Chapter 2: Proposals and Reactions

1960

"Hawkeye Pierce!" Margaret Houlihan screeched as she opened the door of her house in the Hudson Valley. "What are you doing here?"

Hawkeye grinned. "I was in the neighborhood."

"Come in, come in, you'll freeze." Margaret pulled the dark-haired man into the entryway.

"Nice place," said Hawkeye. "You buy or rent?"

"It was my great-aunt's," Margaret said. "She left it to me when she died."

"Were you close to her?"

"Hardly. I suppose the reason she left it to me is because I'm one of the only members of the family that wouldn't sell it or torch it." She hung up Hawkeye's coat and turned back to him. "Do you realize how much I've missed you?"

"I was just going to ask you the same thing." Hawkeye pulled the former Major into a hug. "Are you married?"

Margaret raised her eyebrows at the subject switch. "No."

"Engaged?"

"I was."

"What happened?"

"He called it off." Margaret drew back. "It was his sister that told me! His sister! It turns out if he would have married me, he wouldn't have gotten his inheritance because of my family's...history."

"History?" repeated Hawkeye. "What history?"

"My mother's family has a string of mental illness. His parents were afraid that if we had children, they would be kleptos or pyromaniacs or sit in a corner all day mumbling to themselves," Margaret said. "My ex-fiancee now lives in Utah, with a wife and three children, two of which shows signs of mental disorders."

"So you're unattached?"

"Yes."

Hawkeye took a deep breath. "Margaret...I didn't know this would be so hard, but just--just listen, all right?" he began. "I've been thinking about you ever since we left Korea. You don't know how many times I've wanted to call you and ask if you're all right. I was this close to making reservations for a plane out here at least ten times. But every time I did, I would think about what I would do if you were married, and I couldn't go through with it."

"I wish you would have," said Margaret. "All these months I've had to deal with Chuck and his idiotic family, I just wanted to have someone here that was on my side." She bit her lip. "Do you want to know something?"

"Sure."

"Out of all the 4077th, I've missed you the most."

Hawkeye laughed. "If you would have said that in 1951 I would never have believed it."

"But it's not," Margaret said. "And I want you to believe it."

The two embraced and slowly kissed. It was as if the seven years had evaporated and they hadn't been apart.

"Marry me," breathed Hawkeye.

"What?" Margaret cried. "Are you crazy? We can't get married, I haven't seen you for almost ten years!"

"Margaret, don't you get it? We both need each other! At least I know I do. Now come on. Haven't you missed your old annoyance?"

"Of course I have, but we haven't--I don't know. In a way I do but in a way I can't."

"Hotlips Houlihan not being able to make a decision?" Hawkeye marveled. "Let's mark the date on that one, folks."

"Very funny," said Margaret.

For the next ten seconds, the only sound that could be heard was the grandfather clock chiming and the autumn wind blowing outside.

"Look, I don't want to rush you but I double-parked my DeSoto out there," Hawkeye said.

Margaret's mouth was open, ready to refuse and tell him to go back to Crabapple Cove, when she stopped. Why? Why should I refuse? "Hawkeye, this is...this is..." She laughed. "Okay. Okay, I'll marry you."

The next kiss rivaled their parting one in '53.

"Pinch me," Hawkeye instructed.

"What?"

"Pinch me. I want to know if I'm dreaming."

Margaret gladly obliged.

"Nope, this isn't a dream," said Hawkeye.

"How do you know that?" Margaret asked.

"Because the Margaret in my dream wouldn't have pinched me there."

"Ooh, you pervert!" Margaret slapped him on his arm. She sighed. "What happens if we can't make this work?"

"We go our seperate ways," said Hawkeye."Margaret, even if it doesn't work, we'll have known we tried."

Margaret looked at Hawkeye carefully, trying to figure out if all of this was a joke that Trapper or B.J. put him up to. "I love you."

The words were out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying.

But somehow, it felt right.

XXX

Hawkeye, who had been staying in one of Margaret's guest rooms, was shaving one morning when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" hollered Margaret. She flung open the door and was greeted by Father Mulchay, which was quite a common occurance. He lived a few miles from her and had been making sure that the 4077th's head nurse was doing all right. Much of his hearing had returned, but he wasstillpreaching to the deaf.

"Good morning, Margaret," the Father said.

Before Margaret had a chance to say anything, Hawkeye shouted, "Where's the damn aftershave, oh wife-to-be?"

Father Mulchay pushed past Margaret. "Was that Hawkeye Pierce?"

"Let me take your coat," said Margaret, avoiding the subject. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Waffles?"

"Margaret." Father Mulchay smiled knowingly. "I'd know that voice anywhere." His eyes widened and he blinked several times. "Did he say..."

Hawkeye came down the stairs in a red and black plaid robe. "Margaret, where's the..."

Trailing off seems to be everyone's specialty today, Margaret observed silently. She cleared her throat. "Father Mulchay, I would like to introduce you to my fiancee."

Father Mulchaytook a moment to digest the information and broke into a broad smile. "Congratulations!" He hugged them both. "I knew it! You two crazy galoots."

"Father," Hawkeye began, "how are you at performing weddings?"

"A little rusty. Not too many ten-year-olds get married, you know."

"I--we would be honored if you would perform our wedding ceremony," said Margaret.

"When would you like me to do it?" Father Mulchay asked.

"Today," said Hawkeye.

"Next week," Margaret told him. She turned to face Hawkeye. "Today? I don't have a dress or flowers or anything!"

"This entire marriage is spontaneous! Why shouldn't the service be?" Hawkeye asked. "We can get married today, go to Crabapple Cove, and introduce Dad to his new daughter-in-law."

Margaret considered it for a moment. Finally, she said, "How about a Presbyterian at five?"

XXX

The wedding was held at Father Mulchay's apartment. Margaret wore a tan peasant dress and Hawkeyehad on a brown suit. By six P.M. they were on their way to Maine. On the way, they stopped and made several phone calls.

XXX

"You got what?" Sherman Potter crowed into the phone. "Well, bust my buttons!"

XXX

"You and Hotlips? Hawk, are you drunk?" shouted Trapper John McIntyre.

XXX

"Wow! Congratulations sir...ma'am..uh, ma'am," Radar O'Reilly stammered.

XXX

"Well, Pierce, I must say that I'm not surprised," said Charles Emerson Winchester III. "We knew for ages that you and Margaret had something more...romantic than your average nurse/doctor relationship."

XXX

"Max, a phone call came when you were bowling," Soon-Lee said to her husband, who was muttering under his breath about Jimmessing with the scoring sheets.

"Oh yeah? From who?" Klinger set down his bowling bag.

"Margaret Pierce," answered Soon-Lee.

"Don't know her."

"She left another name--Margaret Houlihan."

Klinger dropped his bowling bag. "It can't be."

XXX

"Hawk, you want me to play guessing games over five thousand miles of telephone line?" B.J. Hunnicutt asked. "Okay. Inga Halvorson...no. Uh...Carlye Breslin...sorry, Hawk...yeah...I give up. Who is she?"

After Hawkeye's answer, B.J. dropped the phone in disbelief.

XXX

"I'll flip you for Frank," said Hawkeye as Margaret stood beside a phone booth, rummaging around in her purse for a dime.

"You can have him," Margaret said. She handed him a dime and her address book.

"Margaret, you still have his phone number?" asked Hawkeye. "Should I be concerned that my wife is having an affair?"

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Will you dial?"

Hawkeye picked up the phone and punched in Frank Burns's phone number. "It's ringing," he hissed. "Hello, Frank?...You don't recognize my voice? Ferret Face, I must say that I'm shocked...Frank, the reason I'm calling...yes...oh, congratulations." He leaned up against the phone booth's wall."Frank...Frank, will you shut up?...Thank you. The...what? Major Houlihan? Yes I've heard from her...oh, she'll love that." Hawkeye covered the mouthpiece. "He and Louise got divorced last year," he told Margaret. Turning back to the phone, the dark-haired man said, "I'm afraid you can't have Margaret back...because she's married!...Frank. Stop crying, you're sniveling right in my ear...who's she married to?" He grinned in anticipation. "To none other than her most hated enemy...no, not the Chinese Communists...Me! Me, as in Benjamin Franklin Pierce! The U.S.'s most unpatriotic soldier!...she's right here." Hawkeye handed the phone to Margaret, who hung it up.

"What are you waiting for?" asked Margaret. "Let's go."

A/N: This is one of the longest chapters I've ever written. Should I keep them this length, or make them shorter? The longer ones take more time to write, so there might be a bigger space between updates. Drop me a review and let me know.

That was a VERY unconcealed guise to get reviews...my, but I'm tactless today. Anyhow, I'm off to continue work on chapter 3. (It only has about 166 words to it so far. If those numbers don't show up, it's not my fault!) It goes back to 1980, where Klinger and a refrigerator have an interesting encounter.