Author's Note: Words in italic are Susan's thoughts.

The Lost Queen

Prelude

London had just entered the war when the Pevensie children's mother sent them away to live with Professor Kirke. It was there that they engaged in a game of hide and seek on a rainy afternoon. A game which led to Lucy's discovery of a world within a wardrobe. It was to that wardrobe that they fled, to escape punishment for a broken window. And they found the world within.

And Susan felt angry.

Why did Lucy have to hide in that wardrobe, in the first place? Why'd she have to go and make friends with that faun? Why'd she have to drag us along with her?

Why couldn't we have stayed in the Professor's home?

But, they ignored her feelings as they trekked through the woods. Woods where they found the faun's cave, and the letter of his arrest. Where they met the Beaver. Where they learned of Aslan. And where they discovered that Edmund had betrayed them to the White Witch.

And Susan felt scared.

How could Edmund do this to us? We're his family. What if that Witch hurts him? What if she kills him? Will this Aslan be able to save him? Are any of us safe, here?

Why couldn't he have just stayed in the dam?

They made the long journey across the frozen landscape, meeting enemies and friends, alike. And then they met Aslan. Who told them not to worry. Who promised to rescue Edmund, to restore their family.

And Susan began to hope.

I feel I must trust Aslan, no matter what He says. If He says He can rescue Edmund, then He will. I can't wait to see my baby brother again, to hold him again.

Maybe we were right in coming here.

Aslan sent out a rescue party, and Edmund was brought back safely. Everyone was happy, but it was not to last. The Witch came and demanded a sacrifice, to appease her blood-price. And Aslan gave up his life.

And Susan despaired.

Why is He doing this? Can't He fight that horrible Witch? How could she be so evil? Why isn't He doing anything?

What are we going to do without him?

But Aslan came back to life, and took them to the Witch's castle, where they saved those she'd turned into stone. And they arrived at the battle in time for Aslan to defeat the Witch. And for Lucy to save Edmund's life with her healing cordial. And they were crowned Kings and Queens of Narnia.

And Susan was overjoyed.

We've done it. The Witch is dead; she'll never bother anyone, ever again. Peter, Edmund, and Lucy are all safe--especially Edmund. The people of Narnia are rejoicing our coronation.

I don't ever want to leave.

Years passed, and the young Kings and Queens grew into their titles, ruling with strength, valor, fairness, and kindness. They were beloved. Then one day, Peter reported that the White Stag had been seen near the Waste, and so a hunt party was arranged. And then they found themselves at a lamppost. And then Lucy was running down a path. And then they were in the Professor's house, again, the same age as when they'd left.

And Susan was upset.

Why'd we have to go after that Stag? Why did Lucy have to run into the woods, and find that dratted lamppost? Why did we go into the wardrobe, again? I hardly remember this life, anymore.

Why couldn't we have stayed in Narnia?

But, time went on and the hurt eased. And then they found themselves at the train station, awaiting the train to take them home. Until they were pulled back into Narnia by Susan's magical horn.

And Susan was confused.

This isn't the Narnia I know. Where are all our courtiers, our subjects? Where is Mr. Tumnus wanting to play chess with us? Where is Oreius coming to Peter and Edmund with news of the realm?

What has happened to the golden palace where we ruled?

But she had no time to voice these confusions, as they were drawn into helping Caspian, who was the true King of Narnia. The boys drew up their battle plans. Peter defeated Miraz in honorable combat. Caspian was crowned King, by Aslan himself. And then Aslan told them they would no longer return.

And Susan cried.

What have I done to deserve this; why have I been turned away from Narnia? Did I doubt you, was it that I didn't believe enough? Was it because I didn't believe Lucy, when she said she'd seen you? I don't understand.

What can I do to come back?

But her cries fell on deaf ears,and her tears dried up,and Narnia became merely a fond memory. And Susan went to America, to learn, and experience, and grow. And when she returned, she had become a worldly young woman, with grace and sophistication. But she never forgot the land where she was Queen.And Aslan's booming words always echoed in her mind, bringing unbearablesadness when she heard them.

And then Edmund and Lucy went to their cousin's, and returned with glorious tales of how they journeyed to the end of the world with Caspian. How they met dragons, and Lords, and Aslan, himself.

And Susan was jealous.

Why did they get to go, again? Why does Aslan love them more than me? Why do they get what I can't have?

Why can't I go back?

But jealousy served no one, so she never let them know of her feelings. It is, after all, the way of sophisticated young women. She merely told them how proud she was, and nursed her broken heart in solitude. Later, young men started asking for her, making her feel pretty and loved, like she had in Narnia. But thinking of Narnia was painful, so shetried not to. And Aslan's voice, telling her she could never return, became merely a whisper.

And so Susan forgot.

A/N2: This was just how Susan could give up Narnia, and has no specific time. The next chapter will begin during The Last Battle, and will continue on from there.

Comments and suggestions are always welcome.