You arrive at school a week later. You've skipped school the past week, hoping this situation would blow over.
The hallways are full of gossiping girls and egotistic guys, you can see them all look to you and snicker behind your back. You keep your head low and walk as fast as possible to get out of the penetrating eyes of your peers.
When you get to your locker you see Duncan and Dick talking a few lockers down. At first neither sees you and they keep talking, when your locker makes a loud squeak sound as you open it both their gazes are averted to you and you can feel the hate radiating from Duncan's eyes.
"Slut" You hear him say.
Dick laughs along with Duncan, your eyes feel like a dam is about to burst. You must not cry here, not in front of everyone.
As soon as the bell rings you grab your bag and briskly walk to the girls' bathroom, locking the door behind you. You check the stalls, no one is in them.
You try to act bravely and forget what Duncan called you, forget the rumours and the hurtful truth but it's easier said then done. All you can think about is the names Duncan's probably called you over the past week and how everyone probably hates you. Soon tears are streaming down your face, leaving black streaks down your porcelain cheeks.
Finally you stop crying and wipe what minimal make-up you had on, from your face, replacing it with new make-up. You check yourself in the large mirrors before unlocking the bathroom door and leaving the girls' bathroom for your English class. You arrive late obviously, all eyes are on you.
"Veronica Mars, you've had a whole week off and you can't manage to arrive to class on time?" Your teacher scorns you.
"Sorry sir"
"Take a seat Miss Mars" He sighs, returning to the board to write more grammar.
Someone taps you on the shoulder, you look to your left , expecting someone to laugh in your face. Instead you're met with Meg. She looks at you with such sorrow and sympathy that all your problems seem to float away. She's your friend, she'd never hate you even if you did cheat on Duncan.
She passes you a folded piece of paper. You wait until your teacher has turned around before you open it.
'Slut. How could you cheat on Duncan? He loved you so much, Veronica. You're such a bitch, you cheated on him with his best friend! That's both stupid and skanky of you. I think everyone would appreciate it if you'd just disappear off the face of the Earth, or die. Fucking whore.'
You turn back to her, she gives you a malicious smile and turns her eyes to the front of the room. You don't know what to think or what to say – or even if you should write back or not. You hate girl drama, ever since Lilly died you couldn't stand the bitchiness of girls and kept very few girls close to you.
The bell rings for class to be over and second period to begin, you have a free period.
As everyone heads into various class rooms you wander outside to the lunch tables where you decide you'll study to keep your mind off things. You pull out a text book and an exercise book to put notes in. It keeps you occupied for 3 minutes. Then your mind wanders to Logan.
This is all Logan's fault. If he hadn't have gone to your house all those weeks ago you would never have slept with him, or thought about him like you had and you would still be with Duncan and everyone wouldn't hate you. Logan is to blame for this.
Although, it was nice being with Logan, he treated you like no one else had. At times, Logan could be the sweetest person you knew, treating you with candy and flowers, other times he'd treat you as his personal slave and have you over when it suited him not when you wanted to be with someone.
He'd tried calling you on many occasions throughout the past week, leaving voicemail after voicemail apologizing to you for everything that happened. He'd even sent you lengthy emails writing down numerous ways to say he was sorry, none of it meant anything to you.
As if on cue your phone starts to vibrate on the table. It buzzes and you look to the screen. Logan's name appears, you're not tempted to pick it up, Logan is dead to you. He means nothing to you anymore, it was a mistake to think he ever could.
"Logan?" Mac appears beside you.
"Yeah" You reply, not bothering to look up at Mac.
Mac is different to any other girlfriend you have but she has morals and cheating on a boyfriend is a big no, no in her books and you crossed that one, in fact you completely shattered that rule to pieces.
"You don't have to sit here with me, I'm quite capable of insulting myself without your help"
"Who said I was going to insult you, Veronica?"
You look up, suddenly angry for no reason. "Because I'm a slut? Because I cheated on Duncan with his best friend, not once, not twice, hell I don't even know how many times anymore. I stopped counting after the 10th time. So I'm sorry if my first assumption of you being here is to insult me. Now please leave me the fuck alone, I have things to do"
She looks at you confused, you've never seen her like that. Her hair flows in the wind lightly, you can tell she's disappointed in you.
"Veronica, I don't understand why you did it. I don't know why you'd want to or even why Logan? But I do know you and I know right now you're in need of a friend because you probably feel enough like shit without everyone picking on you. I'm not here to call you the names you already think you are, I'm here to listen to you"
"Please Mac, I just feel like being alone"
You bury your head in the text book before she has a chance to notice the quiet tears falling down your cheeks. As soon as she leaves you cry out loudly, you want to scream and run for miles to release all this anger you have inside. Everything around you is falling apart. Next thing you know your dad will be gone.
---
Finally you're home, by now your dad has got wind of what you've done. He doesn't even look at you when you walk in the door after school. He sighs and goes to say something but stops.
"Just don't okay? I've had enough" You tell him, dropping your keys on the bench and going to your room.
You throw your bag to the corner of your room and turn on your computer. You probably have 100 emails telling you how much of a slut you are.
You're not completely wrong.
Just as you suspected, you have hate mail. Three emails, one from Meg, one from Duncan and one from Dick. You read the first one and scan the other two. After reading the first, there's no real point in reading the other two because they say almost exactly what the first did. Once you read them, you scroll down and see an email from Logan, you click it and open it.
Where have you been the past week? I skipped school today and went to your house, you weren't there. Where are you? You won't answer my calls anymore. I'm sorry. For everything you know? I've written to you in emails several times, apologizing every way I know how to and all I get back is 'Fuck off' is that all I deserve?
Look Veronica, I know what we did meant nothing to you, but it meant something to me and I can't just go by life knowing that you never knew how much. So as bad as I am at all this sentimental shit here it is;
I like you. I like the bitch inside you, I like the way sweat beads form on your face when I'm buried inside you, I like the way your hips sway when you walk and I like how happy you make me. I like what we had, I like how much time we had together and I like who you turned me into. The only reason I was such an asshole to you is because I don't know how to express myself, I've been let down a lot in my life and all I know is pain and anger. I'm asking you if you'd help me to know love, Veronica Mars. Help me please.
Logan.
You close the email and sigh, why did he make it so hard to hate him? You always tell yourself to stop lying to yourself about Logan. You like him, you have for awhile and you don't know why.
As your eyes start to close and you drift into a state of unconsciousness your phone buzzes beside you. You look to the screen, again Logan's name is printed across the wide screen. Your hand moves to pick it up, but you stop and take a deep breath before answering.
"Hi"
"Veronica! Finally you answered your phone"
You don't say anything, you don't know what to say.
"So I've missed you at school the past week, where have you been?"
"Sick"
"Oh, I hope you're better"
"Yeah"
His breath is sharp and almost ragged as if he was nervous about something.
"Were you at school today?"
"Yeah"
"Fuck. I should have been there. Dick said he was going to make your life hell for fucking me"
"Oh, well he didn't"
"Did you see Duncan?"
"Yeah, he called me a slut"
In your mind you can picture Logan's fist balling up ready to punch Duncan's face in. He shouldn't bother, the term slut rather suits you really.
"Did you get my email?"
"Yeah"
"I meant every word of it Veronica, I really am sorry for fucking things up between you and Duncan. I wish I could take it all back for you if only to see you happy"
"Yeah"
"Could you stop saying yeah!?" He yells at you.
You cringe under his deep voice.
"Sorry" He mumbles afterwards. "It's just…I really don't know what to say…I guess I'm nervous. Ha" He laughs. "Veronica, you make me nervous"
"Can we meet up, Logan? I really just need to get out of here"
"Why?"
"My dad found out and well I just need to leave for awhile"
"Yeah, sure. I'll pick you up in 15 okay?"
"Yeah okay"
He hangs up and you silently wish he'd stayed on the line. As much as you hate to admit it, Logan Echolls comforts you somewhat, he makes you feel as though everything is okay, even when you both know that it is most certainly not.
You chuck on a black jacket over your clothes and place a few things in your bag before heading out to the lounge. Your dad is seated on the sofa talking on the phone, you hope he won't notice, but as usual, nothing goes past him.
"Hold on a sec" He pauses and places his hand over the speaker. "Where do you think you're going? You're grounded Veronica. I'm extremely disappointed in you"
"Logan and I are meeting up"
"Veronica, you are certainly not going to see Logan Echolls, god he is the cause of this whole mess. If it wasn't for him Neptune wouldn't be calling you a slut and you would be asleep right now. Get to your room"
His hand uncovers the speaker and he stands to move to his bedroom for privacy. You don't care if the person on the other end is important, if it's the president or even the fucking queen. You just want to yell and scream, even if it's at your dad. The man who raised you.
"You know what dad, I am going out. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to meet up with Logan, rent a hotel room for the night and have him screw me so hard that I'll forget this whole fucking mess"
You run out the door, slamming it behind you. Your dad follows you out but stands in the doorway as you run towards the street. You stop at the pathway and look at your dad, he turns and goes back inside whilst you wait in the cold night air for Logan to pick you up.
Minutes pass and you see Logan's car pull up to the curb, you quickly get in, swiping at your eyes furiously.
"Veronica…"
"Shut up and drive. Take me to a hotel, I want to fuck"
"We can always go back to Dick's…that's where I'm staying"
"Go back to Dick's so he can watch us screw? Fuck Logan, just fucking drive"
His eyes avert from you, your intense stare makes him nervous. He keeps his eyes trained on the road whilst yours are transfixed on your hands that are playing with your bag. It's keeping your mind preoccupied for now.
He pulls up at some fancy hotel out of town by a few miles. He carefully gets out, you wait a few seconds before you follow. He passes his keys to the valet as he walks inside the double doors, you follow directly behind him. He stops at the counter and checks you both into a hotel room, an expensive one at that.
You get into the elevator with him, you're all alone and as if your life was a cliché you push him against the wall and start furiously making out with him. He gropes your ass mindlessly as your hands grasp the back of his neck in eagerness.
"Veronica…wait…we're in an…elevator" He manages between you trying to ravish his delectable mouth.
"I don't care" You tell him, unbuttoning his shirt quickly.
The doors for the elevator open and you're suddenly staring at two people from Neptune high. The girl giggles and whispers to the boy.
"Are you Veronica Mars?" The girls asks, clutching to her boyfriend.
"Yes"
"You cheated on Duncan Kane right?"
"Yeah"
"Slut" She snickers, getting into the elevator. Her male friend stops.
"Dirty whore" He snarks, you can't hide the emotional pain, Logan notices.
Logan grabs the guy by his shirt and pushes him against the wall. "Talk to her like that again and I'll fuck you up so bad, no plastic surgeon will be able to fix you. And you" He points to the girl. "Respect her or I'll have you ruined"
He drops the guy, he stumbles to get in the elevator. Logan doesn't look at you when you start to move again, he just pulls you to the room and unlocks it with his key card.
As soon as you're inside the room you grab Logan's waist and start undoing his pants, occasionally rubbing his growing penis through the material, you manage to get his jeans off quick enough. Then it's his turn and he's unzipping your jacket and lifting your top over your head.
"Thanks" You thank him for the scene before.
He doesn't answer. He doesn't need to.
All your clothes soon become discarded, along with Logan's and before long he's managed to have your legs wrapped around his waist and him ravishing your neck all at the same time.
He buries his cock into your tightness quickly, thrusting into you harder then he ever has, it hurts you but you don't let him know that. This is what you want, meaningless, emotionless, sex. Sex that has no meaning or no emotion directly attached to it. That is sex with Logan.
"Harder" You order him, grasping the skin on his back.
You didn't think he could go harder but he could and this time it really hurts and you let out a pained groan as well as further digging your nails into his back. He doesn't stop like he usually would, if anything he goes deeper and faster, the pain grows.
"Logan" You cry out. "Fuck…stop" You tell him. He doesn't.
Your heels dig into him as the pain intensifies more, you can only let out pained groans. Eventually you start to sob quietly as he pushes in and out of you quickly.
"Logan, please stop" You cry.
He finally speaks, biting your neck, drawing bits of blood.
"This is what you wanted isn't it? Sex that has no meaning? A mindless fuck to forget everything" He pushes harder.
"Stop" You cry, almost defeated.
"You just want to cum and then sleep the rest of the night, to fuck the pain away Veronica" He bites your lip.
More blood.
"Logan" You cry.
He drops you and moves away, putting his hands to his head and brushing his hands through his hair. His erection is still fully noticeable and you can not help but stare.
"Fuck Veronica! Why do you have to be so complicated?"
You don't say anything, you're afraid of what Logan might do.
"Answer me? I called you and you answered, I took that as a sign you wanted to be friends again or at least talk, not use me for sex! I fucking love you okay? You're the first girl I ever used that word on, not even Lilly got that far and you're fucking me over!"
"I told you to stop" You sniffle. "You didn't"
Your top slides on easily as does your pants and jacket.
"That's what you wanted. A rough fuck so you can forget that you cheated on the beloved Duncan right?"
"Logan…"
"What? Logan I'm sorry? Logan I didn't mean to? Logan fuck me? Logan I hate you? What Veronica!?"
"Logan I'm sorry. Logan I didn't mean to say those things to Duncan. Logan I want you to fuck me. Logan I don't hate you"
You step towards him and place one of your small hands on his broad shoulder. He looks to it as if you're going to try something and he'll suddenly die.
"What?"
"I don't know. I don't know who you are to me? I mean, you're someone I can tell anything to and truthfully, you are the first person I think of calling when I need to talk or when I'm in trouble Logan"
"I love you, Veronica. I don't even know fucking why?"
He pulls you in and kisses you with such passion that you think he could make you burst with delight any moment now. He pulls you close and then picks you up, carrying you to the bed in the next room. He places you down on the bed and carefully, peals off your clothing that you decided to put back on.
"I'm sorry" He kisses your chest.
"I'm sorry" He kisses your stomach.
"I'm sorry" He kisses your thigh.
"I'm sorry for messing things up" He moves back up to kiss you.
"You didn't. I did"
"How?" His mouth moves to taste your neck.
"I should have broken up with Duncan the first night we were together Logan. I should have never have cheated on him in the first place"
He silences you with a kiss that could rival his last, you battle his tongue with your own, grabbing his shoulders and pulling his naked body on top of yours. It's a rather nice feeling, the feeling of Logan's muscular, naked body on top of your petite, one.
You grasp his neck as he pushes inside of you once more. This time there is no pain, no roughness. His moves are slow and gentle, he takes care of you, going no further than he had with the last stroke. This time you are fucking the sensitive Logan, the Logan you thought you hated. This Logan whispers sweet words in your ear as you fall asleep and tells you how beautiful you are when you've finished fucking. You like this Logan.
"Logan" You moan as his mouth latches onto your neck.
Logan's hands move to your neglected breasts, he pinches your nipples in his fingers, rubbing them. His takes them into his hand, one in each, his hands cover them completely.
You hear him grunt, it's a low deep grunt that makes your body tingle with delight. Your hands run across his back, feeling every inch of his skin; every scar you've left on him. His head is buried in your hair as he pushes in and out of your body slowly, you can hear him breathe.
"I love you, Veronica Mars" He tells you as he places one of those sweet kisses on your cheek.
His words replay in your head, you know he's waiting for a response, something along the lines of 'I love you too, Logan Echolls', only you can't say that, the words won't form in your mouth. How is it so easy for him to tell you that? You can't. You had trouble telling Duncan you loved him, let alone trying to say it to the man who caused your world of problems.
"Veronica?" He questions, as if you had fallen asleep.
How could you fall asleep with this man making sweet sounds in your ear?
"Mmm?" You manage.
"I thought you'd fallen asleep"
That smile; that delectable, sweet smile that passes over his delicious tasting lips presents itself to you, you smile in return. He catches your lips before you have the chance to say something to him, his tongue slides inside your mouth, tasting every inch of your mouth he can.
His once, small and soft strokes become a bit faster and a bit harder as you both come close to climax. You are moaning, only the sounds never get heard, they're lost in Logan's mouth before they reach the air.
You both stop kissing and he pulls away to admire your face. You pant as soon as he leaves your mouth, this feeling is getting unbearable, you can feel your orgasm approaching. Logan bites his lip, you can see he is ready to cum, but he wants you to first. So you move your hand down to your clit and start rubbing it to hurry up your orgasm.
As soon as your fingers touch you, you feel your walls crash around Logan and that intense feeling you always get when having sex with Logan. You grip Logan's back, rolling your head back and almost screaming out in pleasure. In your mind you are screaming Logan's name, but you can only form moans in real life.
Logan's eyes are trained on your own as he pushes inside you harder, he growls in response as his climax reaches him and he fills you with that liquid you've become so accustomed to over the past few weeks. His back becomes tense on your fingers as his release is ending, his breath is ragged and sharp, eventually he collapses on top of you, you don't even feel his weight, you are too happy with basking in the afterglow of your orgasm.
For minutes all you and Logan can do is catch your breath, no words are said. Then after a few minutes Logan rolls off you and lies beside you, taking your hand in his and kissing your palm as if it was precious treasure. You smile, you want to tell him all the things you feel right now, but words seem incapable of expressing all your emotions.
"I'm sorry for everything" He tells you.
"Me too. It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry for yelling at you"
Silence hits you both for several minutes, it's not awkward silence or that after sex silence that sometimes happens, no, it's blissful silence, all you want to do is lie here with Logan.
"Veronica, do you think things would be different if Lilly was alive?" He asks you suddenly.
You've never really had conversations with Logan about Lilly, mostly because you found to much pain behind your best friend's death and because Logan was miserable after Lilly died and you'd rather not bring up the subject.
"Yeah"
"How so?"
You prop yourself on your elbow and face Logan.
"I wouldn't be here right now"
"I loved Lilly a lot, but right now I'm glad she's gone"
You are too.
He gets up and puts on his clothes, you follow in his footsteps, following him into the kitchen of your suite. There's nothing much in the kitchen, but the mini bar is full of alcohol which Logan is immediately attracted to once he finds it.
You sit on the couch in front of the wide screen TV. Logan brings you over a beer and sits beside you. In ways you can't explain what this is? You don't even know yourself. You find comfort in Logan, you find him safe but you also know he is more than someone who comforts you and keeps you safe. You wonder what he is to you.
"What are we now Logan?" You ask suddenly.
"I think you're my bitch" He smirks playfully.
"Logan!"
"Sorry. No, I think this makes you my girlfriend now"
"How do you come to that conclusion?"
Your face lightens up as you cuddle closer to Logan, you're not one for cuddling but this is different.
"Well, I pretty much bared my soul to you before and then we ended up having sex, which wasn't rough or passionless. Plus I know you like me"
"I do not" You laugh.
"You so do"
"I do not!"
"Veronica likes me, Veronica likes me" He chants over and over again.
"Fine I do"
Logan doesn't say anything, he kisses your forehead and turns his face towards the TV. You look up at him and admire him. He's all yours now, you don't have to worry about lying to Duncan or hiding him from anyone.
Logan told you he needed to learn how to love, all he knew was pain and anger. You bring him happiness and love. But you know he's not the only on learning how to love; you are too.