Chapter Nine

Gil stared for a few more seconds at the unopened file in front of him. His fingers hovered over the corner of the cover once more then were snatched back to his side with a frustrated sigh. As much as he wanted to look, reading the file about Catherine's shooting was not the appropriate way to find out the information.

He sighed again and reprimanded himself for even considering such an invasion of her privacy, then he swiped the file off the table and took it back to where it had come from before leaving the room.

-----

Catherine had been seated on all three sections of the sofa, on the chair and on the coffee table; she had paced the length of the room several times; had alphabetised her books, CDs and DVDs, and then rearranged them into a random order again; and she had just begun to move her living room furniture around when she heard the kitchen door finally open.

Sighing with relief, she moved the chair back to its original position and sat down on it, a magazine in her hands, trying to look as natural as possible. Lindsey and Andrew entered seconds later.

She lowered the magazine and smiled at them. "Everything okay?" she asked, keeping her tone light, despite the apprehension churning in her stomach.

Lindsey nodded, and Andrew smiled, but both looked nervous as they sat side by side on the sofa. Andrew's hand sought Lindsey's and squeezed it as if in reassurance, and Lindsey cast him a quick glance and smile before turning back to Catherine and taking a deep breath.

"Mom," she began, her voice shaky, "I've explained to Andrew why I'm here…" she paused as if she couldn't think of the best way to say what was on her mind.

Catherine leaned forward in her seat, a small comforting smile on her lips. "Linds, I think I know why you're here. You don't need to be scared to tell me, baby. Just say it."

"I don't want you to be disappointed in me," Lindsey said, her voice breaking and tears welling in her eyes.

Catherine felt her own tears tingle behind her eyes, and swept forward to kneel in front of Lindsey, taking her daughter's free hand in hers. "Lindsey, you would never do anything that would make me disappointed in you."

Lindsey bit her bottom lip. "I'm scared, Mom," she admitted quietly.

Catherine nodded understandingly. "It is scary… But are you happy?"

She saw the smile in Lindsey's eyes before it curved the corners of her lips and Lindsey nodded. "I am… Happy scared." Her daughter's words were accompanied by a small laugh, and an uncontrollable smile sweeping across her face.

Catherine couldn't help but smile as well, and she wrapped her arms around Lindsey. "Everything will be fine, baby… I know there's a lot to think about and to sort out, but, in my experience, things always turn out fine in the end."

Lindsey tightened her grip on her mother, but Catherine was pleased to see that one hand was still securely wrapped in Andrew's. Catherine looked at the young man and, seeing the trepidation on his face, she smiled reassuringly to him and moved one hand to his shoulder, squeezing gently.

-----

Two hours later, Catherine had left Lindsey and Andrew to spend some time alone together. There was a lot the young couple would need to decide, and discuss, and for all she wanted to help Lindsey, she knew that a mother's interference never went down well.

So she had excused herself and made her way to the lab.

She was barely through the door when her cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, she smiled when she saw Warrick's name displayed. She pressed to connect the call and raised the phone to her ear, continuing her path to her office as they spoke.

"Warrick, hey," she greeted him. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Pulled a double," the graveyard shift supervisor explained. "I've only just got home."

"Bad case?" she asked, assuming that was why he would be calling.

"Aren't they all?" he replied, "But the evidence was actually coming in quickly and we knew we'd be able to wrap it up if we stayed."

Catherine nodded, despite the fact that he couldn't see her. "So, what brings you to call me as soon as you got home?" she asked, as the call seemed less likely to be about the case.

"Well, I noticed you weren't at the lab, and I wanted to check that everything is okay."

Catherine couldn't help but smile as her mind instantly flicked back to the subject that had kept her from the lab that morning. "Everything's fine," she told him.

"So you and Grissom are - … Everything's okay between you and Grissom?"

Now she frowned and came to a stand still in the corridor. "Why would you ask that?"

"Well, you denied it, but I know you were apprehensive about him coming back – "

"Warrick, that's not what prompted your question," she interrupted him. "What's going on?"

Warrick was silent and Catherine felt sure she could hear him fidgeting on the other end of the line.

"Warrick…" she prompted warningly.

"It's just… Well, I saw Grissom at the lab earlier…"

"And?" Catherine encouraged him, wondering what on Earth could have been said between the two men for Warrick to be this reluctant to tell her. She had thought things were going well. Apparently she had been wrong. That didn't surprise her though, it wasn't the first time it had happened with regard to Gil.

"He was asking about the shooting," Warrick stated as if that would explain everything.

Catherine frowned. "The shooting?… Was that your case?… I –"

"Your shooting, Cath…" Warrick clarified. "When you got shot."

Her frown dissipated as she realised what Warrick was talking about, but soon returned as it occurred to her that, as far as she was aware, Gil didn't even know there had been a shooting.

"Cath?" Warrick's voice came through the phone again and shook her from the silence she hadn't realised she had fallen into. "You still there?"

"I'm here," she assured him quickly. "How does he know?"

"Well, until he started asking me questions, I hadn't been aware that he didn't know… Did you never tell him?"

Catherine suddenly became aware of pairs of eyes watching her as people passed her in the corridor, obviously wondering why she was just standing there looking shocked. She resumed her walk to her office and tried to shrug off Warrick's question.

"We'd lost touch by then," she said then quickly redirected, not giving him chance to respond. "What was he asking?"

"He just wanted to know what had happened; how serious it was. He seemed concerned."

"And yet that concerned you?" she asked, reminding him that he had phoned her to ask if everything was okay.

"It just seemed odd, and rather out of the blue. And when I said that really he should ask you, he was very apologetic and looked almost guilt-stricken… It wasn't the Grissom I remember."

Catherine felt her brow crease further, and her chest seemed to constrict a little. That didn't sound like the Gil she remembered either and she had to wonder what was going on. She forced a smile to her face to lighten her tone, and joked, "He's probably just worried I'll yell at him for talking about me behind my back. He did once say that he was scared of me."

She had reached her office and stepped into the foyer, freezing when she saw Gil standing by Natasha's desk waiting for her.

"Er, I'll have to go. I'll call you later." She disconnected the call and dropped her phone back into her pocket as she closed the door behind her.

"Mr Grissom is here to see you," Natasha said with a smirk. "And you have these messages."

Catherine approached her assistant's desk and took the notes she was holding out. "Thank you, Nat… Gil, what can I do for you?" she asked, hoping that her smile wasn't actually trembling, despite feeling like it was.

"I was bringing by my report to leave for you, and Natasha mentioned you were coming in… I just wanted to check that everything is okay."

She forced her smile wider. "Everything's fine. Why wouldn't it be?"

He frowned at her response. "Is Lindsey okay?"

Lindsey. Catherine mentally slapped herself several times. Of course he was talking about Lindsey. Then she mentally slapped Warrick. Several times.

"Oh, yeah she's fine. Everything is… getting sorted out."

"That's good," he said, nodding slowly.

She too nodded and an all too familiar silence followed.

Gil glanced at the desk, his hand drumming slightly on what Catherine presumed was his report. In the corner of her eyes she could see Natasha looking curiously between the two of them, and then the younger woman stood up.

"I'm just gonna… powder my nose," she muttered as she left the office.

Catherine inwardly cursed. She had intentionally remained in the outer office so that Natasha would be present during their conversation. She knew it was probably irrational, but she found herself incredibly nervous about Gil asking about the shooting. It was in the past. And the past was something she really could not face talking about with him.

"So the case is solved?" she asked, hoping to preoccupy him long enough to keep the subject at bay.

"Very nearly… Jacob will submit a full report to you. Probably by the end of shift."

She smiled. "Excellent. Thank you so much for coming in to help. Those bugs were confusing the hell out of all of us."

"Any time," he responded, offering his own smile.

"So, you'll be heading home?"

"Well, I did say I would stay a few more days… And I haven't seen Greg yet, so I might hang around."

She didn't know whether she was pleased or not. "Excellent… They're surviving without you?"

He gave a small laugh. "I'm assured that they are. I guess I'll find out when I return."

She nodded – having decided that nodding was a good way of passing through a silence. "I hope the place is intact when you get back." Feeling the conversation slipping away again, she looked to the desk and indicated the report.

"Is that your report?" she asked as she reached out to pick it up.

His hand moved as well, and landed on top of hers, preventing her from getting hold of the folder. "Catherine…"

His voice was soft, as was his hand, and despite all her anxiety about this moment and all her determined effort over the last six years, his touch still sent shockwaves through her. Damn him! She pulled her hand away and looked up at him.

"Why didn't you tell me you got shot?" he asked.

She shrugged. "It was long time ago… I barely even think about it. It never occurred to me to mention it."

"And when it happened? Why didn't you tell me about it then?"

This was exactly what she had hoped to avoid. Starting down this path could only end in disaster.

"Gil, it's in the past. It doesn't matter – "

"You nearly died, Catherine – "

"I did not… How did you find out anyway?"

"Lindsey let it slip. She assumed I already knew… Answer my question."

"Why? What difference will it make?… I didn't die. I'm still here."

"You should have called. Or had Lindsey call. I would have come back. I would have been here – "

"And how was I to know that?" she snapped, the dam finally giving way beneath the pressure. She'd tried to avoid this, but he'd pushed it too far. "You stopped calling, Gil. You stopped emailing. How was I supposed to know that you still gave a damn as to whether I lived or died?"

She saw her words physically hurt him. "Of course I cared," he said, barely above a whisper – the sound so quiet compared to the force with which she'd practically yelled at him.

"Then why did you disappear? Why didn't you keep in touch?… I hadn't heard from you in over a year when I got shot, Gil. Why would I even think of contacting you?" She didn't see how admitting that she had thought about him, that she had wished he was there with her would help the situation.

"I'm sorry Cath. I never realised leaving would hurt you so much – "

"It didn't, Gil… I was sad when you left, yes, but I wasn't devastated… You were going to be closer to your mother. I understood that. I was sad that I wouldn't see you everyday, but I understood. And I found comfort in the fact that we would always be only a phone call apart." She paused, glistening, moist eyes focussing on him intently. "So the devastation and hurt set in when you stopped calling."

She turned from him abruptly as tears spilled over onto her cheeks, and she angrily wiped them away.

"Catherine… I'm sorry. I never – "

"Stop, Gil," she said, half-facing him again. "Please just stop… I can't do this… I'm not prepared for this."

He frowned. "Prepared for what? Catherine… Let me fix this."

"There's nothing to fix… I cannot return to that chapter of my life, Gil. I moved past it - obviously not as successfully as I'd thought – but I moved on… I won't go back… I can't go back."

Gil looked completely lost. "Can we go forward?"

She raised a shaky hand to wipe her eyes again as she took a steadying breath. She bit her bottom lip to stop it quivering as she considered her answer, and allowed her eyes to lock with his. "I hope so."

Gil nodded slowly, his eyes dropping away from hers. "Okay… I'm sorry. I didn't… I never meant to hurt you, not then and not now – "

"Gil," she cut him off, shaking her head to show she didn't want him to continue.

He nodded again and stepped towards the door. "I'll speak to you soon?" he asked as his fingers came into contact with the door handle.

She smiled a watery smile and nodded. "Sure."

Then their eyes met once more for the briefest of moments before he opened the door and walked out.

TBC…