Kakashi looked up from his feet. "How am I going to explain this one to Iruka? I really fucked up this time. What are you doing? Iruka won't listen to you, he's too pissed off right now."

But Kakashi didn't leave; he stood waiting. When Kakashi saw Iruka walking towards him he pushed up off the car. He watched as Iruka's hand came up and pushed a few stray hairs out of his face, then ran his hand across his mouth nervously.

Iruka got to the car and only glanced at Kakashi while he put the right key into the lock.

"Iruka?" Kakashi ventured.

Iruka pulled the door open and got in, not saying anything to Kakashi. He just stared out the windshield. Iruka could feel his anger rising in his neck, making him flush. He turned in the driver's seat to look at Kakashi.

Kakashi began to speak but fumbled over his words.

"Iruka, listen … What happened last night …what you saw was…" Kakashi stopped, because what had happened last night? He didn't quite know.

"I am sorry." It came out as a whisper. Kakashi knew that there was no getting Iruka to understand. He was defeated.

Kakashi's words just fueled the anger in Iruka and now it was going to come out.

"What the fuck? Kakashi, how can you say that? You weren't even thinking, were you?" Iruka's accusing eyes looked to Kakashi for something. But nothing came; more came out. "I mean, with fucking- with fucking Raidou! What the fuck?"

Somewhere through all the words Iruka had grabbed a hold of the steering wheel, his knuckles were turning white. Kakashi stood there, guilty of all that had been said and he felt it in his throat.

"You know, I'm pretty fucking sure that you would lie on your back and spread your legs for anyone who was willing," Iruka said bitterly.

Kakashi was pissed now, but he had no right to be. He wasn't the one who had walked in on his lover fucking someone else last night in their bed. He felt his anger wash over him like the tide. What Iruka had said cut through him but all of it was true. He didn't want to be, but he was lacking in self-control. Now he had gone and fucked up one of his most needed relationships.

Kakashi took a step towards Iruka and bent down so that he could look him in the eye. Iruka flinched, looked away, but then looked at Kakashi with imploring eyes.

"I'm not good enough or something? I'm that fucking bad, you have to go to someone else?" Iruka's voice cracked with emotion.

Kakashi was taken aback by the emotion in Iruka's voice. He looked away because he couldn't look at Iruka and said, more to the parking lot than Iruka, "No Iruka, it's not like that. You're great, the sex is great, and fuck everything is great. But I'm just a fucking idiot and stupid…" Kakashi trailed off and looked at Iruka.

Kakashi fought back the sting of tears that threatened to fall and overwhelm him.



Iruka just sat there, looking off into the distance, past Kakashi to a different time and place where he was happy with him.

Iruka looked at Kakashi and sighed. There were tears in his eyes now and he was just tired of this. He took Kakashi's head in his hands and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Then Iruka shoved him away, shut the door, and pulled out of the parking lot. Kakashi stood there letting realty sink in and cursing himself. Remembering the look of hurt in Iruka's eyes and the brief warmth of his lips against his.

He wanted to die.