Chapter Thirteen:

What Have I Done?

She stayed out most of the night, talking with Ginny as she kept telling herself that Harry would never become a stranger to her. She didn't understand it and she didn't understand what would cause her to say that. It had been only two days and it seemed like forever. She just had to be strong for another 120 days or so. 'Everything would be okay in the end' she would tell herself countless times, but it seemed that every time she said it, it only hurt more to admit it. She hadn't saved him, only cut down his sentence, but even that seemed like it wasn't not enough. She told herself a million times that she would save him, but she didn't, because he was still there.

She felt utmost regret after all the happened. All the happened after the fight, after Harry's sentence, after… Ron… She never had felt so weak and rather dirty in her life. She felt like post-year's trash. She felt like she couldn't breathe half the time, it's like she wasn't even living a life anymore. Ginny seemed okay with the fact that Hermione grieved non-stop for the next month or so, but she didn't feel right with the fact of Hermione being Head Girl when Malfoy was Head Boy. She felt this twist was not going to end well at all.

Hermione, though, didn't care with the fact of Malfoy being Head Boy. She knew nothing would come between her and Harry, especially this greasy-haired git who once made her life a complete living hell. It seemed though that Malfoy had grown up in the last few years. He didn't seem as rude or as appalling as before. Had he really changed all the much, or was Hermione just seeing things? She, for once in her life, felt comfortable talking to Malfoy, and she no longer would call him that, she now addressed him as "Draco."

It was going on eight in the morning when Hermione had waked for an early start of classes. She stood from the bed, stretching greatly, and staring out the window. She had the most perfect view of the lake from her personal balcony. It's like her mind when blank as she attempted to dress herself without taking her eyes off the water. No matter how hard she tried, she would never forget the fun she had there. All the laughter and smiles as her, Harry, and Ron would grow up. If it hadn't happened to her she would have never believed Ron would do such a thing. She began to whisper to herself, before she had been interrupted.

"Hermione?" A soft voice asked with gentle knocks on the door.

"I'll be out in a second, just waking up a bit." She assured. She could see the shadow of feet from under the door, and slowly she watched the shadows disappear. The figure had moved from the door.

She smiled gently and put her hair up in a black colored clip. She smoothed out her soft sweater material as it clung to her, and her jeans were faded at the knees slightly. She looked at herself in the mirror with a smile. She whispered: "Harry always loved this sweater." She commented and hugged herself gently. "Come home soon sweetie, come home soon…" She pleaded to herself. She sighed, knowing she wasn't really talking to him, and left the room.

Upon opening the door she could see a figure sitting on the couch. His bleach-blond hair shimmered in the morning fire light. She could feel herself grow light hearted with the thought of him being more of a friend and less of an enemy. About six years ago if someone had randomly came up to her and said "Hey, you'll be friends with Malfoy in the future!" she would have announced them crazy and offer to take them to Madam Pomfrey's.

"Good morning Draco." She smiled sweetly.

"Morning Hermione," he said nicely. "I brought you coffee, it's on the table next to you." He pointed out, she turned, grabbed the cup, and smiled again.

"Thank you," She said, a bit in shock. She walked and sat next to him on the couch.

"Hear anymore from the Judge about Potter?" He asked and Hermione shook her head.

"No, but don't call him Potter, it almost sounds like you hate him." She laughed. "It's okay to hate him; I just don't see why you do."

Draco shook his head. "A long long story, and unfortunately I don't have the time to tell." He laughed lightly. "What's your first class today anyway?" He wondered. She brought the cup to her lips and took a sip.

"Herbology," She said, taking another sip.

"I have Potions, and I'm basically in trouble because I didn't do my homework." He sighed and Hermione smiled.

"Why not?"

"I didn't feel like it." He added and she shook her head, oh how that statement sounded familiar. She smiled.

"My bag is in the corner of my room, you're welcome to copy mine." She offered. "I don't think Snape will even notice." She said through her mental melting of savory taste. Oh, how coffee tasted so great in the morning.

"I better just take the zero. It's Snape, how mad can he possibly get?" He asked and Hermione turned her head and gave him a look. He sighed. "Okay, so he's a bit bi-polar, but you're so much smarter than me and if I copy you then he'll know I didn't write it."

"Well, I over explain things most of the time, so my short answer questions are actually paragraphs. I think that paper is about killed." She giggled. "Just take a sentence out and re-word it, no big deal." Draco stopped her.

"Hermione er- it was multiple choice." He said strangely.

"Oh, umm… oops?" She laughed. "Haha, I wrote paragraphs for multiple choice… and I tell myself I'm not an over-achiever." She joked.

"Well everyone knew that wasn't true." He commented and she sighed with a slight nod.

"Yeah, well, you're a git anyway." She said hitting him upside the head.

"I'll just throw a few answers, that's all." He stated and Hermione nodded.

When they both headed down to breakfast the Great Hall seemed a little empty each day. It's like people were disappearing, but most of them came in around the time that she would be ready to leave. The Great Hall still amazed her, and she remembered it all the same. Each little trinket furnished a morning glow from their prior nights clean. The ceiling gave only the picture of a glorious sunny day, which occasionally led to rainy days outside, but it was beautiful out.

The man at the top of the room stood. His long silver hair reached his waist, and his beard reached down to his feet into a sharp point. She watched this man stand from the end of the front table in which she sat at proudly. She listened closely for his yearly speech about the year and new stories that are happening, but then she laid back. Nothing would make her happy enough to perk up and listen like she didn't need to be forced to.

"Good Morning Students." Dumbledore announced and everyone had simmered down into a gentle ripple. "Hope you are all feeling well today, I have a few announcements to make. The first one would be that the 7th year Graduation ball will be held on April 7th. You may invite anyone from 5th year and older. The second announcment is that the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has misteriously dissappeared and we believe he has joined the Ministry, so give a warm welcome back to Professor Lupin."

In a heart beat there was over ninty percent of the Gryffindor table clapping, cheering, and whistling as it filled the room with noise. Hermione also sat cheering, but she was not at the table. She didn't want to cheer too loudly and create a distraction so she quietly clapped while Draco, on her left, was sighing with dispute. She rolled her eyes and then looked back to the room. She looked around to each table, but the Gryffindor table she refused to look at for the time being. Every time she would look at it she ended up thinking that she saw her love, but he was never there everytime she looked back to check. She wasn't sure if he'd ever be there.

"Ahem," Dumbledore said and suddenly the students quieted down. "The final announcement to make is welcome back, and enjoy your breakfast, and I think that'll do it." He smiled lightly. He held his goblet to the ceiling and with a smile he spoke. "To another year of Hogwarts, and may it be the best one yet!"

He raised his hands up, and in no time the food was piled onto the tables like every dinner feast. Hermione and Draco sat, staring at each other, while they dug into their eggs and sausage. Hermione couldn't believe how much this prat had changed into that of a gentleman. He even ate properly, he spoke proper, and what really amazed her was that he was no longer interested in being apart of the Slytherins any longer. What had happen to this child to finally decide to rebel against everyone but the common good? He was once Voldemort's follower... what had happened?

She didn't want to ask in fear of his reaction, and plus asking seemed quite rude at this moment. She was curious, but she didn't want to be the one to snap him from his ways. She liked him like this. She had fun sharing a common room with him, and at night they would pretend to be little kids and tell dumb little stories around the fire. She loved being with him, but then she also felt like she was in fact betraying Harry. Something about this set up didn't feel right at all, was she in fact betraying him, or was it just guilt? They were enemies, but maybe if Harry saw Draco now they'd sort out their differences and become friends.

She nearly smacked herself... them... friends... it made her laugh. There was no way that would be possible, even for the famous Harry Potter. She found it impossible for them to sort out their differences. If Draco tried, Harry would let his stubborness get the better of him, but if Harry tried Draco would begin to think letting him be his friend was a bit too nice for his "image." That's all Draco usually cared about: what others thought of him. Maybe she could get him to grow out of it. It would be easy, he's just like a big child, and all she needed was to teach him to be sincere.

She smiled as she swollowed her last bit of egg and she looked away from him. What was she doing? She was beginning to want to be best friends with this kid, but why? Maybe it was because she was lonely and she was alone now, or another reason being that she was, clearly, mentally insane. She didn't care anymore what other people thought, and that's what she wanted Draco to start learning how to do. You can't go through life caring and making yourself everything that you want others to be. That's not living, all it's doing is destroying the reason of it.

"Come on," Draco said, taking his last sip of juice. "I'll walk you to Herbology."

She ate her last peice of food, sipped the last of her juice, and took one last look around the almost empty room. Most students had already left, but she had stayed later than usual because she didn't feel the need to leave. She had to ambition to talk with Draco, and just talk, but she saw the time and noticed it was only five minutes or so before class would begin, and Hermione was not one to be late! She smiled sweetly at him, but she decided to shake her head, knowing the time, and just sighed.

"No, it's okay, you'll be late if you do." She said. "I'll be okay, you go on, and I'll just meet up with you later in the Common Room." She insisted.

"Okay," He replied. "Thanks for the homework by the way, you're a life saver."

"Anytime."

And with that she was gone. There was never a word after and to be not so lonely on the trip to the Herbology classroom, she was escorted by Neville. So he wasn't that fun to talk to, but at least it was someone. The entire time she completely ignored him and only responded with "yeah," as her head was on the subject of Harry, how he was doing, and the real reason why Draco was being so nice to her. Two days into school and she still seemed like a lost puppy in a big world, but then again she felt needed at the same time. Was this... normal?

It was almost midnight and Draco still hadn't returned to the common room. She slipped on a grey sweatshirt and entered the balcony. As she leaned up against the sidings she watched the moon and all of a sudden she felt like weight ad been lifted off of her. Was Harry watching the moon too between the damn bars that stop him from exiting hell? If some how that were connected by this and he could some how appear beside her, then she would love to fly, but other wise it seemed highly important. She hated magic because all the hell it put her through, but if she never went to Hogwarts she'd miss out on love too.

She sighed gently a tune began to gather up in her head, and then the words just came from her heart. She whispered it in a hopeful pray as the words excaped her lips. Music seemed to be the only calming thing she could do to help her right now, but for some reason the words came from her heart, but the tune seemed unimportant. Was it usually this way? Was it normal to block out everything except what you really want to do? Maybe she just wanted to sing, she didn't need music, because with or without she'd still sing.

"Don't know where you are

Wish I just could be near you

I would sail oceans

To get a glimpse of how you feel

You're all the things I'm looking For everything and so much more

What I think

You are just perfect

Could it be

That I am worth it

Is this thing an open door

Walk right through to something more

You and me

My life would change in a second

In a second..."

"In a second..."

"Hermione, I didn't know you sang."

She jumped quite high before she spun around and forcefully faced the man who spoke. There stood Draco, tall as ever, and with the same smirk as always on his face. He stood in a black suit as he leaned against the doorway. A certain silvery shine complimented his slick gelled hair. His clothes in the dark made him look like a sophisticated gentleman standing in a tuxedo, but he wasn't, it was just normal clothes. Hermione immediately pulled her hand to her heart and smiled as she leaned her back to the railings. She breathed deeply.

"I'm sorry," He said. "I never meant to startle you." He said, walking to her and gracefully taking her hand.

"No, it's okay." She insisted. "I was just admiring the moon, and some how hating it. I bet you're going to ask: why? So, I hate it because it knows so much more than any of us. It sees everything at night, even if we don't think so, it sees. I hate it because it has no feelings, nothing taken away, and no way in harming it. There is nothing you can do to make it show emotion. I hate it, I just want to ruin it because it's too perfect."

"Hermione," Draco said gently. "You don't need to be perfect for people to enjoy you or spending time with you. I like you the way you are, and perfection has nothing to do with it. You're crazy to even think that!"

"Draco, you're insane." She laughed with amazement. "I never intended to be perfect, I just hate things that are, in fact, perfect because it's not fair! We are here, stuck in drama with having people taken out of our lives, and that sits up top not giving a damn towards what people think or what they do!"

"You miss Harry, and Ron, don't you?" He asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Harry, I miss him everyday. Ron... don't even mention him. He doesn't deserve to be in Azkaban, that's a too nice a place for him, he deserves to be killed. Nothing will ever change what he did and I will make sure till the day that I die that he has no happiness. He deserves none of it." She turned tears in her eyes. "I didn't deserve it."

Hermione walked to the corner of the balcony and practically collapsed in the corner of it. She pulled her knees to her chest and took a deep breath, and before she knew it her tears were falling. She cried into her knees, helpless, and feeling that there is no place where she can't get hurt. Draco just stared at her in sympathy. Her hair surrounded her face, and the tears trailing from her eyes, he couldn't help himself, but to kneel beside her and hold her close. He cooed into her ear and told her constantly that everything will soon be alright and the world will be the way it's supposed to, but he couldn't get the subject of Ron off his mind.

"Hermione," He asked, hugging her close. "May I ask you a personal question?" He asked, his silver eyes looking down to her with heart ache.

"I... I guess..." She sniffled, and Draco took a deep breath.

"What did Weasley do to you that makes you so afraid to hear his name?" He asked, Hermione looked at him with confusion. "I mean, every time I mention his name you get all weird and stuff, but this is the first time I've seen you cry."

"If I tell you, judge me not, because I had no control over it. Understand the pain that I went through and I'm going through just to tell you. Understand it's not funny and it's no joke." She said, sitting up straight and speaking with complete seriousness.

"Hermione, will you just tell me?" He pleaded, knowing to do all that stuff anyway.

She turned to him, his silvery eyes looked at her, and she practically melted. She leaned her head against his shoulder and she started crying again. He held her closer, rocking her gently, and telling her that she could trust him. He begged and pleaded for her to tell him, but it hurt so much to just say the words. She wasn't proud of it, she wasn't happy about it, and she wasn't thrilled by it. She was nothing but completely disgusted. Never did she expect something so wrong, but she also ended up knowing that she could never forget it. It would always linger through her, and it would never make her feel any better.

"Draco," she whispered. "He raped me."

And with that more tears just poured out from her eyes. She gasped as the pain in her heart increased, hating herself more, and having the largest desire to scream at the moon for being a traitor. Draco just hugged her, feeling her pain, and sweetly he wiped away her tears. She looked up, staring into his eyes deeper, and she just forgot everything. All she cared about was looking at him and the look in his eyes made her feel more secure than ever. She hugged him around the neck, and his arms wrapped around her waist as they stayed in a ten minute hug before Hermione was the one to pull away.

"I'm so... sorry." He said, feeling completely helpless. "I have no idea what to say, that's awful, and you seem so strong to be the one that experienced it. He's in Azkaban though, and even if he comes back to school, I'll protect you. I'll make sure he never touches you again."

"Draco," she said as she situated herself as he insisted her to sit in his lap. "I can't ask that of you, I can't..."

Before she knew it she had lost all interest in talking. Her quivering lip had stopped once this boy had suddenly decided to move towards her. With a deepness of enjoyment in her voice she smiled and leaned into him. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, and his kiss had taken her into a fantasy land. She backed down a bit, and her mind had raced a million thoughts at once, and a million memories came back. She lied to Harry. She pretended to have lost her memory, but she lost nothing. It was still clear as ever, and she counter jinxed herself as an act. She didn't want to forget it, she wanted to fight. That night came back, the toothpaste, the bathtub, and the promises...

Harry leaned forward and wrapped her in his arms. He pulled her to him and kissed her lips deeper than ever. He didn't want to let go, and he didn't want to leave her alone. She had been through so much, and he couldn't survive without her. She was his life now, and he would not turn his back on family. The Weasleys would be okay, for they would end up sending him candy and such until he was once again free. He pulled away.

"I love you Hermione, and I'll be back for you." He whispered

"I'll be here waiting." She said. "But... What about Ron? What are we going to do?"

"Might as well obliviate him... maybe he'll forget his obsession with you too, and then hopefully it will all be in our heads." Harry recommended. "His parents would turn us away if we told anyone."

"We need to be smart about this Harry," She said responsibly. "Is there a way we can obliviate him out of his obsession with me?" She wondered.

She broke away and looked into his eyes and suddenly the weight was back. She stood, stumbled, and began to take slow steps backwards. She put her fingers against her lips and trembled hard. She couldn't believe it. The pain seemed to multiply with the guilt and hatred towards herself. She called herself a filthy mudblood multiple times in her head. He looked confused, but as she took small steps backwards it was like she couldn't think anymore. She didn't love him, she loved Harry... what was this? She tore her face away from him as quick as a rabbit and cried.

"... what have I done?"

Author's Note:

To my Reviewers

Toga Party - Your costume sounds completely awesome. Don't worry about the Sarah girl... I've learned to live with her, but she is, in fact, the reason I stopped writing. This chapter is so late because she decided to push it to the limit where I just broke down and stopped. If people don't enjoy my writing it tears me apart. Then, I got her recent review and it pissed me off so much that I needed to write. So welcome me back into fanfiction, because I will finish this story. Sorry it's later, hope you are well, and thank you for all your support :)

FroBoy - Sorry, this isn't exactly soon, but the reason why I didn't update is in the note above to Toga. Read that, and then please forgive me for not updating.

missradcliffe - Yeah, actually, I hate Ron anyway. He seems like an un-needed character and he is just... annoying. I mean I still respect him as a real character of J.K, but I seriously hate him. Hopefully I get Harry out soon, I think the line I'm look for is "Hermione, I think you got some 'splainin to do!"

Midnite At Noon - Apologies on the spell check thing... my computer got a virus in it and I have to be forced to write on a "notepad" doccument, and the problem is: no spell check. So if there are any mistakes it's because I missed them when I re-read it. Sorry about your impatient waiting.

sakura-sweeti - Haha, a flight of stairs? Haha, this isn't kindergarten, if it were Kyntor would be interested in reviewing nicely. Haha, we'll just see what happens, but for now it's a mystery for the both of us ;) Again sorry for the impatient waiting I made you sit though, but please forgive me. Thank you so much for your respect for me and your willingness to stick up for me and my story. You are my most loved reviewer and I'll finish this story for you, I promise. Sarah got in my way, as she stated, and that review drove me mad. I can prove that this story will be finished and she is not going to do anything, but read.

Sarah - I have nothing to say to you, my fans say it all.

UPDATED: (FRIDAY) JULY 28, 2005 - JULY BIRTHDAY WISHES:

1. Happy Belated Birthday to Edward Randell who plays Justin Finch-Fletchley. His Birthday: 2nd

2. Happy Belated Birthday to Fiona Shaw who plays Petunia Dursley. Her Birthday: 10th

3. Happy Belated Birthday to Jeff Rawle who plays Amos Diggory. His Birthday: 10th

4. Happy Belated Birthday to Jamie Waylette who plays Vincent Crabbe. His Birthday: 21st

5. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO DANIEL RADCLIFFE who plays HARRY POTTER! His Birthday: 23rd! drool

6. Happy Almost Birthday to Frances de la Tour who plays Madame Maxime. Her Birthday: 30th

7. Happy Almost Birthday to Richard Griffiths who plays Uncle Vernon. His Birthday: 31st

That's it, until next time!

Airalynn

Quote:

"When a dove associates with a crow: its feathers remain white, but its heart grows black."