Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Fable.
"WHERE IS THE ONE CALLED MAXIEY?" A figure tried to barge down the door before realizing the tavern doors never closed.
This figure was short, not hobbe short but still short for a human, and the slightest bit plump. That however, was far from the oddest thing about this man, for it was a man but you couldn't tell that right away. The stranger was dressed in a variety of mixed-and-matched garments that clashed horribly, had tattoos that were favoured among pregnant women and the most ridiculous haircut Maxiey had ever seen. And Maxiey had seen some very ridiculous haircuts in his day.
Maxiey grunted, not intimidated in the least with this ridiculously dressed and apparently pregnant man. Who would be?
Taking no notice of the people starting to giggle at him behind his back, the ridiculously dressed and apparently pregnant man boomed, "YOU ARE MAXIEY?" Here he laughed in an attempt to be scary but only caused those behind him to giggle all the more. "HOW COULD FRAN FRAN LURVE THE LIKES OF YOU?"
Fran Fran blushed and said, "What are you doing here, Morphumax?" which was really much too late, but we have already established the fact that Fran Fran is none too bright. But at least her emotions were on cue. Stupid people have feelings too, you know.
"HOW CAN YOU DEFEND SOMEONE LIKE HIM?" The ridiculously dressed and apparently pregnant man, who was now revealed to be Morphumax, demanded.
Maxiey grunted.
"HOW DARE YOU!"
"What Maxiey said is true!" Fran Fran cried.
"NO IT'S NOT! MOMMY SAID IT LOOKS GOOD ON ME! YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!" Tears started to well up in Morphumax's eyes. "THERE'S DUST IN MY EYES," he sniffled rather loudly as he turned away to wipe his watering eyes.
This took two uncomfortable minutes in which the people behind Morphumax burst out laughing, no longer able to confine themselves to mere giggles.
In an attempt to looks more macho, Morphumax stifled his sobs and bellowed, "YOU WILL PAY FOR STEALING FRAN FRAN FROM ME! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL IN WHICH I WILL SHOW FRAN FRAN THAT I AM MUCH MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU!"
Maxiey grunted.
"STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME! TWO DAYS FROM NOW, IN BOWERSTONE JAIL, I WILL CRUSH YOUR TINY SKULL BENEATH MY GUARD BOOTS!" Morphumax laughed once again. Those behind him couldn't stop laughing until the stranger had stormed out of the tavern.
"Don't listen to him, Maxiey," Fran Fran said, apparently finding a speck of dust near the tavern doorway very interesting. Her face was still as red as red meat. And red meat is very red. "I bet you can beat Morphumax no sweat."
Maxiey grunted.