Author: Girlgonemadd
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Tiny one for The Storm
Sequel/Series: No
Beta: Lorellipsis
Feedback: Love it.
Warnings: Mention of torture, angst, pre-slash
Summary: It was his last decision, the last gift he could bestow upon the city and it's inhabitants.
A/N: This is set in the first half of Season 2. This was originally published in the zine, Ocean Vu 2, a year ago. More notes at the end.
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In the dank, eerie cell that had been his home for antiquity, Rodney lay deformed and dejected on the soiled ground. Fire tore through his body with every gasp of air and each insignificant movement. His soulless eyes watched with detachment as blood escaped across the floor. The mortality he'd dreaded for so long was at hand but, extraordinarily enough, he no longer feared it. Any self-preservation instincts had long since been eradicated, ripped from him like his past life. He shied away from any thoughts of that past, the memories seeping from his veins just like the blood rushing to desert him.
All he wanted was for this endless desolation to stop, for all thought to cease, for a few moments of peace.
Kolya smirked at him with a look that spoke of uncompromising danger. "You will come with us and you will help us in our endeavors, won't you Dr. McKay?" A familiar knife glittered in the dim lights. "I'd hate to see anything…bad…happen to your team. Don't you agree?"
"Do you promise to let them go, unharmed?"
"On the condition they believe this is a rescue, not a kidnapping."
All he wanted was…an escape from the guilt that had consumed him ever since Sheppard's hazel eyes had fastened upon him, burning with unspoken accusations.
"You agreed to what? Are you insane? You can't go with them, you know what the Genii are like, McKay!"
All he wanted was…an escape from the bitter realization that others still believed so poorly of him.
"Rodney…" Elizabeth pleaded, her image pale and shaken on the monitor deep within the Genii stronghold, as the return of the prisoners - his team - took place miles away, "This isn't the answer. Whatever they told you they'd give you is a lie! Don't do this!"
His heart pulsed frantically and his throat constricted painfully. How could she fail to notice the terror racing through him at this moment? He'd always been told he was a poor poker player because his emotions were written all over his face. Why was his fear so hard to see now? "Perhaps it's not your answer, but it is mine."
All he wanted was…an escape from the unbearable pressure of trying to pull a miracle from thin air, time and time again, and an escape from the threat of death that seemed to stalk his every decision.
"In reward for your selfless actions and assistance in the peaceful take over of the City of the Ancients , Dr. McKay, I promise not to kill any of your former comrades." The smile on Kolya's face sent cold shivers of fear up and down Rodney's spine. "If this works out, you will once again be Head of the Science Division on Atlantis. The Pegasus Galaxy will be your playground and you will be honored as the brilliant scientist that you are."
The malevolent and sarcastic words cut through what thin reserves Rodney had left and he sat down wearily at the lab table, gazing sightlessly at the plans of ultimate betrayal.
"Perhaps you will even be allowed to shower."
Kolya's mocking laughter echoed down the hall.
The vicious beating that followed the failed mission was not enough to extinguish the knowledge that Atlantis had been saved from the Genii. It was his last decision, the last gift he could bestow upon the city and it's inhabitants. Atlantis was safe from the narrow-minded, reckless, and self-serving bastards the Genii had once again revealed themselves to be.
Gestapo wannabes.
The chuckle turned into a watery, iron-laced cough and Rodney willingly spiraled down into a weightless, peaceful nothingness.
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The shadows embraced his sleeping form, but even in that enveloping darkness, Rodney could sense a difference that prickled at the back of his mind, demanding attention. Struggling against consciousness and the realization that even death had deserted him, he longed desperately to return to the blissful, comforting darkness. He could not go back to that hell hole, where retaliations and repercussions for his actions would bring his existence to a new level of intolerable pain.
The insistent nagging sensation worked its way to the forefront of his thoughts, now clamoring loudly for attention. And with the reluctant return to the present, came the smell of antiseptic, familiar now from so many stays in the infirmary. How could he be in a hospital? Kolya hadn't meant for him to live, not after the injuries he'd inflicted, and no one at the Genii facility would have defied the crazed military fascist.
An odd sound reached his ears and Rodney had to wonder if it was himself, sobbing once more at the despair that had become his life. Taking a breath, however, he realized that the sound of weeping wasn't his own. Who the hell was crying? It sounded heartbreaking and was nearly unbearable to listen to. Fighting his way through the last of the sleep-induced fog, Rodney weakly blinked his eyes open, and found a head of familiar, dark, rakish hair burrowed into the bed beside his pillow.
Despite his working hypothesis that this was merely an hallucination brought on by oxygen deprivation while his body lay dying in that dark, dank cell, Rodney couldn't help but respond to the emotional distress. He reached out a shaky hand and, with a large degree of surprise, found those endearingly, raffish locks to be soft to the touch.
Rodney wanted to protest when John stiffened and pulled away, but suddenly found himself staring into bloodshot eyes, the tears still falling down that thin, haggard face. The expression of overwhelming disbelief could not hide the underlying pain and grief etched upon John's features and Rodney found himself tracing his fingers over the same path that his eyes had traveled, over lines he'd not seen before.
"Hey," Rodney whispered.
The tears hastened, as John's eyes held on fast to his own. "You're awake." John could barely push the words past the choking lump in his throat.
It was bitter-sweet that the one thing Rodney had wanted, more than anything, was finally being offered to him in this death-induced hallucination. "You're crying." He tenderly caressed away those tears.
Anger, sharp and instant, found its place above the hopeless desolation. "You damn near died, Rodney!" The power of that glare could have outpaced a ZPM. "We've been trying to get to you, trying to bring you back home…but that bastard…that bastard - " A shudder raced through John's body, sorrow taking hold. "I nearly lost you."
"John…come here." Rodney coaxed softly with both words and touch, pulling John closer so he could kiss those tears away.
"What…Rodney? John's voice was soft and shaky. "What are you doing?" He made no move to pull away as he gazed into those blue eyes that reminded him of Earth's skies…and flying.
Doing what I should have done long ago, what I never had the courage to do in life, Rodney thought to himself. "This is my hallucination, John. And this is what I want."
"This isn't - " John was cut short by the lips that pressed themselves to his with heat, passion, and a long-denied desire.
Rodney couldn't suppress a groan when John deepened the kiss, his breath becoming harsh and uneven. But then the world began to spin with a nauseating vengeance and Rodney reluctantly sagged back toward the pillows, gasping and trying to keep John in focus. When John's fingers slid slowly and gently across his cheek, another groan slid from his moist, swollen lips.
"Do you want me to get Carson?" John's concern was palpable.
"No." Rodney took several deep breaths, waiting for the room to slow it's sickening rotation. After a while, he came to the realization that the floating sensation was due to the effects of pain killers, the good ones, and found himself looking in wonder at the man by his side. With mussed hair and dark, passionate eyes, John was so damned sexy it made him ache. "This isn't an hallucination, is it?"
Intense, hazel eyes held him captive. "No, Rodney, it's not."
Rodney let his eyes travel over the surroundings, made familiar by too many visits as either a patient or waiting for word on someone who'd been injured.
"You found me?" It really wasn't his fault that the drugs were making him ask stupid questions, but then John leaned forward, so close and warm, and Rodney didn't care.
"We've been looking for you since that first day, you idiot. Did you really think any of us would buy the idea that you'd suddenly thrown in with the Genii? I swear - " Fingers pressed against his lips, halting him mid-sentence.
"Yell at me later." Rodney moved his hand to cup John's cheek, tenderly stroking back and forth with the pad of his thumb. "Right now all I want is more kisses until I fall back asleep."
John's eyes burned into him and his face shifted to that slow, sexy grin. An expression that had been sorely missed. "You're awfully pushy for someone in a hospital bed." And for once in his life, John did as he was told.
---end
A/N: I had originally killed off Rodney when he passed out in the cell, ending with an empty grave with his name on the mainland to mark his death and touched on the guilt of those who had doubted him. My exceptionally wonderful beta, Lorellipsis, who I love to pieces, bellowed and cried and threatened physical violence until I changed the ending. So, for those of you who don't like happy endings, it's all her fault!