Chronicles of the Lazy-ass Ninja!

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Chapter 3: Dreaded paperwork

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Disclaimer: I'm not Kishimoto, so… yeah that's about it.

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The start of one final week of paperwork quickly came by. It consisted of various things: strategy, diplomacy, stealth tactics, theories, chakra and jutsus… everything they needed to become accomplished ninjas. Two days prior to the fated exam, Iruka decided he'd have the class work on mission planning, as missions would soon be pretty much all that they'd be doing. But since he wanted them to actually learn something, especially the "dropout 4", he decided to put them in teams of two.

- It's simple actually; I'll pair up the best with the worst.

Half the class didn't understand what he meant by that; the other half couldn't figure out how he was going to operate. As for Shikamaru, he didn't like where this was going, having a general idea of what would happen.

He probably wants to put the top of the class, with the dead lasts. That would leave me… He scanned the class with "fangirl Sasuke". Heck no!! There couldn't be anything worse than that!

He had nothing against Uchiha sasuke. The boy was smart, silent, arrogant, easily bored, seeing all this junk as a simple waste of time. Only qualities in the eyes of the pineapple head. No, the problem wasn't the top of the class, it resided in the never ending squeals of fangirls in a 2 meter radius around the prodigy; hence the nickname. It was a major pain preventing him from doing the most basic and important stuff to him: Think. While in school he thought about lots of things; the secret of the Akimichi clan preventing them from food poisoning, why school was so boring, the best shogi strategies, how to skip the housework today… important stuff, really. The screeches and the would-be-subtle-but-obviously-is-not giggles made Nara's mind go numb from the incredibly fast decrease of I.Q. Needless to say that didn't give him a high opinion of girls in general, especially when he had Ino for acquaintance.

- The first team will be… Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke.

Shikamaru's feelings of pure relief were expressed by a subtle, yet elegant yawn. He had forgotten that he and Naruto had the same grade. He watched as Naruto and Sasuke both eyed their teacher to see if he wasn't joking, then Naruto complained about having to spend a whole hour working with the Jerk behind him. Bad move. What happened next only reinforced the feelings Shikamaru had towards girls: It started with Hinata coming in front of their teacher to ask him about a better way to make the teams. While they were discussing, two of the tallest girls of the class made their way in front of Naruto's desk, to have a chat, erasing the blonde from Iruka's view. Naruto then found himself surrounded by the rest of the very unhappy girls, with Sakura and Ino right next to him. Next thing he knew, he was pummeled from every side, his cries for help nullified by the loud laughter of the two tallest perpetrators. It ended as suddenly as it started, just before Hinata had finished talking to Iruka. Moments after Hinata regained her seat, the chuunin finally noticed the poor beat up Naruto.

- Naruto? What happened to you?

- I… I tripped.

- Sheesh! Only you can look seriously beat up for the stupidest things…

The fox kid wanted to tell him what happened, but he couldn't. Would he even believe him in the first place? Half the class were still wiping there eyes and pinching themselves to see if it wasn't a dream. Anyways, the general opinion of the boys was that girls were scary. Some of them had other things in mind though: Choji and Kiba acknowledged that these kunoichi knew how to fight; Shino and Shikamaru were mentally praising the flawless execution of plan thought up in such a short time; Sasuke… made a mental note that when he'd restore the Uchiha clan, it would not be with anyone from his class.

After making sure Naruto would still be able to attend the class, Iruka made his second pairing.

- The Next team will consist of… Haruno Sakura and Nara Shikamaru.

How did the saying go: "Out of the fire into the frying pan"? Shikamru could only groan. He had expected he'd be hearing girls fawning over Sasuke, but not at less then one foot from his precious ears. Well at least the kunoichi seemed to be as unpleased as he was. This was going to be a very pleasant experience…

From the Sakura's perspective, things weren't going well either. She had wanted to be paired with Sasuke. Badly. Of all of his admirers she was the most passionate, fervent, and all the other synonyms she could think of. And she had many. Now, not only she wasn't paired with Sasuke, he was teamed up with the dead last, the clown nobody found funny: Naruto. For a brief moment she wondered if the fact that Sasuke was teamed up with such an annoying person was better than to leave him under the care of another girl. She shrugged: Sasuke wouldn't care if it was a girl, Sasuke would be faithful and wait for her because she was the only he truly desired… he just didn't notice yet. She knew this had as much chance of happening as winning the lottery ten times in a row, but she kept hope, for such is the simple mind of a fangirl. Pathetic? Yes, very.

After glaring with all her might at Naruto, like half of the class, the pink headed girl observed her new teammate. He had nothing to convince her that she could depend on him: his grades were as awful as Naruto, which was a feat, considering that Naruto had the record for lowest grade; He had no air of grandeur, no confidence, not a glimpse of intelligence at first shot; And worst of all, he wasn't even as remotely cute as Sasuke-kun. At least he was pretty easy to read: he looked like a lazy bum, and acted like one too. She was sure that for this work, she would have to work alone. She took a deep breath, and moved to sit next to the Nara boy, certain that he wouldn't have bothered to move. To her surprise he gave her a disapprobative look.

- What?

- You shouldn't have come here.

- Why?

- You're invading my sleeping space. Then he shrugged, and went back to is favorite napping position.

Sakura couldn't believe the nerve of the boy. He didn't even hide his intention of skipping the task at hand. She still tried to decide if the fact that the insult was half backed was more infuriating or not. But before she could argue -or smack him-, the teacher had already placed the task on Shikamaru's desk. Sakura reluctantly ignored the comment and started to work on the said assignment. Meanwhile, the teacher mentioned that the work would have to be completed in less than one hour, but that this hour would consist of two thirty minute periods split by a 15 minute break. It seemed that much time wasn't needed, because to the pink head's disappointment, the work looked rather easy; it consisted of the capture of an enemy high ranked officer located in a remote mansion. The plan of the mansion, as well as the traps, the number of shinobis and their emplacement, everything was detailed. The task was to find the most efficient way to complete the mission using a team of four of the several kinds of ninjas. There were many types, but nothing prevented a student from choosing two or three of the same type.

The answer was obvious, so Sakura spent about ten minutes thinking about how she would put the answer to words and by the time the break was announced, she was lost in the mindless gazing of the Uchiha genius. Meanwhile, the black haired lazy bum didn't move an inch, but still noticed that Sakura team (he didn't really consider himself part of the team since he had 0 part in the work), the Naruto – Sasuke team, and the Shino – Choji team had already finished with the task. The others were still discussing the most appropriate maneuver to complete the mission. Normally, he wouldn't have notice any of this, as he would be sleeping, but the pencil pushing followed by the loud sighs of his "teammate" was too noisy for his comfort. So while looking around, he pondered on the crucial question of the day; was Hinata involved in the plot to beat up Sasuke? He still wasn't sure when the people started to exit the room. He yawned loudly, thinking that he would finally be able to rest. As his eyes started to shut, he felt something grabbing his collar. Suddenly, he was picked up and was facing none other than the said source of the sleep preventing noises.

- You…! Clearly, she was holding him responsible for something. Her eye was starting to twitch as well; that didn't sound good.

- Yes?

- You didn't lift a single finger to help me. I did all the work!

- So? The noise you made crushed all the hopes I had of catching some Zs. I guess we're even.

- How dare you even think we're even after that!? If I my grades aren't as good as Sasuke-kun (Her whole expression changed at the mention of that name, but it quickly came back to its original fury) I'll make sure that you'll never want to sleep again, you hear me?!"

- Troublesome girl.

- Why you…!

- Considering my current grades, I don't think my intervention would have changed the final result in any way… at least, any positive way.

Her curled up fist dropped when she processed his reasoning, then she tried to retort with a valid argument, but couldn't. If he really was as dumb as Naruto, there's no way he could have helped her with this. Even having him write the answer would be hazardous. "And besides, don't tell me you weren't expecting this." said the boy, to finish her off. She finally dropped Shikamaru, who landed on his desk with a thud, and decided to go sit outside during the break. Getting mad and arguing with her teammate had totally drained her. As for him, he started by massaging his chin, which had hit the desk pretty hard. Then satisfied by the way he had gone out of this mess; he decided to reward himself with a well deserved rest – which lasted ten seconds. Suddenly, he was picked up and was facing none other than everybody's lovable dead last. Whoa… major déjà vu.

- What the heck are you doing!?

- Uh… I'm trying to sleep? And what's up with everybody? It must be the "Let's bother Shikamaru nonstop" day.

- I saw and you Sakura-chan just now!

- … And?

- You didn't lift a finger to help with her. She did all the work!

- Yes, Naruto. Thanks for repeating exactly what she said. Now I'm 100 sure of what I was doing for the last thirty minutes.

- But you're a… but he was quickly cut by the lazy student.

- Be careful about what you're going to say out loud, idiot!

- You're a genius! You should have helped her! he whispered so loudly Shikamaru thought he was talking normally. Fortunately, the rest of the students had already left the classroom.

- So? I'm lazy! What else did you expect?

- If the grade your team gets for this work isn't at least an A…

Shikamaru shrugged; yet another empty threat.

- I'll let your mom know how much of a good-for-nothing genius you are.

The boy's whole body shivered at the simple mention of his mother, when he understood what that threat would mean to him, he almost entered a state of panic.

- Like that will do anything… he said. But he lacked confidence, and Naruto didn't miss his shuddering.

- Looks to me it's a very effective threat.

- Hah! Like she'll ever listen to you!

- I'm not the one who's going to tell her.

- What!? Choji, you traitor! He had wondered how Naruto knew about his mom.

- So?

- Ugh! Fine, I'll think of something.

- You'd better.

Another drop, and once again Shikamaru was left rubbing his sore chin. What did he ever do to deserve this? Not only he had to endure one hour of torture consisting of hearing Sakura making what he dubbed fangirl noises at Sasuke, but now he actually had work, which required him to lift a pencil and write in class, thing he hadn't done for three years. And if that wasn't enough, He had to write his answer before the break was over, because Sakura would never let him write anything on this paper – he knew he wouldn't let himself write on that considering the circumstances. He could summarize all that in two words; "How troublesome."

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