Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

In Six Months I Lost My Mind But Found My Heart

Chapter Sixteen: A Risk I'm Willing To Take

16th March

3 Months 2 Weeks & 2 Days Left

Bella's POV

I really don't understand what goes on between Edward and me. Alice spends her weekends with Jasper and currently she's staying over at his house, something she's never allowed to do. That left Edward and me alone but that wasn't really the problem.

We spent the day together and I had a good time with him, we didn't do much but it was nice just to get away from all the problems within our friendship. I still like him and today just reinforced those feelings. But it's not like it matters because nothing will ever come of this, he's made that obvious.

After spending the day together we headed back to the house and just hung about there. Charlie was working on something big so was going to spend a lot of time out. That left Edward and I to have dinner alone together. Surprisingly it was fine, no problems what so ever.

Eventually it started to get late so we headed to our rooms and that was that. Or so I thought. At around eleven thirty I was still awake even though I had been trying to get to sleep for about thirty minutes. It was still kind of early but I was tired. Anyway I decided to head downstairs for a glass of water just to see if that would help.

I opened my bedroom door and stepped out into the hall to see Edward sitting at the top of the stairs. He hadn't noticed me so I slowly approached him. He turned to see what the noise was when there was a creak on the floorboards. I smiled softly and he nodded before turning away quickly.

Walking over I sat down with my back against the wall looking at him. He turned to me, glanced me up and down then turned back to face the staircase. Edward opened his mouth to say something but then shut it again. Since he didn't look like he was going to make the first move I decided I would.

"Is everything okay?" I asked softly, trying not to push him into telling me if there was. Hopefully it wasn't about our friendship and spending the day with one another. Maybe he was having doubts about being friends with me.

"I'm just thinking about a few things, that's all." He had his elbows on his knees and placed his face in the palm of his hands before running a hand through his hair, messing it up more but still making him look great. "Take it you can't sleep."

"No, I tried but it's not really working." He nodded, glancing at me every so often.

"I don't sleep, well I rarely sleep."

"I can tell." Very gently I raised my hand and placed it on his cheek, lightly brushing the dark circles that surround his eyes. He smiled lazily and turned his body just a little so he could face me easier.

"Alice called earlier." I raised my eyebrows waiting for him to continue. "She told me that my father has found me a bride. Apparently she's perfect, his words not Alice's. " He was speaking in a monotone voice and his eyes seemed glazed over with blandness, as though he wasn't processing what he was talking about.

"I don't...I can't..." He sighed loudly before picking up his sentence and trying again. "This isn't what I want from my life. I know my father loves me and is trying to what's best for me but I don't want some girl to marry because she has everything he is looking for in a daughter-in-law. I want someone I care about, I love, who loves me for me, not because I'm rich and have a title. But it's come to my notice those girls don't exist, well not from where I'm from."

Edward turned to look at me and I felt like I was being inspected under a microscope the way he was looking at me. His eyes searched my entire body before returning to my face and holding eye contact with me.

"I like you Bella. I like you a lot. But-" He licked his lips then carried on. "-I could never date you." HE shook his head and turned away, breaking the moment. From nowhere I gathered all this confidence, if he could confess that then so would I.

"I like you too Edward." He turned rather sharply.

"Really?" His voice was full of disbelieve. I nodded and placed my hand on his cheek, bringing him closer to me.

He understood what was going on and complied with what I wanted. Ever so slowly, it was like torture, he brushed his lips against mine. I wanted his to speed up so moved my hand to the back of his neck, running my fingers through his hair. He kept going slow though and was drawing out each and every kiss.

Edward was first to pull back. We were both breathing slightly heavily and trying to gain some composure. I was still trying to get my heart beat to calm down when Edward took my hand gently and helped me up then led me into his room and shut the door behind us.

I know he's a true gentleman and isn't expecting anything here. The only reason to bring us in there would be for privacy since we were sitting in a very obvious spot, at the top of the stairs, in front of the main door.

"You're beautiful." Was all he whispered before his lips crashed against mine, not that I was complaining. My back was against the door and he was pressing himself against me, basically trapping me in his arms.

Suddenly he pulled back and stormed to the other side of the room. Edward leant against the wall breathing out deeply and trying to calm himself down. He had his hands on the back of his head; fingers entwined and was watching me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He apologised.

"What are you talking about Edward?" Don't tell me he regrets kissing me this time.

"Bella I like you and you said that you liked me." I nodded. "Well nothing can ever come of this. I can't date you, it's just not possible. Kissing you is basically taking advantage of the fact that you will kiss me. I can't do that. I can't use you like that and right now that's all I am doing."

"I don't think you are. But who says this can't become anything? It won't be anything unless you want it to be that way." He sighed and shook his head.

Frankly I was getting tired of guessing with him. One second he's kissing me then he's not. He runs away after kissing me and it doesn't happen again for a while. He tells me he doesn't regret it but doesn't do it again for about a week. What does he want from me?

"Bella how would you feel if for the duration of this exchange we had a relationship with each other then on July the 1st you leave and I marry someone else? Well the engagement would be announced that night, but it's still the same thing. Please answer that, how would you feel?"

I hated to admit that he had a point. That wouldn't be the best of circumstances for this. Considering we don't have a lot of time with each other it would be wise, if anything was going to happen between us, for us to start it sooner rather than later. But if the commitments after this exchange have such a life altering effect, like his engagement would, then maybe we should just forget we ever had any of these feelings.

"I would feel used and probably be really angry and upset." He nodded verifying that's what he thought. "But you said that you don't want to marry this girl, whoever she is, so then don't. That fixes all the problems here." He shook his head this time and looked at me calmly before gently caressing my cheek.

"It would only cause more problems. I do like you Bella but the only way anything could happen here is if it was a secret and it ended on June the 30th. It couldn't go past that date and we would never be able to speak about how we feel about each other." He whispered soothingly.

Slowly he wrapped his arms round me and held me close to his chest. He kissed the top of my head and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. I felt safe in his arms and I wanted this to work, even if it we could only be together for about three months, and even if at the end he would marry another girl.

Somehow I know this is going to lead to heartbreak but that's a chance I'm willing to take with him. I moved a little to look up at him and saw his beautiful topaz eyes staring back. I leant up on the tip of my toes and kissed him; he was caught off guard but responded quickly.

"Does this mean...what I think...it means?" He asked as we moved across the room.

"Yes." He pulled back, looked hard into my eyes then smiled my favourite crooked smile before kissing me senseless.

We somehow stumbled onto the bed. My old self would be screaming this is getting risky and could go places I don't want to. Unfortunately the new me with raging teenage hormones was in control and didn't really mind where we were now lying.

Edward was below me running one of his hands up my back while the other kept me close by holding my head. I had one hand in his hair and the other on his shoulder, just in case I needed to pull back and he wouldn't stop, I could just give him a little push so he would get the message.

"Bella...don't...ever...stop." He said between kisses. "I mean...you can stop...for food and to sleep...shower and go to the bathroom...at school..." How the hell could he be talking and rambling now?

"Edward." I said pulling back from his lips and looking at him. "Shut up."

"Yeah." Then he brought me back down to kiss him which I happily complied with. I don't know how long we stayed there but the only thing that broke our frantic attack on each other's lips was the sound of the door shutting quietly.

I moved off him completely and tried to regain my normal breathing as I went to investigate who it was. Stepping into the hall and peering down the stairs I noticed it was Charlie. Turning back around I stuck my head round Edward's door.

"It's my dad, if he finds us both awake...well I don't think he'll be happy. Pretend to be asleep if you can, get control of your breathing, it might make you more believable. Night."

"I'll see you in the morning." I nodded and darted towards my room as I heard Charlie's footsteps on the bottom stair.

As fast as I could I jumped under the covers and tried to make it look like I was asleep. Charlie went straight to Edward's room first; the squeak of the door opening full gave him away. I was praying to God that Edward was a believable actor and my dad would buy that he had been asleep the whole time.

The door shut and he made his way into my room, even though he just checked Edward's I saw him scan the floor then he bent down and looked under the bed. My cupboard door opened and I peeked another look. Who knows what Charlie was expecting to find but it definitely wasn't here. Sighing he left and shut the door behind him.

Phew, that could have been close. If we had been louder than we were then we definitely would have been caught. I don't know how I would have explained to Charlie that there's nothing going on between us if I was caught straddling Edward and kissing him frantically. I'm sure that would have gone down with a hoot.

My cell phone vibrated across my night stand so I grabbed it quickly to see why it was going off. There was no need for it to ring and have Charlie come back up here. Flipping it open it said I had received one new text message from Edward Cullen

I miss you already. Do you think your father will check on us again?

Edward. Xxxxx

I smiled, feeling all fuzzy inside; I know you probably want to vomit. I replied then telling him that Charlie would just go to bed unless he heard one of us going to the bathroom then he would come and check to see who was walking along the hall.

Expecting to get a reply I was horrified when the door opened, thinking it was Charlie and I was sitting up holding me phone. To my relief Edward entered and smiled crookedly, making my heart beat frantically.

"I wanted to say a proper goodnight to you." He whispered as he walked over and leant down kissing me softly. Deciding that Charlie wouldn't check again I grabbed Edward's wrist when he went to return to his room.

He seemed confused as to why I was pulling him closer but finally understood when I threw back the covers and scooted over, leaving him enough room in the bed next to me. At first he was hesitant but slid in anyway.

Turning over, facing away from him, I felt him adjust behind me then wrap his arm round my waist, draping across the front of my stomach. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck and since my back was against his chest I could feel his heart beating frantically.

"Relax Edward. Just go to sleep." I whispered, his grip increased, pulling me slightly closer, if that was even possible. I fell asleep shortly after, feeling safe and content in his arms thinking finally, we're getting somewhere.