Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

In Six Months I Lost My Mind But Found My Heart

Chapter Four: Lunchtime Talks

January 11th

5 Months 3 Weeks & 3 Days Left

Edward's POV

Alice and I have been staying with Bella for three days now and things are gradually forming a routine. Bella and Alice are getting on rather well but I've still made no progress with her. I guess we started off on a bad note and haven't really been able to get back on stable ground.

We don't exactly talk which I guess doesn't help matters and everything I do say seems to annoy her or push her further away. My lovely sister is not making the situation easy though and seems to think I'm going out of my way to aggravate Bella. I've probably received over twenty calls from Esme in the last 48 hours about that.

I'm more alone here than I was back at home. Since Bella and I don't exactly communicate Alice and her spend all their time together and I don't get on well with any one at her school so I don't exactly have anyone to speak to. This isn't exactly fun.

At school I managed to change my timetable so I was in classes I actually wanted to be in. We were fitted to Bella's schedule but I didn't want to take some of the lessons so altered it. Currently I was passing the time by sitting on a bench and watching a P.E. class in session. I had a free period and the work here is too easy so I have nothing to do to pass the time.

The days have become boring and lonely.

"You okay?" A voice asked as someone sat down next to me. I turned to see Bella smiling softly at me.

"Eh yeah, I'm fine. Where's Alice?" Those two seemed joined at the hip.

"I have no idea. I lost her after class." She shrugged and I nodded. Alice was up to something or she wouldn't have abandoned Bella.

"I thought you had class now." She shook her head.

"Nope. It ended ten minutes ago."

"So what were you doing for the last ten minutes?"

"Watching you sit here by yourself. You're not happy are you?" I glanced over to see her looking at me kindly. The way the wind was whipping her hair away from her face and the way she was smiling softly dazed me slightly. My coherent thoughts vanished and I couldn't seem to remember what she was saying. "You okay Edward?" I shook my head and the rational me returned.

"Yeah. What did you ask a second ago?" I asked looking out at the P.E. class, not daring to look back at Bella in fear I'd do something stupid.

"If you were happy or not."

"What does it matter?"

"Of course it matters. Come on, you haven't eaten anything today. Let's go to lunch." She stood up and indicated towards the cafeteria. I apprehensively stood up to follow her. "Edward the food is not going to be that bad so don't worry."

We walked silently and collected our food before sitting down at a table in the back of the room. Since most classes were still underway the place was almost empty. I hesitantly tried the food when I heard Bella chuckling, looking up quickly I noticed she was laughing at me.

"You're acting like it's going to kill you."

She has a nice smile. She should definitely smile more often.

What, where did that come from? I shook my head quickly.

"No I just, I don't really eat much."

"What do you do Edward? I know more about what you don't do than anything else." I smirked, she had a point there.

"I'm afraid I don't know how to answer that question. Alice would say I play the piano, am big on my music, spend most of my time studying and hanging out with friends. I would say I don't do anything except live a very dull and boring life." She watched me carefully and I felt under scrutiny from her watch.

I didn't like not knowing what she was thinking. With most people they are predictable and I know what their next move is going to be but with Bella I don't have a clue. No one has ever asked me if I was happy and that surprised me.

"No I'm not happy." Bella looked straight in my eyes and smiled pitifully. "But I wasn't happy before I got here so don't worry."

"Have you ever been happy?"

"Yes. But that was a very long time ago." I returned to the food before me and tried to have a few bites without feeling the need to vomit violently.

"Can I ask why you're not happy or is that too personal considering I barely know you." I pondered what she said. I don't understand why she's asking. Why does she care?

"I have no freedom." What the hell, it's not like she's going to tell anyone.

"Freedom?"

"Yes. Alice hates her title as you know but do you know why she hates it?" Bella thought about it for a second then shook her head.

"She just said that she felt segregated from everyone else and didn't like it."

"That's true to some existent. Both of us are expected by our parents and peers to do certain things with our lives. With Alice, she's expected to marry and have children. That is her only requirement. She was very lucky now that I come to think about it. Jasper, her boyfriend, has a decent title so if he was to propose she would be allowed to marry him."

"And if he didn't have a title?"

"She would have to turn down his offer no matter how much she loved him and find someone else. It's all about wealth and status. Jasper is going to receive everything in his inheritance and I will receive everything my family has in mine. Let's say I never had a son or never had any children 

what so ever, what would I do with all that money and land? Let's also say Alice married Jasper and did have a son, therefore my nephew. I would need to hand down my estate to an heir or it becomes extinct. If Jasper didn't have a title then his son would not have a title and my land would not be eligible to go to him."

"So it's basically keeping the wealth amongst the wealthy."

"Exactly." She smiled but this time it didn't reach her eyes.

"That's not really fair."

"I know."

"You said Alice was lucky, how?"

"She found someone she loved and she could marry him if she wanted. Our parents wouldn't step in to stop it so she's lucky. She isn't being forced to marry someone she doesn't love."

"This all seems too weird."Bella said shaking her head and taking a quick drink of her water. "What about you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked looking at her with confusion.

"Alice will most likely marry for love, will you?"

"That requires me to actually believe in the idea of love." She laughed and shook her head.

"You don't believe in love?" She seemed to think this was the most bewildering thing she's ever heard.

"Not exactly. I know people can fall in love I just don't think I can." The laughter and smiles were gone and replaced with looks of pity. I felt sad to see the smile go and know I cause that.

"What makes you think that no one could love you?"

"Oh I don't think people couldn't love me I just don't think Icould love them. I'm cold and heartless, that much is obvious. And all that just adds to the fact that I will be marrying for convenience rather than love."

"How does that work exactly? You know, marrying for convenience." Bella asked, trying to lead away from the heavier topics.

"They usually fail. For some reason there are a high number of divorcees amongst those in the peerage system."

"Peerage system, run that by me again." She was confused by it all. Alice tried to explain it in as much detail as possible but if you don't live the life then it can be hard to grasp. I'm in the peerage system and I still don't have a clue what's going on half the time.

"It's all the different ranks in titles of nobility. If that makes any sense. Basically you have your royal family at the top then the Dukes, followed by the Marquees, then the Earls, next is the Viscounts and finally the Barons. Most but not all of these title holders will get divorced. It's understandable though. They married for wealth rather than love. Like you said, keeping the wealth amongst the wealthy."

"So you'll have to do that?" I nodded causing Bella to shake her head.

"Do you want to find love?"

"I don't know where to look."

"It's usually in the place you least expect to find it."

"I'm afraid that doesn't narrow it down." She smirked and nodded.

"I'm not going to start feeling sorry for you as you're well off. I do think it's a shame the circumstances you're in but don't expect me to be sympathetic to you. If that's what you wanted by telling me all that then you told the wrong person."

"You asked me, not the other way around."

"Yeah. Sorry."

"It's okay. But I have one question."

"Fire away."

"How did you know? How did you know I was...unhappy?"

"It's in your eyes. They're endless pools of darkness. With eyes like that you have to be sad about something."

"How do they look now?" I knew what the answer was going to be before she said it. Alice gave me a big run through years ago about how my eyes changed colour to match my moods.

"They're lighter than before." I nodded and rose from the table.

"Thank for having lunch with me. I appreciate it."

"It's nothing so don't worry. Remember I am meant to be hosting you and it is kinda my job to look after you whilst you're here."

"I know but...I was particularly rude to you. I apologise for that. It was uncalled for."

"All in the past Edward."

I nodded and walked two feet away before turning back around.

"Bella." She looked back up from her tray, surprised I was back again. "Thank you for listening. No one's really done that before." She smiled brightly at me making me feel a little light headed again.

"It was nothing Edward."

Walking away from her made me realise that I may have gotten in over my head with this girl. There's something different about her that I've never come across before and I don't know what to expect. I'm still completely lost as to why she would care though? What could she gain from that?

"Have a nice lunch?" Alice asked, linking her arm with mine. I eyed her suspiciously.

"Where were you?" She smiled like nothing was wrong just proving that she was in fact up to something.

"I was just at the music department seeing if they would let you use their piano for practice. Relax Eddie, nothing's wrong."

"I thought we agreed that my name is Edward not Eddie and I do not like being called Eddie."

"Yeah well I don't care. So how was your lunch?"

"It was fine." I said brushing the conversation off. If only it worked.

"Nope I want more details than that." She sang.

"Why are you so cheery?"

"They're topaz." I looked at her lost then she pointed to my eyes and I understood what she was going on about. "I haven't seen them like that in months. I don't know what you two spoke about but it's had some effect because they're not pitch black anymore. A good improvement if I do say so myself."

"You set this up." I accused her. She faked being hurt by my accusation and put her hand over her heart.

"How could you accuse your sister of such a thing? I have absolutely no idea about this crazy allegation you are making."

"Drop the act Alice. Why'd you do it?"

"I wanted to see you smile and guess what? It worked." She smiled again and kissed my cheek before bouncing away. "That girl has quite an effect on you."

She most certainly does.