Chapter 12

Elliot sat with his face resting on his knees, trying to imagine a life without Liv. He promised her he'd look out for her, to protect her from anything and everything. He promised to never leave her side, no matter what happened. As far as he knew, she wasn't going to make it out of surgery this time, all because he neglected his duty to protect her. He wasn't some worried husband waiting to see if his wife would come home in one piece. He was her partner, and he made her a promise that he hadn't kept. He stayed slouched over under the payphone station until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Elliot?" Chris asked. He knelt down next to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Elliot lifted his head a bit to smile, but then put it down again. He couldn't help but see a bit of irony. It was only three months ago, when he had been the one comforting Chris while Alex was in the hospital, recovering from a deadly gunshot wound. The pain he had been going thorough was unreal, even for Elliot, who rarely felt pain (you know what I'm talking about. The pain you feel when someone pulled on your heart strings.)

"Thank you," he said, letting a bit of his guard down. "You didn't need to come all the way here. I just needed to get some things out, express some fear and concern, you know?"

"Have you heard anything new?" Chris asked, ignoring Elliot's last comment. No matter how he tried to deny he had everything under control, he couldn't handle everything himself.

"No, no one's come out to tell me anything yet," he said. It was only thirty-five minutes after she went in, but each passing second felt like an eternity.

"She's going to be ok. She's a fighter," Chris said, trying to comfort Elliot.

"I could have saved her. I could have stopped her from going," he said, his voice at barely a whisper as he tortured himself once again with guilt.

"I know feel like you could have, but you've gotta realize none of this was your fault."

"But I could have stopped her. She went by herself, and look where that's landed her. I saw her walk through the doors, and I didn't even try to stop her. I could have done something."

Chris sighed. He knew how badly he was hurting, to not be able to help the one he loved most. Chris knew what he was going through, because he was in the same situation, but to go through this ordeal, not knowing if your loved one would make it out of the operating room alive, must be agonizing beyond belief.

"Did you think she was going to stand by and do nothing? No, she wouldn't do that, she'd too good of a person to do that. She wasn't about to let you go out there alone, she wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

"I-I don t know what you're talking about," said Elliot.

"Elliot, don't be stupid. I know you love her. Hell, your whole fucking squad knows it. And it's not too difficult to see that she loved you back the same way," he said, slightly surprised that he'd never been able to pick that vibe up.

"I have know idea what the hell you're talking about. Olivia would never see me as anything more than her partner, and a friend at most," he said, trying to claim ignorance, even though it wasn't working at all. It wasn't something he wanted advertised all over the unit, only to a select few for that matter.

"Come on man, think about it. Who's the one that's always by her side, and visa versa?" he asked. There were very few times he had seen Elliot without Liv, standing either right at his elbow, or a few steps away.

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about, but you're unsure of what you're feeling and what she's feeling. Therefore you're scared of commitment," said Chris after a while of Elliot being silent.

Elliot stared at the floor, wondering if he and Olivia could ever be more than just partners. He wanted so badly for their relationship to be more, but he knew it could never be that way.

They sat in silence for a while, taking in each other's company, in the cramped space between the payphone station and a row of chairs. Sometimes, words were simply unnecessary. Actions spoke louder than words, after all like the saying went. Sometimes, the ultimate way to cure a broken heart is in the company of a good friend. He must have dosed off, because the next thing he knew, he was hearing loud footsteps and the sound of footsteps on a tile floor coming closer...