah that was my reaction too but Maxie now I get to see what you look like in my clothes… it's cute," he grinned wryly expecting the playful banter in return but it never came.
"Yeah it's cute," she agreed and he raised his eyebrow at her. When the witty remark that should have followed never came he inched his way to the side of the bed.
"So you ready to talk now?" he asked lightly and stood beside her. She looked back to the window to avoid her face and shook her head. "I'm just tired..." she said and gave the empty space between them a pat.
Seeing that she was inviting him to lay beside her he slowly shook his head. "I can't Max," he said regretfully. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. He was getting too close to her and he knew it. It hurt before but now it was slow torture.
She was in love with Logan and not him. He had no right to usurp that place beside her even if they weren't together at the moment, her heart belonged to him. He was just fooling himself by getting comfortable. It was only because of the strange situation they were in. When all was said and done they would probably go back to how they used to be.
"Tell me about her…about Rachel," she asked out of the blue. He was so caught of guard by her request he just stared.
He blinked slowly and averted his eyes. "Don't…" his voice was almost a plea and he started to rise from the bed and her hand stopped him.
Looking back, she could see the pleading look he gave her. Now she wanted to take her words back. She knew it was painful, she could feel it whenever she thought of her. The mere fact that he played Chopin was a constant reminder that he couldn't let it go. Rachel had loved Chopin.
"I'm sorry…" she sympathized. "It's just…" she stopped, gritting her teeth. "How did you know you were in love with her?" she finally managed to ask the burning question in her head.
It was a long time before he answered her. She could see him clenching his jaw looking everywhere else but at her. Finally he gave a slow trembling breath. "I…didn't," her voice was so soft she had to strain to hear him. "Not until…" he closed his eyes, "she was gone."
Again there was a long silence and he added, "I didn't understand… I didn't know what I was feeling until it was too late."
Looking down at her hand, he took his arm back and headed towards the door. Feeling suffocation, he walked away with the strong need to escape.
His voice behind him stopped him, "someone once told me you shouldn't feel guilty for something you couldn't control." He stood with his back turned and she rose off the bed but kept that distance between them.
"It wasn't your fault Alec," she tried to soothe him.
Turning his head in her direction, he spoke up with a pained voice, "that's the difference between you and me, Max. You weren't the one that pulled the trigger on the gun aimed for Logan but I'm the one who planted the C4 underneath her car."
Turning fully, he faced her. "What could you ever say to that?" Grief crossed his face, "it was my fault."
Then she noticed the water in his eyes and bit her lip, "I'm so sorry Alec…" she pleaded for her ignorance, "I didn't mean…" She was hit with a full wave of his memory and her breath caught in her throat. Bile rose in her throat at the painful images and her stomach burned with remorse. He stared at her with the facial expression to match her new emotions.
He couldn't stay there a moment longer. He turned his back on her and she saw the slight fall of his shoulders. Just before he walked out the doorway she spoke again, "but were you the one that pushed the button?"
The silence between them stretched on. "No" he said with small quiver in her voice. "You know what though? It's over and done with. I'm alright now," and he left.
Max watched him leave, and she hated herself for even mentioning it. What had been an innocent question born out of curiosity about love had hurt him deeply. You're deteriorating Max are you ever going to learn?
All she managed to do was push him away keeping him at arm's length again. This time she never meant to.
Closing her eyes she lay in bed and thought about his words. Even he hadn't known how he felt because he didn't understand the emotions. They were so raw, pure and unknown to either of them.
Alec left the apartment in a hurry completely forgetting it was raining. He looked to the cloud laden sky and found shelter in a nearby alley with nothing to do but wait until it lessened. He had managed to leave but with his clothes and forgot hers. Scolding himself for the mistake he paced the small area. The rain didn't reach him in full force at least.
He tried to think of anything but Rachel. His thoughts drifted back to Max just like they always did and he cursed his stupidity. In his inner conflict he had tried to keep his distance from her but had let himself get drawn in deeper instead. Like he always did he tried to detach himself from the emotion that kept surging forth. It was a losing battle.
The more time he spent with her the deeper he fell. Before with Rachel, he hadn't known how he felt until it was too late. With Max he continuously tried to stay guarded.
Like hearing a lock click into place, realization unexpectedly hit him and he stood rigidly. He knew how to switch back.
Apprehension tightened his throat. Not only did he have feelings for Max but he had fallen desperately in love with her. History always had a funny way of repeating itself.
Suddenly fear burned through him with an enormous blaze of iciness. He looked down to her small hands and noticed they were shaking. He knew this feeling only too well for it had once been his undoing. Without realizing it he let it take control again.
Halting his turbulent thoughts he leaned on the nearby wall and took a deep breath. Not again…, he whimpered with panic. Trepidation completely took over his entire body. He tried swallowing a few times before moisture found its way back into his mouth.
In what world would falling in love give room to fear and punishment? Only his of course and he knew it. Just like he knew without a doubt, if he was ever to find his way back into his body again he would have to tell her.
Not only would he lose the friendship they had, but he would lose her entirely. He would have to let her go. Life wouldn't be that cruel to him again, would it?
Taking a shaky breath he tried to stop the mad trembling of his hands by making fists out of them. Why couldn't he have remained the way he had been before? Watched his life play out from the sidelines and kept his distance. For so long he had hid behind the Manticore mask that was his security blanket.
If he had half listened to himself and not his feelings he would have never found himself in this situation. It had been so long since he let himself get ensnared by his feelings. He prided himself on being a loner. He could keep his cool better than anyone and pretend it didn't matter. But somewhere deep down it actually did start to matter.
As much as he would have liked to forget and not care at this point it was no longer an option.
Sliding down the wall he ended up in a crouch avoiding the wet ground and laughed mirthlessly. He was caught between a rock and a hard place and he had absolutely no idea how to get out of this one.
Burying his head in his hands he shook it in disbelief. He was the expert manipulator. He was the one who convinced people and swayed them easily with a slight push. He worked his charms and charisma to his advantage. Pretending with lies and half truths he got out of trouble. Now, even that wouldn't help him. This time he was trapped.