NAME
'When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.'
-- Anon.
- Tuesday -
"So, what are you going to do about your name?" Izzy prompted.
Meredith turned on the bar stool, facing her former roommate. "I don't know." It was Tuesday evening, and she was waiting for Derek to get out of surgery, and had joined Izzy and Cristina at Joe's.
"Hmmm..." Izzy trailed off, sipping her drink. "Meredith Shepherd." She paused, letting the unfamiliar term slip into her slightly intoxicated conscious. "Meredith Grey-Shepherd." She paused again. "Meredith Shepherd-Grey." This time she scowled and shook her head. She turned back to Meredith. "No, I definitely don't like the last one. That's out."
Meredith laughed and exchanged a look with Cristina, who was sitting kitty-corner along the bar. She looked exasperated with her roommate's topic of conversation.
"Meredith Shepherd," Izzy was mumbling again. "Meredith Grey-Shepherd. Meredith Shepherd. Meredith Grey-Shepherd." She smiled. "Meredith Grey-Shepherd," she repeated with a confirmatory nod. "That's definitely the one."
"Doctor Meredith Grey-Shepherd," Cristina interjected with a roll of her eyes. "Seriously; being McDreamy's wife isn't going to take away the title."
"Fine, Doctor Meredith Grey-Shepherd." Izzy turned to Meredith. "It's got my vote."
"Grey-Shepherd," she found herself mumbling thoughtfully, not that she hadn't been doing this for four days in her head. It definitely didn't sound bad to her.
Izzy smiled broadly. "Isn't it perfect? And so cute..."
Cristina scoffed. "It's a name; it doesn't get to be called cute."
"But it is, adorable even," Izzy gushed.
Cristina buried her face in her hands with a noise that could only be described as exasperated. She turned her head sideways in her hands to meet Meredith's gaze. "You cannot go by Grey-Shepherd if she's going to go all mushy every time she hears it."
"She can go by whatever she wants, and I think she should hyphenate."
Meredith smiled. "I definitely need to think about it."
"What's there to think about? It's perfect."
"Yeah Mer, it's perfect," Cristina mocked, causing Izzy to glare at her.
Meredith laughed, turning to answer Izzy's question. "I just...what if I make the wrong choice?"
"What do you mean?"
"What if I choose the wrong name for the wrong reason?"
Cristina shrugged. Her opinion was clear. She would never change her name for a guy.
Meredith turned back to Izzy. "Like, what if I stick with Grey, to avoid having two Shepherds at work?"
"There's already two Grey's," Cristina reminded. "You wouldn't be creating confusion, only transferring it."
"And Grey-Shepherd would be the perfect solution to that," Izzy interjected.
Meredith rolled her eyes. "You two are immensely helpful, have I ever told you that?"
"Sorry," Izzy said quickly. Cristina shrugged.
"Okay, back to your question, you don't want to make the wrong choice for the wrong reason..."
Meredith nodded.
"Well, you have to make the decision for yourself; not for him or for work."
"Is he pushing for you to change?" Cristina asked.
Meredith shook her head. "No. He's being annoyingly 'it's your choice' about it."
"Do you want to change your name?" Izzy asked.
Meredith sighed. "I just... I don't know. I don't want to create confusion at work, but I also don't exactly like being a Grey."
"You mean it would give you some distance from your mother."
"Yeah, among other things. I really want to start over, but...does that make me old fashioned? You know, changing my name and everything?"
"A little bit, yeah," Cristina agreed.
"That's not true," Izzy argued. "It's not old fashioned. It's letting the world know that you're married, that you want to be seen as attached to the man you love."
"Exactly, old fashioned."
"It is not."
"It is."
"Guys!" Meredith cut in. "Seriously not helping."
"You just have to do what's right for you," Izzy repeated.
Meredith nodded, knowing it would take some time to think about, even if in the back recesses of her mind, she was pretty sure she knew what she wanted to be called.
"But just keep in mind," she continued, "That Grey-Shepherd combines who you are now with who you will be. And it doesn't create problems at the hospital, it solves one."
"Nice sales pitch Stevens, you're in the wrong profession," Cristina said sarcastically.
Meredith laughed, and smiled when she felt a warm hand land on her lower back. "Hey," she leaned back against his chest as his hand snaked down to her waist.
"Hey," he pressed his lips against the top of her head.
She reached for his hands and pulled them around her waist, ignoring her best friend's eye roll at their blatant PDA. Right now she didn't care. Right now she was newly engaged to the man of her dreams. Right now she was happy. "How's your patient?"
"He'll be fine."
"Good."
"Yeah." He crouched and rubbed his cheek against hers, the roughness of his day old stubble rubbing her smooth cheek. "And how are you? I haven't seen you all day."
"I'm great," she responded, squeezing his hands and leaning her cheek against his, revelling in the closeness. She'd never get tired of it.
"I'm so going to need another drink," Cristina mumbled, signalling Joe for a refill.
Meredith laughed. "We've been talking about what I should do about my name when we get married."
He closed his arms tighter around her and sighed. "And..." He prompted.
"Well, I still have to think about it, but Izzy has decided that I should hyphenate."
He laughed. "Grey-Shepherd or Shepherd-Grey."
"Grey-Shepherd, she doesn't like Shepherd-Grey."
"Yeah, that doesn't sound good at all," Derek said lightly, going along with her.
Izzy rolled her eyes. "I was just trying to help."
"She's been making a freaking sales pitch for it."
Izzy glared at Cristina. "I am not. I'm just excited that two of my friends are getting married. What's wrong with that?"
Meredith smiled as Derek pressed his lips against her cheek. "Nothing's wrong with that at all."
000
It was almost ten in the morning when she and Derek headed up the front steps of the large government building. They had had to drive for close to an hour from Carol's house to the closest city hall office they could apply for a marriage license. So they had decided to go just the two of them.
"Here we are," Derek stated, holding open the front door for her.
"Here we would have been sooner if you had followed my directions."
He scoffed. "Not necessarily."
She laughed as he reached for her hand. Even though he had grown up in the area, he had gotten turned around on the side streets of the town, all the while ignoring her suggestions. "Yes necessarily," she countered.
He shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Admit that I'm always right."
"Not yet you aren't."
She felt the corner of her lips being pulled upwards. "You know, you aren't going to be able to say that soon..."
He paused and turned to her. "I guess I won't."
She bit her lip. Yesterday had felt surreal, but today she had woken up feeling like it was real. In less than a week she was going to be his wife. They had filled the drive with relatively superficial talk; the rest of the plans for the day, the things they needed to accomplish that week, when Richard would get back to Derek. They had stayed away from the deep seated conversation revolving around the change that would take place in their lives in only four days. But that hadn't meant they weren't both thinking about it. It didn't mean they hadn't spent the car ride exchanging excited glances and hand squeezes, an air of enthusiasm filling their lungs and spreading through every cell of their bodies.
He tilted his head, gazing dreamily at her. "But I guess what I get in exchange will be worth it..."
She raised an eyebrow. "You guess?"
He chortled, his teeth flashing as he unsuccessfully attempted to bite back a laugh. He paused and wrapped his strong arms around her. "I know," he corrected. "I know it will be worth it."
"I love you," she whispered.
"I love you too."
She smiled as the familiar sense of warmth and happiness and belonging swept over her. There was nowhere else she would rather be right now. This was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. This was the man she would marry in a short number of days. This was the man who loved her.
He narrowed his eyes at her distant expression. "You're sure about this?" Making phone calls and booking restaurants and ordering flowers was one thing, applying for a marriage license was another entirely.
She gripped tightly to the fabric of his shirt and smiled. "Very. You?"
He kissed her. "Absolutely."
"Good."
"Good."
She laughed. "Okay, let's do this thing."
He released her from his arms and reached again for her hand, leading the two of them through the halls, following the signs. The line up wasn't long when they got there, only one couple finishing up with their application. Tuesday mornings weren't exactly busy times for applying to get married.
They waited patiently, still gripping tightly to the other's hand, before smiling widely when they were called up.
"Good morning," the receptionist greeted. "How can I help you today?"
"We need a marriage license," Derek answered easily.
"Congratulations," she responded. "I'm Lisa, and I'll walk you through the process."
"Thanks."
"When is the wedding?"
"Saturday," Meredith answered with a smile.
"Wow, that's soon."
She felt her heart constrict with sudden fear. "Is that okay?"
Lisa smiled reassuringly. "Absolutely. The waiting period is only twenty-four hours. But normally couples come in a month or so ahead of time to take care of this."
Derek nodded. "Yeah, we're doing everything a little last minute."
Lisa nodded, but did not ask for any further explanation. "Okay, here's your form." She placed a legal form down in front of them. "After your wedding, it needs to be signed and returned by the individual performing the ceremony. I assume you already have someone?"
Derek nodded, taking the lead. They had chosen an old family friend of Derek's mom. She had gone to school with him, and he had spent several years as a minister before retiring. He quickly recorded the required information onto the form.
"And have either of you been married previously? If so, I need a copy of a legal divorce certificate."
Derek rifled through his bag before extracting the document he had had faxed by his lawyer the day before. "Here it is," he passed it across.
Lisa took a moment to read it and nodded. "This is fine." She glanced at Meredith. "And you haven't been married previously?"
Meredith shook her head. "No."
"Great, I think that's all of the extra stuff." She passed the form to them and motioned to a table across the waiting area. "I need you to fill out your personal information, and then return this to me, make a payment of forty dollars and you'll be all done," she said brightly.
"Thanks," Meredith told her, clutching onto the legal paper. She turned and numbly followed Derek across the room to the free table, and placed the form between them so they could both read it. But she found she couldn't make out any of the words anyway; they were blurring as she tried to focus through the liquid acting as an extra lens in her eyes.
"You okay?" Derek's soft voice cut through her trance and she glanced up to meet his deep blue eyes.
"Yeah." She sniffed. "I'm perfect."
His brow furrowed as he stepped closer and hooked a supportive arm around her waist. "You don't look perfect. You're crying..."
She swallowed hard and nodded, wiping at her cheeks. "Good crying," she assured him.
His lips turned upwards as his eyes took on a hue she couldn't get enough of. "Promise?"
"I promise." She reached her arms around his neck and pulled him in close, her breathing bordering on shaky. "I just can't believe we're actually doing this."
He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled. "Me neither."
After several seconds, Meredith reluctantly pulled herself from his arms. "Okay, if we're going to do this, we have to actually do this." She motioned at the form and he nodded.
"Right."
Together, they quickly recorded their personal information, leaving only one box to fill out. Meredith's name. The fine print under the line specifically stated that she was to record the name she planned on using upon being married. She would need to officially change her name with the government for tax purposes, but if she intended on using a different name after the wedding, she would need to put it on record now.
"Mer," Derek prompted gently, watching her closely, her hand poised with the pen tip just above the form, frozen.
She nodded, pressing the tip of the pen down, but not writing anything. "I know."
"It's completely your choice," he continued. "You need to be happy."
"I know."
"And I'll be happy with whatever you decide."
"I know."
"And I-"
"Derek." She cut him off. "You just need to give me a minute here."
"Sorry." He wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed his lips against the side of her head. "I'm shutting myself up."
"Thanks." She leaned into his warmth and lifted the pen off the page once more, taking advantage of her moment. She could remember the first time the conversation revolving around her name had ever come up, months before they had even been engaged.
"Do you want me to change my name?" She had asked. Their relationship had become very solid, and they had been living together for several months. Their future had been coming up more and more.
"Only if you want to."
"I get that it's my choice, but I've never really thought about it before. Is it important to you?"
He was silent for several seconds as he thought. "It would be an honour," he said truthfully. "If you took my name, it would be an honour, but you are a very independent woman, and I respect that completely. And we work together, so I understand that it may become confusing."
He would support her whatever she chose. And the hospital shouldn't be a major factor in her decision. But she didn't want to cause confusion by becoming a Shepherd. And if she was completely honest with herself, she didn't want to be a Grey anymore. And hyphenating made her name feel long and herself feel disjointed, like she was trying to be two people. And she didn't want to have people look down on her for being anti-feminist for taking his name. And she didn't want people to look down on her for being too independent and not taking his name. And she didn't want to make either decision to avoid people looking down on her.
"Maybe I could just go as Meredith," she said lightly. "No last name, just Meredith."
"Like, Dr. Meredith?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No, like Cher or Ghandi."
He snorted. "Nah, Meredith is too long for that. If you're going to go by the first name, it's got to be one or two syllables tops. You just can't cut it with three..."
"Hmmpff." She rolled her eyes at his humour.
He sighed, once again closing his arms around her small frame. "You need to pick what makes you happy."
"I know; but there are so many possible problems..." She didn't need to explain her issues with the topic he already knew them all.
"I understand that, but you can't let them influence this choice." He offered her a smile. "You need to close you eyes and forget all of the issues and think about what you want, think about who you want to be."
She sighed and closed her eyes for several seconds. And when she opened them, she stepped out of his arms and back up to the table. And this time, when the pen met the paper, she didn't hesitate to record exactly what she wanted.
And when she was finished, she felt nothing but a sense of relief at finally having made a decision; the right decision. She smiled and passed him the form. He took it and she watched as his eyes darted across the page to find the appropriate box. His gaze froze for several seconds before he glanced back up at her.
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely; you know I'm never wrong..."
000
They had stopped for lunch on the way back to his mothers, and were seated in a quaint little pizzeria when Derek's cell phone rang. He didn't need to look at the caller ID to know who was calling him. Meredith met his eyes, hers suddenly taking on a dark, worried depth that he hated to see. She deserved the world, and here she was worried she would have to get married without her family. But Derek was prepared to fight for her if he had to. She needed her family with her.
"Richard," he spoke into the phone as a greeting.
"Derek," Richard's voice filtered through to him. "Am I catching you at a good time? I'm sorry I'm a little later than I expected."
"No, it's fine. We're just having a bite to eat." He smiled reassuringly across the table.
"Good." There was a short pause. "Well, I have good news. I managed to schedule Yang, Stevens, Karev and O'Malley off starting tomorrow, until next Monday."
Derek breathed a sigh of relief, and quickly smiled at Meredith, motioning that all was well. And her responding smile took his breath away, destroying any lingering doubts he had had about calling Richard in the first place.
"I also pulled some strings to have Miranda and Lexie Grey off as well, that's actually why it took me longer this morning. However, I need them to work up to Thursday."
"That's fine. Thank-you, Richard."
"I... Is there anything else I can do for you, Derek?"
Derek hesitated, his anger stewing in that dark place inside him. As much as he wanted to take the high road and let it go, he just couldn't. In his mind he could still hear her cries as he was dragged from her bedside. "Uh, no, but thanks Chief... Thanks for making this happen."
Richard sighed heavily. "You're welcome, Derek. I...have a good wedding. I'll be thinking of you."
Derek swallowed hard, closing his eyes tightly at the pain in his former mentor's voice. "Thanks again," he bid as his farewell and quickly shut his phone.
Meredith gave him a supportive smile and reached to squeeze his hand. "It's okay, Derek."
"Then why do I feel so guilty?"
She shook her head. "Because it sucks. The whole thing sucks."
He offered her a wry smile. "Yeah, it does." He reached a hand to brush a lock of hair out of her face. "I wish every day that that never happened to you."
"Me too," she agreed, leaning against his hand. "But it's over now. I got through it...we," she corrected with a smile. "We got through it. And what the Chief did to you was horrible, Derek. I can't even... I know he feels protective of me and I know he made that promise, but accusing you wasn't even out of line. It was...it was..." She trailed off in search of an appropriate description. "It was absurd. It was completely absurd. And unreasonable. And stupid. And way out of line."
Derek smiled warmly at her. "Thanks."
She tilted her head. "For what?"
"For making me feel better."
She shrugged. "It's what I'm here for."
He laughed aloud, squeezing her hand. "That's supposed to be my line."
"I get to use it to. It's not like you invented it."
"Who says I didn't invent it?" He countered.
She rolled her eyes. "Because your mother says it." She could remember the previous Thanksgiving; when she had broken down in front of Carol, Nancy and Kathleen. The pressure of interacting with a family had gotten to her. They hadn't acted the way she had expected, and she hadn't known how to react. And after a day of being on the defensive for no reason, she had collapsed under the pressure when Carol began thanking her.
"I was worried when Derek moved so far away so suddenly. I was so afraid he was throwing away his life. But, Meredith, he's happier than I've ever seen him. He has a new life. And a wonderful woman to share it with. He loves you so much, and it's obvious you love him too. I'm grateful for that; for you."
Silent tears streamed down her flushed cheeks as she finally found the courage to look up.
"Meredith, you've reconnected me with my son, and now you're responsible for bringing Mark back as well. I understand that you're not used to a supportive family, but you're a good person. And you deserve to know what its like to be part of a family; our family. You're always welcome here, Meredith. You've brought our family back together. And you make my son happier than I ever could have hoped. Don't you see it? You mean so much to so many people. And you're here. Meredith, you're already family."
There was no hint of deception or exaggeration or even a radical attempt at reassurance behind Carol's words. And this time when she stepped forward, Meredith allowed her to gently pry her arms open and pull her in tight. After only a moment of hesitation, Meredith closed her arms around the older woman's frame. She breathed a last shuddery breath as a few stray tears made their way down the well worn path of her cheeks. It was the first time in her life that she had ever experienced something so comforting and relieving and... maternal.
"Thank-you," Meredith whispered.
"It's what I'm here for, dear."
"Does she say it?" Derek was saying; half thoughtfully, half sarcastically. "I've never noticed before..."
She shook her head at him. "I'm sure..." She sighed. "Anyway, Derek, you don't need to feel guilty about the Chief; he dug his own graze or whatever. And from what everyone has been telling me, this wedding is about us and about what we want and feel comfortable with. So...you're not allowed to feel guilty."
He raised an eyebrow. "I'm not allowed to feel guilty?"
"Nope."
He chuckled. "Well...I'll have to work on that. Will you remind me a few times?"
"Of course; any time." She smiled.
"Thanks." He silenced himself for several seconds before continuing. "What if...what if I'm not just feeling guilty?"
"Like...you want him there?"
He shrugged. "I'm not sure. A part of me hates him, but there's this other little part that says...maybe I do want him there. Is that wrong?"
She squeezed his hand and furrowed her brow. "I don't think it's wrong."
"I hate him for what he did, for what he accused me of," he reiterated. "But in the end..." He trailed off and met her eyes. "In the end he had your best interest at heart. And I can't argue with that."
She offered him a small smile. "He was still out of line."
"He was," Derek agreed quickly. "But so was Alex, and we didn't shun him."
Meredith nodded. When Derek had brought her home after Susan had died, Alex had caught sight of the bruise forming on her cheek, and had grabbed onto Derek's arm to restrain him from following Meredith upstairs.
'Don't think I'm going to let him anywhere near you if he's hurting you.'
The difference with Alex had been simple. He had listened to reason. He had listened to her. This situation hadn't escalated like it had with Richard. "You're right," she agreed with Derek. "But that was almost a year ago. And Alex...has a history. And he didn't...there wasn't...it only lasted a minute or two. He listened to reason."
Derek nodded, accepting her answer. "You're right."
She smirked. "Of course I am; I'm always right."
He shook his head as a smile broke through his tense expression for several seconds, and then he sighed. "I think a part of me is worried I'm going to regret not having invited him. I've known him for my entire career. He's the reason I came out here; the reason I met you and am here now, getting married on Saturday." He sighed, meeting her gaze with his pained eyes. "He's the reason I met the love of my life and am so happy right now."
Meredith was surprised to find herself blinking back tears. "I never really thought about it that way..."
He nodded. "He hurt me. But he wasn't doing it to hurt me. He did it to protect you."
Meredith nodded. Richard had never intended to cause harm, only prevent it.
Derek shrugged. "Should I have invited him?"
She mirrored his shrug. "I don't know," she told him quietly.
"I don't either."
She sighed. "Well, it's only Tuesday. How about we think about it overnight. It won't be too late to call him tomorrow. Or even Thursday. That gives us some more time."
"Okay. That sounds...good."
She smiled at him. "I'm proud of you," she told him simply. He wouldn't be him if he wasn't the kind of guy to give second chances
"Do I get a prize for you being proud?" A hint of a smirk had replaced his anxious expression.
She laughed, and stood to lean across the table and place a short kiss on his lips.
He made a show of sighing when she sat back down. "That wasn't much of a prize..."
She smirked. "That was just a preview of the real prize..."
"Hmm, so what is the real prize?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Do I really have to spell it out for you?"
Derek laughed and rolled his eyes, refusing to respond. And he ignored her triumphant smirk. Right now he didn't care if she beat him at every playful argument they had for the rest of their lives. He tilted his head and smiled lovingly at her. "Hey, Mer, guess what?"
"What?"
"We're getting married in four days."
Nothing could have prepared him for the brilliant smile that appeared on her delicate features. "We are," she whispered.
He reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly. He hadn't truly allowed himself to believe they could pull this off until this moment. If her friends hadn't been able to make it, Derek wasn't sure if he could go through with the wedding. She needed her family with her, just as much as he needed his. And now it felt like no matter what problems they ran into, they would make it to Saturday, and everything would go off without a hitch; except for the obvious one, of course.
000
Meredith couldn't wipe the gleeful smile off her face as she made her way to the resident locker room, ignoring the curious stares. It reminded her of the happiness she had felt after she and Derek had finally sat down and talked about everything they had been through together. She had been so happy and smiley that George had, jokingly, accused her of being high. And she had been nowhere near as happy then as she was now. Her relationship had reached a new level, but she hadn't even dreamed of the heights it had reached now.
She pushed open the door and sighed in relief when she caught sight of her best friend getting changed to go home. She had been on call the night before, and Meredith had made Derek drive her in early to catch Cristina before she went home for the day.
"Good, you're still here."
"Not for long." Cristina pulled on her coat and slung her bag over her shoulder.
"Can you hold on a sec, I need to talk to you?" Her body may have been screaming in pain and her mind may have been muddled and foggy, but Meredith could remember Cristina's relief at telling Meredith of her engagement so many months ago. It was important she tell Cristina first.
"Mer, seriously, I've been here for twenty-four hours. I need some sleep."
"It'll just take a second," she promised.
Cristina grumbled, but sensed a reason to Meredith's madness, so set her bag down and turned her attention to her person. "Make it quick."
Meredith rolled her eyes at Cristina's attempt to be a good listener, but she still couldn't help the smile that came to her lips. She took a breath. "Derek asked me to marry him."
Cristina shifted, standing up a little straighter, her eyes softening just a bit. "And?"
Meredith choked back a laugh. "Seriously? And? You think I'd be here telling you, all excited, if I had said no?"
Cristina snorted. "Just making sure. After all you two have been through, I'd have to kick your ass if you said no and I had to listen to your whining for the next few months."
She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever, I wouldn't have said no."
"Well...congratulations."
"Thanks."
"Did he get you a ring?"
Meredith nodded and pulled off her purple mitts, holding her left hand out.
Cristina stepped forward and glanced down at the ring, but making no move to touch it; although her fingers shifted in the air in its vicinity. "It's nice," she commented. "It seems...very you."
Meredith closed her fist, her right hand wrapping over her left as she ran her digits over the ring. "I think it is. It's weird, cause it's been less than two days, but I can't stand the thought of not wearing it."
Her best friend rolled her eyes, but then her gaze softened. "You know, Burke got me a ring."
Meredith shook her head. "I didn't know that," she said quietly. Cristina didn't talk about her failed attempt at marriage very often and she would only talk about it if she was the one to bring it up. So when she did, Meredith made sure to listen.
Cristina scowled. "Yeah; a huge one. Big diamond. Very sparkly. Very expensive. Very...not me."
"Oh."
"I told him I wasn't going to wear it, so he took it back." She sighed, meeting Meredith's eyes. "I guess he really never knew me."
"I'm sorry, Cris..."
"Whatever, I'm free to focus on work now."
Meredith nodded. Cristina was re-building her walls again. "Yeah..."
"Well, I have to go home and sleep, but..." She trailed off and met Meredith's gaze. "I am happy for you, Meredith."
"Thank-you."
Cristina nodded a farewell and exited the locker room, leaving Meredith alone. She quickly got changed and headed for the door, and was just reached for the handle when it swung open in front of her.
"Hey!" Izzy greeted enthusiastically. "You're here early. How was your weekend off? What was Derek's surprise?" Before Meredith could even begin to respond, the blonde's eyes drifted down to her left hand and she squealed. "Meredith!" She exclaimed. "Oh my god! He proposed!" She flung her arms around Meredith and hugged her tight, bouncing up and down. "I'm so happy for you!"
"Thanks, Iz," Meredith said lightly, biting back a laugh at her reaction.
"Let me see," she demanded, prying Meredith's hand upwards. "Oh, Meredith, it's beautiful. Did he let you pick it out, or did he get help from someone else?"
"Uh...I definitely didn't pick it out, and I'm pretty sure he got it by himself." She couldn't fathom who Derek could have asked for help. She was pretty sure the best friend was usually recruited for that...and Cristina definitely would not have been any help in a jewellery store.
"Good for him, then." Izzy dropped her hand. "When are you getting married?"
Meredith shrugged. "Iz, seriously, it's been less than forty-eight hours. We don't have any plans yet."
"Come on, nothing at all?"
"Well, maybe next summer, but-"
Izzy squealed again. "This is so exciting! I love weddings!"
"What is going on here?" A very familiar voice echoed as Miranda Bailey stepped into the locker room. "Dr. Stevens, I can hear your childish screams from down the hall. If you want to behave like a child, you will be kept away from surgery. Children don't get to be surgeons."
"I'm sorry, Dr. Bailey," Izzy responded, not trying to mask the beaming smile on her face. "But I was just being excited for Meredith."
Bailey turned her attention to Meredith who was at least attempting to hide the smile on her face, albeit unsuccessfully. "Grey?" She prompted expectantly.
Meredith offered her boss a small smile. Their relationship had changed since Meredith had become a resident and Miranda had discovered her scores on the intern exam, but the woman was still her boss. "Derek asked me to marry him on the weekend."
Bailey allowed an uncharacteristic smile to flutter across her face. "It's about time."
Meredith laughed.
"Congratulations, Grey."
"Thank-you, Dr. Bailey."
Miranda nodded, and turned back towards Izzy. "Dr. Stevens, try to keep the child-like screaming to a minimum."
"Of course, Dr. Bailey."
Bailey nodded her head and exited the room muttering, "fools," under her breath.
000
Meredith breathed as the phone rang in her ear. Ensuring the time off was complete, now she had to ensure her friends would come to New York.
"Hey." Cristina picked up after the sixth ring. Meredith had been afraid it had gone to voice mail.
"Hey, I'm glad I caught you. Are you busy?"
"Not really, just having lunch."
"Great, is everyone there?"
"O'Malley's not."
"But Izzy and Alex are?"
"Yup. Why?"
"Because, I'm getting married."
Cristina snorted, and Meredith could practically see her rolling her eyes. "Yeah, we know that Meredith. So unless you have amnesia, or have been brainwashed or something, that's old news."
"No, I mean I'm getting married this weekend."
"You're what?"
"Getting married this weekend," she repeated. "Saturday."
"Where?"
"Here."
"As in New York?"
Meredith nodded, even though she was on the phone. She had isolated herself in Derek's old bedroom when they had returned home and he and Mark had gone out for their tuxes, giving herself some privacy for the calls she had to make. No one could see her nodding to herself on the phone. "Yeah."
"This Saturday?"
"I know it's really last minute, but after everything that's happened...we don't want to wait any longer. So we decided to do it here, so that Derek's family can all be here. And Derek called the Chief, and got all of you time off to come out here. And Derek and I will pay for your airfare and hotel and everything for you to be here."
"You're seriously telling me you want us all to get on a plane and fly out to the Big McApple to spend the weekend with the McFamily?"
"Yes."
There was a pause and a few moments of hushed tones Meredith couldn't make out as Cristina began passing information to Izzy and Alex. She was sure the last comment had caught their attention. "Okay, the consensus seems to be positive. How much time off did you get?"
"Tomorrow until Monday."
"Wow," Cristina whistled. "Impressive."
"Yeah, well, the chief owed Derek."
"Right. So, when do you want us there?"
"We have tentatively booked four seats on a flight at eleven tomorrow..."
"Holy last minute, Meredith."
"I did it for you." When Cristina had presented Meredith with a ticket to Hawaii for an anti-honeymoon, Meredith had barely had time to pack before they had rushed to the airport. She had spent half of their first day in 'paradise' at a local laundry mat because she had filled her suitcase with clothes coming out of her hamper.
"Ah the sweet smell of blackmail..."
Meredith snorted. "It's not blackmail. It's my wedding. And I..." She trailed off with a sigh. "I need you guys there with me."
"And now with the guilt trip. Seriously, Meredith, you are being brainwashed. You'll make an excellent wife, that's for sure..."
"Cris..."
"Of course I'll get on the freaking plane. You're my person."
"Thank-you. Now what about the other two?"
"Well, Alex seems to like the idea of a free trip. And Izzy is looking like she's about to burst, so I'm assuming that's a yes. Though I'm refusing to give her my phone to talk to you, even though she's demanding it. She'll infect it with all her happiness crap."
Meredith ignored her dig at Izzy and breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. And you'll tell George?"
"Yup."
"And can I get you to pick up the dresses and rings before you go to the airport and bring them with you?"
"Crap, I forgot about them." Cristina sighed. "If I accidentally lose just my dress, is that okay?"
"No. You agreed to wear it."
"But-"
"I did it for you," she said again.
"Whatever. I'll pick up the dresses and the rings for you."
"Great. I...great. Thank-you."
"Seriously, Mer, the mushy thing is a little over the top."
Meredith laughed, but was surprised to find her eyes welling. "Sorry."
"Okay, so when does the plane leave?"
Meredith quickly passed the flight details through the phone line. "And someone will be there to pick you up when you land, and if it's not me, Derek or Mark, then they'll have a sign, so look for that."
"Okay, so we'll see you some time tomorrow."
"Looking forward to it."
"Yeah, but you don't have to spend five hours on a plane with the crazy baker, Bambi and Alex..."
Meredith laughed and Cristina hung up before she could begin to respond. She took a breath of relief and smiled to herself as the realization that they were coming settled into her conscious. They were coming. Her family would be there for her wedding.
After a few moments to collect herself, Meredith scrolled through her phonebook and hit send on the name of the second person she needed to call.
Meredith watched in horror as Derek disappeared through the doors of the clinic, being dragged by the security guards. The chief was holding her against the bed, his hands heavy on her shoulders, and she didn't have the energy to push him off. She was in too much pain.
"Derek!" She cried, holding out her good arm as if that would help her. And even though she wasn't making any progress, she continued to strain against Richard's grasp.
"For god's sake," Bailey called, shoving Richard away from the bed. "She's injured. Don't make it worse."
As soon as the pressure was off, Meredith tried again to get up, only to be stopped by her chief resident.
"You need to stay in bed, Meredith."
"No. No, I need Derek. Please..."
"I know," she glanced across the bed towards the chief. "This is all just a misunderstanding. He'll be back soon."
"Like hell he will," Richard stated. "Meredith, I'm going to see to it that man never comes near you again."
"No. No!" She found herself shouting. She needed him. "Derek would never hurt me."
Richard ignored her as he argued with Bailey.
"Of course she's going to say that," he was saying. "She'd never admit it. Who knows how long this has been going on?"
"Chief, if I thought for one second that Derek was responsible for this we wouldn't have needed security because I would have killed him myself."
"Then how do you explain the secrecy? Sneaking her into the clinic?"
"They wanted privacy."
Richard scoffed. "A good excuse."
"It's not an excuse." Mark added. "Derek and I were at a baseball game. He got the call while we were on the way home."
"I have no reason to believe that."
"Like hell you don't. Richard, we picked her up on the side of the road. Derek didn't do this, now call security and get him back here."
"Get out. Both of you get out."
"This is my clinic, Chief. You can't have me kicked out."
"Fine, Sloan, get out."
"No," he sat down beside Meredith in the chair Derek had vacated. "Derek told me to stay."
"You have no reason to be here. You're not her doctor."
"Fine. I'm here as a visitor, but I'm not leaving."
"It's family only; you're not family."
"I'm as good as." He grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. Meredith was grateful for the contact, and she clutched onto him. "And I'm more her family than you. So, why don't you do us all a favour and go get Derek."
"Dr. Smith," Richard called to the intern standing in the doorway. "Go and call security to escort Dr. Sloan out."
"This is completely uncalled for, Chief."
There was only a few moments of terse arguing before Mark too was pulled forcibly from her bedside. Meredith could feel a new batch of tears running down her face as the chief put the guardrails of the bed up to counteract her struggles. She couldn't begin to get over them to get out of bed. Her ribs were screaming in protest. "Dr. Smith, get me a sedative," Richard called. "She's just going to hurt herself like this."
"No!" Meredith found herself screaming. "No. This is all a mistake. Derek didn't do this. Please, don't."
"I promised your mother I would watch out for you," he told her firmly.
"Derek would never hurt me," she cried, watching as Dr. Smith passed him a needle. "Please, I just want to go home. I need to go home..." Her arm was forcibly held still while she struggled, Bailey in the background yelling at the chief to stop. The needle pushed into her skin and she cried.
It was only moments until the tranquilizer began to take effect. Her head spun as she tried to sit up, determined to fight it. "I need to go home..." She repeated, but fell back down against the pillow painfully. "Home... Derek..." The hopelessness was overwhelming as she fell back down, her head heavy against the pillow. "Please... I need him... Please..."
She lay still, gasping for breath as she was wheeled into the hospital. Staff stopped and stared as Richard barked out orders, and Meredith cried as she tried to hide herself from their scrutiny. She was left in the hallway for some amount of time, and fell into a drug induced sleep.
She woke with a jolt as she was moved onto a hard, narrow bed. "Wha..."
"Dr. Grey, you need to lie still," a distant, but familiar voice said.
Meredith cracked open her eyes, blinking groggily as she slowly took in her surroundings. The man standing above her was familiar. There was a white ceiling above her. And a large circular object by her legs. She blinked. It was an MRI. The man above her was the tech. She needed to tell him to stop. She knew his name...she did...really, it was on the tip of her tongue...
"No..." She choked out.
"Meredith," Richard's stern voice came from her other side. "You need this scan to rule out internal injuries."
"I need Derek..." She whispered, struggling to sit up, but was immediately pressed down.
"We can't scan her if she won't be still," the tech was saying.
"Let go..." she tried to shout, and was disheartened when it came out as a faint whimper. "Please..."
"I've already sedated her. She's fighting it. We'll have to restrain her."
"No!" She managed something resembling a normal voice. It was hard. Her mind was cloudy and her thoughts were muddled and thick and hard to form and manipulate. She felt like her limbs were made of lead. She couldn't let them tie her down. She couldn't be tied down.
"If we leave you free, will you stay still? You need this scan."
"Okay," she relented, tears streaming freely down her face. She couldn't fight them. Her body wasn't responding to her directions. And she couldn't let them restrain her; she couldn't be tied down. She fell silent as they positioned her on the platform and left the room. The humming of the machine was too much for her head, even with the headphones to muffle it. She shifted the fingers of her good hand and was disheartened to find her fourth finger bare. She cried; and her last conscious thought was regarding the whereabouts of her ring.
When she woke again, she was in a hospital bed. Her broken arm was hanging in a traction sling beside her, realigning her bone. She blinked at it and turned her head, her breath catching when she met Derek's eyes.
"Hey," he offered quietly, leaning over the bed to kiss her.
"Derek..." she whispered. "You're here..."
He smiled sadly. "I'm so sorry, Meredith. I... They wouldn't let me go. I couldn't get to you."
She blinked. "I tried to tell him... You would never..." She squeezed her eyes shut. The simple act of talking was wreaking havoc on her pounding head.
"You're right," he whispered. "I would never hurt you, Meredith, not ever."
"I know," she whispered. "Why did he think...?"
Derek sighed beside her. "Dr. Smith thought Bailey was covering because of the secrecy and the fact that we came to the clinic and not the OR. She went to the chief the second he was out of surgery."
Meredith nodded, remembering the intern's expression when she had incidentally opened the curtains. "I'm sorry," she told him.
"It wasn't your fault."
"But if it had been anyone else...he wouldn't have overreacted..."
"It doesn't matter. It still doesn't make it your fault."
She nodded, opening her eyes. "I'm so glad you're here."
"Me too."
"How long has it been?"
"A few hours. It's almost two in the morning."
"I couldn't stay awake..."
"I know. They had you sedated pretty good." He shook his head and sighed. "The good news is your MRI was clean. There's no internal bleeding or damage."
She nodded. "Good." She shifted her hand and smiled at the familiar pressure against her middle and pinky finger. "My ring..."
"Is right back where it belongs," he told her.
"I didn't know where it was. I was asleep when they took it for the MRI."
"I got it back for you. And your necklace is back on too."
She smiled. "Thank-you."
There was a sniffle and she looked over to see him crying.
"Derek..."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Meredith. I never meant for this to happen. I...you were screaming..." He shook his head. "I'm sorry I made you come here. We should have gone to Mercy West."
"It's not your fault," she whispered, trying to sit up. Her body was more co-ordinated than before, but she had limited movement with her arm in the sling. "You were right to bring me here. The chief was wrong."
"Thank-you," he whispered, laying his head down beside hers, his forehead against the side of her head, his breathing loud against the linens. "I love you so much, Meredith."
"I love you too." She tilted her head to lean against his. And for a few moments she enjoyed a sense of calm. "It was Thatcher," she finally admitted.
Derek lifted his head and met her eyes. His were sad. "I know." He cupped the un-bruised side of her face. "Lexie showed up. She's the reason I'm here and not at the police station."
"Oh..."
"She'd been looking everywhere for you. She brought your purse and your jacket."
Meredith nodded. "Okay."
"I'm so sorry, Meredith. I'm sorry that you had..." He trailed off. "You deserve so much better."
"Derek..."
"No. He's a fucking bastard, Meredith. He doesn't deserve to be breathing." Derek seethed, his face red and taking on an expression she had never before seen on his face; complete and utter rage. "I'll fucking kill him."
"No, you won't." She said quietly.
"Meredith..."
"No, please, Derek, promise me. Because if you kill him, you'll go to jail. And not only will I feel guilty for being the reason you're in jail, but it will kind of destroy our happily ever after."
He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the mattress beside her. "I won't kill him, but I need to... I need to know he's in as much pain as you." His voice was strained and tense.
"No." She forced his head up to meet her eyes. Tears were streaming from hers, but she ignored them. His lips were set in a thin line and his hands were clenched into fists. She needed to make him understand before it was too late.
"He did this to you," he spoke angrily. "He doesn't deserve to be breathing. He needs to feel his own bones breaking."
She nodded. "Maybe so, but if you go over there like this, Derek, you will kill him."
He swallowed and avoided her eyes.
"Promise me, Derek. Promise me you won't ever go looking for him."
"Please don't make me do that."
"Look at me," she demanded quietly. He did. "Don't let him take away our happily ever after, Derek. Don't let him take any more happiness from me."
He squeezed his eyes shut for several seconds and exhaled before opening them again. "Okay, Meredith. I promise."
0
"Hello?" A voice answered on the second ring, pulling Meredith from her memories.
"Hey, it's...me."
"Meredith, hi. Nice to hear from you. How's your trip?"
"It's good, really good actually. That's why I'm calling..."
"Okay." She sounded confused on the other end of the line, but patiently waited for Meredith to continue.
"Derek and I have decided to get married this weekend, here in New York."
"Oh, Mer, that's wonderful. Congratulations."
"Thanks." She couldn't help the smile that fluttered to her lips. "Anyway, we're flying out my friends and Bailey to be here and...and I want you to come too, that is if you want to." They had been doing well before the incident with Thatcher. The term 'sister' had even been thrown around a few times.
There was silence for several seconds as she breathed, every exhale causing a slight hiss of static. "I...I'd love to be there, Meredith. But...are you sure you want me there, after everything?"
"It wasn't your fault."
"I know. But I still feel like I precipitated it. I forced you to come over that night-"
"You didn't force me."
She sighed. "Well, I pushed you to come over. And nothing would have happened if I hadn't. So...I understand if you don't want me there, as a reminder. It is supposed to be the happiest day of your life."
"Lex, you're my...something." Their relationship was hard to determine, especially now. "And nothing that happened was your fault. You can't control your parents; it just doesn't work that way. And you're not a reminder of what happened. So, please come."
000
It was late when Meredith found herself being woken by soft lips traveling along her face and neck. "Hmm..." she moaned under the assault as she slowly cracked open her eyes, meeting Derek's brilliant blue ones. He kissed her one more time before crawling over her to settle next to her.
She rolled with him, coming to rest with her head on his shoulder and her arm reaching across his chest. He threaded their fingers together and sighed happily.
"You get your tux?" She mumbled into his chest.
"Yeah; it just needed a few small adjustments. I need to pick it up tomorrow afternoon." he whispered, his free hand running through her hair. "Your phone calls go okay?"
"Yeah," she echoed. "Cristina is going to make sure they pick up the dresses and rings before they go to the airport." She had called the shops and made sure Cristina would have no problem picking up the items. And she had already booked an appointment with the bridal shop in town to have her, Izzy and Cristina's fittings checked on Thursday.
"Good."
Meredith smiled and rested happily against him, closing her eyes.
"You okay?" He asked quietly.
"Of course. Why?"
"Mom said you slept right through dinner. It's not like you to miss a meal..."
She lifted her head off his shoulder to meet his eyes, and ignored the teasing expression in his. "What time is it?"
"After eight."
She started. "Wow, I didn't mean to fall asleep... I just wanted to lie down. She should have woken me."
He laughed. "She said you were dead to the world when she came looking for you."
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," she repeated.
Derek carefully pulled out from under her and shifted so that he was on his side, facing her, his fingers still threaded through hers. "Are you sure you're okay?"
She sighed, offering him a gentle smile. She could never hide anything from him. "It's nothing new," she reassured him. "It was just hard...calling Lexie. It brought back a lot of memories."
He nodded, understanding. He was the only person she had told the whole story to. "It's good that you're inviting her," he offered quietly. "Is she coming?"
She nodded. She had learned after the fact that Lexie had run after her until she had lost her, and had then called Alex for help and the two of them had scoured the streets looking for her until Alex had called Cristina, to hear that she was already at the hospital. Their showing up with the full story was what had forced the Chief to release Derek and Mark. And afterwards, even though she was torn, Lexie had offered to support Meredith if she chose to report the incident to the police. "I know. I'm glad she's coming. I just..."
He sighed, puling closer and pressing his lips against her forehead before replacing them with his forehead. "It was a horrible night."
She nodded against him, her eyes filling with tears.
His hand tightened around hers. "I wish I could have protected you."
"There was no way you could have known." They had had this conversation before.
"I know. But that doesn't mean I don't wish I could have. I love you Meredith, and that comes with an overwhelming need to keep you safe, even if it's a little irrational."
She smiled despite herself. "So long as I get to be the irrational one most of the time..."
He laughed and tilted his head to capture her lips for several seconds.
"I am sorry the Chief accused you," she said quietly when he pulled away.
"Mer..." This was another conversation they had had before.
"I know it's not my fault, but he was way out of line. And you didn't deserve that."
"I would never-"
She kissed him. "I know, Derek. Trust me, I know you'd never hurt me. And I've never been the least bit scared or...anything, around you, not even after..." In the first days and weeks after the incident with Thatcher, she had been jumpy around all strangers and even people she knew. Loud voices and fast movements had made her flinch. Any contact had made her instinctively pull away. But not with him. She had never been afraid of him.
"Good," she spoke evenly.
She sighed. "I ran until I could barely breathe," she whispered. "And when I finally stopped I didn't know where I was, and it was late, and there was no one around. And it was so tempting to just lie down and give up. I was so tired and in so much pain and I couldn't breathe...but I..." Her breathing hitched. "All I wanted was you. I couldn't breathe, and I was exhausted, and I was in pain, and all I wanted was you to be there with me. I knew you'd make it alright."
He blinked and his eyes took on a deeper, moister quality. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "I needed you."
"I'll always be there when you need me, Mer, I promise."
"I know." She sighed. "It's a good feeling."
"It is," he agreed, capturing her lips once again. "I love you."
"I love you more."
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "S'not true."
"It is true." She kissed him this time. "And Derek? You know I'll always be there for you too, right?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Good."
He smiled tenderly at her. "Okay." He sat up, bringing her with him as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Let's take care of your need for food, so that you're up to giving me that prize you owe me from lunch..."
Meredith laughed and let him lead her down the stairs.