Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Fable and I certainly don't own the character of Ebony/Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Goodness knows, I don't want to.
A/N: Finally updated. Sorry for the wait. Now call off your flood-infested coupus (corpus?) beasts!
Fable 2 looks so coooooooooool D
Although Maxiey had found the information he was looking for, he searched the Guild for survivors. Maze was not pleased at all, but followed nonetheless.
There was no one upstairs or in the Guild shop. There was no one in the gardens or behind the Demon Door. There wasn't even anyone in the decorated-but-completely-unfurnished Chamber of Fate that, for some unfathomable reason, was concealed behind a giant bookshelf.
Just as Maxiey's enthusiasm fizzled out ("You know what else fizzles?" said Maze. "Beer!"), there came a series of bangs, booms, crashes, smashes, gongs and bing-a-ling bongs from the Servant's Quarters.
"Egads!" Maze gasped. "What was that?"
Man and hobbe approached the entrance cautiously. Maze leapt in first with a fearsome war cry, brandishing his staff of wizarding goodness before him. But when he did, he found that the beast inside could not be defeated by any mortal means, staff of wizarding goodness or not.
It was the castrating mountain monkey!
No it wasn't, but I bet that's what you were expecting it to be.
It was a servant girl with blue eyes like limpid tears and more makeup than a gothic clown, though not done quite as tastefully. Her hair, which could have been mistaken for a skunk carcass dipped in pink lemonade, clashed horribly with her pale white skin. She wore a black corset with lace, a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets, and black combat boots. One of her hands was over her head as if clutching a dubiously invisible can of cola.
Maxiey grunted.
The servant girl frowned. "How can you see me when I'm using my invisibility coke?"
Maxiey grunted.
"Ah, I see. Ha ha, get it? Laugh at my incredible wit!"
Maxiey grunted.
"No, that's just the raw steak I shoved down my Marilyn Manson shirt."
"Oh, I get it," said Maze as if the answer made perfect sense. Which it did to him.
Maxiey grunted.
"I'm Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."
Maxiey grunted.
"I am here to await my one true love, Gerardicus Way, who is in no way the inspiration for my name. He is going to play a concert here in exactly two months."
Maxiey grunted.
Ebony gave a sigh as loud as her speech and gestured to a giant poster taped to the wall above a black coffin lined with pink lace. It depicted a rather angsty-looking bard. "Gerardicus Way is my destiny and whom I lust after with the voracious fire of a thousand suns."
Maze gasped. "Is that my coffin? Am I really dead? I am, aren't I? And who picked out that ghastly colour scheme?"
"That's my coffin that I got from Hot Topic. I need it because I'm a gothic vampire witch."
"Don't talk to me! You're dead! I'm dead! Ahhhhhhh!" Maze tore off his clothes, leaving only his patriotic skivvies for censorship's sake. This fanfiction is rated K+ after all. He ran, virtually stark naked, in the direction of the Guild Woods.
Maxiey grunted.
"I can do anything I want to. Because I am Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way!"
Maxiey grunted.
"That's my name too. The two are used interchangeably."
Maxiey grunted.
"It's Ebony," Enoby interrupted.
Maxiey grunted.
"I don't know. First everyone ran into the mess hall with swords, screaming about some monkey. Then they came running out of the mess hall without swords, screaming about some monkey."
Maxiey grunted.
"Into the Guild Woods."
With a parting grunt, Maxiey the fearless hobbe left for the Guild Woods.
If you don't get the "My Immortal" reference, google "worst fanfiction" and click on the first result you see. You will either laugh or cry. I did both.