Chapter Fifteen:

Fire Whiskey

The letter was there in plain black and white, and yet she didn't even want to believe that she was so stupid enough to not read it in the first place. She seemed to be on edge more than ever before now, and she had no idea why. Was it just guilt from everything that happened within the night? Was it happiness that Harry did find a very peculiar way to come and save her at last? Was it all just a dream and she really was beginning to become crazy?

The rain fell like darts onto the castle and every stuck of lighting made her jump and feel twice as alone. She felt different knowing that no one occupied the room next to hers because Draco had left. It seemed funny that in his letter he wrote that he was hiding, and she got the impression that he was possibly trying to rid his memory of her for once and for all. Could it be that everything he said was true? Did he actually love her? And again it seemed that the room had gotten a bit darker and she was lost.

Her room spun around her a million times as she felt sick with grief and love. She couldn't feel her fingers, she couldn't move her body, and she couldn't breathe as easily as normal. Her heart raced faster, and that seemed to be the only thing at the time that worked. Her mind was blank like a brand new chalkboard. Her thoughts had flew out of her head like it was the Owlery and she had to send everyone messages about something big that was going on. Something big was going on, but it was personal.

She had never felt so lonely that it injured her from the inside and slowly ate away at her mind. She felt like she was lying down on a cold floor drowning away in her sorrowful night alone. When she had gained all trace of conscience again she sat up, screamed painfully in her head, and fell back down. She planted her face in her pillow as she screamed once again. Was it just loneliness or was this a heavy dose of poison from her guilt and betrayal?

The night pressed on, and even though the rain passed through harder she still could find no way to become comfortable. She couldn't sleep, not when something this big was bothering her. She tangled herself within the sheets, but nothing would work. She couldn't keep her eyes closed without fearing something was out there. She couldn't go to sleep just like that knowing that Harry was not by her, and wouldn't be for a while. She couldn't go on like this.

She knew her actions were unhealthy. She knew that everything that she worked for for so long was grinding to a halt. She completely missed the fact that she had missed over four lessons in the past few days. She refused to do homework, she managed to only ace one test, and that was a class that she didn't even care for. She no longer cared about what she was doing or where she was going with her life. All she seemed to care about was Harry's safety.

She hadn't eaten much in the last few days. She seemed less interested in activities such as the Ball. She didn't play kindly with reasonable and sweet conversations with people anymore. She locked herself in her room all hours of the day. After that night she hadn't slept in days either. She hadn't done anything but sat in her room and cry her life away as she finally lost all ambition to be smart. She lost all energy to move from place to place, and she unhealthily wheezed when she breathed.

She was parched, but she would not get a drink. She would not ask a house-elf to do so for her either. She would not go down to meals. She would not show up for meetings, and she would not find anyway to distract her from wanting so much to fall off of the balcony and end everything that ever started. One small step off, and one large fall into a painful and then relaxing freedom was all that awaited her. The word was calling out to her, and cheering her on: freedom.

She would not allow a bird to stop her from trying to save herself. She would no longer let people walk all over her like an abused doormat. She would no longer look at herself in the mirror and feel that she did nothing but constantly annoy people her entire life. She would never look in the mirror with a smile while knowing that everything was her fault. Maybe she would have been better off if she didn't tell anyone about Ron, then maybe right now she wouldn't feel so lonely.

Even though his powerful and hurtful ways had caused harm and misery to her she couldn't help but wonder if he was just that pushy because he felt he needed to be. She would give anything to have someone beside her and softly say to her that they loved her. She could go to bed with a smile and wake up beside the one that gave her a smile and feel that it was the best day of her life. Then maybe if it happened everything would return to normal.

She suddenly felt like she was the one in prison, and not Harry. She knew she could go outside and run in the rain if she wanted to, but no longer did she seem interested in being spontaneous for once in her life. She no longer felt the need to do anything but sit and wait for Harry to come home. The thing that always stayed off her mind though, and quite awkwardly it kept returning to her every other minute, was that if it was in fact a possibility that she could die waiting.

Suddenly her scratchy throat went from less interesting to annoying. She grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey that she smuggled into the castle when she was dared to do so. She kept it for a memory, but now she needed it more than ever. She opened it and she took a sip, and it was like everything that bothered her disappeared. The weight that pushed her down was now granting her the privilege to stand back up, to catch a breath, to smile, to love, to run, and to jump.

For some reason though she still sat there, saying nothing. Constantly her hands were vibrating, knowing Ginny was calling through their tangled webs, and she did nothing but ignored it and that's how it felt it had to be. She couldn't sit there and randomly answer it as if it was a normal day, for it was different. It was strange, and it was dark and dreary inside her. She wondered why no one had come looking for her, assuming they noticed she was absent from classes, and not one person had delivered her homework in the past two days.

Maybe if she could hang on just a little longer it might turn out to be that her life was no longer terrifying but brilliantly crafted. She would once again walk down the halls and witness the Slytherins make fun of her while the Gryffindors were absolutely inspired by her. She would laugh with the others, she would play countless games of Exploding Snap and then she would return to her corridors around bed time and fall into a peaceful sleep from there… or so it would seem.

The fact that she no longer stayed with the rest of the House seemed to annoy her the most. She was the one getting special treatment and she was the one person who least deserved it. She was the one who lost all interest in the title after Harry was taken from her, but maybe it wasn't just Harry. Could it be possible that every thing is the way it is because she is not grateful enough to except anything less, and if she didn't get the title she would loath the person who did for the rest of their lives.

She seemed to hate herself more now, and feeling very shameful of her actions the past few hours, and even with a half a bottle of Whiskey gone, nothing was right yet. The bottle practically danced between her fingers as she twisted it around and fell back onto the bed, heart heavy with hate, and it was almost like her ceiling was a mirror and she was looking at herself and hating herself so much that she wished she could just kill the figure and move on. The problem was, after you die, is moving on really what you do?

And to say if Harry was in fact the phoenix, it helps no more that he helped once and then once again arbitrarily disappeared without an explanation. She wondered if he had other plans or if he actually was released from Azkaban, but did not wish to come back to school yet. Did it make sense? Probably not. Did she care? Probably not. Though it bothered her so much she couldn't even sit still and with annoyance she managed to find herself in a comfortable position to breathe normally.

It seemed like it had been forever since the last time she breathed, and though it would be ages before she could ever find another comfortable spot she hoped to stay in this one as long as she could. Maybe because it was on her side facing that exact way was the exact same position that she had managed to fall asleep in after making love to her fiancé. And again she felt that that word too was chasing her. It was almost like she no longer wished to call him that title and just let it remain "Harry."

She finally found the ambition to open her window, and below she could hear the younger ones practicing their singing of the Hogwart's song. They didn't sound good, they didn't sound bad, but if you were a mile away you would be able to recognize that it was being sung by a bunch of amateur children instead of well rehearsed soon-to-be-graduates. She couldn't sing good, so she would not brag nor say anything bad about their singing, but she didn't enjoy it at all.

She shut the window with an awkward snap and then once again her darkened room turned back into pure silence. Oh how she hated it, and oh so much she just wanted to scream so loud and no one would hear her, but she knew she would be heard and that's why she wouldn't scream. She didn't want to be heard, she didn't want to be talked to, and she didn't want to be seen. She would not allow anyone to even have a chance to do so with her and all she would do was sit.

So that's what she intended to do, sit there again, drinking away her memories and pain and possibly miss yet another night of sleep. Maybe, though, if she went to sleep now she wouldn't wake up. Maybe she could curse herself so her heart stopped beating and then without knowing it she would die peacefully in her sleep. She lay down, shut her eyes instantly, but once again she could not sleep. The black circles under her eyes became dark like chalk and she wiped away the tears that she once again began to shed.

What was she thinking, and better yet what was she doing with her life? This was not was she was born to do, nor what she intended to ever do. She was acting like a lazy muggle who didn't want to do anything but complain about how awful her life was, when it really wasn't as awful as she thought. Yet it seemed that all this time she had been upset over nothing she would once again reclaim her title and return to her everyday lifestyle. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't figure out why there felt like a piece was missing.

She needed everything to be back to normal. She wished to speak with Draco again, she wished to go to a lesson, and she demanded to get homework, and that's precisely what she did. She got up, took her shower, and before she went to lessons she drank the last of her whiskey without realizing or caring about what it actually was and fell onto her bed. Her eyes glued shut and she was finally into the deepened sleep that she wanted in the first place, and thus it began…

The morning sunshine set on the castle and as Hermione opened her eyes, she cowered away into the darkened corner and out of sight. Not to be seen, not to be heard, and never to be noticed at all. She planned her day quite calmly as she shut the curtains quick as a rabbit before it burned her eyes. She rubbed her tongue against her sharpened fangs as she bent over a book in front of her. Searching for a spell, and not knowing which one to use or which one to consider at all.

"Too complicated…" She sighed. "What should I use?"

Her cauldron began to bubble a liquid bronze color before she even dropped any of the ingredients in at all. She stepped back, waiting for something like an outburst of anger or a burst of fire to kill her, but she remained calm and the cauldron barely even boiled at all, but instantly she waved her wand over it and the bubbles parted, revealing a face wit in the tiny bubbles of potion that were thick like tar. Hermione took a deep breath and, with a smile, she bowed.

"Master," She said warmly. "Such a pleasure it is." She smiled.

"Granger, I've told you over and over again about your task, and why haven't you done it?" He demanded. "Do you feel no need to listen to me?"

"No, master," she smiled. "I listen well, but I want it done right. There is no room for errors, and there is no room for mistakes. Please have faith in me master." She begged. "I want this done just as badly as you do."

"Granger, I am counting on you. How much time do you feel you'll need?" He wondered.

"Till midnight sir, depending on how long this potion takes to make. I'll slip it into a drink, and by tomorrow morning no one will ever know what actually happened and everyone will realize their perfect star has disappeared." She smiled.

"Excellent, get going, you have until midnight, and remember it's not morning. To you it feels like it, but it's actually dusk. You have until midnight my pet, and how lavishly you shall be rewarded. I am counting on you, and please don't fail me." He growled eagerly.

"Never, master, never." She bowed.

With that he was gone as she was left alone. She stirred the potion in the cauldron once counterclockwise, and then three times clockwise. She added a vial of doxy eggs, knotgrass, a lacewing fly, and a large drop of dragon blood. Her cauldron roared with anger as the steam rose and began to curl from the outside to the inside. It drained the bubbles into a glittery substance and crystal clear it began to settle. She smiled happily, filling a bottle and keeping it within her coat, and she returned to the outside.

She followed the corridors, hiding her teeth quite well, and when she reached the Gryffindor corridor she approached the door. She looked at the lady with a sharp eye, and before even trying to guess the password the Fat Lady opened up with a shriek of fear in Hermione's once-gentle gleam. She entered, seeing her target alone on the couch, and with extreme caution she approached him.

"Hermione!" He said happily. "Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you" He smiled.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that Harry… just been a bit worked up over homework and stuff." She said with a great sigh.

"You look sick," He mentioned. "You're practically paler than Hedwig's feathers." He laughed. "Maybe you just have lack of sleep, how about you go get some?"

"No, Harry," she assured. "I am quite alright." She smiled.

"Are you sure about that because…" She cut him off.

"Yes, I am absolutely fine, I just need a drink, but how have you been doing?" She asked, walking over to the table and splitting a bottle of butter beer.

"I've been great. A bit stressed over a bunch of things, but I think I'm okay for now. I dunno about Ron though… he sure has been acting funny." Harry said suddenly.

"Couldn't imagine why." Hermione said as if she hadn't started paying attention till just then.

"I think it has something to do with the fact that we barely saw you at all this entire week. I think he fancies you, Hermione, and I dunno if that's good or bad, but it's a bit awkward being around him now." Harry said sadly.

"He's wasting his time." She said rudely. "Now, how about that drink?"

"No thank you," Harry said politely. "I'm good."

"Awww," Hermione said falsely. "But I just poured you some."

"Oh, ummm, okay…" He sighed. "I guess I'll have a bit."

She nodded gently and with a smile of mysteriously evil she walked back to her seat. She took a sip of hers and he took a small sip of his. It seemed like it would take a while to kick in before the poison had successfully flowed fully through his body in such a small sip. Hermione took one last sip and in the process of setting her glass down she screamed and clutched the glass so hard within her fingers that she shattered it. She grasped her right forearm and gasped at the large amount of pain.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, walking over to her. "Let me see."

"NO!" She pushed him away. "I just got cut a little that's all, no big deal… I can handle it." She said nervously.

"Don't be ridiculous!" He insisted. "Show me! Please?"

"NO I SAID!" Hermione battled back, but Harry had grabber her arm.

Before she even realize what was going on Harry had seized her arm and pulled her sleeve up. With an amazed look of horror and surprise he backed away. There on her right forearm was the mark. Its snake picture slithered along her arm as she twitched viciously at him and Harry took a few more steps backwards and turned to run, but she stopped him. He turned to her with a look of amazed betrayal all over his face, and not one nice thing he would give her after this.

"How could you?" He asked, glaring at her.

"How could I what?" She asked with a sneer. "I fell in love with you to find that there was someone else and that I have no reason to even be alive. So I pictured myself as a servant and here I am."

"You are the one that betrayed me and slept with someone else! And now you're helping him… you're trying to kill me?" He asked, angered.

"No, I have already attempted to kill you." She smiled. "I dosed your Butter Beer with Painful Poison. This means you have about 20 minutes to live. I did nothing but apologise."

"You are lying." He growled. "Okay, I get it, haha, the jokes over… you can stop now Hermione."

"My service to the Dark Lord is no joke, and I will kill you Harry Potter. Mark my words." She smiled. "He even was kind enough to grant a wish, and turn me into a powerful creature."

"A snake?" He asked with a snip in his voice.

"Come now, Harry, we are mere children." She taunted. "I am a full fledged Vampire, and if the poison has no effect then I do have another way."

"I…I feel dizzy… and funny inside…" He shuddered. "And cold…"

"I see the poison is working well after all." She smiled.

"Hermione, I never would have expected this from you… for I have always loved you." He said, falling to his knees in pain.

"Too late now isn't it? The Dark Lord has risen and you, Harry Potter, have fallen. We have finally won the battle." She smiled. She watched him slowly fade away. "Finally, you're dead."

Hermione woke with a start and she felt very awkward about herself. She felt very dirty and very dizzy. She turned and felt no clothing… she was naked. She turned to her side and with a half scream she saw Draco lying beside her, exposed as well, and sleeping soundly. The feeling of pressure finally returned to her, and the problem was her waking up situation. She found someone completely different then she wanted in her bed, and had a dream about killing the man of her life and waking up with… a smile. Once again, the puzzle loses another piece.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Author's Notes:

Kay, this is going to be my last chapter for a while, because school starts again tomorrow and I don't know when I'll actually have time to write or post. Hope you like it though, it's a bit longer than usual. Thanks for reading!

To My Reviewers:

FroBoy – Better question, how is Harry going to react to this? Haha.

thealphamale – If it bothers you so much then don't read it. I am not the only one that writes them and it's my freedom of speech to say that I can find good in evil and someone who caused me a lot of mental pain I can find some possible way to forgive them. Obviously, though, some people are a bit more on the blame side. I'd suggest growing up.

toga party – Yeah, they worked. Thanks for that though. I'm agitated to see Rupert Grint's new movie Driving Lessons, because it looks way too funny. They used both Ron and Mrs. Weasley from Harry Potter in that movie, so should be good! I'm excited! Glad you liked the last chapter, and hope you like this one.

missradcliffe – It's okay, I just was like "woah, that's weird" when I read your review. Before I could bring Harry into the picture I needed to do one last thing to make things even difficult for Hermione. This is when the potion starts bubbling -

sakura-sweeti – I liked the shout out too, and you probably hate me after this, but I have an awesome plan from where I end the story I have an easy pick up at a sequel. I have a brilliant idea, so I'm really sorry if you didn't like where this story went, and if you find it confusing then that's good! You have to be Hermione, I want my readers to relate to her, for if this happened to you wouldn't you be confused too? Haha, hope you are well.

That's all for now!

UPDATED: (TUESDAY) SEPTEMBER 5, 2006 – If anyone would like to view some music videos that I made of Harry Potter, then email me at:

Airalynnmay2008 at hotmail dot com. I'll send you the links there.

Airalynn

"Sweet chocolate relieves my pain, the pain of my heart as it slowly dies each day"