CAKE
'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's learning to dance in the rain.'
-- Anon.
- Sunday -
Derek awoke to a pressure along his entire torso. He was laying flat on his back, and yawned as he opened his eyes. Piercing green-grey ones stared back at him. She was lying on top of him, her dirty blonde locks dishevelled and hanging messily around her face, and her chin propped up in her hands as she stared at him. And yet, in his eyes, she had never looked so beautiful.
"Are you watching me sleep?" He asked groggily.
Her lips curled into a gentle smile and she nodded. "Mmm-hmm."
He rolled his eyes and lifted his head to meet her lips for a quick good morning kiss. "Why are you up so early? We have today off."
"This morning is special. I want to take advantage of it."
His hands found her hips. "And why is it so special?" He asked with a barely concealed grin.
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Because it's the first morning I get to wake up engaged to you..."
His smile exploded onto his face and he couldn't help but kiss her again. When he resettled, his hand came up from her hips to hook around the left hand that was propping up her chin. His fingers found the new addition to her finger and he met her eyes. "I guess it wasn't just a dream..."
She laughed. "Nope."
"You said yes." He mumbled tenderly, meeting her eyes.
"Of course I said yes."
000
Derek awoke to the feel of his fiancée's torso expanding in his arms as she breathed evenly, still lost in her dream world. He blinked before burying his face into the sweet lavender swell of her smooth, silky hair. After falling exhausted into bed the previous evening, or really early that morning, they had barely moved all night. Her naked back was pressed flush against his bare chest, their legs were intertwined and her fingers clutched loosely at his arms. It was his favourite way to wake up. No alarm clock. No hospital calling. Just him and her. And no clothes. And no space between them.
He shifted and stretched his stiff legs down, his shins rubbing against the backs of her heels, and then returned them, pressing between her legs to regain as much surface area contact as he could. She barely reacted to his movement, her fingers tightening just a bit as her breathing shallowed for several breathes before returning to deep, even ones.
Derek lost track of how long he spent holding her while she slept. It exuded a peaceful intimacy that calmed him. She trusted him implicitly when she slept. In their real, awake world she trusted him. But there were still those moments of doubt, no matter how brief and distant between. She would drown in self-doubt and for a painful second, he would see it in her eyes, or feel it in her body, or sense it in her tone. She would doubt him. She wouldn't doubt that he loved her, or that he wanted her, or that he was in this with every ounce of his being, or that he would never hurt her. But she would doubt herself, and whether she deserved him, whether she deserved all that he was offering to her. She would doubt whether she would be able to keep him happy. She would doubt whether he would stay happy, would stay with her.
The realization every time that the people that should have loved her the most had failed her in the worst ways sickened him. And the horrible things she had been subjected to by her so-called parents were things she would carry for the rest of her life. She deserved so much better. And, if she would let him, he was going to prove that happiness did exist, and that she, Meredith Grey, could achieve it.
And when she slept, he gained a hint of what he was determined to one day accomplish.
He loved her. That was an understatement at best. It was deeply seated, interwoven with his sense of self. It was beyond definition. It was the simplest thing about him. There was no questioning it, no wondering when it had started or when it would end. He had gained an understanding of forever with it. He had, and would, love her forever.
When they had first gotten back together, he had been pained by her constant disappointment with her family, and he had wanted to take it all away from her and place her in a situation where the pain wasn't there. But he had been wrong. The pain could be there at any time. They didn't live in a perfect world. Happily ever after didn't exist. Horrible things could happen at any time.
So Derek had changed his strategy. He had, instead of trying to take her away from the pain, learned to experience it with her. They got through things together. When she hurt, he hurt. It was simple. He loved her.
And it had given them stability they hadn't had before. There was no fear they would fall apart if something bad happened. She was no longer apprehensive to share with him the bad times. And it left them with the understanding that nothing could tear them apart. The world could throw what it wanted at them. And they would survive. They would get through the hard times together, and they would live their happily-ever-afters in between. So, when Meredith's life had once again been knocked out from underneath her only a few months prior, she hadn't pulled away. She had not only let him be there for her, but she had welcomed it. She had expected it. And he had been there every moment she needed him.
There was a rustling outside their door as a herd of small children passed by, their feet thumping and voices excited. Derek groaned and rolled back to squint at the wall clock across the room. It was almost ten. And he knew if they didn't get up soon, children would be sent to find them. And he didn't need to be explaining why 'Uncle Derek' and 'Aunt Meredith' slept naked to his young nieces and nephews on his mother's birthday.
"Meredith..." He whispered, kissing the back of her neck several times. "We need to get up."
Her breathing shallowed once more as she mumbled something completely incoherent and gently shook her head.
He smiled and opened his palms to run along her lower torso. She sighed in content, her body relaxing in his arms, but her breathing didn't fall back into its deep rhythm, so he took that as a good sign.
He captured one of her hands in his and squeezed it. "Mer," he prompted.
She mumbled again. "...vacation...," was the only word he managed to understand.
"I know," he commiserated. "But it's mom's birthday."
"She should be sleeping in too, then..." Her voice was throaty and laced with sleep.
He laughed. "True. But with fourteen children in the house, many of who wake up early, trust me, she's already up."
"Fourteen kids...nine other adults...she won't notice we're missing..."
He snorted. She really wasn't a morning person. "But she will. We haven't been here in seven months. She'll notice." He ran his free hand up her side, his fingers expertly applying more weight where her ribs stopped.
She gasped and shifted to capture his hand. "Mean, mean man," she chastised.
He smiled and pressed his lips against the side of her head. "I don't want to get up, either," he explained. "But we have to. Because if we don't, they'll send kids to wake us up, and we're kind of not wearing any clothing..."
She groaned and rolled to face him. "That is so not something I want to deal with."
Derek snorted. "Me either."
"Morning," she whispered as she pressed herself against his chest, her head tucking in right below his chin.
"Good morning," he responded evenly, running his fingers through her dirty blond strands of lavender infused hair. She breathed evenly against him for several moments as he rubbed his palms along her bare back.
"Okay," she finally spoke. "Let's get up."
He kissed her forehead and reluctantly released her from his grasp. She rolled out of bed and turned to face him, doing nothing to cover her naked body in front of him. He smiled as his eyes took in every wonderful curve of smooth skin.
"Do you want to join me in the shower, again?" She asked coyly, raising an eyebrow.
He smirked and rolled out of bed after her. "Why not?" He said nonchalantly, causing her to giggle as she reached for his hand and led him towards the bathroom door.
000
Dressed casually, Derek and Meredith made their way down the stairs to join the fray of excited family members downstairs. Carol's birthday was always a big to-do for the Shepherd family. Her grown up children did their best to make the day special for their strong mother, and her grandchildren drew her pictures and put on small skits together.
"Uncle Derek!" A young voice rang out as a brown haired child raced towards them as soon as they walked through the doorway to the living room. Due to their late arrival the night before, the kids had all been in bed.
"Megan!" He greeted as he scooped his six year old niece into his arms. "I think you've grown a foot since Thanksgiving."
She giggled and wrapped her small arms around his neck. He had always been a favourite in the uncle category, and he liked to think it wasn't just because he sent the best gifts for birthdays and Christmas.
A second child came running out of the kitchen towards them, ever the spitting image of her younger sister. Stephanie was eight, and if she hadn't been six inches taller than Megan, they could have passed for identical twins.
"Uncle Derek, you're here!" She said excitedly as she slammed into him. "Mommy and Daddy wouldn't let me stay up till you got here."
"Me either!" Megan exclaimed, leaning back in Derek's arms, looking completely fathomless, as if she had no idea why she, at six years of age, still had a bedtime. Derek couldn't help but laugh at her expression.
"Aunt Meredith!" Stephanie turned her attention to Meredith, opening her arms.
Meredith, obviously not as comfortable with the children yet as Derek, opted to crouch down to hug the girl, who would one day be her niece, instead of lifting her up like he would do without a second thought.
"Hi, Steph, it's so good to see you again."
Stephanie smiled widely. "Mommy said you were going to marry my uncle Derek."
Derek watched as the expression on Meredith's face softened. "I am. He asked me after we got home last time we were here to visit."
"Can I be the flower girl?" She asked excitedly.
"No, I want to be the flower girl!" Megan shouted, pulling away and forcing Derek to set her down.
"I asked first!" Stephanie shot back.
"But I want it more!" Megan grabbed a hold of Meredith closest hand, her two small, pudgy hands gripping tightly around Meredith's fingers. She stuck out her lower lip and her eyes transformed into the dreaded expression that only a young child could effectively pull off. "Please, Aunt Meredith?" She pleaded.
Meredith looked completely flummoxed, her eyes darting nervously from the two young girls to him. What do I say to them? How do I handle this? Why are they only asking me? Stephanie took a hold of her other hand, her expression mirroring her sister's.
Meredith turned her attention back to the girls. "I, uh..."
Derek bit back a laugh as he decided to take pity on his fiancée. "Girls, we haven't decided when we're going to get married yet, but when we do, I assure you, you'll be first on our list for flower girls."
Matching blue eyes lifted to meet his. "Really?" Stephanie asked.
He nodded. "Absolutely."
"Do you promise?" Megan asked, still gripping to Meredith's hand.
"Pinky swear." He extended his hand to his nieces, his pinky finger lifted in offering of the most trusted agreement among single digit aged persons.
They both hooked their fingers around his and together they shook.
"What the hell was that?" Meredith whispered when the girls were out of hearing distance.
He shrugged. "A pinky swear. Don't tell me you've never heard of them?"
She gaped. "You mean that thing I used to do in, like, grade two?"
He nodded. She bit back a laugh and he mock-glared at her, his hands hooking onto her hips. "You're laughing at me," he accused.
She smiled. "Only a little. Come on, Derek, you speak little girl." She laughed. "I don't even speak little girl..."
He rolled his eyes. "Nine nieces, Meredith. Nine. And four sisters."
She shook her head and kissed him quickly. "I'm sorry you had to bail me out there," she whispered. "I just... I had no idea what to say to them. We never really talked about it, and..."
He kissed her again. "Don't worry about it. As long as you're okay with it, I'd love for them to be flower girls."
"Okay," she conceded. "I think I'd really like that too."
He couldn't help but kiss her one more time, his arms closing around her small frame.
A wolf whistle from across the room broke them apart after several seconds. Derek glared at his brother-in-law as Meredith blushed and buried her face in his chest. "Shut up, Spence," he called before planting a kiss on Meredith's forehead and leading her to the kitchen, where they caught the tail end of Megan and Stephanie very excitedly telling their mother and grandmother that they had been promised very important positions in their uncle's wedding.
Kathleen raised an eyebrow towards Derek as she appeared to be listening intently to her youngest daughters. Derek smiled and nodded, to confirm that the conversation had taken place.
"So," Nancy started, handing them each a mug of steaming coffee. "If you're reserving flower girls, does that mean you've finally set a date?"
Derek felt Meredith tense beside him and he expertly reached for her hand. "No, not yet," he said quietly, hoping he was effectively masking his disappointment. He didn't want to rush Meredith in any way. But he did want more than anything to be able to call her his wife.
"I thought you were thinking this summer?" Kathleen spoke up from the large, round kitchen table, where she was sitting with her mother and her daughters. "Unless you just didn't invite me..." She trailed off with a sarcastic smirk.
Derek rolled his eyes. "Keep that up, and you may not find yourself invited," he shot back.
"Derek, honestly, be nice to your sister," Carol chastised.
He huffed and met his mother's gaze. "She was baiting me."
Kathleen, ever the mature and responsible psychiatrist of the family, stuck her tongue out at her younger brother when her mother's back was turned.
Derek felt Meredith giggle beside him as he glared back at his sister. This was not a new, or surprising, situation for him. "She stuck her tongue out at me," he told his mother, motioning towards his sister.
Kathleen immediately masked her smug expression with one of pure innocence. "I would never."
"Don't even try that, Kath," he called on her. "Everyone saw it." He looked for support, but Natalie and Nancy shook their heads, once again taking the side of their sister over their brother. Stephanie and Megan giggled from the table. He huffed again. "Dean saw it." He turned an expectant eye to the only other male in the room.
Dean looked wide-eyed as he wilted under the scrutiny of the four united Shepherd women. He nervously met the eyes of his wife, Nancy, and stuttered. "I, uh...have to go." And he quickly pushed through the door into the living room.
Derek grumbled and turned to his last remaining option. "Fine, Meredith saw it."
Meredith glanced up at him, a smirk in her eyes and he knew what she was going to say before she said it. "I didn't see anything, Derek. You shouldn't accuse your sister of something like that."
"Traitor!" He accused, wrenching his hand free of hers and stomping over to the table.
Meredith giggled and followed him as his sisters cheered in triumph. She sat beside him and playfully bumped his shoulder as she reached for a muffin. The center of the table hosted a sprawling display of baked breakfast choices; muffins and cinnamon rolls and bagels and such. "Happy birthday, Carol," she told Derek's mother before she bit into her double chocolate chip muffin.
"Happy birthday, mom," Derek echoed as he shook his head at Meredith's choice of food and reached for a whole-wheat bagel.
"Thank-you," Carol replied, smiling at both of them.
"So, what did happen to getting married this summer?" Natalie prompted.
Meredith tensed again, and Derek sighed inwardly, knowing she still felt like it was her fault. He pasted a nonchalant expression on his face and shrugged. "It was never carved in stone." But it had almost been written in ink. The invitations had been chosen. "Some things got in the way." One particular thing, really. A particular thing that shouldn't still be breathing; and wouldn't be if Derek hadn't made a very important promise. "So, we decided to wait." They hadn't really had a choice.
"For how long?"Nancy questioned.
"Maybe next summer." He treaded gently. He and Meredith hadn't discussed it much.
"That's so long," Kathleen said. "Why not do it in the fall?"
"We liked the idea of getting married outside, so we were going to do it on our land, but with the rain..." He shrugged. "We have a better chance of getting a nice day in the summer."
"Why can't you still do it this summer?" Stephanie spoke up. "Summer's just started!"
Derek smiled at his niece's enthusiasm. The kids had only been out of school for a few days, and a two month summer vacation was a long time when you were eight.
"Sweetie, you can't plan a wedding that quickly," Kathleen told her daughter.
"Why not? All you need is a pretty white dress and magical rings and a handsome prince."
Derek smiled at Stephanie's romantic ideation of the perfect wedding. "Well, the handsome prince part is taken care of..." He rolled his eyes when his family laughed at him, and ignored Meredith when she almost choked on her muffin. "You're right, Steph, the stuff isn't a problem. We actually have most of it already," he agreed. "But you also need people you care about to be there. And it's too late for people that we want to be there to get time off work and book plane tickets and stuff."
"Oh," she replied flatly, obviously disappointed. "So, if you got married this summer, we wouldn't be able to come be flower girls?"
He shook his head. "It would be impossible for your parents and your aunts and uncles to be able to get time off the same weekend, especially after taking so much time off for this week." This was the downside to having a family full of doctors. Doctors didn't always work nine to five jobs, Monday to Friday.
Stephanie contemplated his words and sighed heavily, giving up her flower girl dreams for the near future.
"Why don't 'cha just get married this week?" Megan piped up from her grandmother's lap, causing all of the adults to laugh.
Derek sighed. It didn't sound like a half-bad idea when it was stated so exuberantly by a six year old. "Because we have friends in Seattle who we want to be there." He glanced at Meredith, who met his eyes, hers portraying a gentle sadness that broke his heart. She didn't want to wait until next summer either. It was too bad the simple hope of a child wasn't enough to plan a wedding.
"Then why don't you have two weddings?"
He laughed at the new idea.
"You can't get married twice," Carol spoke gently as she laughed. Megan turned her head to face her grandmother, and Carol continued. "When you get married, you want a big celebration with all your friends and family together."
Derek felt Meredith reach for his hand at the statement. She squeezed tightly and he squeezed back. They had almost had that. And now they would have to wait.
It was late when Derek let himself into the apartment he and Meredith had been sharing for over eight months. He had been working since early that morning and had been on his way to his car when an accident victim had arrived in the pit, delaying his return home for several hours. He pulled off his shoes and hung his coat in the small closet by the door before heading for the stairs to their loft bedroom.
His toes touched the first step when he paused, a faint sniffling sound drawing his attention to the living room. His heart constricted as he caught sight of the woman he loved more than anything else in the world curled up on the reclining chair in the dark.
"Oh, Mer," he spoke softly as he made his way to her side. She was leaning sideways against the back of the upright chair, her knees tucked up to her chest, her good arm wrapped tightly around them. Her free hand was clenched into a fist near her throat.
Her messy hair was distorting a clear view of her face, but he caught sight of the tear tracks, shining in the light of the moon. He knelt beside the chair, his hand reaching to brush the hair out of her face, revealing eyes that shown even brighter than her cheeks. Her hand left the necklace she never took off as she captured his hand, using it as a lifeline. "How bad is it?" He asked gently.
"Ten," she whispered.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be home earlier."
"S'okay," she replied, her voice low and flat, as it was more often than not lately. "How's your patient?"
"He made it through surgery."
She nodded. "That's good." Her eyes were meeting his, but there was no light behind them. There was no emotion in her voice.
He squeezed her hand. "Why is it a ten today?"
She blinked, her eyes welling.
"Meredith..." He whispered her name, his own eyes welling at her pain. He stood and slipped onto the seat beside her, pulling her close. She kept her knees up, but no longer plastered to her chest, and moved her other arm to clench onto his shirt. There was an extra rustling as something moved with her hand, and he pulled a small piece of stiff, folded paper out of her grasp. "What's this?" He asked quietly, to no response. He held it up, trying to bounce some of the moonlight off it. He twisted it back and forth until 'YOU'RE INVITED!' lit up brilliantly in the dull light, contrasting easily with the light purple of its background. Their sample wedding invitation. Derek sighed.
He dropped his hand down and looked to her, but she avoided his gaze, her dull eyes finding an abstract spot on the floor several feet away and fixating. "Meredith..." He prompted.
She breathed. "I'm sorry."
"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for."
"I wish these things would stop happening to me."
"Me too." He pressed his lips against her temple and reached for the arm along the side of the chair that would recline them.
She sighed as she resettled against him, her left hand forgoing its iron grip on his shirt as she rested her head against her shoulder, carefully laying her upper torso against him. She lay her right arm over his chest, bent at the elbow, and he carefully closed his hand around hers, ignoring the contrast where her smooth skin turned to coarse fibreglass.
"Why do you have the invitation out?" He asked gently. Their ongoing wedding plans had been put on the backburner for a couple weeks now. Meredith hadn't mentioned it, so Derek hadn't brought it up.
"I don't know." She paused. "I just... I want to remember what it felt like."
"What what felt like?"
"The excitement."
He closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers. He carefully squeezed her hand. "Me, too."
"I was so..." Her voice hitched, and she hissed as her torso bumped painfully against his. "For once in my life I was so freaking happy," she continued through clenched teeth. "And I actually let myself look forward to something... And now..." She broke off again, breathing evenly as she collected herself. "And now I feel like I'm barely hanging on again."
Derek shifted and laid a comforting hand against her back. "I'll always be here to hang onto you. You don't have to hang on by yourself."
She nodded against his shoulder. "I know, Derek. I just want to be better for you."
He clucked his tongue. "You're perfect, just the way you are."
"But I'm a mess. These things keep happening to me..."
"They happen to us now, not just you," he corrected gently. "And it's not your fault; none of it had ever been your fault. You do know that, right?"
She didn't respond.
"Meredith..."
"I... I think I know, most of the time." She sighed. "I was looking forward to it; having your whole family here, listening to Cristina rant about the happiness overload, finally being able to show you that I'm in this as much as you... But now..." Her breathing hitched again and she winced. "I just want to remember the feeling...of looking forward to it so much."
"Do you..." He trailed off, knowing he would have to tread gently. "Are you not looking forward to it now?"
"I don't know," she admitted quietly, her voice barely a whisper. "I just feel so numb."
Derek's eyes welled once again. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and crush her to him. But he knew that would hurt her too much. His hand stiffened as his fingers dug into her back just a bit, to make them both know how much he wanted to hold her. "I don't want you to feel numb, Meredith."
She sniffed. "Me neither."
He closed his eyes, hating himself for what he was about to say. "Mer, if you want to put it off..."
She lifted her head to meet his eyes, her expression more broken and vulnerable than he had ever seen it. "You don't want to marry me anymore?"
His entire body cried out in one, unified, moment. "Hey," he said sharply. "I absolutely want to marry you, Meredith. I want to marry you more than anything. I promise you. But..." He paused. "But I don't want you to go through with it right now because you know it's what I want. You need to be happy about it too. You deserve to be able to look forward to it. You deserve to be excited. You shouldn't be numb."
She set her head back down. "I want to marry you."
"I want to marry you, too."
"And I want to do the wedding thing; the family and the friends and the dress and the ceremony and the pictures and the rings and...everything, I do. I just... Right now I feel like everything will go wrong. And I..."
"You what?"
She inhaled a shaky breath. "I don't know if I can handle so many people..."
"Oh, Mer," he rubbed his hand along her back.
Her breathing hitched again. "I just want to remember what it was like to be excited," she whispered.
Derek felt tears spill over his lower lids to his cheeks. It had only been a few weeks since they had lived in that shared excitement; it was still so fresh in his mind. "You deserve to be excited."
She squeezed his hand lightly, with the strength she had available. "It's still four months away."
"Mmm-hmm," he agreed.
"Is that enough time to get excited again?"
He shook his head. "Only you can answer that."
"I don't want to wait any longer to marry you, Derek."
"Me neither."
"I don't want to call it off."
"We can do whatever you want."
She sighed and they were silent for several minutes.
"Do you think we could just wait a little longer before we order the invitations?"
"Absolutely."
"I do want to marry you," she repeated.
"I know."
"I just need...some time."
"I know."
"I want to remember..."
"I know."
000
The Shepherd family stood, sat and perched along the furniture in the living room as Carol sat center stage, decked out in a frilly pink and purple birthday hat the kids had made for her, opening her presents. She had long since demanded her children only give her updated photographs of their families. But there were still fourteen legitimate, wrapped birthday presents to be opened. Sometimes the adults would use their children to be able to give their mother a real present, but for the most part, every grandchild would make something for their grandmother.
Carol had already un-wrapped a number of scribbled drawings, craft concoctions and a clay bowl, which Jessica had made in her sixth grade pottery class, especially for her grandmother. Derek smiled as he perched on the arm rest of the couch, Meredith on the seat beside him, her arm resting along his upper leg. His mother's enthusiasm over every gift was impressive, though she had had a lot of practice. She oohed and ahhed excitedly over every present, praising each child on their craftsmanship.
Meredith laughed with the rest of the adults as Carol struggled to discern what the colourful squiggles and wavy lines on the rolled piece of manila paper she had just unwrapped was supposed to be. Spencer junior, at three, almost four, years of age, bounced on the balls of his feet as he smiled widely at his grandmother. As the oldest person he knew, she was definitely the most wise and important. He wanted to impress her and had worked very hard on his work of art.
"It's beautiful, Spencey," Carol said affectionately to her youngest grandson. "Thank-you. This is going to go on my fridge."
He beamed. The fridge was like the Louvre to the three year old.
Carol smiled affectionately at the young boy. "Come give grandma a hug," she commanded.
Spencer bounded over to her and climbed quickly into her lap, almost having to stand to hug her. "Happy burday, gramma."
"Thank-you, sweetie." Carol hugged him tightly before helping him off her lap and turning to the next present, while Spencer ran excitedly to his mother's lap.
"She liked it," he told Anna.
"Of course she did," Anna responded without missing a beat. "It's a wonderful drawing of your family," she said, filling her mother in on what the squiggles were supposed to be. He smiled at her and she poked him in his side, causing the young boy to giggle and collapse onto his side under his mother's assault.
Anna was sitting next to Meredith, so when Spencer collapsed, his feet flung onto Meredith's lap. And Derek couldn't help but smile when his fiancée reached her hand to run up the bottom of his foot. Spencer squealed and righted himself. "s'not fair, Aunt Meri-deth!"
Meredith laughed and reached to poke him in the side, as Anna had just done.
"No!" Spencer laughed and struggled to unlatch himself from his mother's arms and race across the room to his father's protection. "Girls mean," he stated as he pulled himself into Spencer senior's lap.
"You've got that right," Derek called, causing all four of his sisters and his mother to roll their eyes in unison. "Good for him for figuring that out early."
"Honestly, Derek," Carol gently chastised, a playful smile on her face.
"Yeah, Derek, let it go already," Nancy added, her three sisters nodding their agreement.
"Yeah," Meredith chimed in with a quirky smile.
He huffed and shook his head, wondering exactly when his fiancée had been assimilated by his sisters. This was the second time in only a few short hours that she had taken their side; but he wouldn't change it for the world. It meant she was comfortable around his family. It meant she was accepting them as her family. It meant she was realizing what a family was supposed to be. It meant she felt at home.
"You're being mean to me," he whispered, leaning down so his face was level with hers.
"She's just learning to stick with the winning team," Anna piped up, having heard his comment in her close proximity.
Derek grumbled. "Four sisters," he stated. "And now you're taking her too."
Meredith laughed, patting his knee. "You could just admit you're never going to win against them..."
Derek sat upright again. "Never."
"I'm with you, man," Mark called his support from across the room, holding up a fist. None of his brothers-in-law spoke up. And Derek hadn't expected them to. After spending at least part of their childhood with only a mother, the Shepherd sisters had grown into very strong women. Their husbands knew not to argue on this particular matter.
Meredith giggled at his and Mark's solidarity. "You guys are horrible."
Derek and Mark had come a long way in fixing their friendship over the past year. After Mark had spent an hour sitting on the floor of the hospital with him, Derek's anger had all but disappeared. And when his mother, Anna and Natalie had visited Seattle later that summer and Meredith had suggested he invite Mark out for dinner, Derek hadn't taken long to see the merit in her words. And when it had come time to fly to New York for Thanksgiving, there hadn't been a doubt on whether or not Derek wanted to invite Mark. Derek was glad he had given the plastic surgeon another chance. They had practically grown up together; Mark was his brother. And, other than Meredith, Mark had managed to reclaim his position as best friend.
Derek stepped out of the elevator, onto the department head and attending offices hallway, and bypassed his own office. It was relatively early Monday morning, but he hoped the plastic surgeon was already in.
Light shown around the door marked 'Dr. Mark Sloan, Head of Plastic Surgery.' He was in luck.
Derek knocked twice and turned the knob before waiting for a reply. Mark looked up from his chart at the intrusion to his office.
"Derek," he stated, placing his pen down onto his desk.
"Mark," he responded evenly.
Mark smirked. "This is usually the part where you explain why you're breaking into my office."
Derek rolled his eyes. "I'd hardly call it breaking in, the door was open."
"It wasn't open-"
"It was unlocked; same thing."
Mark shook his head and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Fine. This is usually the part where you tell me why you opened the door and came into my office."
Derek couldn't help the smile that came to his lips. "Well," he began, "It looks like I'm going to be in need of a best man again soon..."
Mark sat upright. "You and Grey are getting married?"
Derek beamed. "I asked her on Saturday."
"Congratulations, man." Mark stood and stepped forward to offer him a handshake, and then pulled him into a friendly 'man-hug.'
"Thanks."
"I didn't even know you were going to do it."
"Yeah, well, you suck at keeping secrets." When Addison had been pressing for a ring, Derek had given in and approached Mark for help in picking one. His entire family had known he was going to propose before he had gotten around to doing it. "I wasn't going to make that mistake again."
Mark snorted. "That wasn't my fault."
"You were the only person I told."
"Whatever."
Derek rolled his eyes.
Mark paused. "You seriously want me to be your best man again?"
Derek nodded. "Yeah. I know what happened with Addy won't happen with Mer."
"Thanks, man," Mark said quietly. "I... Thank-you."
Derek nodded.
"Congrats, again," Mark added. "She's good for you. Better than Addy ever was."
Derek nodded again. "She is."
Once Carol had finished opening her gifts, the children lost interest in being with the adults, and migrated to the basement, leaving the living room with a much higher average age.
"So...how does it feel to be sixty-five?" Phil asked with a gentle smirk.
Natalie huffed and smacked her husband. "Be nice."
Carol laughed in good nature. "It feels wonderful. If I didn't live to sixty-five, I wouldn't have a chance to see all of my children so happy." She smiled and glanced around the room, her eyes lingering on Derek and Meredith just a little longer than anyone else. "And I wouldn't have a chance to spend so much time with my grandkids."
Kathleen scoffed. "Come on, mom. Sixty-five. You have to be feeling it."
"It's only a number, dear. I don't feel old yet."
"I never said you were old..."
"Yeah, cause that would mean you'd have to admit you were getting up there as well," Anna piped up. As the youngest, Anna enjoyed a seven year difference between herself and Kathleen, the oldest.
"I am not."
Anna smirked. "Forty-five isn't that far away..."
"I'm closer to forty than forty-five."
"By a few months," Simon spoke up from across the room, a joking sparkle in his eyes.
Kathleen gaped at her husband. "I cannot believe you just said that."
"Well, believe it, babe." Kathleen and Simon had met in college, and he never let her forget that he was a whole month younger than her.
Kathleen shook her head. "Well, have fun sleeping on the couch tonight."
Derek laughed at the gentle antics between his sister and brother-in-law. He liked all of his brothers-in-law, but Simon had been the first. He and Mark had put the poor man through the ringer the first few times Kathleen had brought him home. But they had never found something they didn't like. He didn't come from a large family, only had one sister, but had fit into the Shepherd family easily. He was a writer and opted to work at home whenever possible to be near his family; he adored his wife and children.
000
It was late afternoon, and quickly nearing dinner time. The parents began to disperse to capture their children and have them change into something nicer for dinner. And Mark excused himself to check on the roast they would have for dinner. Surprising to many, Mark was a very capable chef. He always cooked the major meals when the family got together. A favourite Shepherd family tradition was to play practical jokes on him while he was in the kitchen, especially on Thanksgiving.
"You happy, mom?" Derek asked as he gave Meredith a gentle shove so she would move over and he could sit next to her on the seat, instead of the arm of the sofa. The room had cleared out, leaving only him, Meredith and his mother.
She beamed when she turned to them. "I'm very happy, Derek. And I'm especially happy the three of you could come out this week," she said, referring to the two of them and Mark. "It's been too long since my family was all together at once."
"I'm sorry we haven't come out more," Derek conceded. "But I promise we'll make time from now on."
Carol shook her head. "I didn't mean it that way, Derek, though I'd love it any time for you two to visit. I just meant that I'm sixty-five, and it's nice to have my whole family here for a week while I can enjoy it."
"You're not old, mom."
She smiled. "I know that. But one day I will be, and I want to look back on my life and know I took advantage of every moment. I don't want any regrets. I want to enjoy my family time. Family is a joy." It was her favourite saying.
Derek smiled. "Well, we're glad to be here, enjoying family time as well."
Meredith nodded her agreement.
"How have you two been doing lately?" Carol asked gently. "We haven't talked much."
"We're fine," Derek answered quickly, to which his mother narrowed her eyes.
Meredith squeezed his hand, indicating he didn't have to shield her from his mother. "We're doing really well," she told Carol quietly.
Carol regarded her future daughter-in-law for several seconds. "I'm glad to hear it. I was..." She trailed off. "I was worried when you decided to postpone the wedding."
Meredith tensed in his arms, but surprised him by answering. "Yeah, we... That had nothing to do with us. There were just...other factors..."
"I'm sorry about that."
Meredith nodded. "Yeah, me too." Her voice was low with a hint of sadness, but Derek realized he shouldn't be surprised by her openness with his mother. Meredith had almost immediately begun dropping her walls around the older woman the first time she met her. And he hoped, with time, that Meredith would be able to regard Carol as a mother. As the mother she had never had, but always deserved.
"Us too," Derek corrected gently, moving to wrap his arm around his fiancé.
Carol offered a supportive smile. "Well," she stated, slapping her hands down on her knees. "I think I'm going to go and get changed for dinner."
"We should probably do that as well," Derek pulled his arms away and stood, reaching to pull Meredith up beside him.
000
Derek stepped out of the bathroom, his fingers working the buttons along the front of his shirt, when he caught sight of Meredith. She was breathtaking, as always, her hair more wavy than usual, dressed in a light purple blouse and underwear, sitting cross-legged on the bed.
He raised an eyebrow as he forwent his buttoning routine, leaving his chest exposed to his navel. "Now this is a sight I like to see..."
She giggled. "Derek, it's been like eight hours."
"That's about seven hours too long when you have such a sexy fiancée..."
She giggled again, even as her cheeks blushed, and shook her head. "Whatever."
She was sitting dead center in the bed, leaving him room to kneel in front of her. "So," he prompted. "What's with the pensive face?"
She met his eyes with a gentle smile. "I'm not sure. I'm just...thinking."
"Thinking?"
She nodded.
He sighed and shifted to sit kitty-corner to her, also crossing his legs. "About..?"
"I... I'm not sure." She furrowed her brow and reached for his hand. Derek offered her a supportive smile and squeezed her hand. She wasn't trying to stall or avoid a discussion. She was just trying to collect her thoughts. It was one of the many things that he had learned about her that he had originally perceived differently. He used to hate it when she did this, and he'd internally and silently blame her for withholding from him, for isolating herself, for pushing him away. But now he knew she was simply trying to form coherent thoughts to better express what she was feeling with him. She wasn't avoiding, she was trying her best to let him in, to tell him what she was thinking and how she was feeling. He hadn't asked, but he suspected her internal thought process was similar to her verbal rambling.
"I'm thinking about what your mother said."
He tilted his head. "What part?"
"About not wanting to have regrets and taking advantage and stuff..."
"Okay."
She squeezed his hand. "I don't want to wait another year, Derek," she whispered.
He scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her waist. "Me neither."
"I'm sorry that I ruined this summer."
"You didn't ruin anything, Meredith. We both decided."
She nodded, silently accepting his support. "I'm excited again."
He couldn't help but smile at her choice of words. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." She confirmed.
"Not numb anymore?"
She shook her head. "No." She turned watery eyes towards him. "And I know that's because of you, Derek. I don't think... I know I wouldn't have gotten through all of this and come out the other side this well if you hadn't been there the whole time."
He kissed her. "That's what I'm here for."
She laughed at his choice of words. "Anyway, I don't want to wait another year."
"Well," he began, excitement lining his voice. "What are our options?"
She shrugged. "There's no way everyone we want to be there could get time off work this summer."
"No," he shook his head. "Not after this week." His family had started booking time off the previous November to all have this week off.
"Your sister mentioned the fall..."
He nodded. "We could maybe pull it off then. Really, with the right pressure on Richard, we could get all of your friends off at the same time without any problems. He owes me. And the most important people for me to invite would be my mom, and my sisters and their families."
"So, basically everyone in this house."
"Exactly." He sighed. "We could pick a few dates and ask them to put feelers out at work for time off."
"But do we want to get married in the fall?"
He frowned. "We'd have to contend with the rain. I doubt we could get a dry weekend." It was a disappointment. They had both been looking forward to getting married outside, on their land. Their plan had been to have the wedding on a Saturday, and then if it rained, bump it to the Sunday. The Shepherd family would be out for the weekend, so it wouldn't have mattered to them. And the Seattle crowd would be close by and, hopefully, able to change their plans easily enough.
"So, we'd have to find somewhere to do it inside?"
"Yeah, which poses a problem. We'd need a lot of notice for booking a hall or something. They usually get booked a year or more in advance. And school would be back in session, so it would be more difficult for everyone to get out to Seattle for very long."
"Hmpf," she mumbled, leaning against him.
He smiled. "Exactly."
"What if we didn't have it in Seattle?"
He blinked as he contemplated. "You mean having it here? Or having it somewhere tropical or something?"
She shrugged. "Here, I guess." They had never discussed a destination wedding.
"Well, here we'd have less rain to contend with, but more cold. We'd probably still want it inside. And, being New York, halls are booked even further in advance."
She scrunched her face. "Too cold to have it outside?"
He nodded. "Most likely."
"Crap."
He laughed and kissed her forehead. "We don't need to decide right now. But we can talk about it this week and see if they have any idea when they can get some time off. Really, Kathleen has her own practice, so that shouldn't be a problem. And Simon and Spencer have pretty flexible schedules. And mom is always free. So really it's only five people we need to worry about."
"And you think you can get the chief to give my friends that much time off at once?" A wedding in Seattle was one thing, Meredith's friends only needed a few hours off at the same thing. A wedding in New York meant a few days. It was why they had originally decided on Seattle.
"Like I said, he owes me." There was just a hint of anger in his voice and Meredith squeezed his hand.
"Are you okay with changing everything?" She asked gently. "Cause if you're set on summer in Seattle..."
He shook his head and kissed her. "The only thing I'm set on is ending up married to you."
"Derek..."
He smiled. "Okay, the most important thing is ending up married to you. And I want my family to be there, and your friends. Other than that, Mer, I really don't mind the where and the when."
There was a knock at the door. "Five minutes, guys."
"Thanks, Nat," Derek called. He kissed Meredith on the forehead and slowly disentangled himself and slid off the bed. "We'll have to finish this later."
She smiled and crawled off the bed after him. "Okay," she told him, her hands finding his chest as she reached up on her tip-toes to kiss him. When they pulled away she made easy work of latching his remaining buttons. "Okay," she repeated, a hint of a smile flittering across her face. She really was excited again.
He smiled at her, and captured her hands as she finished. "I love you."
"I love you too." She leaned up to kiss him again.
He reluctantly pulled away after several moments. "Okay, we need to get downstairs, and although you don't have to, I'm recommending you put some pants on..."
She rolled her eyes and swatted at his chest as he released her hands. "Smart ass," she mumbled as she picked dress pants off the nightstand and pulled them on. "How do I look?" She asked as she turned to face him.
"Well, to be honest, I liked the look without the pants better..."
She rolled her eyes. "What am I going to do with you?"
He laughed and stepped forward, his hands finding her hips. "You look beautiful, as usual." He pressed his lips against hers again.
She laughed when he pulled away, pecking him once before leaning her forehead against his chin, her hands looping easily around his neck. "I do want to marry you." Her breath created goose bumps as it hit the tender skin across the front of his neck.
He closed his arms around her and breathed in the scent wafting from her hair. "Me too." He sighed. "We'll figure it out."
"I know we will." She breathed deeply. "I know."
He kissed her forehead and pulled away far enough to meet her eyes. She looked absolutely beautiful to him. On account of the occasion, she had put on some dangly earrings, but the only other jewellery she wore were her engagement ring and the thin chain and pendant he had given her when she had become a resident. And in his mind, her strongest beauty was in her simplicity.
"Let's go downstairs," he whispered, taking her hand and leading her down to the dining room.
000
"...Happy birthday dear Carol/mom/grandma... Happy birthday to you!"
There was an expectant pause while Carol and her youngest grandchildren took a deep breath and then blew out the candles decorating the large cake. They were successful, and everyone cheered.
Derek laughed as the older kids made bids for the ever coveted corner pieces as Carol began the tedious task of cutting the cake into twenty-six pieces. Dinner had been delicious, and the adults had spent time sitting comfortably and talking at the table before the kids had migrated up from their dinner, searching out dessert.
He smiled as he caught sight of Meredith across the table, talking animatedly to his sister. Derek had gone to the bathroom, and had come back to find his seat taken by Anna, who wasn't about to give it back to him. But it only served to make him even more grateful that his family was so accepting and supportive towards his fiancée. She was smiling and happy and completely at home speaking with his relatives. And he couldn't be more happy that he had been able to give her the family she deserved.
Once the children were served, they disappeared to the basement, leaving the adults in peace. Dean, who was seated on Meredith's other side stood, and Derek saw his chance, quickly sneaking around the table and reclaiming a seat next to her.
"Derek, what are you doing?" Nancy asked, suddenly finding her brother seated next to her.
"Anna stole my seat," he said, causing his sister to roll her eyes and Meredith to laugh.
"Honestly, Derek, can you not spend ten minutes away from her?" Kathleen called from across the table.
He glared at his sister as he casually placed an arm behind Meredith's back. "I can. I choose not to."
Meredith laughed.
"You better not be this bad when you two are at work..."
He rolled his eyes. "I'm not." Mark scoffed and Derek glared at him. "What was that for?"
Mark raised an eyebrow. "You follow her around like a lost puppy at work."
"I do not."
Mark nodded. "You're always in the cafeteria together."
"We eat together when we have a chance. What's wrong with that?"
Mark ignored the question. "You always ask Bailey if she can work with you."
"That's because Bailey ignores me ninety-five percent of the time. I have to ask all of the time if I want to work with her at all."
"Bailey's the chief resident," Meredith added, bringing the rest of the table in on what they were talking about.
"Is he really unprofessional at work, Meredith?" Natalie asked.
Meredith met his eyes for a moment. Hers were gleaming with something, and he knew she was debating whether or not to be honest, or to joke with his sisters. He gave her an expectant look and she smiled. "No," she conceded. "He's not that bad. Though, Bailey always lectures me about his requests. I actually think she'd assign me to neuro more often if he didn't..."
Derek laughed. They had, of course, had this discussion before. More than once. "Hey, I'm doing whatever I can to convince you to pick the best specialty."
"Then why are you having her work with you?" Anna countered. She was a general surgeon, and the only other surgeon in the family. She had bonded quickly with Meredith as someone to talk to about work. And she was doing her best trying to convince her soon-to-be sister-in-law to pick general.
"Ha ha," Derek rolled his eyes. "We all know neuro is far better than general."
"But neither can hold a candle to plastics."
Derek laughed as Mark spoke up. Meredith had been practically the only intern of her year that Mark had ever let assist him, and he was doing his part to entice her to plastics. "Shut up, Mark, you already have your protégé." The plastic surgeon had taken a liking to Meredith's intern, Dr. Myers, in the summer, and over the better part of the last year, had taken the younger surgeon under his wing. It was a good thing he showed an interest in plastics, because Derek doubted the boy had any choice in the matter.
Meredith laughed. "Yeah, Mark, you stole my intern."
Mark shrugged. "The boy's got a promising future. He doesn't need to dabble in anything else."
"But that's the point in being an intern. Plus, he's got a very important test in a few weeks. He could really use some more diverse experience."
Mark waved his hand. "So he'll have to do some extra reading. It's worth it if he wants in on plastics. And it wasn't a problem for your buddy Karev."
"Did you stick him in plastics all year too?" Anna asked.
Mark scoffed. "No. He spent a good chunk of the year in OB."
Derek nodded with a laugh. "He pissed off Addy."
The rest of the family seemed to breathe in as one, the tension level rising at the realization that Derek and Mark were joking about the woman who had almost torn their friendship apart.
"And she wouldn't let him leave her service for months," Derek continued, making it seem like he hadn't noticed the tension.
"I can so see her doing something like that," Anna piped up. "What did he do to piss her off?"
"He told her he didn't do v..." Mark trailed off as he realized his company. He glanced towards Carol and shook his head. "I don't know what he did."
Carol clucked her tongue at her surrogate son, but let it go. She was used to her children thinking they were pulling things over her head. "How's she doing in California?" She questioned lightly. She didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, but the woman had been her daughter-in-law for eleven years.
"Pretty good, I think," Derek answered. "I spoke to her a few months ago." He couldn't help but laugh, and Meredith was trying to bite back a laugh beside him.
"What?" His mother prompted.
He shook his head.
"Come on, Derek."
"He sent her a shoe," Meredith said, to which Carol furrowed her brow.
Derek sighed. "When I cleared out the old trailer, I found one of her shoes underneath it...half chewed." He sighed. "Doc liked them, and she'd always blame me. But there was one pair that she absolutely loved, and when one disappeared, she was hysterical. Anyway, I found it, so I sent it to her..."
Nancy gasped and smacked him. "You didn't! Derek that's horrible."
Derek laughed. "She was maaad..." He had waited until after Christmas, to avoid the long lines in the post office, so he had sent it in early January, wrapped up in a nice box, with a note on top saying he'd found it, but not what condition it had been in. He and Meredith had been at the trailer when she had called. Meredith had been able to hear her yelling from across the room.
"I would have killed you," Nancy added.
"I'm pretty sure she would have if she could have through the phone." He shook his head. "She said she had kept the old one in distant hope and had been so excited before she actually saw the condition it was in..."
"She yelled for a long time," Meredith added.
"I can't believe you did that," Natalie told him, ignoring her laughing husband.
"I'm glad I did. It was hilarious." In actual fact, Addison had yelled for some time, but she had come to see the humour in the situation. It had never been to hurt her. They had parted on amicable terms, and he hoped to stay in touch.
"You don't mess with a woman's shoes, Derek," Nancy told him, still shaking her head.
"She had a million pairs."
"Still..."
Carol laughed at her children. "Anyway, other than the assassinated shoe, she's doing okay?"
Derek nodded. "I think so. I hope so."
"Andrew has been exchanging e-mails with her," Kathleen spoke up. Her oldest, Andrew, was thirteen, and he had had a difficult time on Thanksgiving. Most of the children were too young to understand what had happened, but Andrew had been well aware of what had occurred between his Uncle Mark and Aunt Addison. He had had massive difficulty accepting that Mark was still welcome, while the aunt he had known for his whole life was gone. Derek had done his best to explain the situation to his nephew, and had offered him her contact information, but he had never heard whether he had done anything with it. He was glad Andrew was keeping in touch. "He says she says she's happy in California. Says her practice keeps her on her toes."
"That's nice to hear," Carol responded.
Derek nodded his agreement with the rest of the table. He tightened his arm around Meredith, glad she was comfortable with the conversation. There wasn't a hint of doubt in his mind regarding who he belonged with, and he knew she knew that.
000
It was after midnight when Derek shut his bedroom door behind him, unprepared for Meredith's actions when she pressed herself against him, trapping him against the back of the door, and captured his lips into a deep kiss. It took him a moment to respond, and his arms found the small of her back on their own.
After another hour around the table, eating birthday cake, the adults had moved to the living room, where they reminisced over Carol's past birthdays and any and all family history and memories she had brought up.
Meredith had remained relatively quiet throughout, making short comments, and laughing at the funny memories, especially when it was something embarrassing about him that his sisters had taken it upon themselves to divulge. But she hadn't initiated anything. She hadn't brought anything up herself. He would have been worried, but she had been leaning up beside him, wrapped in his arm, holding his hand, completely relaxed.
He had been thrown off. This wasn't a behaviour he was used to. Quiet Meredith and calm Meredith didn't occur together.
And now, practically attacking him as soon as they were alone...
Derek was confused.
"I love you," she told him as she broke the kiss, but remained close, still pressing him against the door. Her eyes were sparkling as she bit back a smile.
Derek blinked. "I love you too," he responded without thinking. "What's going on?"
She bit down on her lower lip. "You're going to think I'm out of my mind..."
He rolled his eyes. "I always think you're out of your mind."
She laughed and swatted at him as she pulled away and turned to change into her pajamas.
"Meredith..."
She pulled off her blouse and paused, turning to face him, one of his old tees in her hand. "It's crazy..." She nervously worked the thin fabric of her favourite shirt to sleep in.
"Well, you're crazy, so it makes sense that your thoughts are," he tried again, once more rewarded with a laugh, but no further explanation. She turned the fabric in her hands, readying it to be pulled over her head, but he reached out and wrapped his fingers around it. "Mer..."
She met his eyes and opened her mouth, but then she lost her nerve and closed it.
He pulled the shirt out of her hands and tossed it towards the bed, his hands finding her bare waist line as his eyes took her in. "What's on your mind?" He whispered, ducking his head down to her ear.
She shuddered as her shoulders came up unbidden and she leaned her head towards his. "Derek..." She whispered. Her fingers found the buttons on his shirt.
"Tell me..." He pleaded, his fingers dancing across her bare back, instinctively knowing every inch of skin; every dip, every ticklish spot.
She made quick work of his buttons and he couldn't help but gasp when her small hands found his bare chest. She smirked at him and swept her hands upwards, pulling the shirt off his shoulders, forcing him to release her so he could be rid of the garment. And then her hands were cupping under his cheeks and her lips were pressed hard against his and it was all he could do to stay on his feet.
His hands returned to her back, making easy work of her bra clasp. She dropped her hands to dispose of the article, and then they were skin to skin. He moaned into her mouth, wondering how they had managed to get away from the topic at hand so quickly, but really not caring. All. That. Much. A familiar tingling was spreading throughout his body as his heart rate increased. They obviously weren't going to be talking first.
000
Derek kissed her beautiful swollen lips for the umpteenth time as she lay panting in his arms, her legs intertwined with his and her arm resting over his hip. She sighed with content and leaned her forehead against his, her hand tightening its grip. He pulled the covers up to their shoulders and snaked his arm across her waist, pulling her flush against him.
"That was amazing," he whispered.
"Mmm-hmm," she agreed easily, shutting her eyes as they revelled together in the after effects.
He couldn't help but kiss her one more time. "I love you so much."
"I love you more." She didn't miss a beat.
He grumbled. "Not true."
"It is true." She opened her eyes. "And I could totally get your whole family to back me up if I wanted."
"Yeah, well, you're all traitors..."
She giggled. "Whatever, you're just a sore loser."
"I'm not a loser."
"But you're always wrong."
"I am not."
"Well, I'm always right."
He rolled his eyes. "Not always, and not yet..."
She paused. "Speaking of that..."
And suddenly they weren't just joking around anymore. "I..." She sighed heavily. "Okay, you're going to think this is crazy, but hear me out."
"Okay." He had no idea what to expect.
"You said you could get the Chief to give my friends time off."
He nodded, even though he knew she wasn't looking for confirmation.
"How short notice?"
He blinked. "I don't know... How short are we talking?"
She bit her lip.
"Meredith..."
"Next weekend. Here." She cringed, waiting for his reaction.
He blinked again. "Next weekend, as in a week from now?"
She pulled back and nodded.
"Meredith..."
"I know it sounds crazy," she said, sitting up. "But I was thinking about it, and even though your six year old niece came up with the idea, I really think we could maybe do it..."
"A week from now?" Derek was still trying to process the idea. He stared at her.
Her expression fell and she shook her head. "It's...crazy. Never mind. It was stupid." She rolled out of bed and went in search of the tee shirt she had been planning on wearing to bed.
"Meredith..."
She scooped the shirt off the floor and rose, shaking her head. "It was stupid, Derek. Don't worry about it." She pulled the tee over her head, covering her smooth skin down to her thighs.
"I don't think it's stupid, definitely crazy, but not stupid..." He managed to elicit a small laugh from her as she crawled back into bed and sat beside him, cross-legged, the covers over her lap and around her waist. He sat up, leaning against the headboard. "I just...need a moment to process it."
"It's okay, Derek. I was being stupid. I was just thinking this may be the only time we have your family together for a while. And I... it was stupid. Forget about it."
He captured her hands and shook his head at her. "Nothing that involves marrying you is stupid. I love that you want to get married so soon." He furrowed his brow. "Assuming we could get Richard on board that quickly, who would you want to invite?"
"Well, Cristina, and Izzy and George, and Alex. And maybe Lexie, I guess."
"What about Bailey?" They had originally planned on inviting the chief resident.
"Right, I..." She shook her head. "I doubt she could get time off too."
"We'd have to make sure we could book plane tickets for them. And a place to stay." He sighed. "And all of our stuff is in Seattle. I guess we could have it couriered, but if it gets lost, we're screwed." They had already picked out rings, and Meredith had allowed Izzy to drag her and Cristina out to find a dress.
Meredith shook her head. "You're right, it's too crazy. Just drop it."
"You brought it up, and you're already giving up on it?" He asked sharply, reluctant to extinguish the small spark of hope she had ignited.
Her eyes filled with tears and she averted her gaze quickly.
His heart constricted. "Meredith, I'm sorry." He shuffled closer and pulled her into his arms.
She shuddered against him. "I just don't want to wait any more."
"I know," he soothed. "I don't want to wait either."
"It was supposed to be next month."
"It was."
She pulled away, wiping furiously at her eyes. "I'm sorry, Derek, but I feel like this is all my fault and I want to fix it."
"You don't have to fix anything."
"But I couldn't deal. And now the soonest we can get married is the fall, which is a big maybe. And I don't want to be one of those couples who are engaged for years..."
"Me neither. But if we try and do this, it can't be because you feel guilty, because none of this was your fault, Meredith."
"I want to marry you, Derek. I want to be able to call you my husband." She shook her head. "And I don't want to wait forever."
"I love you so much, Meredith." He hugged her close again. "Are you sure you'd be happy with a wedding put together so quickly?"
"I don't want a big to-do, Derek. You know that."
"But you still need something special."
She smiled at him, her hand brushing against his cheek. "As long as you're there, it'll be special."
"Okay, so assuming we can get everyone out here, what's the plan?"
She took a breath, her features softening and he realized she must have been thinking about this all evening. "I was thinking we could still do it outside, here."
"Here?"
She nodded. "Maybe down the hill on the field we played touch football on Thanksgiving..."
He narrowed his eyes. "Why?" There was something behind her suggestion.
"It's just...when we were here before, that's the first place where I really felt like I belonged. I mean, I know I completely broke down in front of your mother and sisters and everything, and that was actually okay, but it was still... I was still the girlfriend. But then, when we were playing, and I scored the touchdown thing, and..." Her voice cracked. "Everyone hugged me. And then we all sat and talked for like an hour..."
Derek squeezed her hand, remembering every moment she was referring to.
"And then..." She trailed off, searching his eyes. "After the kids came out to play with us, and you did that thing with Megan, helping her score and everything, I... Look, I never meant to keep this from you, but I had a moment."
Derek furrowed his brow. "A moment?"
She nodded. "You were being all perfect and dreamy, and going out of your way to help your niece and...it was like I suddenly snapped and realized I was part of the family, and there was this new feeling and I...realized what we could have one day...together. And I just...think it would be really perfect if we could get married there." She stopped abruptly and averted her eyes, obviously embarrassed.
He felt his heart go out to her. The backs of his eyes stung and he was suddenly determined that whether or not they could make it work in a week, they would get married on that spot. "Mer, please look at me..."
She flicked her eyes back to his gaze and he melted. "I would love to get married here."
"Really?" She asked quietly.
He nodded. "Absolutely. And I'm all for making a go at next weekend, if it's possible."
"It's crazy..."
He nodded. "So are we."