A/N: Hi everyone back with your next chapter :) and I have to say I'm incredibly impressed with the amount of reviews I got for the last chapter... they doubled!! Yay! Thanks and I just come back everyone once in a while to read them and they make my day! I received a lot of good guesses concerning the movie Max was watching I've seen some but now find myself curious about others and have gotten a list of movies I need to take a peek at lol. The movie Max was watching is called "Somewhere in Time." It's a much older movie with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour that's also where I got Rhapsody on a theme by Paganini in the earlier chapter of the fic. Good try though appreciate the efforts.
Chapter 10
Max sat up and watched the doorway he had just walked through. She looked back to the window and her eyes tightened. It was still raining heavily and he was heading out there. Oh Alec…she sighed miserably and buried her face in his pillow. Why was everything always so hard?
After allowing herself a moment of self pity she got off the bed and began to pace the small room. She needed to keep herself busy so she could stop thinking about it but no matter how hard she tried it was slowly driving her crazy. He was extremely upset, all because of her.
He said he was alright but his "I'm always alright" didn't work on her, she knew him better than that. She just couldn't let him walk away by himself, especially now. He needed her. What's wrong with me? She needed to do something.
It took maybe a whole ten minutes before she rushed to the closet and grabbed the first jacket she found. Slipping it on, she hurried to the door. Shuffling into his boots she ran out after him. Knowing how he felt about her altered her perception. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to be there with him.
Exiting the building she was quickly hit by a downpour of rain. Wiping the rain from her face she looked around. Her body was nowhere in sight. Sighing she ran from the entrance to the sidewalk and further down the street. Her eyes scanned through the heavy fall of rain making sure she wouldn't miss him. Her eyes frantically looked in every direction hoping she wasn't too late but when she couldn't see him anywhere she grew distraught.
With no trace of him she closed her eyes in regret and then she heard something. It wasn't very loud but to her genetically enhanced hearing it sounded like it was right next to her. Through the constant patter of rain she heard a faint sniff and a small moan. Following the small sound she made it to the alleyway and stopped in her tracks.
What she saw broke her heart. In her body, Alec was crouched near the ground. Face buried in his hands, he was crying uncontrollably. Her small form shook with the wracking sobs. Her eyes saddened and a large wave of anguish hit her.
"Alec?" she said softly and he swiftly looked up with moist brown eyes. The pain and sadness that was usually hidden so well was so pure and plain to see it took her breath away.
When he realized who it was he quickly averted his gaze and tried to wipe the wetness on his cheeks but with the rain he was having no luck. Trying to completely ignore she was there he rose from his crouched position.
Upon hearing his name he looked up. Max was stiffly standing there watching him with the intense gaze of his green eyes. He tried to turn away only it was too late. He had previously gotten emotional with her that night but he was crying now. This was the last thing he wanted her to see. He actually couldn't recall when he started weeping. He was just there, an emotional wreck. He also couldn't remember how he ended up soaked to the bone. He could have sworn a moment ago he was safe from the unforgiving rain.
Passing a hand over his cheek he tried to wipe away the evidence but was having no luck the tears and rain just kept coming. The look of sorrow she shot him was more than he could bear. He didn't want pity, especially not hers. "Not now Max," he said his voice breaking, "please leave."
Before he knew what hit him, she closed the distance and threw her arms around him. "No...I won't" she whispered heatedly refusing to do as he asked.
It was beyond his control and he latched on tightly. He just needed to hold on to something to keep from sinking. The rain was eventually forgotten as they held each other.
Closing his eyes he held on to the small moment and tried to pretend his life was everything he wanted it to be. Manticore had never existed. There were no horrors in his past he wished to forget. He had lived his life to the fullest and now had the girl of his dreams in his arms. Everything was perfect. He tried to imagine she was there to comfort him because she wanted to be there. Not because she was driven by guilt.
No matter how much he tried to pretend though his mind always had a way of jolting him back to reality. He was out in the rain, crying his heart out over something he couldn't have. Atrocious memories prevented him from letting go and he couldn't understand how to function beyond the pain that was his life
"Alec…I'm so sorry," she apologized and backed up. Looking at her face she searched trying to read the facial expression. Reaching down she tried to hold his hands but he pulled them away quickly. But it was too late she had already seen the trembling.
When she tried again he just watched her with a guarded look. He was shaking so much she began to worry that maybe he was having a seizure, or beginning to feel some type of similar effect. He ignored the look she gave him and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
"Your hands are shaking," she said softly, stating the obvious. The look of pain that crossed her face was heart breaking.
Hearing those words made Alec's world tilt. It seemed a lifetime ago when he had looked down into trusting eyes and heard Rachel make the same statement. She had admitted how she felt about him and he was faced with his own emotions. Only then realizing that no matter how much he felt in return, that no matter how badly he wanted it, he couldn't have her. He knew beyond any doubt he would eventually become the catalyst to her nightmares and his hands began trembling.
Now the same words haunted him and he knew again he was about to tear her world asunder simply because he was who he was and in the end it always fell apart. "I can't do this Maxie…" he admitted sadly. Turning away a small cry escaped his lips.
"Do what?" she asked confused. Reaching out for his arm she tried to stop him. She simply couldn't understand because she wasn't there the first time around and had absolutely no idea what her words did to him.
Waiting for an answer she watched through his face but he simply shook his head. Her long mane of dark hair had long ago darkened from the wetness. Catching him by surprise she hugged him fiercely again and simply wouldn't let him go.
"Come back inside," she coaxed and he closed his eyes at her request. "Let me help you."
Every part of him told him to leave but he was weak, he couldn't refuse her. Slowly he nodded his head in acquiescence and followed her. She grabbed his hand which he gave reluctantly. That small gesture started to give him a small amount of comfort.
Making it back to the apartment, she closed the door behind them and started taking off her wet clothes. Walking to the washroom, she grabbed the blue towel hanging behind the door and walked back to the living room.
Alec simply stood there unsure what to do. Everything was just so crazy. This was his apartment and he felt like a stranger in his own life.
Approaching him she gently wiped his face wiping away all evidence of the rain. Unmoved he watched her quietly. He was lost in the moment. He wished he could just close his eyes and reopen them and she would be standing in front of him, in her own body.
"You're freezing," she said in a low voice. She had been talking while drying his face but he had vaguely been paying attention to her words. He realized his teeth were indeed chattering. He was cold but his mind didn't care because he was marveling at this new softness she expressed towards him.
Grabbing his hand she pulled him towards the bedroom, directing him to sit on his bed and turned to the dresser to take out some dry clothes. "I know they're too big but other than that towel, there isn't anything else to wear," she said smiling at the memory of seeing him once in that very same towel.
Ignoring her muttering he lay down on his bed and curled up. He wanted to forget she was even there. He wanted to forget he was even there. Thinking he should have just run when he had the chance, he sighed mournfully.
Max stopped talking when she heard him move and turned around to look at him. He was facing away from her. Walking around the bed, she kneeled in front of him. Her deep brown eyes were staring out at her but that spark of mirth that was usually Alec seemed to have disappeared and a haunting shadow remained. It was almost as if he was staring through her and not at her. She knew the look well. He was detaching himself trying to escape the pain.
"Oh Alec…" she whispered with deep sadness. The empathy in her voice seemed to be too much for him to take and he closed his eyes letting tears escape. Climbing up on the bed she lay beside him and wrapped her arms around her body. He let out a shaky breath and a soft cry followed.
"I know it hurts baby," she soothed and he slipped his arms around her.
"Let it go," she encouraged and he finally did.
She knew what it was like growing up at Manticore but thankfully had never been subject to the abuse that came with adolescence. She had escaped and saved herself the torture. What she had been through was enough to give her nightmares for the rest of her life. Alec had fallen in love with his assignment and she knew Manticore would have been ruthless in their punishment. She didn't know the full extent and prayed she wouldn't get the memory of it. The glimpse of Rachel's death had been enough.
Truthfully when it came down to it they were abused children. They were beautiful on the outside just like they were designed to be but on the inside they were scarred and battered.
Alec had once given her an idea how bad it had gotten later on and now that she saw the mask peeled away she wanted to scream for him. She wanted to go back and kill every single one of them for trying to destroy such a beautiful soul. He was a soul that simply tried to allow a small shred of love to enter his desolate life. In the end showing he was just as human as they were, possibly more.
She knew he had suffered for love and then again simply because of who he was; Ben's twin. Now she just wished she could take it all away and make it disappear. They had beaten and deprived happiness from every single one of them. She didn't know how she knew but deep down she could sense he had gotten much worse than she ever did.
"No one's going to hurt you anymore," she comforted softly. It seemed to make him cry harder and he held on to her tighter. "I'm not going to let them," she said protectively.
Alec never truly had the chance to grieve for Rachel or any of the horrible things that was done to him in his past. He simply never let himself. Somehow it had just felt wrong. Crying was a weakness he couldn't afford. Wallowing in self pity wasn't something he had ever known either. It was so ingrained in him to hide his emotions that he just didn't know how to process them like a regular person should.
What had started as a simple question from Max had brought out so much pain and memories. Ones he had desperately tried to keep hidden. They had remained deeply buried within him and because of that been allowed to fester. Max wasn't any better at dealing with her feelings but she had more experience out in the world than he had. She didn't know it but since he'd been out she was his only guide and friend. Now she was his only comfort and he held on to her like she was his lifeline.
"Shhh," she rocked him and without realizing it, had started to cry with him. "I'm so sorry," she felt such pain for him it was almost unbearable. The mere fact that he was allowing her to see it was testimony to his deep grief and helplessness.
"I should have paid more attention," her voice quivered. The day had been an emotional rollercoaster for both of them and there didn't seem to be an end in sight.
"I didn't know…you wouldn't let me in," she tried to explain but there really was no excuse. She had ignored him for so long but now was starting to see just how much she truly cared for him. How much she wanted to be there for him, how much she wanted to be with him.
Her tears trailed down her cheeks and slipped past her chin to mix with his. There had been so many signs, indications but she was too self-centered to even stop and notice.
She remembered what he said and sighed. "I miss being alone. It's easier that way you know. You don't get hurt." In his own way he had cried out to her. Wiping the wetness on her cheeks she understood his plea. "Don't."
"I'm here now baby" she said knowing the words knowing they probably wouldn't give much comfort but it was a start.
Hearing her soft words was extremely hard for him. Crying, he cleansed himself in a slow healing process but the softer she became towards him the harder it would be to do what he had to do in the end. He had to stop it now before he lost his courage. Resorting to what he knew best he took the plunge.
"You know if you keep calling me baby I'm going to start thinking you've got the hots for me…honey," he joked and backed up. Giving her a dazzling grin all traces of painful emotions completely left. The only remaining evidence was the wetness on her angular face. "I am after all irresistible."
Max was surprised but gave a small smile at his comment and wiped away her tears. "Keep telling yourself that," she grinned back and too quickly the emotional moment passed.
Again he managed to brush away every trace of sadness to replace it with a mask of mirth and indifference. She just didn't want to let it go at that and forget about it. "Alec…don't do this," she practically pleaded in a hushed tone.
"Do what?" he feigned ignorance. "Just forget it ever happened Maxie," he said bluntly.
"Thanks." he said earnestly. In a flash his vulnerability appeared one last time and he gave a weak smile. Before she could reply the facade once again concealed the small boy inside and he walked away from her.
"Alec!" she called after him but the door in the next room slammed shut. This time he was truly gone and she knew without a doubt that he wouldn't let her catch him again. "I meant it," she whispered to the air but he was too far gone.
Max woke to the sound of absolute silence and looked around the room in confusion. She remembered drifting off to sleep but in the back of her mind half expected Alec to be there when she woke. Sighing softly she lay her head back on the pillow and nuzzled deeper into the downy fabric of his comforter.
The previous night had been an incredible eye opener. The new look she got of Alec was a complete jaw dropper and she was a few moments reeling in the residual emotions. It was like waking from a nightmare still feeling a sense of fear even though you knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Only now she felt a shadow of empathy remain and she could somehow still feel his pain as she held him in her arms. She had shown him she could be there for him and for the moment that had to matter.
Deep down she felt like a hypocrite because right before the whole event had unfolded he tried to show her he could be there for her and she brushed him off. For that she felt guilty and ashamed that she rebuked him when not even ten minutes later she begged him to trust her instead and he did.
She wished she could go back and just tell him. Tell him how she felt and be able to show him instead of her coming off as not being able to trust him, but she was frightened. He had left so quickly and unexpectedly the chance had passed. Sitting up in bed it dawned on her. She had just quietly admitted she wanted to be with him.
Removing the blanket she got up out of bed and glanced at the clothes she was still wearing. Passing a hand through his hair she looked through his drawers for some fresh clothes and stopped. Something caught her attention and she turned facing the closet to a plain white box tucked in the back corner. Walking to it she crouched and lifted the lid; she noticed a brown envelope and without scruples opened it. She blinked and then fingered the stack of bills with a low whistle. It was a large sum of money; her first thought was that he had probably won it scamming and hustling and rolled her eyes. Why did he have so much money stashed away?
Deciding that invasion of his privacy was a bad way to start she put the lid back on the box and pushed it back in place. Instead of snooping and making conclusions she would ask him what she wanted to know instead. Grabbing the clothes she headed towards the washroom for a much needed shower.
Alec had been awake for hours, lying in bed utterly lost in thought. He couldn't believe he had broken down in front of Max. Most of all the weirdest was she had let him and been there holding him when he needed it. The sensation he had this morning confused him no end. Did she care about him? Was she just feeling guilty? He couldn't put his finger on it but something was different. Something had changed between them. A small smile grew on his face as he thought about it. An immense sense of relief washed over him accompanied with hope.
Getting up out of bed he slowly started getting ready for work. Every so often his mind drifted back to the previous night. He thought of Max and smiled every few minutes until Cindy looked at him out of impatience and asked "what got you in such a good mood boo?" She leaned on the table, coffee mug in hand and waited catching Alec completely off guard.
Not realizing he actually had been smiling to himself. He stopped and resumed his slow trek around the apartment. "Uhm nothing," he said vaguely and she quirked her eyebrow at him quizzically. "You don't get rid of Original Cindy dat easily. Spill, I know it's 'bout hot boy I want all the details."
What would be the harm in opening up to her? It wasn't a big deal. Even though his night had been hell he felt he finally reached out to Max in a weird sense. He could trust Cindy she thought he was Max and from what he had already seen they were tight.
Smiling with that thought, he sat down and faced her. Before he could actually say anything the phone rang and Cindy jumped. She had been gazing so intensely, concentrating so hard to hear what she wanted out of her best friend that the phone brought her back to her apartment. "Who callin' this early?" sighing with annoyance she picked up the phone.
"Yeah?" her voice dripped irritation and she rolled her eyes at the voice on the other end.
"Hang on, I'll check." Putting the receiver against her chest she mouthed, "Logan."
Alec had already known who it was and his mind was already coming up with excuses not to talk to him but try as he might he couldn't chase away the main reason why he needed to.
No matter how much satisfaction he had gotten from getting mad at Logan ultimately he needed to set things right. Evidently to do so he would have to clear the air between them so that she could be happy. The moment had just presented itself.
Alec knew she loved Logan and no matter what happened she wouldn't stop loving him. He was sadly disillusioned if he thought he ever had a chance with her even if it was out of default; which to him was actually worse. In the end she would eventually go back to him once the virus was cured. Rising from his chair he grabbed the receiver. "Hey," he said softly and could tell Logan was surprised by his sharp intake of breath.
"Max we need to talk," Logan said with a gentle tone, hope filled his voice.
"Yeah you're right." Alec answered earnestly and added. "Meet you at your place?"
"I'll be here." He could actually hear Logan smiling through the receiver.
There were no goodbyes Alec simply hung up the phone and grabbed his bag. He hated the sudden feeling he got from knowing what he was about to do but it had to be done. He just felt sick to his stomach. Not even a few seconds ago he had felt a bit of hope but it was slowly leeching out of him.
If he ever wanted to keep Max's friendship he had to do right by her. This was the only way he knew how by swallowing his pride, his jealousy and his feelings for her. He would step out of the way.
Cindy put her hand out and stopped Max, "whoa you were all smiles and now you're back to buggin'. I hate to hafta be the one ta tell you this suga' but you know yo' gonna have to come clean with yo'self on this. Original Cindy is getting tired of seeing the life sap out of you every time the man calls you."
Alec could only smile weakly at her. He knew only too well the effect Logan had on Max from first hand experience. He never really got to tell O.C. what happened the other day but she wasn't stupid. Anyone who was friends with Max knew that arguments between her and Logan were like a rainy day in Seattle; inevitable. "I have to do this…I have to make it right."
"And how many times are you gonna do this to yo'self?" Cindy crossed her arms and blocked the doorway. "You not happy boo anyone can see it."
Alec truly wished Cindy knew she was talking to him and not Max. He could really use her advice at a time like this but strangely her words made sense to him; almost as if she knew it was him inside.
"Sure I am," he said faintly trying to keep his mask in place. He hoped it was working since he was working with a completely different set of facial expressions.
"Keep telling yo'self dat," Cindy gave up and walked away. She left a clear path to the door but then approached Max with a soft look of compassion.
Alec was more than surprised when O.C. wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug. Not really knowing what to do, he hugged her back. He was amazed at how a simple gesture could open the floodgate of emotions he was trying so hard to hold back. Suddenly he wanted to take the coward's way out and just run away. It would just hurt less in the end.
"I'll be here if you need me, no matter what you always gonna be my sista." In that moment no matter how crazy Max's life seemed he was envious of her. O.C. was the epitome of the voice of reason and no matter how harsh she was about telling you the truth she made sure you knew she still loved you no matter what happened.
He would give anything to have at least one friend like her. Sure he had Joshua and a dozen other people who were friends with him. All due to the fact that they shared the same twisted childhood or worked with him. But no one would ever come close to understanding him except for Max who until recently chosen not to because she had dubbed him the screw up and now Cindy whose loyalty was to Max.
"Thanks Cin," he whispered around a lump in his throat, "I'll always remember that."
She didn't understand the last line but for Alec it would be a memory he would always treasure. "I'll see you in about an hour ok?" he tried to smile convincingly and let her go. "Sure boo." He hiked his bag higher up on his shoulder and walked out.
Alec took a deep breath and tried to fight down the queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.
Walking up the familiar steps to Joshua's old house he opened the door and let himself in. Knocking was something he just didn't do or maybe he just didn't care for, seeing as it was so much fun creeping up on people anyway. Casually he walked into the living room that became Logan's office and stopped in the doorway. A frown formed on Max's face.
Logan was sitting at his computer like he usually did but his chair was turned in order to be able to face Max as she walked through the door. He had what could only be called an expression of deep love on his face and Alec's queasiness intensified.
Underneath the loving look his face looked haggard. He had dark lines beneath his eyes, a few days growth of facial hair and a ghastly looking bruise on his neck.
"What happened to you? Did you accidentally get caught in your keyboard cable?" He nodded towards the device on the desk and his hand indicated his own neck.
Upon seeing Max, Logan had a ghost of a smile but his expression changed to doubt. He just didn't know what to say. Hearing her first question, he instinctively touched his throat which brought a slight fear in him. He knew that if Alec found out about their conversation he would be royally pissed.
When Logan first found out about them being together he was skeptical at first because of the way Max always treated Alec but he swallowed his pride and his pain taking himself out of the picture. He even told Alec to take care of her, that he understood but he didn't understand, not one bit.
The more time he spent apart from Max the more he yearned to be near her. He kept finding more and more reasons why they didn't belong together. Now the simple fact that Alec wanted him to keep away made him want to pursue her more. "Alec is what happened," he finally bit the words as he said them. His anger was obvious.
Alec's eyebrows rose in surprise and he grunted in shock. "Alec did this?" he asked incredulously.
Only he knew it wasn't him but Max. The same Max who defended Logan any chance she got, making him seem like the personification of perfection. Who insisted they "weren't like that" yet pined for him every time she saw him.
Max who persisted he could do nothing right and proved time and time again she had moral values above his own. He couldn't fathom how that same person had undoubtedly held Logan with a stranglehold and left that horrible bruise. His friendship with Logan was shaky at best. It was true he only put up with him for Max's sake but to see the hate in his eyes and to hear it in his voice put things in a whole new perspective. It was now non-existent. He cursed silently; for everyone it would always be easier for them to blame him.
"None other than our loveable X5 rogue," Logan continued sarcastically and raised himself from his chair. He approached Max who didn't budge.
"Max I don't know what you're really doing with him but..." he said in his soft characteristic manner and took off his glasses. "I'm worried about you. I think you need to ask yourself if being with him is really that safe."
Like his confident composure Alec's words also left him and he became mute processing the scene that was unfolding in front of him.
Logan taking the silence that Max was considering his words continued "I still care about you Max and I understand why you ran to him." Alec could see Logan's Adam's apple bob slightly as he swallowed. The smell of fear permeated the air around him.
"He attacked me." What did you do Max? It was a plea more than an accusation. It wasn't like he really cared that Logan hated him but that she had given Logan ammunition against him.
"He's dangerous and unpredictable, you have the proof right here," Logan pointed to his neck and lifted his chin.
This was the last thing Alec expected. He had resolved himself to go there with the idea of clearing the issues between Max and Logan no matter how much it hurt to do so. Not to defend himself for something he didn't even do.
"Alec wouldn't do something like that unless provoked," he deadpanned and swallowed his slow rising anger. He didn't even know why he was angry and at who.
Logan's gaze never wavered. He simply looked into Max's chocolate colored eyes with a sigh. "That's just it Max I didn't do anything. I was just talking and the next thing I knew I was off the floor. Max…he's Manticore through and through. Next time it might be you… he's an animal."
Upon hearing his words, Alec closed his hands into fists and clenched his jaw. "What did you just say?"
He never thought he would ever hear Logan utter those three words. No matter how angry he was, especially when he prided himself on being the self-proclaimed crusader for the downtrodden and everything transgenic.
Clearly he chose his battles to his own benefit; Max. If he only knew he was accusing her of being an animal his entire world would crumble. Through his anger Alec remembered what Max told him and suddenly his world teetered on the edge of lunacy. "I thought you were gone and I found out through Logan…. LOGAN! He made it sound like you were dead!" She had panicked. She had truly thought he was dead and reacted the only way she knew how.
He knew Max was afraid of losing control, afraid of losing people around her but he never thought she would react this way upon hearing of his 'so called' death. Would she really do that? He looked back to the bruise around Logan's neck. It was a vivid purple and the edges were slowly turning brown with a yellowish tinge. Now that he looked closer he could see the fingerprints. From years of experience he knew in order to leave a mark like that she must have used extreme strength.
"Max?" Alec rocked on his feet and Logan's voice slowly came through his turbulent thoughts. "I'm sorry but you're going to have to face it. I hate to say it but Alec can't be trusted. You even said so yourself not too long ago. You tried to make me see he was unpredictable, untrustworthy and now I see Max; you were right.
Suddenly Alec was no longer in Joshua's house but remembered being in the penthouse facing Logan.
"I can't even trust him. He's always making trouble and he's so unpredictable. He's just a pain in my ass and I wish he would just disappear." He was seeing through her eyes as a memory invaded his brain. It was a short flash but the intense feeling of hate and loathing was so clearly excruciating for a moment he had forgotten Logan was still talking to him.
"He's a killer he even threatened to finish the job if you and I ever talked again. I would never do that to you; us." That alone made Alec blink and his mouth dropped open. She didn't.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. What was she thinking? She didn't care. She was just using him to her advantage, again. All she would ever see would be his mistakes, his slip ups. The comfort and softness she extended towards him the previous night now seemed an absolutely joke to him.
He didn't know whether to be mad that she used him to keep Logan at arm's length making him look like a monster or to be thankful she had completely ended things with him.
Did she even realize she had closed that proverbial door on Logan? Either way he knew he was nothing but a pawn to her. He was someone she could use and discard to her advantage. That small bit of hope that had sparked in him extinguished.
He was so confused. The stinging words hurt. After the flash of memory it took all of his willpower to look back into blue eyes. He couldn't believe Logan would stoop so low slandering him in front of Max, to egg her on and make her hate him.
He couldn't believe Max had used the fact that she was in his body to push Logan away let alone do what she did. He suddenly felt pity and disgust for the man standing in front of him but mainly he felt like a complete idiot for even trying to help either of them.
"And to think I was coming here to work things out with you. At least I had the decency to play fair. She may have walked away from you but deep down you've always had her. You know what though? You two deserve each other I was just too stupid to see it."
"What?" Logan asked in bafflement as Max referred to herself in the third person. Only Max wasn't answering him she was already on her way out the door the slamming of the aged wood indication that she had left.
After an emotion filled morning Max had made it to work. Managing to keep her stray thoughts in the back of her mind she tried to concentrate on her job. Getting there early had its advantages, for one Normal was as sweet as pie with her but she knew that was because she was in Alec's skin at the moment. Second, the building was almost empty which gave her a chance to relax.
Opening his locker she reached for the gloves tucked in the back right corner. There was a bag on the other side. Curiosity got the best of her and she opened it to find money. Eyebrows rose slightly and she pursed her lip in thought. Of course he would leave himself a small stash for emergency purposes. The man had money just about everywhere. Where does he get it all?
"Hey Alec, have you seen Max?" Cindy's voice drove her out of her reverie and she turned to face her best friend. Her head of hair was covered with a hat this morning. Strands of brown hair streaked with blond escaped its confines. Smiling she replied, "hey Cin I haven't seen her she's probably late."
"We need to talk," she said simply and Max stopped going through Alec's locker and just put her bag in it. "Sure O.C. what's up?"
'It's about Max. Look I know she gonna kill me for doing this, but Original Cindy don't know what to do." A look of worry fleeted across the woman's features and a stab of fear hit Max. What did he do now? She almost groaned but instead put on her best face and sat on the bench. "What can I do?"
"You have to promise me that you gonna be serious 'bout this and not make any wisecracks, my boo needs you. I need you." Sadness entwined in Cindy's voice and Max was slightly worried. "I promise," she said solemnly. "What's going on?"
"Usually I don't bug 'cause this ain't any of my business but she got a call from Logan this morning' and well she got real sad and detached like. The man leeches the life outta her every damn time he calls. He no good for her," Cindy sighed at that and rolled her eyes facing green ones. Max was slightly surprised at O.C.'s revelation but held back a comment. "Well the point is, she been gone a while I haven't even seen or heard of her since and now I'm worried. This was almost three hours ago."
Upon hearing this, Max straightened. Logan had called her even after she told him not to. What the hell is Logan playing at? What worried her most was the fact that Alec had disappeared since then. Groaning she rose from the seat and squeezed Cindy's arm trying to give her comfort. "Don't worry about it I'll find her."
Cindy looked back to Alec and smiled, "I knew you would. You always got her back."
Max heard her words at first knowing she was always around to bail him out but O.C. was referring to Alec always having her back and that gave her pause. "You're right I do," and she gave her a smile.
Walking out the door she stopped momentarily at the office window. "Normal I have an emergency I need to take care of, I'll be back as soon as I can."
Normal peeked out of the window and looked at his watch. "Take whatever time you need. We have plenty of…" He adjusted his headset and looked around, "where the hell is missy miss, if she doesn't get here soon she's fired."
Max sighed and rolled her eyes, approaching him she whispered, "Normal she's the emergency, now be a nice guy and cut her some slack will ya?"
Looking back through bespectacled eyes he grunted. "Well make sure you get her here so that I can fire her properly." Turning around he went back to work.
She would worry about it later right now she couldn't care less. She had to find Alec.
Max never stopped to knock and simply opened the door. She walked with purpose and entered the living room to a surprised Logan who was just swiveling the chair to face her. "Alec…" he said in surprise.
She didn't waste time with idle chatter. "Where is she?"
Logan's eyes looked around the room anywhere but at Alec and he swallowed.
"Oh cut the crap I know she was here O.C. told me. What the hell are you playing at Logan?" Max approached Logan and amazingly enough he stayed his ground.
"I don't know where she is she left almost two hours ago." He ignored her second question and just watched Alec's eyes sparkle with intensity. "Did you even bother telling her I was sorry? That I didn't mean for anything to happen to her?" Logan challenged who he thought was Alec with questions of his own.
He never answered and Logan pursed his lip in disdain. "Figures, she always said you were a screw up," he said quietly.
Max inhaled sharply and she got an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was true she always said he was a screw up. Only to hear her words directed back at herself hurt deeply. Was this how Alec felt every time she said those words to him? Or when she said "What did you do now"? Which had crossed her mind not even an hour ago.
"She knows the truth about you now," Logan was still yammering in the background and she rolled her eyes.
"What truth about me?"
"Forget your little threat?" he indicated his neck. "I have to say she didn't look impressed. I always knew you were bad for her but I bit my tongue, now I won't have to anymore. She saw exactly what kind of person you are." He turned back to his computer and looked over his shoulder. "You can show yourself out."
Curtly dismissed Max curled her hands in fists out of frustration. She wanted to hit something but didn't want to prove Logan right by making Alec look worse than he already did. She had absolutely no idea what had really transpired in her absence but she was ready to bet everything she owned that it was devastating. In her position she couldn't believe how badly Logan treated Alec when he thought she wasn't around.
What made her feel worse was that she had actually endorsed it not realizing it but she had done worse by never having any faith in him. So many times she had sat there with Logan talking shit about Alec. All because she had simply been trying to convince herself she didn't have feelings for him.
How long had she truly been fighting herself? She had leaned on the crutch that was Logan who had been only too happy in his position.
"What did I ever see in you?" she finally spat out in disgust. She had heard the saying the grass was always greener on the other side, well now that she was on the other side that wasn't the case at all. It just brought on another proverb; ignorance is bliss. Leaving the house she slammed the door so hard the frame groaned alarmingly and split.
Logan was left confused again by Alec's last words. "What is going on with everyone?" he said out loud and jumped when he heard the door crash. Getting up he walked to the door and noticed it hanging askew on its hinges. Cursing at Alec he shook his head and headed towards the basement to see if he could find something to fix the broken door.
Max went back to Alec's apartment but he wasn't there. She checked Crash and every little place she thought he may be but was rewarded with emptiness. Alec had inevitably found out she threatened Logan using him and he was probably mad at her. She didn't even want to think what else Logan may have said. The thought alone scared her.
Why did everything have to always be so complicated? At the time it seemed like the only way to get the message across to Logan but now that she thought about it; she had really messed up. Listening to Logan's derisive voice she now knew how Alec felt when she put him down.
She felt terrible and wanted to set things right but she couldn't find him anywhere. It was getting so frustrating she wanted to pull her hair out. She had wanted to know how he always managed to be so carefree but now she knew that wasn't the case at all. He just wore his armor better.
Joshua was so right, Alec was all tricks and treats on the surface but underneath there was darkness. After spending almost his entire life at Manticore he was just better at hiding it than she was. With that thought a multitude of emotions surfaced, from pain, sorrow, guilt, distress, to panic but she couldn't worry about that now. She had to find him. A sudden thought came to mind and she looked up into the clear blue sky. Her eyes fixed on the space needle in the distance. A small amount of hope flared in the pit of her stomach.
After leaving Logan's, Alec wandered the city in silence. He was hurt and angry. His first instinct was to go back to his apartment but she was there. So instead he decided on the space needle.
He slowly made his way to the top, and sat, trying to get as close to the edge as he could. Fear of heights was an alien sensation to him, and he watched the horizon with a somber gaze.
The sun shone brilliantly in contrast to his mood. His body was an icicle of sadness and he welcomed the warmth. A gentle breeze reached him, softly carrying her long hair off his back and he sighed despondently. He knew why he chose to come here, it was a way for him to say goodbye.
Looking to the top of the buildings and down to the streets below, he realized Max's attraction to the place.
It was the peaceful solitude, the fact that at this altitude she felt a sense of power and control over her life. Sadly he knew it was just an illusion. What she failed to realize was that no matter how long she watched and yearned, everything was still safely a distance away, unreachable. Maybe that's what she ultimately wanted.
She kept everything and everyone within her line of sight in solitary detachment. That's exactly what he was looking for and he finally had a chance to calm down and breathe.
Tucking his legs under his chin he wrapped his arms around them. His eyes caught the lazy drifting of birds as they flew by and he sighed again. They had the right idea. Maybe he would be better off just leaving and never coming back. It wasn't like he had anything here in Seattle anyway.
Sure he would miss Joshua and Sketch along with O.C. but now he knew just how much he meant to Max. He didn't think he would ever be able to live with that feeling. Being in her body had unfortunately revealed more than he guessed was beneath the surface.
Somberly he made the quiet decision. Once they switched back to their own bodies he would leave and never look back.
He thought of his life and the things he had been through. No matter how horrible Manticore may have been at least there he knew where he stood. There was no second guessing involved and no vulnerability. No emotions he hardly understood half the time. He had started opening up to her but never again. He knew now it was just easier to close himself off like he had done his entire life.
The wind carried a faint scent and he recognized it as his own. Taking a deep breath his shoulders slumped and he buried his chin into his arms. Sadly, he knew the time had come and knowing what he was about to do, and the magnitude of it, frightened him.
Trying to gather what courage he had, he passed his lips through his teeth and closed his eyes. Just this once, if he could, he would go back to the night when he and Max lay together on the bed, just laughing and talking and freeze the moment itself.
Max spotted her image sitting on the edge of the space needle and sighed in utter relief. She finally found him. She saw his movement and knew her presence was detected. Approaching him slowly she tried to decide what she was going to say but his words stopped her short along with her train of thought.
"I don't want to see you Max," he whispered softly, hoping she would listen and he could save himself a lot of pain.
He had every right to be upset but she never thought he would turn her away so quickly, especially after last night. "Alec, we need to talk," she tried gently.
He never answered her. He didn't even bother looking at her. She got the message – Rejection was a horrible feeling.
His gaze continuously followed the ever flying birds. To him that was the true meaning of freedom. He wanted to join them and forget everything.
Trying to find him the entire morning and most of the afternoon she hadn't really given a thought to what state she would find him in. Seeing the crunched position, the effort in trying to make himself as small as he could, it dawned on her. He wasn't just angry he was hurt. Unable to find her voice she barely managed a whisper, "I'm sorry."
There was a low mirthless chuckle and he finally looked over his shoulder. Her brown eyes were extremely sorrowful and her stomach tightened as a result.
"I don't want your pity," his eyes narrowed. "I've had enough," he added in a low voice and looked away once more.
"No, Alec I'm trying to make things right. Just hear me out," she begged and she saw the shake of his head.
"I've heard enough for one day," he said painfully, "trust me." He remembered with vivid accuracy everything Logan said and somehow in the back of his mind couldn't rid himself of the memory. He could still see and feel Max nod her head in agreement to each and every condescending word.
"Just go away," he almost begged. Why wouldn't she just leave and drop it? This way she would never know, but he knew that was impossible.
Last night she had seen him in pain but now he looked defeated. "I screwed up," she admitted sadly.
"Guess it comes with the skin you're in doesn't it?" he retorted with a crisp voice.
"I deserve that," she acknowledged and with uncertainty finally sat beside him.
She kept looking over at him, but her brown eyes stared off at the horizon. She could see the wavering twinkle of moisture in them.
He refused to look at the pity on his face. Several moments passed before he could bring himself to speak but he couldn't delay it any longer. It was time. "When I found out you told him we were together I was so mad…" the words trailed off because he didn't want to admit, that to him it somehow had made all the sense in the world.
"I got over it…" he continued and exhaled slowly. "But you used me again Max," there was so much disappointment in his voice she couldn't help the horrible sensation of shame that filled her. He deserved more than what she had done. She had let him down.
He finally turned to look at her. The regret in his eyes was devastating, "is that all I am to you? Am I just a tool?" he asked and she wanted to stop his words with a firm resounding no, but couldn't speak past her guilt.
"Am I just someone you can hide behind? To use to your advantage and do your dirty work for you because you just don't have the courage to do what needs to be done?" Her brown eyes scrutinized her so much she began to feel uncomfortable.
"Is it because you don't want anyone to see the real you?" he questioned and shook his head with sadness. "Max you can't keep hiding who you are just so you can make everyone else happy."
Her throat closed off the more he spoke. She was completely transfixed by the truth of his words. "You lie so much its frightening," he tried to laugh at the irony of role reversal but instead it came out as a shaky sigh. "At least you don't have to lie to me anymore, I know the truth."
She could feel him slowly slip away from her and her heart beat accelerated. She had to say something, "no Alec that wasn't my intention at all. I…" her eyes were downcast and she bit her lip in shame. He couldn't bear to watch and looked down to the city below.
"He doesn't understand that I keep trying to protect him that we can't be together. I felt protected when it came to you…I… I don't know," she added lamely unable to say more.
"I understand. It's just easier to use me because everyone will believe what you make them see," he said sadly and she felt her head shake in denial but he wasn't looking at her now.
"I was really starting to think that you and I were friends Max that you had gotten passed all that. I was actually going to see Logan to fix the wrong I did." He took a trembling breath, "I wanted to make sure you could be happy with him. I wanted to give you a chance once the virus was gone."
At the revelation of his intention, she began to grow petrified. Her limbs tingled with a cold sweat.
He tucked his chin back over his knees. "Turns out the joke's on me this time...," he made fists in his pockets and his face contorted with sorrow. "Was the chokehold part of your plan to keep him away or was that just added as an after thought for effect?" He tried to keep his sarcasm obvious but it wasn't working, instead he just came off pissed.
"I…" she stammered at his question. "When he made it seem like you were gone..." she breathed a sigh at the reminder. "I got so scared," she closed her eyes and her chest burned from lack of oxygen. What she was feeling now was dangerously close to what she had felt then. "It felt like I couldn't breathe," her lip quivered completely unseen by him.
"I kept asking him where you were," she explained, "and he wouldn't give me a straight answer and I panicked. I blacked out." Tears slowly formed in her eyes and she looked over to the horizon so he wouldn't see them. "I never meant to hurt either of you," she tried to make amends.
"Well you won't have to worry about me anymore…" he said weakly. "I'm leaving" he shot out bluntly and regretted the words instantly.
Tightening his fists, the nails painfully dug into his palms. "You're finally going to get rid of me," he informed in a forced indifferent tone, "it's what you've wanted since the beginning."
She opened her mouth to deny it but couldn't find her voice. She didn't understand what was happening. It was happening too fast. He was leaving? Suddenly she felt her heartbeat pulse in her throat, her limbs weakened and she truly stopped breathing. She couldn't move. This wasn't happening. She just didn't want to believe it.
He looked over at her. She wore his face completely still and impassive, oddly tears filled her eyes but there was nothing else there. Just silence in return.
He waited for her to say something, to make him stop, but she didn't. There was a long pause and he whispered in a broken voice, "I figured out the last piece of the puzzle." He felt the slight trembling to his hands and looked down at them.
"I had no intention of saying anything because I knew either way, it would just end badly. But if I'm going to bare my soul I may as well do it right," he said sadly. "And if I'm right you should be back in your own body in no time and this nightmare will be over."
He looked over the city one last time and memorized every line in the distance. It took every effort for him to continue speaking, it was just so hard. "I would have done anything for you Max…" he finally looked back and his eyes searched hers, "all you had to do was ask."
She wanted to reach out, to touch him and make him stop this insanity. She didn't want this to be a last goodbye, she wanted him to stay. Only she watched him rise from his spot completely glued where she sat.
"But I can't do this," he admitted with a strangled voice. "I can't sit back and pretend it doesn't matter. I can't even slap that fake smile on my face anymore." His throat burned from trying to hold back his tears. "It just hurts too much. It hurts to breathe."
Closing his eyes he felt a tear slip. "I promised myself I wouldn't fall again that I wouldn't let myself get hurt but you're right." He laughed sadly, "I am a screw up. I couldn't even do that right."
He started to walk away from her. He didn't want her to see how much this was killing him. Before he walked through the door he stopped.
"Before I leave…" he whispered with a completely broken voice. "I just wanted you to know that…" he swallowed, "I love you."
Like a ghost he disappeared without even the whisper of a sound.
She turned to look at the exit and tears came crashing down with so much ferocity she could no longer see it. Her lips trembled madly and she gasped for air. She couldn't breathe. He was gone.
Too late, she had realized too late how much he truly meant to her. She had driven him away because she wanted to keep Logan at arm's length. He was right she didn't have the courage to face her true feelings.
She hated herself. Manticore hadn't even managed to, but she had broken him with her stupid lies and her fears. All for the illusion of love to a man who only wanted to possess her. To make her into what he wanted and bring her into his world.
Logan couldn't really understand who she was inside and had tried to brush it under the carpet where no one would see. He tried changing her, so she became someone she wasn't and too late realized she didn't love him at all.
In a sick sense it was almost like she had been seeking his approval for forgetting her true nature. Alec had shown her that her true nature was what gave her passion. It gave her excitement, making her feel alive. He had shown her to embrace who she was and not be afraid.
He loved her for who she was, understood her completely and put up with so much from her it was a miracle he even stayed around so long.
There was no mask left, not even his armor which he usually hid behind with startling ease. She even took that from him. She had taken everything from him but had nothing left now, he was gone.
"Alec…" she whimpered in a broken voice. "Please don't go…I love you too."