Title: You Dumbom
Chapter: Irritation: Sasuke
Genre: Humor/Parody
Rated: K+
Word Count: 999 words and counting.
Prompts: Ninja High - AGENT REN; Cosplayers; DeviantArts; Badly constructed FanFics; Emos; Harry Potter; Tomato-Throwing
Author's Note: I apologize if any of this sh - what! offends. I don't mean to and I never will.
Interesting Fact #1: Dumbom means 'Fool' in Swedish.
Song to Listen to: Thanks for the Memories - Fall Out Boy / 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins / Best Friend - Toybox
Disclaimer #1: I own nothing you muggles see here. Except the words used and the occasional cracks in the writing.
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"I hate you all," said a very irratated Sasuke Uchiha. Suspended from his socks onto a tree was irritating. It caused his feet to hurt, his hair to get messed up and blood to race to his head.
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"Oh don't spoil the fun, Sasugay," a Sasuke hater called from the masses below, cape billowing, "you know we hate you even more."
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"Why." Sasuke asked flatly, hands clenched by his sides, defying gravity, while the blood continued to rush into his brain, causing massive dizziness and irritation.
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The Sasuke hater turned towards his semi-circle of comrades. "Tell him, minions,"
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A Sakura-look-alike stepped out of the semi-circle of cosplayers and threw a rock at Sasuke's head. It missed by several inches.
"Because," she hissed venomously, "you stop Sakura and Naruto from getting together, you friendless freak. You and your stupid chicken-styled hair."
She spat at him - the saliva landed pitifully on the floor - before continuing.
"Because, you ruin the whole Naruto plotline by trying to destroy Itachi, fool. Because, you eat tomatoes, which is disgusting, by the way. And," she grinned, triumphant, "because, you are an emo with bad fashion sense!"
-
Sasuke looked faintly bored and seriously red in the face.
"I don't like Sakura that way, you foolish muggle. My hair has been like this forever. Itachi killed my entire family; what the hell would you do? Tomatoes are delicious and healthy and emos are badly advertised."
-
"Muggle?!" A Harry Potter cosplayer poofed out of nowhere and stepped to the plate. "She's no muggle, you bloody idiot! She's a Naru-tard! Our sworn enemy, she is! I will hex you for that!"
He snatched out a stick from his little black dress.
Brandishing the knobbly stick like there was no tomorrow, he shouted, "Accio AK-47!"
Several birds flew out of the clearing in fright.
-
Sasuke reached up and took off his shoes and socks before lightly fell onto the ground; He really wasn't that far up, really.
"I'm going. This is stupid. You're all stupid."
Stuffing his hands in his training shorts, he crossed the training ground, bent on exercising his brain to withstand blood overload. Itachi could have tried this manoeuvre and destroyed him.
Must get stronger; stronger; stronger. Itachi, you will die.
-
The semi-circle of cosplayers, the Sasuke hater, Sakura-look-alike and the Harry Potter cosplayer bared their fake-fangs, arched their bent backs - from using the computer obsessively - and extracted their nonexistent claws out of their bony knuckles, Wolverine-style. "And just where do you think going, Sasugay Ughiha?"
-
Sasuke spared them a quick glance as he passed the mob and flipped them the infamous 'bird'. "Leave me alone, wannabes. Go draw crap about Naruto and Sakura naked or something. Or better yet, write about it." He added wryly.
-
The Harry Potter cosplayer died from the shock of being called a wannabe and the Sakura-look-alike fainted from the crack about M-rated FanFiction. (She loved doing it. She even had an award for it.)
The semi-circle quickly began to yell out profanities at their objection of being called 'wannabes' and insisted they were 'otakus' or 'dedicated Naruto-lovers'. Or even 'proud Narutards.'
-
The lone avenger who, ironically, was the Sasuke hater, spared the semi-circle a look of contemptuous arrogance before started doing complex, meaningless hand signs, deciding to destroy them once and for all. "Chi-dorr-i...!"
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Sasuke stopped in his tracks. Slowly, ohsoslowly, he turned back and said menacingly to the poor guy who was about to get fried. "What did you say?"
-
"Oh shi - !" But before he could finish his swear, the Sasuke hater's box of speech – his mouth – became blocked by a giant cardboard paper that screamed out, 'Can't show this!'.
It nostagically reminded anyone in the vicinity - excluding Sasuke - about censored anime. (Sasuke had never watched the weird 'anime'.)
-
A bored Naruto Uzumaki walked past the strange scene, whistiing the theme tune to Dragon Ball Z.
But seeing Sasuke looking murderous at an acne-covered young'un who was, apparently, squished under a large chunk of cardboard that shouted out something in some other language, most likely, En-g-lash, made him stop in his tracks and shout out in joy.
(Naruto didn't notice the dead bodies or the fact that the young'un was spouting blood.)
Clearly excited by the cardboard and a furious Sasuke, Naruto abruptly took out an owl from who-know's-where and scribbled a quick note on the poor bird's dusky feathers.
"To Shikamaru!" Narutoshouted triumphantly, stuffing his dripping quill into his pocket.
-
The bird eyed him venomously before biting his ear painfully and mouthing a few choice words.
It continued to give Naruto a kick in the head - for good measure - and flew away, calling for its brothers to defend against the muggles.
-
"That always worked in Harry Potter…" Naruto said miserably before continuing on his journey to becoming 'Hokage, datte bayo!'
-
Sasuke burnt the remains of the hater fool and the giant cardboard paper before blowing the ashes up with a time bomb and his Chidori.
With one last swear word, he was on his way to destroying Itachi and buying more tomatoes.
(He was running out on things to throw at his dartboard.)
-
Well, what else can Sasuke do at home?!
- - - - -
Author's Note #2: Phew. Done. How was it? Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated :D