Dancer in the Dark
So I decided to write this because I heard the song and I cried, because it's something one of my close friends would say to me if she had the chance, and what I wish my friends would do for me. Realize I haven't written anything in quite a while, and frankly I only write when I am in my hole of depression. I don't do songfics often, and I am not sure how they should or shouldn't work but, I felt that I would try it this way.
This is dedicated to my Ryuichi.
I neither own this song, nor Gravitation. Hopefully they don't mind me writing this.
Lyrics are italicized
Dancer in the Dark
Song by the Rasmus
Fate lies ahead
I sit there looking ahead out the window of my office, thinking about life and Eiri. My friend stands behind my desk, without me noticing, in the still silence.
Like the sun will rise
"Tohma, can we talk?" Ryuichi says to me, making sure he doesn't sound demanding. I turn my chair and look at him placidly. I nod my head; trying to keep my composure.
"Sure Ryu, lets talk." I say with out much tone inflection.
The light has been gone far too long
He walks over to the black couch and plops down and points to the cushion next to him. I sigh and stand up, moving towards the couches. I sit down lightly and stare at my friend for moment before he begins. "I am worried about you Tohma, you don't seem shiny lately…" he says with genuine concern in his eyes.
From your eyes
He looks into my eyes. "Your eyes don't shine anymore…", he whispers.
But you never changed, never played your part
As he adverts his eyes away from mine, he curls his legs up close to him. "You always unwaveringly help people live their lives to the fullest," he pauses in his speech, and after thinking it through continues. "Yet you don't live you own life anymore…"
And you have erased all the fear from your heart
"You cover up your pain; make it invisible even to your self." He wraps his arms around his knees. "You make it so easy upon him, Eiri doesn't even acknowledge your love…"
And tried to forget
"I know how hard it is for you to see him, but what's worse is that you try to forget that you even love him, you throw up your shields and continue to help him with all his problems." He sighs and looks out the window.
The light in your eyes keeps fading out
I don't know how I feel about this conversation, he rarely talks to me like this. "Tohma, I want to see you smile again, I want to see the light in your eyes again, I never see it but in those fading moments where you see Eiri happy…"
The night's falling deeper in the heart
I open my mouth to speak, "Tohma, please don't say anything, I know you will try and stop me from saying this, and I have no doubt you could."
'This is true.' I think to my self, so I let Ryuichi continue what he has to say. "I know this love torn your heart to pieces". That was true, my loving Eiri, though it is the only thing that gives me joy, is the one part of my life that hurts more than anything.
Hiding the truth and crashing down
"I know, you hide it from others, because others need you, but I see it in you that you need help too..." He looks back to me. "I want to help you Tohma, I am so afraid that you will fall, and not be able to bring your self back up."
My baby's a dancer in the dark
"You're my best friend... you push those to their fullest, you dance around helping others, with out even them knowing of your presence in the their lives, especially Eiri's…" He looks like tears are forming in his eyes at this point. I want to comfort him, but I know that he is trying to be strong for me, so I must let him do this on his own. "But that dance…it hurts you, I know it because you don't get anything in return for the things you do."
You've seen it all
"You see it better than the rest of us, like you always say, 'You know all'." He pauses, trying to compose his thoughts. "You watch out for all of us, in some way or another…"
You don't mind going blind
"Though I feel that your looking out for us, has made you blind to your own need, your own pains" He unwraps his legs and places a hand on my knee obviously trying to lend comfort.
You've seen it all
"But I am sure you already know this, you never let anyone else see your inner self."
All the wonders of life
"You grant wonders to all of us by helping us through what you have. I remember that you always say that the only thing you need in return is a smile for something you do. Which is often priceless to the other person." I look around, and I notice that he does not have Kumagaru with him,. Usually he always brings Kumagaru with him. He must really want to be serious with me on this. "Yet the one wonder in your life hurts you with his absence, yet I know that is the one thing you want more than anything, for Eiri to love you as much as you love him."
Run to your boy, don't conceal your scars
"Tohma, I've talked with everyone... all those you have helped, they all know how much you suffer by this, we've all talked about this, you may have hidden the wounds from us." He takes his hand off my knee and…
He looks me dead in the eye, and I see this is where he's been saving up all this. "We've all talked with Eiri, and set up a visit for you to talk with him about this, I think with all of us showing our support of you, he would like to at least listen to how you feel, he feels you at least deserve to say that."
Run to your boy; let him feel your love
My stomach drops, I don't want to talk to him about this. The burden is not his to bare. "Before you say anything, everyone knows how much you love him, go to him and tell him how much you love him, how much you care for him."
Before it's too late
He laughs a bit, "We all know that Shuichi is not good for him, that's why you need to go to him and set everything right." The silence settles over the room, and my stomach is churning.
The light in your eyes keeps fading out
Now it is my turn to talk. "Ryuichi... thank you for rallying my friends behind this, but Ryu, he is not going to want to be with me." I lower my eyes, I know he's is trying to give me a pep talk in his own way, and I don't want him to see the my sullen eyes. 'I already know how this is going to turn out.'
The night's falling deeper the heart
At this point my heart is sinking, but Ryuichi just wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry, Tohma, you never know, he might just accept your love."
Hiding the truth and crashing down
'he's obviously deluded... Eiri can barely stand being in my presence anymore.' My thoughts are spiraling now.
My baby's a dancer in the dark
"You can do this Tohma, it's going to happen today, I've already lined up your driver, he's going to take you to Eiri right now." He stands up and takes my hand and pulls me up.
Your sight is dying but you keep on trying to save your boy
At this point my eyes are tearing up, I feel like I am going to be sick. The person I love more than anything is waiting to here me tell him how I feel, something he probably already knows. Ryuichi says to me in a calm but quivering voice, "It's alright, you always tell me things work out for the best."
You keep on lying but your false illusions will be destroyed
"Tohma, don't lie about how you feel to him, tell him everything." He places his hands on my shoulders and gives them a little shake. "You could only put up your walls for so long, before they would break you know."
You heard it calling but you turned your face, never played your part
We walk out my office door to the elevator, and we head down to the garage of NG corp. There at the entrance is the car that will take me to my fate. The driver opens the door for me. I start to get in and look back to Ryuichi. He smiles and says "Nows your time, no time to look back, go get your man"
You heard it singing but you danced away like a falling star
As the door shuts, I take a deep breath, and have no clue where this will go. The driver gets in and takes off. I look over to the seat next to me and realize how much Ryuichi cares for me, how much he realizes how important this is to me and how much he is willing to sacrifice for this, because there is Kumagaru.
Dancer in the dark
Dancer in the dark
Dancer in the dark
I hope you liked it, feel free to critique it. I finished it at 4 in the morning, so it may be a bit sloppy, but I also got a friend to edit it. I am sure if you read my stuff you know who my Eiri is. Anyway, I will try and work on my other stuff latter today.
-Tohma