Disclaimer:I don't own Fable. But I do own Fable the game. Kapeesh? Kapeesh. Yeesh.
The Guild was empty.
At least in the sense that Maxiey saw no people around upon first glance. His second glance revealed many other things besides signs of life. And his third glance revealed things he wished he had never seen in his first, second, or third glance.
There was a green glowing platform to one end (workout-grade abs in mere seconds!) and handsome oak bookcases filled with handsome-covered books ("Nasty Pus Bubbles in Nasty Places and What to Do About Them") and other volumes with far less respectable titles. Hobbe heads were nailed to the walls in random places (Maxiey shuddered) with varying expressions in varying degrees of grotesqueness.
Maxiey wondered what could possibly have happened to make all the stouthearted Guildspeople flee. The Guild had withstood bandit attacks and bar fights gone wrong, so what terrifying horror could have caused such a catastrophe? The answer was waiting for him in the mess hall: a giant brass cage with its door hanging open.
The castrating mountain monkey had been set loose.
Treading much more carefully now, he ran as fast as his Hobbe legs could carry him to Maze's tower. The Guild master might be a doddery old fool with a weird patch of discoloured skin that could be some warped tattoo of a whale, but as far as Maxiey could tell, Maze was 100 sane and weird patch of discoloured skin-free. If anyone knew what was going on, Maxiey hoped it was Maze.
Huffing and puffing his way up the spiral steps, he finally climbed onto the landing, only to find that the doorway to the Guild hero's quarters was blocked by a desk, drawers, and various other random pieces of furniture the author doesn't feel like listing individually.
The strenuous work of lifting said desk, drawers, and various other random pieces of furniture the author doesn't feel like listing individually took many hours of hard labour. Maxiey was glad that it is a well-known fact that castrating mountain monkeys cannot climb stairs, meaning he was relatively safe.
As the last piece of furniture was removed, he found Maze fast asleep with a beer in one hand and his other hand in his mouth.
Maze opened his eyes and then squeezed them shut again. "Avo, why are those lights so bright? They burn! Turn them off, turn them off!"
Maxiey grunted.
"The sun? Is it morning already? Damn, my head hurts. Got any pain pills?"
Maxiey grunted.
Maze opened his eyes and then squeezed them shut again. "Geez, you're ugly."
Maxiey grunted.
"You want to know what happened last night? Alright, alright, I'll tell you. So me and the Guildmaster are pretty damn old, but we figure our livers can handle a few more beers before they give out. And what's the use of a liver if you're not going to have some beers? But then we end up having this drinking contest and this wicked party in the mess hall. Then someone makes a crack about a touchy subject with the Guildmaster and he goes bonkers. I mean, more bonkers than he usually is. See, he didn't take his meds that day because of this bet we had. So then he let the castrating mountain monkey loose. All the male apprentices rand screaming off somewhere and all the female apprentices ran screaming off to lead lives of dignity and independence, free of sexual prejudice."
Maxiey grunted.
"Well what does it look like I did? It's a well-known fact that castrating mountain monkeys can't climb stairs. Besides, I still had some booze stashed in my desk."
Maxiey grunted.
"The furniture? Oh, that's just decoration."
Maxiey grunted.
Maze just shrugged. "It makes sense when you're drunk."
Maxiey grunted.
"Nope, I didn't see no Mr. Pooplewagon. He never came to the Guild. Why don't you ask Larry the talking moonfish where he is? Larry the talking moonfish knows a lot of things, even the true meaning of life. And he'll tell you that too if you just ask nicely. He swims around in Fisher Creek, blowing bubbles and making ripples."
Maxiey grunted.
"No problemo. So why are you looking for this Mr. Pooplewagon anyway?"
Maxiey grunted.
"Oh my Avo! Please, take me with you to your tavern of boozy goodness. Show me the ways of beer, beer, and more beer! I want to work at the Bowerstone tavern! Take meeeeeeeeeee!"
Maxiey grunted.
"Yes! Now I shall learn the secrets of beer, beer, and more beer and never have to be sober again!"
Maxiey grunted.
"It isn't a weird patch of discoloured skin that could be some warped tattoo of a whale, it's a weird patch of liver spots that marks the victims of the castrating mountain monkey."
Author's Note: It has just come to the author's attention that, while this is not a new chapter, the real chapter 10, containing the fight with Morphumax the Momma's Boy, has been now sneakily slipped in. This occured when the author was renaming the chapters (for complete lack of anything better to do) and noticed that while her story only has 12 chapters, her personal documents are up to 13. It is with feelings like a Rtart that the author begs your forgiveness as readers and hopes she hasn't done anything else quite as Rtarty and now understands the importance of the 'Live Preview' button.