Still Here

by starvingstudent

She may have lost faith in the world, but never in him...' Sequel to 'WHAT I'M HERE FOR.' MerDer wedding.

8. FAMILY

FAMILY

'If today was perfect there would be no need for tomorrow.'

-- Anon.

-- Friday --

With the excitement from telling her two best friends of her engagement still bubbling inside her, Meredith hurried to meet her interns at their locker room for rounds. On the outside she looked a little too happy to be at the hospital so early on a Monday morning, but on the inside she was still dancing with joy, the euphoric effects of the past weekend still being felt in full.

She spotted George leaning against the nurse's station when she rounded the last corner; he had been on call the night before. She was still a few minutes early, so she didn't need to be chasing her other three interns down in their locker room just yet.

"Hey," she greeted, collapsing against the desk beside him. "How's my favourite intern."

George raised an eyebrow at her exuberant mood. "Apparently not as good as my favourite resident..."

"Don't let Izzy hear you calling me that."

"You're not high again, are you?" He asked jokingly, referring to Meredith's first day back to work after she and Derek had first discovered how to talk. Hours of conversation and discussion revolving around everything that had happened between them had ended in a new sense of calm with plans for the future. And she had been so smiley and upbeat at work that George had repeatedly accused her of being high. The Meredith Grey he had known at the time didn't smile very much.

She swiped a hand at him. "I wasn't high!"

He shook his head. "Your word against mine."

She rolled her eyes, lifting her hand to tuck a chunk of loose hair behind her ear.

George's eyes caught on her movement, and tracked her hand as she returned it to her side. When she stilled, he reached out his own hand and grasped at her finger, and then lifted his eyes back to hers, expectant.

Meredith could barely hold back her beaming smile. "Apparently I'm getting married..."

"Congratulations, Meredith," he told her quietly, his expression belaying nothing but happiness for her. "You'll be the first one of us to make it work, I know it."

She nodded. "I hope so."

He pulled her into a hug. "I'm happy for you, Mer."

She closed her eyes around him, thankful for the support; regardless of their past, he had always been there for her. "Thank-you, George."

"Do we all get hugs this morning?"

Meredith pulled away from George and turned to face her other three interns, who had all just joined them in the hall. "Shut up," she told Dr. Bradshaw. "Unless you want to work in the clinic today?"

Her intern silenced himself and she smirked inwardly. "Okay, we need to get going. We're meeting Dr. Bailey for rounds this morning-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Mark came wandering around the corner and caught sight of her. He didn't hesitate to interrupt her orders, break into the small circle her interns were standing in, and pull her into a tight hug, going so far as to lift her off her feet.

"Congrats, Grey, Derek told me the good news."

"Mark...you can't just..." She sputtered, as he caught her completely off guard. "Put me down!"

He laughed but did as she requested. "Now," he stated as he reached for her left hand, "let's see how Shep did without me this time."

She tried to wrench her hand free, but he held on tight. "Dr. Sloan," she said tersely. All too aware of her interns eyes on her, "this is hardly professional."

He smirked at her; as if to say 'when has that ever stopped me?'

"Sorry about that, Dr. Grey, I'll try and contain my excitement," he said dryly, obviously not the least bit sorry. "Congratulations," he repeated, "I'm looking forward to being the best man." He kissed her on the cheek and released her. Stepping out of the circle, and without turning back to them, he called over his shoulder, "Myers, you're with me today."

Dr. Myers turned to Meredith quickly, looking for permission. She rolled her eyes, knowing she wasn't going to get any say in the matter. "Just go."

Myers laughed, knowing she didn't have any more control over it than he did. "Thank-you, Dr. Grey. And...congratulations," he called as he hurried after the plastic surgeon.

Meredith turned back to her remaining three interns. Bradshaw and Howard both offered her their congratulations and she nodded. "Thanks, guys, now we have to hurry if we don't want to piss of Dr. Bailey."

When they met Bailey at the first of the patient's rooms, she was glancing down at her watch. They only had seconds to spare. "Where's your fourth?" She questioned.

Meredith sighed. "Mar- Dr. Sloan stole him already..."

Bailey shook her head, knowing neither of them had any real control over Mark's actions. And even though it was very unbalanced, Richard was letting it go for the time being. Mark teaching anyone was a feat in itself, so the surgical department was told to allow Mark any intern at any time.

"Well, let's get started then..."

Their first patient was scheduled for bypass surgery that morning with Dr. Hahn. The cardiothoracic surgeon's detail oriented eyes fell on Meredith's hand for a moment longer than anything else in the room, but she said nothing. Meredith smiled proudly as Dr. Howard answered every question correctly and won herself a surgery.

The second patient was awaiting a free OR to pin together his shattered tibia; the consequences of talking on his cell phone while driving to work. Callie had already heard the news and offered Meredith a quiet congratulations, her eyes avoiding those of her ex-husband while George was in the room. She took Dr. Bradshaw as her intern for the day, leaving Meredith with just George.

As they entered the room of the third patient, Meredith caught sight of Derek and the Chief already there. Derek smiled warmly at her as she walked in and Meredith found she couldn't peel her eyes away, mesmerized by his dark blue irises. She was going to spend the rest of her life losing herself in his eyes.

"Who's presenting?" Richard asked, glancing between her and George.

George spoke up. "Philip Granger, 32, was in a car accident early this morning. CT shows a small head bleed in the temporal lobe, and moderate spleenic insult. Injuries are severe and in need of surgical intervention, but the patient is stable and we were able to wait for a few hours. He is being monitored closely."

"Good," Richard spoke. "We have him scheduled for nine. Dr. O'Malley, if you will prep the patient you can scrub in and assist me while I attempt to repair his spleen."

"Absolutely, Dr. Webber."

"And Meredith, are you on the board yet today?" He asked, pulling Meredith away from the trance where all she could see were the blue eyes staring back at her.

"I...uh..." She stuttered as she forced her brain to back up and discern the meaning of his words. "No, Chief, I'm not on the board yet."

"Great, you can scrub in with us as well then," he offered brightly, motioning that she would be helping Derek evacuate the head bleed.

"Are you certain that's a good idea, Chief?" Bailey asked, having, of course, not missed a single interaction between Meredith and Derek.

Richard raised an eyebrow. "Is there any reason it wouldn't be, Dr. Bailey?"

"Well, the new addition to Grey's finger seems to have her and Dr. Shepherd a tad distracted this morning..."

Meredith cringed at her Chief Resident's words, knowing she needed to get it together or she would end up in the clinic for the week.

Richard's eyes traveled down to her hand and paused before his face erupted in a large smile. "Congratulations you two," he said happily.

"Thank-you, Chief," Meredith responded, echoed by Derek.

Richard turned back to Bailey. "I don't expect it to be a problem, Dr. Bailey. I'll keep and eye on them."

Bailey obviously didn't approve, but nodded. "Your call, Chief." She turned and left the room, mumbling to herself. "Fools."

000

It was early.

Meredith had awoken several minutes before to nothing but darkness in the room. It was too early still for any light to be coming through the windows. Derek was beside her, his normally sleep-lulling breaths not nearly as effective as usual.

She lay there; quiet, still, revelling in the intimacy of waking up in his arms at such an early hour. The air around them was cool, but with his body pressed up against hers, Meredith was nothing but warm. She ran her fingers over his hair dusted forearms, and smiled when he tightened his grip around her middle.

He loved her. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this man - with his chest pressed up against her back, his arms around her middle, his legs intertwined with hers, his lips barley a hair's breadth from the back of her neck, and her heart firmly in his possession - loved her. And she loved him. And the following day they would solidify that love forever. It would be official.

Her heart swelled in her chest and she closed her eyes, trying to imagine a better moment than this. Her fingers danced along his forearms to his fingers, and she found the one that wouldn't be bare for much longer. Soon there would be a ring there. Soon there would be a ring that she would put there. One more day. Just one more day before the first day of the rest of her life.

She felt her heart swell even further and she almost flinched at the momentarily overwhelming sensation. She, Meredith Grey, was getting married. She wouldn't be Meredith Grey for much longer. Shepherd. Shepherd would be her name soon; Meredith Shepherd. No more Grey. Because when push came to shove, and she was standing in the town hall and she had to make a choice now, and Derek was being so dreamy and perfect and supportive, she had closed her eyes.

'You need to close you eyes and forget all of the issues and think about what you want, think about who you want to be.'

And when she ignored all of the external conflicts and problems and opinions, she only came up with one answer. She wanted to be Meredith Shepherd. And the look in his eyes when he read the name was enough to confirm it was the right choice.

Meredith sighed and shifted, trying to prompt her body to fall back to sleep. But she was inexplicably wide awake. She doubted there would be more sleep for her.

After carefully extracting herself from Derek's strong arms, she padded barefoot across the room to snatch her favourite sweatshirt of his out of her suitcase. She pulled the overly-large shirt over her head and smiled as Derek's familiar scent wafted around her, making her almost feel like she was still in his arms in the bed. Lifting one sleeve to her nose, she inhaled deeply and smiled when she turned back to her slumbering fiancé. She sucked in a breath as she realized he would only be her fiancé for one more day.

Just one more day.

Her hand dropped from her nose to her heart as she watched his chest continue to heave in and out with every breath. His hair was mussed against the pillow and his mouth was hanging half open as he used it to breath, and yet...she didn't think she had ever loved him more than in that moment. And she didn't think she had ever felt as content and relaxed and completely certain of her future before that moment. She had never felt so safe; never felt such a strong sense of belonging.

Lost in his dream world, he shifted towards her side of the bed, obviously feeling the warmth still lingering in her place beside him. He rolled mostly onto his stomach, his arms darting out to grip around her pillow as he usurped it as his.

With one last smile, Meredith turned from the breath taking scene and quietly let herself out of the room. She padded softly down the stairs and through the living room to the kitchen, smiling that she now knew the house well enough to navigate in the dark. Pushing through the door to the kitchen, she turned for the cupboard for a glass, but her breath caught as she closed her fingers around the cool glass, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end.

She spun around to discover a lone figure sitting at the kitchen table. "Carol," she sputtered, her free hand clutched to her chest. "You..." scared the crap out of me. "I didn't see you. Sorry." She shuddered for a regular breath, her heart still pounding against her chest wall, adrenaline pumping through her body. Her free hand wrapped protectively around her torso as she laughed at her own reaction.

"Nothing to apologize for, dear," Carol offered, with a gentle smile, her hands wrapped around the steaming mug in her hands. "What's gotten you up so early?"

"I don't know," Meredith said honesty. "I just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I thought I'd come and have a glass of water."

"There's tea in the pot on the stove."

Meredith nodded her appreciation, knowing this was an invitation to join Carol at the table. She returned her glass and reached instead for a mug instead.

"What's gotten you up so early?" Meredith questioned as she sunk into one of the padded wooden chairs around the kitchen table.

Carol smiled warmly. "I'm not sure either, dear. I just woke up and felt like a glass of warm tea."

"Oh, well...cheers to that," Meredith said with a laughing smile as she lifted her mug to carefully clink against Carol's.

"Cheers to everything going well today so that tomorrow will go off without a hitch," Carol added.

Meredith nodded her appreciation. So far the weather report was calling for sunny skies and warm temperatures. The rain from the previous day will have dried up. And the catering team was coming that afternoon to set up their equipment, and the tents and tables. Everything was falling into place, and Meredith found she had more confidence that she had expected to have. Good things didn't happen to her very often, but she had faith that tomorrow was going to work out.

"I still can't believe we managed to get everything done in time," she admonished, shaking her head.

"Well, obviously it was meant to be."

Meredith bit back a smile as she took a cautious sip of her tea. She wasn't usually a tea drinker, but right now there was nothing else she would rather be doing than having a moment with Derek's mother. The fact that the older woman had accepted her so well and so quickly still surprised her at times.

"Are you getting nervous yet?"

Meredith pursed her lips at the question. "Maybe a little," she admitted. "But more of a nervous-excited than a nervous-worried."

"That's good to hear." Carol smiled warmly at her. "So, your friend Cristina came to me yesterday afternoon while you were changing out of your dress..."

Meredith blinked. "Crap. I'm sorry. What did she say?"

Carol raised an eyebrow. "She made me promise not to, and I quote 'take your eyebrows.' Do you care to explain that?"

Meredith laughed out loud. "I can't believe she..." She trailed off and shook her head. Carol looked amused with the situation. "Uh, when she was supposed to get married, Mama Burke, Burke's mother, obviously, uh...let's just say she was very demanding about more than the church and the dress and everything. She made Cristina wear this really hideous choker and then she...she took her eyebrows."

"Took them?"

"Waxed them right off."

"Completely?"

"Completely," Meredith confirmed with a laugh. "Cristina was horrified. We had to get Izzy to draw them back on."

Carol laughed. "Well, dear, you have nothing to worry about. I'll let you keep your eyebrows."

Meredith joined the laughter. "Thanks," she said dryly.

"Are you having any regrets about getting married so quickly?"

"No. I really don't think so. I mean, everyone is coming that we want to be there."

"But will you be happy with such a small wedding?"

Meredith tilted her head. Derek had told her that all four of his sisters had had large weddings. "I will," she said honestly. "I was never the girl who dreamt about the huge, fancy wedding..." Meredith scoffed. "And okay, I was never the girl who dreamt about the perfect guy and the marriage and the family and everything either...but I guess I can only change so much."

"I'm glad you changed your mind on that one, Meredith."

"Me too," she said with a smile.

A comfortable silence fell over the two women. Meredith cupped her hands around her mug and sighed. It was still very early, only a faint sheen of light beginning to meander through the windows. The house was silent, the only noise catching her ears being the subtle hum of the refrigerator.

It was peaceful. Quiet. Comfortable. Safe.

Meredith sighed. "It was the middle of March," she started quietly.

Carol glanced up from her tea, meeting Meredith's eyes. A look of understanding passed over her face; she knew what Meredith was bringing up. "Meredith, dear, we don't have to..."

"It's okay. I'm...okay talking about it...now." She paused, filling her lungs with a deep breath of oxygen, willing her nerves to calm. She squeezed her eyes shut and shuddered. It had been three months, but recalling the memory still brought her to tears.

And slender hand found purchase on her right forearm, offering her a supportive squeeze. Meredith almost laughed at the realization that Carol's hand had landed right over the section of her radius that had been fractured; almost as if the older woman held some sort of intuition about what she was about to be told.

Meredith found the strength to open her eyes. "I was getting to know Lexie. She's my... half-sister. I have two half-sisters; Molly and Lexie. I didn't even know they existed until last year. And I met Lexie when she started her internship at Grace last summer. She's six years younger than me, but she was apparently a super student growing up; skipped a bunch of grades and everything. Anyway...I was starting to get to know her. We went to a movie one night and then back to her apartment for a drink and cake, but..." She trailed off.

Carol shifted her chair closed and laid a comforting hand on her back.

Meredith shuddered. "My...our...her... Thatcher showed up. He's been drinking a lot since Susan died... I hadn't seen him since he chased me and Derek out of her funeral. But he...he...he showed up at her apartment. And he..." Meredith swallowed hard, not bothering to attempt to prevent the tears from falling from her eyes, knowing it wouldn't help in the long run. "He wasn't exactly happy to see me. He didn't want Lexie to have anything to do with me."

"That shouldn't be his choice anyway, Meredith," Carol offered.

Meredith nodded, unable to face her. She kept her eyes open, but staring downward at a spot on the table. "He said horrible things; told me I was a mistake...that I didn't deserve to be happy. He definitely wasn't happy that I was engaged. He was so angry...he told me I was going to ruin Derek's life like my mother ruined his..."

Carol clicked her tongue. "Meredith, that is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. You're making Derek's life a thousand times better. I've never seen him as happy as he is now."

"Yeah, well, Thatcher seemed to think otherwise. He...he wouldn't let me leave. And then he...he..."

Carol's quiet gasp was enough for Meredith to know she had realized what had happened. "Oh, Meredith...I'm so sorry."

Meredith sniffed and suddenly Carol's warm arms were around her, pulling her close. "He was so angry..." She whispered. "So angry. I've never seen anyone so angry before. I've never been so scared before..."

"What did he do to you?" Carol asked gently, still holding Meredith in a protective embrace.

"He broke my arm," Meredith whispered. "Just twisted until my radius snapped. And broke four ribs; three by kicking, one by throwing me off my feet..." She continued to stare down at the table.

"I'm so sorry, dear," Carol repeated. "No one deserves that; least of all you."

Meredith nodded, the familiar sensation of numbness filtering into her mind.

"How did you get away?"

"I ran. I managed to get up and out the door... and then I just ran..." The words were becoming easier to say, more automatic. Her emotions were shutting down, stopping her from feeling the pain. "I stopped when I couldn't breathe anymore. And I called Derek. He came and got me and took me to the hospital." She scoffed; the events of that day were just rolling off her tongue now. "We went to the clinic instead of the ER for privacy. But the chief thought Derek had done it to me, and was trying to hide it."

"That's why Derek's mad at Richard."

Meredith nodded. The table was still fascinating; still held her eye line. "He had Derek dragged away by security. And Mark. And then took me into the main hospital anyway, and now everyone knows..." She shrugged. "So yeah...that's the story. I couldn't deal afterwards. I mean, I went back to work a week after, but I...I couldn't deal with people or going out or anything. And after a few weeks it didn't get any better, so I...we...we decided not to send out the invitations. I just didn't think I'd be up to a wedding in just a few months."

Carol pulled back, craning her head to meet Meredith's eyes, but Meredith made no move to meet hers. "Meredith," she prompted gently.

Meredith shut her eyes tightly, her face still pointing down at the table, willing herself to be stronger. It was so easy to fall into the numbness, but it was no way to live. She took a shuddery breath and turned to face Carol. She slowly opened her eyes, her vision increasingly blurred as she did so. The tears welled strongly and fell over her lower lids as a full wave of pain washed over her. She could still remember the despair and hopelessness she had lived with for a month.

Her soon to be mother-in-law offered her a small smile. "It's takes a strong person to come back from something like that."

"I think it takes having a strong person," Meredith countered very quietly. "Derek was there for everything... He was so perfect and supportive. He always knew what to say, how to make it better. He never made me feel guilty."

Carol's eyes welled. "He's a good man." She reached to brush some of the tears off Meredith's face. "I think it takes both to come back; being strong and having someone who's strong beside you. Because you're nothing if you're not strong Meredith. The other day, when they threw you into the water...I didn't even realize until your friends showed up and said something. But you handled it so well. You're a strong woman, Meredith. And I'm thankful every day that my son found you."

Meredith nodded. "Me too."

"Good. And dear, don't worry about all the stories that are being passed back and forth between your friends and my daughters, even if they're embarrassing. We're just treating you like any other of us. We don't care who you were or what you've done. The only thing that matters to us is who you are now and how happy you're making Derek."

"Thank-you," Meredith whispered, surprised at the relief she felt at Carol's statement. There were so many days where all she wanted was to forget her past and all the stupid decisions and mistakes she had made.

"I've never seen my son so happy," Carol stated. "And I know I keep saying that, but it's the simple truth. I've known him his whole life. He was a happy kid, took a hard hit when Sam passed away, but came back alright. He was always kind, always tried to do the right thing. And he and Addison were content for a number of years; they were compatible, she was pleasant and got along well with everyone, but there was always something missing. And I don't think even Derek realized it. It was something in his eyes. He didn't ever look at her the way he looks at you."

Meredith sniffed despite herself as a small smile graced her lips.

"At first I thought he had changed, but now...I don't think he changed when he met you, Meredith. I think he stopped trying to be something else. There's no hiding between you two. You let him be him. And you love him for who he is. I don't think he could breathe properly in the Park Avenue houses and the charity dinners and the private practice."

Meredith found herself nodding. "He's not that person," she agreed. "I can't imagine wanting him to be any different." She laughed. "Well, there are a few small things I wouldn't mind changing, like his propensity to go fishing at unreasonably early hours of the morning and then try to force me to eat trout for breakfast..."

Carol laughed. "Fishing, huh?"

She nodded. "And don't get me wrong, I like the fishing. And I don't have any problem going with him...when the sun is up. But there are mornings where we're out at the trailer, and the sun's barely starting to come up, and I'll wake up alone, just knowing he's going to try to convince me trout is a suitable breakfast when he comes back."

Carol shook her head. "He and Sam used to go down to fish in the pond early in the morning on the weekends," she said wistfully.

"Yeah, he told me."

"I'm sorry you weren't born into the family you deserve. But I'm so grateful you haven't let that stop you from being a part of ours. Like I said yesterday, we're here for anything you need. We love you, and we're here to be your family now. You'll never be alone again, Meredith."

A fresh batch of tears sprung to her eyes. "Thank-you," she whispered.

"It's what we're here for, dear." And with that, Carol pulled her into another hug.

Meredith reciprocated easily, her arms going around the older woman. The woman who, tomorrow, would become mom. She didn't hear the door open behind her or the figure enter the kitchen until he spoke.

"Now what did you do to her?" Derek's voice rang though the kitchen, light but concerned. When he had brought her on Thanksgiving he had left her alone in the kitchen with Carol, Nancy and Kathleen. And when he had come to check on her, she had been in tears, wrapped in his mother's arms. His tone hadn't been so light that time.

Meredith let out a laughing breath as she pulled away from Carol to meet Derek's worried eyes. "What are you doing down here?"

His gaze flickered to his mother and then back to her, worry etching into his forehead. "I woke up and you weren't there."

She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her lips at his simple words. He had woken up alone so he had come looking. "Were you worried I was doing the run-away bride thing?" she asked lightly; communicating to him that it was okay, she was okay, and he didn't need to worry.

The corner of his lips twitched upwards. "Maybe just a little," he said jokingly, easily going along with her.

She smiled and motioned for him to join them. He sat on her other side, his arm immediately finding her waist. "I was on my way out the door, but your mother talked me out of running."

He smirked. "Pajama pants, my sweatshirt and bare feet..." He shook his head. "Not the most thought through escape outfit."

Carol laughed and shook her head at their interaction.

"I was trying to be inconspicuous..."

He snorted. "Okay, now it makes sense."

She laughed at the heavy sarcasm in his voice and glanced towards Carol.

Carol's eyes took on a tender quality as she offered Meredith a smile. "That's the look I was telling you about," she said quietly.

Meredith shifted her gaze back to Derek, only to meet his familiar blue eyes shining with the same quality they always had. The quality that always made her feel special just because he was looking at her. The quality she wouldn't have known was new for him, because she couldn't remember ever having seen it missing from his eyes; not even when he had first sat down next to her Joe's so long ago. His forehead creased and his eyes narrowed. He glanced suspiciously between them.

"What look?"

"Nothing, sweetie," Carol told him. "Just girl talk."

He shifted his gaze back to her, still questioning, but his brow furrowed when she didn't offer him an explanation. "Come on," he prompted. "You two aren't supposed to get along so well."

"You better get used to it, Der," Carol spoke lightly, but the undertones of her words sent a chill up Meredith's spine. She really was part of the family. "Well, I'm going to go back to bed and try and get another hour or two of sleep before the kids wake me up."

"Carol," Meredith found herself calling as the older woman paused in the doorway and turned back around. "Thanks for...everything."

"You're very welcome, dear. I'm glad you trust me enough to share."

Meredith sighed and turned back to Derek when the door swung shut behind Carol. His hand reached to brush a lock of hair out of her face.

"You've been crying," he stated gently.

She nodded. "Yeah, a little...okay, a lot, but both good and bad tears."

His fingers swept through her hair and his thumb brushed back and forth along her temple. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

She offered him a smile. "I just came down to get a glass of water," she started, bypassing his opening question, knowing exactly what he wanted to know. "And your mom was already here, so I sat and we talked."

"About...?"

"I told her about Thatcher."

His eyebrows came up in surprise. "How much?"

"The whole thing."

His other arm closed around her, completing the hug. "Are you okay?"

She breathed in his arms, leaning against his strong chest, taking comfort in his presence. "Yeah. Yeah...I really think I am. I have a new family now."

His lips pressed against her temple. "You do," he agreed. "One who will never leave you and never hurt you."

Meredith wrapped her arms around his upper torso and smiled into his shoulder. He always knew just what to say. "Do you want to go back to bed?" She asked quietly.

He hesitated. "Actually, since we're up, I was wondering if you'd come somewhere with me. There's something I've been meaning to do for a long time..."

000

Meredith was in a bad mood. She was tired of being treated with the kid gloves at work. Once again something horrible had happened in her life, and once again she was a hot topic of hospital gossip. There wasn't an employee of Seattle Grace that didn't know about the incident that had led to her being banned from performing surgery for a minimum of six weeks due to the fibreglass cast on her right arm. It was like the first few months of her internship again, with the whispers and the stares, only now the whispers changed. 'Did you hear she's Ellis Grey's daughter' and 'she's sleeping with her attending' had turned into gossip related to the aetiology of the cast on her right arm and the fact that she walked stiffly to avoid twisting her rib cage too far.

Did you hear her father beat her?

I heard he tried to kill her.

I heard that she killed his wife.

And if that wasn't bad enough, she had to contend with the well wishers; the group of people she didn't really know all that well, who were constantly in her face, asking her is she needed anything, was she okay, and would she like to talk. Meredith was never sure who was genuine, and who was simply fishing for more gossip. She had certainly fuelled enough of it in her less than two years working there.

After six days at home, allowing Derek to hover and worry and call from the hospital to check on her when he was forced to go in, Meredith had demanded she be allowed back to work. Even if she couldn't actually perform any surgeries, she could still supervise her interns; she could observe and learn; she could do consults... The list she had used to convince her Chief Resident had been much longer.

She hadn't even approached the Chief of Surgery. Neither she nor Derek was speaking to him. Neither was Mark. Even Bailey was keeping away from him; angry he would believe her capable of covering for something like that.

So, Meredith had returned to work seven days after she had felt her radius crack in her father's hand, after three of her ribs had given under the assault of his feet, after she had felt fear rivalling that of when she had fallen into Elliot Bay. She had known it would be an adjustment. There would be staring. There would be whispers following her in the halls. There would be people thinking her not ready. But she believed that the earlier she got back to work, the easier it would be. She believed the tension would fade.

The first week had been as expected. Derek, Mark, and her friends had made themselves readily available, surrounding her and trying to keep her protected and isolated from the gossip. Their efforts had, of course, been completely futile, but she was grateful they had tried. She had spent her days working with her interns, helping in the clinic and observing from the gallery. It had almost been nice to have some quiet, less rushed time at the hospital.

It hadn't been nice, however, when it had carried into her second week back; it was frustrating not being thought capable of handling more responsibility. She began to be comfortable with her job again. She was fine being surrounded by her interns, and any others she had had dumped on her that day. She was fine working with patients. She kept herself back, self-protective, but she barely flinched anymore. So long as she was near someone familiar, she was okay. The fear, the apprehension, the anxiety...it came and went. Some days were better than others. An agreeable patient boosted her confidence and allowed her to feel secure. An aggressive patient caused her to spend an hour crying in the safety of Derek's office, wondering if she would ever be able to do her job again.

She was suddenly fearful of new people, or even people she knew, but not well enough. If she couldn't trust the man who had given her half her DNA and raised her for five years, how could she trust someone with no ties to her? Derek was fine; she trusted him implicitly, even on her worst days, even if she didn't understand where her faith came from. Her friends - Cristina, Izzy, George and Alex - they were fine. They had all be through too much together to be worrying about something like that. Bailey was fine; she'd been there for Meredith. Mark was fine. She had known him for some time now, and he was close to Derek again. And he had been there for her.

Lexie spent a lot of time avoiding Meredith, and if she believed the rumours, spent a lot of time crying in supply closets. On days where Meredith was forced to deal with her, things were okay. There was no real fear, more a general state of quiet apprehension.

Anyone else was off limits. Meredith didn't voluntarily approach anyone. She made sure not to ever find herself alone with anyone. She fell back into her old ways; avoid, avoid, avoid. She stopped reaching out. She stopped taking the extra steps with patients, not that she got to work with many. She stopped going out with her friends, or having dinner with Derek, or talking to his family on the phone, or going with him to see the house they were building. It had all been too much.

On her second day back, the Chief cornered her, and she had physically run from him after only two minutes of awkward conversation. He only wanted to make sure she was okay; she knew that. But he had been there that night, and he had made Derek go away. He had the power to make Derek go away; and that was too much for Meredith. So she had run to Derek's office and waited for him to find her.

Her confidence at the hospital seemed to be slowly coming back. Two steps forward, one step back. The good experiences were slowly beginning to overshadow the bad. And the bad were slowly becoming easier to handle.

Derek had been there for every step she had taken, both forward and back, and even though it had been scary at first to rely so heavily on him, it had felt good to be able to do. And she knew now that she really could trust him forever. The only place she ever felt completely safe these days was far away from the city, in the refuge of the trailer, wrapped in his arms. And she begged for them to go there at every opportunity, desperate to feel safe in the world she couldn't control.

It was nearing the end of her third week back. She had worked only eight hours today. Derek had gone in with her that morning, but had left at lunch, stating he had some errands to run. Meredith didn't like going home alone; but she couldn't blame him. For almost four weeks he had done all of the grocery shopping, all of the household stuff, all of the driving when they were together. He deserved a break, but today she had wished he was there. She had had a bad day. More aggressive patients than agreeable ones. More awkward interactions with other hospital staff than she would have liked. More time spent wishing none of this had ever happened than spent thinking about anything else combined. She hated that she was afraid to walk to her car alone; that she had waited until a group of interns had left to discreetly walk along behind them, just for the company. She hated that she was so afraid to eat alone, that today she had skipped lunch because all of her friends were busy and Derek wasn't there. She hated that all she wanted to do every day was go home and crawl into bed and avoid, avoid, avoid the real world.

She hated what her life had become. And she didn't know how to fix it. The bad wasn't fading into the background like she had expected. She wasn't getting her confidence back in any situation outside her apartment, the trailer and the hospital. She wasn't getting any better.

She sighed and turned her key in the door to her and Derek's apartment, relieved to be home. But before she could turn the knob, the door swung open in front of her, revealing Derek; decked out in slacks and a sweater over a button-up. He looked good, and she couldn't help but smile at that. She stepped through the doorway and breathed a sigh of relief. She was home. She was safe for another day.

"Hey," she offered as she stepped into his waiting arms, grateful for the contact.

"Hey," he responded easily. His arms closed around her, and for the first time that day, Meredith felt safe. "How was your afternoon?"

She shrugged and avoided his eyes. "Fine."

He pulled back far enough to give her a knowing look. He always knew.

She relented. "Okay, it was horrible; just like the morning was, just like the rest of the week has been."

"Mer..."

"I do want to be there," she whispered, tears collecting behind her eyes. "I really do...It's just... Is it supposed to be this hard?"

"If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth it."

She smiled at his words. He had said that once about them. He had been right. It had been a struggle getting to the point they were at, but it had been worth it. "Sometimes I feel like it's too hard. I hate that everyone is still walking on eggshells around me."

He hesitated. "Maybe they're doing it for a reason..." He ventured.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He took a breath. "How would you feel about going out to dinner tonight?"

Meredith didn't even have to think before she was shaking her head, her body tense. "No. Not tonight, Derek. I'm sorry, I-" He cut her off with a gentle squeeze and a shake of his head.

"That's what I mean," he said gently. "People are reacting to you, Mer. You're very flighty. And I know that it sucks. The whole thing sucks. And I-"

"That's not fair," Meredith cut in, abruptly pulling away to stand on her own two feet. "I'm allowed to be flighty. I hate it, but it's all I can do right now at work."

"Hey, hey," he soothed, holding up his hands in front of him. "I'm not trying to blame you for anything, Meredith. None of this, not a single part, is your fault. But I love you so much that I can't just sit back and watch you suffer anymore."

"Derek..." she whispered, not sure if she wanted him to stop talking, keeping going, or simply hold her and promise everything was going to be okay. He had a way of always making her believe that when he spoke the words.

He reached for her hand. "I love you," he repeated. "And I know you, so I know how to react to you. But the people at the hospital...for the most part, they have good intentions. And they know you're strong, Mer, the last two years have proved to everyone just how strong you are. But even the strongest people crack, and that's okay. And I'm not saying you need to crack, or that you are cracking, but you're jumpy, and you avoid, and you run, and you keep far away from anyone you're talking with. Mer, they're walking on eggshells around you, because that's what they think you need."

"But I don't want it," she told him quietly.

He smiled at her. "I know that, but that's where the whole 'I love you and I know you' come in."

Meredith sighed heavily, feeling her spirits dropping even further. She averted her eyes. "I don't know how to fix it."

His hand found her chin and gently coaxed her eyes back to his, and all she found behind them was love and support. "You need to start living again, Mer," he whispered. "I can't sit back and watch you do this to yourself anymore. This whole self-imposed isolation thing you've got going is unhealthy."

She swallowed hard. "But..."

He tilted his head, his hand lifting from her chin to cup her cheek. "It kills me to see you so unhappy. I just want to make you happy again."

Meredith shut her eyes tightly, leaning into his touch. When she finally found the strength to re-open them, he was still there, as loving and concerned as ever. "It's scary," she admitted.

"I know, and I hate that. But it doesn't have to be overwhelming. And I can be there for as much as you need me."

"I don't know how to get back to..." she shrugged, "everything."

He kissed her cheek. "We can start small. We could go to Joe's for a drink one night before it gets too crowded. We could go to your house for dinner with your friends. Small steps."

She nodded. "I think I can handle something like that."

"I don't want to push you," he told her quietly. "I just...I don't want to regret not doing something when I could have. Mer, you are an amazing, vibrant, wonderful person. And I will not see that destroyed for good. It will take some time, but you will come back from this."

Meredith hesitated. "What if I don't come back the same?"

"Then I will still love you," he said quickly, knowing exactly where her fears lay. "There is absolutely nothing that could change the way I feel about you. Nothing. And I will give you time. And I will be right here beside you. And I will postpone our wedding, because I want it to be special, and the only way it can is if we're both ready and excited. And I will support you no matter what, Meredith. But I won't sit back and let you be unhappy if I know there is something I can do to fix it. I won't be that guy, Mer."

She stepped forward, her arms running up his chest to wrap around his neck. "Thank-you, Derek."

He rubbed her back. "It's what I'm here for."

"I don't want to be afraid anymore," she whispered.

"Then we'll work on making that happen." He sighed and stilled his hands against her back, momentarily tightening his grasp. "We'll fix this, Mer. Everything will be okay, I promise."

She pulled away far enough to meet his eyes, feeling a swell of confidence wash over her; she believed him. "Did you really want to...go out for dinner?"

He leaned in and kissed her. "Not tonight," he answered softly. "I have something else planned for tonight, but maybe we could go to Joe's tomorrow after work?"

"Okay, I think I can handle that." She nodded to emphasize her agreement.

He kissed her again. "Good."

She released him and went to step around him, her eyes falling on the dining table across the room for the first time, taking in the waiting dishes, the lit candles and the wine glasses. "What's this?" She asked, turning back to him.

He grasped for her fingers, stepping up beside her, his free hand finding her hip. "We're celebrating."

"Celebrating my removal from self-imposed isolation?" She raised an eyebrow.

He laughed. "No. We're celebrating my removal from my self-imposed idiocy."

Meredith blinked. "I'm not following."

He pressed his lips against her cheek. "One year ago today, I found myself on a camping trip, surrounded by a number of other men, when the only person I wanted to be with was you. And I realized just what an idiot I had been, both for choosing Addison and for needing time when I finally got you to choose me. And I came home, and found you at Joe's and somehow managed to convince you to give me yet another chance."

Meredith turned her head to smile at him. "So, this is like an anniversary?"

"Yeah," he responded. "I guess it is."

"That's...pretty cool," she said. "I've never really had an anniversary before." One year after their first meeting ever, she had been stranded in a Hawaiian airport, waiting for her flight home with Cristina. Plus, it hadn't made much sense to celebrate when they had spent much of that year apart and with other people. And the anniversary of their first time for the second time had come and past unacknowledged. Adulterous sex in an exam room wasn't something you celebrated on an annual basis. "I'm sorry I didn't realize..."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I just realized last week. O'Malley said something about camping...it got me thinking. And I thought it deserved recognition."

"So, a year ago today, huh?"

"Yeah..."

"I remember...you came to me, and re-introduced yourself, said you wanted to start over, that you wanted us to do it right, that you wanted me to know you."

He nodded. "And it worked. Well, okay, it didn't work right away. We started out right, but then got sidetracked for a while. But then we did back up and get everything right."

Meredith turned in his arms, facing him once again. "We did, didn't we? Get everything right, I mean."

He smiled and kissed her, and for the first time in four weeks, Meredith began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. "We got everything perfect."

000

Meredith stepped out of the silver Explorer and wandered around to meet Derek at his side. It was still early. They had gotten changed and headed out of the house before anyone else had stirred, leaving a note saying they would be home soon.

Derek had stepped out of his seat, but had yet to shut the door, his hand still wrapped tightly around the frame, his fingers turning white as he surveyed the gently rolling hills before them. Meredith hesitated, wondering if he needed a moment to himself. Although she had been through a very similar experience, she had no idea what he was feeling right now. She could enter the scrub room without feeling anything, but Derek was obviously feeling something strong now.

His eyes shone with gentle sadness and loss. His hand continued to hold its iron grip on the car door, as if not letting go meant he didn't have to do this. He breathed in, deep and shuddery, and Meredith found herself moving towards him, unable to watch him in pain.

She tucked herself against him, her arms wrapping around his waist, and remained silent. There wasn't anything she could say to make this easier. But she was there with him, and she could only hope that was of some comfort to him.

His free hand found purchase on her back, pulling her closer to him. She smiled and rested her head against his shoulder, her ear against his check, able to hear the faint thump, thump, thump of his heart. "I'm here," she whispered.

He breathed in again, deep and shaky, and he found the strength to release the car door and wrap his arm around her instead. Meredith couldn't help but hug him even tighter.

"It's been so long," he finally stated.

"How long?" She asked quietly.

"The day before I left for college. I...I promised I would come back, but I...I always had an excuse not to."

"It's okay, Derek. I'm sure he would understand."

"It wasn't that I couldn't come," he admitted with an uncharacteristic vulnerability in his voice. "It was that I couldn't bring myself to come."

Meredith pulled back enough to meet his eyes; they were already threatening to spill over, and tears sprang to her eyes at the sight. She couldn't not cry when he was crying. "Oh, Derek..." She ran her hands up to his shoulders and pulled him down to lean their foreheads together. "I don't know what to say to make this easier."

His hands lifted higher on her back and clutched to the lose material of the back of her shirt. "You're here," he whispered.

"I'm here," she reiterated.

"I need to do this..."

"I know."

"It's been twenty years since I've been here..." He shook his head. "I can't believe I let it go so long. I've driven past it so many times, but I've never found the strength to drive through the front gates..."

"You're here now," she told him. "That's all that matters."

He took a breath and pulled his forehead from hers, tears streaming freely down his cheeks. Meredith reached up to wipe them away, ignoring the streams on her own cheeks.

Derek nodded to himself and reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly in his. "Okay, I think I'm ready." He finally shut the car door and began leading her down the gravel pathway that curved around the many small, rolling hills. It may have been twenty years, but he knew every turn. Although, Meredith told herself, it wasn't something you were likely to forget.

When he finally came to a stop he released her hand and stepped forward, gingerly stepping across the well kept grass, his hand reaching out to brush along the letter engraved on the upright slab of granite before him.

Samuel Derek Shepherd

Loving husband and father,

Taken too soon.

January 16th 1941 – March 27th 1977

"I'm a year older now than he was when he died." Derek spoke softly, his fingers still tracing the words.

Meredith nodded. "I know." His thirty-seventh birthday had been bitter sweet. It was the first one his father had failed to celebrate.

He fell silent, crouching down, his fingers running along the dates at the bottom of the tomb stone. Meredith could almost picture him having done this growing up; from the first time he had visited this place at eight years of age, his small fingers making the trek around the important words.

She sniffed, her arms wrapping around herself as she watched the intimate scene unfold before her. He needed a moment alone with his father, but he needed her there with him too. And that realization cemented just how much they needed each other, just how strong they were together.

"It's been twenty-nine years," Derek spoke, his voice low and scratchy and filled with emotion. He stood and walked back to her. "It's been twenty-nine years and I still miss him. I still want to go to him for advice."

Meredith wrapped an arm around his tense frame. "I'm sure he's there, Derek, somewhere in you... He's there when you need him."

His sniffed and nodded. "I hope so."

"I know so," she countered. "Your mother keeps telling me how much you remind her of him. He's there Derek. He's in there and he's proud of you."

His frame shuddered under her hand and she closed her arms around her. He didn't hesitate to turn in her grip and bury his face him the crook of her shoulder, clutching to her.

Meredith ran her hands along his back as she felt moisture seep into the fabric of her shirt under his face. "Oh, Derek..." she whispered, one hand reaching up to run through his hair. "I'm so sorry..." The wind blew quietly around them; seeming to rattle the leaves of all the trees dotting the property, save for the one nearest them. It made her feel like they were in a protective bubble. Somewhere in the distance a bird chirped. A car door shut in the distance. Someone else was here to visit a lost loved one.

He quieted in her arms but continued to clutch onto her. It was several minute before he lifted his head to meet her eyes, his red and puffy.

Meredith offered him a supportive smile and tenderly wiped the dampness from his face. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers, his chest pressing into hers as he breathed deeply. They were both well past the point of being embarrassed by showing so much emotion in front of the other. "I think I got your shirt wet," he mumbled.

She let out a laughing breath. "Your shirt," she corrected, as she had re-donned his sweatshirt after changing out of her pajamas.

"I didn't think it was still mine," he said lightly, "seeing as I'm barley allowed to wear it anymore..."

Meredith smiled. He had a point. She only let him wear it after it had come out of the wash, to make it smell like him. Then she wore it until it needed to be cleaned again. "You have plenty of sweatshirts," she chastised gently.

"But that's my favourite..."

"It's my favourite too."

He laughed and pulled his forehead away from hers, his hands swiping down along her shoulder and arms, his fingers running over the old, soft fabric. "To tell you the truth, Mer, it's only my favourite because you wear it all the time." He offered her a smile. "You look better in it than me."

She ran her hands up his chest to his neck, cupping his jaw with her small hands. "You okay?"

He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. "Yeah," he responded after he had pulled away. "I'm okay. You're here, so I'm okay."

She swallowed hard at his quiet words. "I am here," she agreed softly.

His lips tightened upward into a terse smile. "I'm so glad," he whispered.

Meredith sighed and remained close to him, following his lead as he sat on the grass several feet in front of the head stone marking his father's final resting place. His hand closed tightly around hers, pulling it into his lap to hold between his. His eyes caught on the words once again, but his gaze was unfocussed.

He stared, unseeingly into his past; reliving memories.

She stayed quiet, allowing him as much time as he needed. His eyes were glazed over, but his breathing was deep and even. His thumb worked absently back and forth along the back of her hand. The wind blew past them once more. Trees and grass in the distance rustled. But their tree didn't move. She felt safe and peaceful, despite the place they were in. The man Derek was silently communicating with was an important part of his past, and she found herself honoured he was sharing that with her.

She didn't know how long they sat there before he finally sighed, his eyes focussing on her as he pulled his gaze away from the head stone. "He would have loved you." His words were soft and quiet.

Meredith swallowed, tears stinging the backs of her eyes. "I would love to have met him," she offered, knowing how implausible it sounded. She and Sam Shepherd hadn't ever existed at the same time. He had died a few months before she had been born.

"There are so many things I wish I could remember about him."

"You were only eight, Derek. There's only so much your brain can hold onto."

He offered her a smile. "You know, it's funny because I know that no parent is perfect, but I can't remember a single bad thing about him; not a single bad memory."

"Maybe he was the perfect father."

"I like to think so..." His eyes took on a certain gleam as his mind drifted back over his early childhood memories. "He always made time for us, even when he was tired and busy. He was so patient. I can remember the first time he took me fishing. And the year he built the rink and taught us all to skate. And the days he would take just me out for lunch to get me away from all the girls." His lips turned up into a smile. "Though I think he needed the time away, too."

Meredith laughed and squeezed his hand, urging him to continue.

"I can still remember the day he found the original blue prints they used to build the house with. We spent hours pouring over them; going through every detail..."

Meredith smiled and leaned against his shoulder, remembering the details she and Derek had gone through with the architect to make sure their dream house would be perfect.

"He was the perfect father," Derek stated wistfully. "He always knew what to do, what to say, how to make things better. He really was amazing..."

"He does sound a lot like you," she said quietly.

"You think so?"

She nodded. "I know so. And...I know you'll be the perfect, amazing father one day, too."

His breath caught and he turned to her. On the plane ride home from New York after Thanksgiving, Meredith had decided she was leaning towards wanting kids, but still wasn't certain. Three and a half months later, with Derek's ring on her finger and wedding plans enacted for that summer and a house already under construction, they had talked about kids again. She had been much more certain, and his eyes had shone so bright it had made her heart ache for him. But two days after the ever so important talk, her father had almost destroyed her.

The subject of kids hadn't come up since. She had known he was avoiding the subject, cautious the incident had scared her off the idea. And she hadn't brought it up with the same fears in mind. She hadn't known whether she still felt capable of handling the responsibility of raising children when her parents had both done such horrible jobs.

But somewhere in the past few months she had realized just how much of a choice she really did have in the matter, and she wasn't going to let her past drag her down anymore. She was going to choose to be a good mother. And there wasn't a doubt in her mind that Derek would be a fantastic father. Together they would be strong, supportive, loving parents. They would make time for their kids; show up at recitals and competitions and graduations. Their kids would never question that they were loved.

"Mer..." he whispered.

She offered a gentle smile at his silence. "You'll be an amazing father," she repeated. "And it will show you just how much of your father is in you."

Tears welled in both of his eyes, but he didn't bother to wipe them away as they slowly spilled over his lower lids, weaving down both of his cheeks. "Are you sure?" He asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"Derek...I'm sure. I'm so freaking sure that I barely recognize my own thoughts anymore."

His arm wrapped around her as he pressed his face against the side of her head. "I love you so much, Meredith, so much."

"I love you too," she whispered, gripping at the arm that had snaked around her waist.

He pulled back to meet her eyes. "I thought... I thought that after everything that maybe..."

She nodded. "I know. I think that maybe it almost did change my mind, but I..." She swallowed hard. "I'm not going to let that man destroy any of the progress I've made. We're going to be happy, you and me. And having kids may still be scary, but..." She offered him a watery smile. "But I want them, Derek. I'm not just willing to have them for you, I actually want them, like really freaking want them. With you."

He shifted closer and wrapped her tighter in his arms. "How did I ever get so lucky?"

"I was just asking myself the same thing."

After several quiet moments, Derek turned to face forward again, but kept his arm wrapped tightly around her waist. He sighed heavily. "I know he's been gone for almost thirty years, but... I still wish he could be there tomorrow."

She smiled and laid her head against his shoulder. "Me too, Derek."

"It's an important day."

"Yeah..."

He sighed again. "I don't think I've missed him this much since I was eight years old."

She lifted her head off his shoulder and caught his gaze. She knew Sam had been in his thoughts a lot lately, especially after his thirty-seventh birthday, but she hadn't ever seen it so extreme. Biting down on her lower lip, Meredith reached for his hand, and found herself without anything to say to commiserate. It wasn't like she had ever known being loved by a father. And like she had voiced to her best friend so long before, if Thatcher died her life wouldn't be any different. "I don't know what to say to you," she admitted. It had happened so long ago, and she couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like. She had never had a father like his to lose. She could remember how devastated George was when his father had died. She could still remember how tightly he had clutched to her outside his father's ICU room.

He offered her a wry smile. "I don't think there's anything that can be said."

She tilted her head, still meeting his eyes. "He loved you," she said quietly. "He loved you a lot. I know...you're mother told me how much he loved being a father; how much he loved all of his kids so freaking much..." She trailed off as his face tightened and squeezed his hand. "He loved you," she repeated. "And that doesn't ever stop because he's gone."

Derek closed his eyes and pulled her in close again, his arms hugging her like there was no tomorrow. "Thank-you," he whispered.

"I'm just stating the truth," she found herself whispering back, clutching to him just as tightly as he was to her, her emotions going overtime in response to his.

"He was such a good dad," he said quietly.

She nodded against him. "And you'll be just as good as he was, Derek. And you'll make him so proud."

000

Derek smiled as he stepped out of the back doors of his mother's house, his eyes taking in the tents being erected in preparation for the following day. Weather permitting, the ceremony would take place outside. Enough flowers had been ordered to border a makeshift altar and the portable folding chairs would be taken out of the tents to seat the guests. If the weather forecast turned out to be wrong, they would simply move the dinner tables to the side and get married under the large event tents.

Everything was coming together.

The entire Seattle crowd they had invited were going to make it. Meredith's closest friends were already there. Bailey and her family, Lexie, and Joe and Walter were flying in that evening. They would pick them up at the airport and deliver them to their hotel. The Chief had e-mailed Derek back to confirm that he would be coming, but Derek was leaving Richard alone to all of his travel plans; full forgiveness was going to take some time.

His immediate family was all there already. And he had called other family members and friends who he cared to invite, and quite a few were going to come, his Aunt Abby being the most important. She was his father's sister, and didn't have any family of her own after her husband had died years before. Most of her holidays were spent with the Shepherds. She had been there at Thanksgiving and had loved Meredith.

Derek's father had also had a brother, Cliff, but he was too far away to make it on such short notice, making Derek extra thankful that Abby was coming. He needed a tie to his father there on his wedding day, especially after the morning he had had.

Nothing had prepared him for the emotional reaction he had succumbed to in the cemetery; and he was more thankful for Meredith's presence beside him than he could express. He could remember visiting alone the day before he left for college. He had driven in, parked, walked to the grave, run his fingers over the engraved words, shed a single tear and hoped his father would be proud of him; the fourth in the family to head off for pre-med in college.

The night of Sam's funeral, Derek, all four sisters and Mark had huddled together in the small den off the living room. Kathleen, the oldest, had been twelve, and Anna had only been five. A lot of crying and a group hug had led to a pact. All six had decided right then and there that they would become doctors so that they could save other kids' fathers. And in the end, not one of them had failed to live up to the agreement.

"Everything good, man?" Mark called as he exited the house behind Derek.

Derek turned and offered his best man a smile. "Looks like it..."

"I still can't believe you actually managed to pull it off in a week."

"Don't be so surprised," Derek said with a joking scoff, "there ain't nothin' we can't handle."

Mark laughed and shook his head, but sobered quickly. "You know what? I'm beginning to think that's true. I mean, after everything you guys have been through together..." Mark trailed off with a shrug. "You deserve this. You deserve to be happy."

"She deserves to be happy," Derek corrected. He smiled as he caught sight of her down the hill to his left. It was a nice day, so his family was having a barbeque lunch. Meredith's friends were over for the day, and were integrating easily with his family. Cristina had found a willing surgeon to talk to in Anna. Alex was talking football with Spencer and Kathleen. George was happily working the barbeque. And they had finally found the perfect niche for Izzy's enthusiasm in playing with the kids. They hoped that by nightfall they would have tired each other out.

"You deserve it too, man," Mark prompted. "The last two years haven't been easy on you either, and I know I take responsibility for a large chunk of that-"

"Shut up, Mark," Derek cut him off. "I think we're past that," he said wryly, raising an eyebrow.

"I know. I'm just saying..."

"Look, you hurt me. I'm not going to pretend you didn't. And Richard hurt me. But if you hadn't slept with Addy when you did and Richard hadn't called and offered me a job when he did..." Derek shook his head. "I don't even want to think about it, because it would mean we wouldn't be here today. I would never have met her. I would never have fallen in love with her. And I wouldn't be half as happy as I am right now." He smiled to himself before turning back to Mark. "All of the crap from the last two years is worth it for the good stuff."

Mark made a noise in the back of his throat and shook his head. "See, now you're getting soft and mushy and I'm losing respect for you."

Derek laughed. "And yet...I can't bring myself to care."

"You're telling me you're not even a little embarrassed by the fact that Grey's got you wrapped around her little finger?"

He rolled his eyes. "She does not."

"Maybe not completely," Mark conceded, "but damn close to if you ask me."

"See, now I don't remember asking you..."

Mark laughed. "Seriously, man, I'm happy for you. She's good for you."

"She is."

"And as much as I never thought I'd say this, you've really got me thinking..."

"About..."

Mark averted his eyes discreetly. "I think I want this one day."

Derek smiled at his best friend's admission. "You'll get it."

"I don't know, man... It's not easy to find."

"If it's easy, it's not worth it."

"You sound like an after school special."

Derek scoffed. "I do not."

"You know, only giving me a week's notice for this wedding is leaving me without a partner in crime here, Derek. She's my vice president, but I assume getting married means she'll be retiring from the dirty mistresses' club."

Derek rolled his eyes. "You know I hate it when you call her that."

"Sorry, man, it's just...she reminds me a lot of myself. And we had a lot in common. It was nice to...have someone who knew what I was feeling."

Derek sighed as he contemplated his next words. "Do you miss her?"

Mark caught his eye and paused, not having to ask who they were talking about now; the woman who had come between them. He shrugged. "I think so."

"You think so?"

"She didn't want me," Mark said quietly. "I tried, believe me, I tried, but I wasn't what she wanted. And I can't hold onto that forever."

"No, I guess not..." Derek trailed off, uncertain of what to say next. He had never had to inform Mark in the ways of love before, not even considering the fact that they were discussing Derek's ex-wife.

"Whatever," Mark said quickly. "I'm going to find it one day."

"You are," Derek agreed, lending Mark his support. "I mean, come on, this will be the second time you've been my best man... I'll be looking to return the favour soon."

Mark smirked. "Hey, if that day ever materialises, you can count on being my best man."

Derek laughed. "Good." He sighed and motioned that they should begin to head down to the pond to join the barbeque. "So, I went to see dad this morning," he offered quietly.

"I was wondering where you two disappeared to."

"Yeah...I finally went back."

"And you took Meredith." It wasn't a question.

"I did. It...it felt like something I needed to do. I think he would have loved her."

"He definitely would have loved her," Mark agreed. "Did you mention that we all followed through on the pact?"

Derek laughed. "I'm sure he already knows." He shook his head. "It's hard to believe sometimes, isn't it? We were so young and naive, and yet...we all got into and through med school, all six of us."

"Dad would be so proud."

Derek actually felt a smile flutter across his face. "He would be."

"Do you have any other wedding-related stuff to do today?" Mark asked as they neared the picnic tables.

"I don't think so..."

"Good, cause we leave at seven."

"Leave for where?"

"Bachelor party."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Mark, that's really not necessary..."

"Hey, I'm a little offended. What kind of best man would I be if there was no bachelor party?"

"Mark..."

"It's a done deal, Derek. All the guys are coming, and we have to be out of the house anyway, cause the girls are having their own party."

"When was all this decided?"

Mark scoffed. "I was told three days ago that I was to 'take you far away from the house Friday night' so I made a reservation. We're all going; Simon, Dean, Phil and Spencer, plus O'Malley and Karev. And since the girls are leaving us in charge of the airport run tonight, I guess Tucker, Joe and Walter if they're up for it after the flight."

"Mark..."

His best friend laughed. "Don't worry, man, it won't be like last time. No strippers this time..."

Derek groaned. "That's what you said the last time."

"True. But I mean it this time. Come on, Derek, we were young. It was exciting to hire strippers. Now it's just sad."

"You calling us old?"

"Never!"

Derek laughed. "So...a quieter party."

"Yes, but not boring, because only old people have boring bachelor parties."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I don't want to be hung over this time." He could remember trying to drown his fears with alcohol the night before his first wedding. And Mark had been right there, passing him the drinks. He had woken the next morning with an earth-shattering hang over, more nervous than he had been the night before. Mark had had the foresight to steal a banana bag from the hospital they were doing their rotations in, and after the future-world-renown plastic surgeon took three tries to get it into Derek's vein, the hung over groom had begun to feel a bit better. Several hours and a maximum dose of ibuprofen later and Derek had found himself dressed in an uncomfortable tux Addison had picked out for him, feeling more nauseous than he had all day; and he was certain it had nothing to do with the alcohol. And Mark had been right there- passing him a flask as they stood outside of the ceremony hall, waiting to be called in- doing his best to keep him calm.

"Well, I didn't have the foresight to have a banana bag prepared for tomorrow morning this time, so I'll have to limit your intake."

Derek rolled his eyes. "At least this way I won't have to subject my arm to your torture as you struggle to get a good stick."

"It wasn't that bad, especially considering I had only ever done that once."

"Wait until the next time you're acutely hung over and I'll stab you in the arm a few times and see how you like it..."

Mark clicked his tongue. They were nearing the rest of the family. "Whatever, man, I saved your ass that day, and you know it. If Addy had realized how hung over you should have been, you would have been a dead man."

Derek laughed. "You've got me there."

They separated as they reached the bottom of the hill. Mark headed straight for the barbeque, but Derek found himself being drawn the other direction. He wandered up behind his fiancée, who was sitting with Cristina and Anna at one of the scattered picnic tables.

"Hey," he whispered as he dipped his head to plant a kiss on the crook of her neck, his hands finding her shoulders.

She startled at the sudden contact, but settled quickly, leaning back against him. "Hey," she responded, her free hand reaching up to wrap around his fingers.

He squeezed her shoulders and moved to sit next to her, straddling the bench seat and pulling her close. They had both been busy since their return from the cemetery that morning, and he felt like he was going through Meredith withdrawal; which, rationally, was absurd, but in reality he felt like he couldn't breathe with out her right now. "I love you," he whispered into her ear as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

Meredith leaned into him and sighed happily. "I love you more."

He growled into the side of her head, his arms still wrapped around her, keeping her close. "Not true."

She giggled. "Is so true."

"Liar," he mumbled into her neck before pressing his lips against the smooth skin several times.

She giggled again. "Are you seriously calling me a liar?"

"Mmm-hmm." He trailed kisses up her neck, even going so far as to nip at her ear lobe.

Cristina cleared her throat from across the table. "Seriously, McDreamy, we're trying to eat here."

He rolled his eyes and continued to hold the love of his life close to him, even though she was blushing and trying to distance herself. "Then eat. I'm not stopping you," he countered.

"I'm not worried about getting the food down; I'm worried about it coming back up..."

He laughed. "Not my problem, Yang."

Meredith clicked her tongue. "Derek..."

He pressed his lips against her neck one more time, causing her to giggle. "What? I'm not allowed to show you how much I love you?"

She sighed, completely giving in to his grip around her. "Not when you're making it embarrassing..."

He laughed into her ear, inadvertently sending a wave of goose-bumps to erupt across her skin. "Only Cristina seems to have a problem...she doesn't count..."

Cristina scoffed. "Oh, I count. And when your bride freaks out tomorrow when she's supposed to walk down the aisle you had better hope you're on my good side, because as Maid of Honour, I have the power to make or break the wedding..." She raised an eyebrow to extenuate her point.

"Cristina!" Meredith chastised. "We've had this discussion. There will be no freaking out."

"You say that now..."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I said that yesterday, too."

Mark collapsed onto the bench next to Cristina, interrupting their conversation, and passed Derek a hamburger.

"Thanks, man," Derek said with a surprised nod.

"Just being the best Best Man I can be," Mark countered. "So, what are we talking about?"

Derek smirked. "Oh, nothing big. Cristina was just threatening me..."

"You're not supposed to threaten the groom," Mark stated, turning to Cristina, his tone very matter-of-fact.

She rolled her eyes. "I can threaten whoever I feel like, Sloan, especially people who make me nauseous with their blatant PDAs."

Mark laughed. "They're getting married; that's like the only time when that kind of behaviour is justified."

Cristina glared at him. "Yeah, well, I still have the power to make or break the wedding tomorrow..."

Derek laughed as the two top people in their wedding party sparred off, knowing it was all in fun. Not that he expected his bride to have second thoughts by the way she was so comfortably leaning into his chest while she laughed along with him, but he had faith that even if she did, her best friend would come through with the right thing to say.

"You're going so far as to use that as a threat?" Mark whistled. "Very bold, Yang, but I have to say, that really makes you the worst Maid of Honour ever..."

"I'm a better Main of Honour than you are a Best Man..."

"How do you figure?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm not planning on sleeping with the bride..." She trailed off. "Or the groom if we're reversed or whatever..."

With Anna, Simon, Phil, Spencer and Natalie sitting within hearing range, the situation could have degenerated into the realm of awkward very quickly, but Mark didn't flounder. "Hey, my actions led to this wedding, giving you the opportunity to be Maid of Honour. What was your contribution to getting the happy couple here, today?"

Cristina glared at him for several moments before she spoke. "I'll have you know that I was there from day one; listening to Meredith rant about her McDreamy, complain about Bailey riding her all the time, and on the very first day, complain that her boss ended up being the guy she had kicked out of her bed that morn- Ah!" She cut herself off with a yelp as a thud was heard under the table. Meredith had kicked her; hard.

Silence reigned for several seconds as Meredith blushed and burrowed against Derek's chest. Mark laughed, but Cristina at least had the decency to send her best friend a short apologetic glance. And the Shepherd's glanced around awkwardly, pretending not to have heard anything.

"Anyway..." Spencer ventured, but unsuccessfully as he came up with nothing.

A herd of giggling children ran past, Izzy right on their heels. George had evidently been roped into the game as he trailed behind a few strides, glancing forlornly at the table. Alex joined the silent table with his third hamburger, not recognizing the tension.

Phil caught sight of the parade of children. "I still think I know your friend from somewhere," he said quickly, turning to face Meredith, happy to have come up with a topic change.

"No, you don't," Derek said quickly, grimacing when he realized he was echoing Meredith. Because that didn't look suspicious...

Simon narrowed his eyes. "Okay, now I know I know her from somewhere." Phil nodded his agreement.

Derek sent what he hoped to be a 'don't go there' look to his brothers-in-law, but his attempt was in vain as Alex spoke up.

"You talking about Izzy?"

Simon and Phil nodded.

"Bethany Whisperer, dude. She modelled through med school."

"Isn't that a..."

"Crap."

Simon and Phil spoke at the same time.

Natalie narrowed her eyes. "Where do I know that name from...?" She inhaled.

Derek bit back a smirk, knowing Simon and Phil were screwed. But at least he had tried.

"You recognized her from being a lingerie model?"

"No, Nat, it must be from somewhere else..." Phil tried, but Natalie was already glaring at him. "I'm sorry?" he said meekly.

She shook her head. "You are so going to pay for this, mister." She turned to Simon. "You too." She stood, and Simon was quickly up as well.

"Please don't tell Kath..." He called as he chased her towards her sister, Phil following behind.

Anna watched for a moment and turned a sharp, expectant look towards her husband.

Spencer quickly put his hands up in mock surrender. "I don't know her from anywhere." He stood and made his way around the table, sitting next to his wife. "You're the only one I want to look at in your underwear, and maybe not even that much..."

Anna gasped and playfully pushed him away. "So inappropriate!"

Using a very well practiced method, Derek shoved any thoughts having anything to do with men and his sisters out of his mind and smirked as he pressed his lips close to Meredith's ear. "That goes for me, too..."

"Seriously!" She exclaimed, despite the fact that she was laughing.

He met her lips with his for several seconds before pulling away. "Seriously."

Cristina exchanged a glance with Alex. "I have to say, the Shepherd's aren't dull..."

000

It was ten to seven.

Derek knew; he had been made acutely aware of the time. Mark had said they were leaving at seven, and he was under no disillusion that his Best Man would give him a few extra minutes.

He only had ten minutes, and maybe only nine now. He was running out of time to say all of the things that he was thinking. And he wasn't making any progress, because his throat was suddenly dry and he was lacking the ability to speak.

She shifted against him, her hands clutched to fistfuls of the fabric of his shirt over his back, just as clingy as he suddenly found himself to be. This hadn't even been a moment before his first wedding. He couldn't even remember having thought about it. But it was definitely a moment now.

This was the last time he would see her - hold her, kiss her, speak to her, tell her how much she meant to him - when they were still just engaged. Because the next time he would see her, she would be walking towards him in a white dress.

Eight minutes.

He swallowed, fully aware of the seconds ticking by unannounced, of the significant time being lost. He would be kept out late, well after midnight if Mark had anything do to with it. And Derek was looking forward to it. But it meant getting home tomorrow. And his sisters were all very strict about the whole 'groom can't see the bride before the wedding' rule. He had been moved to the basement for the night. And he was certain her room would be heavily guarded. There would be no sneaking up. And there would be very little sleep for him. He didn't sleep well without her beside him anymore.

Seven minutes.

He sighed, running his hands over her back, recognizing every crevice, every dip and curve of skin. "I love you," he mumbled into her hair as he breathed in its flowery scent.

"I love you more," she responded, leaning against his shoulder with her face pressed into the crook of his neck.

He smiled. "Not possible."

"Is too possible."

Six minutes.

"I love you more."

She lifted her face, her eyes meeting his in a quiet stand off. "No, I love you m-"

Mesmerized by her effect on him, he covered her lips with his own. She responded immediately, her hands trailing upwards, one clutching to the fabric over his shoulder, and the other finding purchase in his hair.

Five minutes.

He tightened his hold around her as she deepened the kiss and slowly dipped her back. Her hands tightened minutely, but she allowed the movement, trusting herself in his arms.

Four minutes. Three minutes.

They were both left gasping when he finally came up for air. He was still supporting her weight as he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. "I love you so freaking much right now..."

"I love you too, Derek, so much."

He stood up straight, bringing her with him and lifted his forehead away from hers to plant a kiss there. "One more day..."

She sniffed and nodded. "One more day..."

He met her eyes. "You ready?"

She nodded, her eyes welling, but clearer than he had ever seen. "Oh, my god, this is actually happening..."

He could feel her heartbeat through his chest, matching his own. "Please don't tell me you're freaking out now."

She laughed, her rib cage shuddering as she struggled to control her emotions. "It's only good freaking out, I promise."

Two minutes.

He pressed his lips again against her swollen lips. "Good. Good freaking out is okay." He smiled at her. She was shaking slightly in his arms, but he couldn't remember ever having seen her as joyful as she was right now. Her eyes were reflecting his with a smooth clarity that took his breath away. Her smile was freer than ever. All of her walls were down, demolished and flattened by her faith in him; in them. There wasn't a hint of anything but trust and love and anticipation for the following day.

"What about you, are you ready?"

His breath was caught in his throat as the answer to her question momentarily overwhelmed him, leaving his voice hoarse when he did find the strength to speak. "Mer," he started, lifting a hand to brush a few stray hairs off of her face, "I've never been more certain or more ready for anything. Ever. In my entire life."

Her smile alone was worth all of the crap they had been forced to wade through over the past two years to get to this moment. "Me too," she whispered.

He kissed her again.

One minute.

"I have so many things I wish I could say to you right now..."

She shook her head and kissed him. "You've already said them. We both have."

He nodded. "You're right."

She smirked. "Of course I'm right. I'll always be right, remember?"

He laughed. "Not yet..."

"I will be in nineteen hours..."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

There was a knock at the door. "Come on, Derek, don't make me come in there and drag you out."

He swallowed hard, pooling his strength to be able to let her go.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she whispered.

He nodded, releasing her from his hold. "I'll be waiting."

She smiled. "I know." She reached up, placing her hand on his chest for balance, and kissed him. Soft. Quick. Kind of like a habit.

Like something they would do every day for the rest of their lives.

AN: Officially the longest chapter I've ever written; over 15k. And stuff got cut from it. Just to address a few things quickly. I always planned on having a flashback to Mer and Izzy seeing Anna at the conference, but it didn't fit in the last chapter like it was supposed to. It may come up eventually in this universe. Second, I have no romantic ideation about Cristina and Mark. Their banter was important to set up a joke for the next chapter and to fit in a line that...well, if you get it, you get it. If not, it doesn't matter. It's three in the morning and I thought it was funny. Third, I'm guesstimating that in Grey's time, it is June 2006, in case you were confused about dates and stuff.

Lastly, stemming from my own thoughts and a question and further correspondence with Megan Nichole (thanks for the opinion!), I'm looking for opinions about Mer walking down the aisle. Originally, I was going to have her do it alone, because that's who she is to me. But I am being drawn to having her be walked by someone, and the only person in my mind is George. Is that inappropriate with their history? And are their any other possibilities I'm overlooking? Thanks.

(Oh, and to any writers, I think I've discovered that the spaces that show up when you upload only seem to show up in Word 2007 documents. I tried saving this as an older, compatibility version and it uploaded without any problems.)