Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Fable.
And so Maxiey was given time off his job to compete in the Card Pairs Championship Tournament. He packed a few apples and some raw meat for the journey, which wasn't far at all.
The Card Pairs matches were being held in the Map Room. The giant map of Albion served as the table.
"Er, I haven't really thought this through," said the Guildmaster, scratching his bald forehead. "Ah (you know in that annoying tone he always says it in), we can use the quest cards as the cards. And, um, you can match them with…other cards with similar rewards. Wow, there really are a lot of quest cards. The people of Albion really do like to complain, don't they?"
Even with so many quest cards, there was still only enough to have one game going at a time.
Maxiey's competition consisted of a nervously twitching schoolteacher, Spixie the Pixie, an arrogant guild apprentice that constantly mentioned something about a race to the demon door, the guild tour guide, and Charlie the vegetarian balvarine.
The whole thing was utterly confusing to everyone except the Guildmaster who had had a senior moment and forgotten his own rules. However, after ten minutes of the first match, the Guildmaster proclaimed the winner of the first match to be the twitchy schoolteacher.
"HA HA HA! I OWNED YOU! I AM THE SUPREME RULER OF ALL YOU NOOBS!!!" the twitchy schoolteacher shrieked in an inhumanely high voice.
"I don't understand," said the guild apprentice in disbelief while his friend laughed at him. "I was always the best Card Pairs player in the Guild. You must have cheated. Or you jinxed me. Or maybe I'm stuck on a losing streak. Curse that kid with spiky hair!"
The next match was between Charlie the vegetarian balvarine and the Guild tour guide. Charlie, who kept insisting to suspicious Guild apprentices that he was vegetarian, lost spectacularly. Charlie attached his opponent in what appeared to be a fit of vengeance. It wasn't until Charlie the vegetarian balvarine had become Charlie the vegetarian balvarine corpse that it was revealed Charlie only wanted the carrot in his now deceased opponent's pocket.
"Erm, well now that the only vegetarian balvarine in all of Albion has been killed I guess the tournament is cancelled. Which is a relief because I don't have anything to give the champion except maybe this bubblegum wrapper in the pocket of my robes. It's a week old."
"Well, Maxiey the tavern worker, I guess you should count yourself lucky I don't have to humiliate you publicly," Spixie the Pixie said imperiously.
Maxiey grunted.
"Trixie is dead? Noooooooooooo!" Spixie the pixie flew away to search for her fourth cousin eleven times removed.
"Well, I guess that's the end of that," said the Guildmaster. "Want a bubblegum wrapper? I'll sell it to you for 100 gold."
Maxiey grunted.
"A hundred gold isn't a ridiculous price. Everything in Albion has a ridiculous price. You should see what the guy in the Guild Shop charges. Besides, it's a bargain. It is a week old, you know."
Maxiey grunted.
"It's worth it. You can always pull it out and sniff it once in a while. Buttermilk squash flavour. Limited edition. Actually, I think I still have the gum stuck in my moustache."
Leaving the Guildmaster to try and unstuck his facial hair, Maxiey returned to the tavern, perhaps not a Card Pairs Champion, but more popular than any other hobbe in the history of Albion.