Author's Note: I know that I had been really good on updating everyday (a first for me, in fact) but "Losing My Mind" really through me off. I was hoping for some freaking hope, even though we were promised a resolution by the end of the season as far as Meredith and Derek are concerned. Regardless, it kind of stopped me in my tracks and made me rethink some of my approach. Also, this chapter was hard to write. Maybe I'm just using the last episode as an excuse. Whatever. This chapter was hard to write because I never really thought about Derek's mother a whole lot. She has to miss him, sure, but I kind of think she'd be pissed at him (along with the rest of his family, except Emma, who – in this story, at least – has been able to talk to him). I hope you like this chapter. Reviews are appreciated.
Chapter Five
Derek had found a secluded place to make his phone call. So, it happened to be a linen closet on a different floor, but in the grand scheme of things, that really didn't matter. Taking a deep breath, Derek scrolled through the phone book on his cell to find his mother's home number.
"Shepard Residence," his mother said breathlessly.
"Hi," he said quietly.
"Derek! Oh, goodness. Hold on, just a moment." He heard her set the phone down on the table and run around. She had probably just come in from outside, finishing one project or another in the yard. "There, that's better. I was filling the birdfeeders," she said. "To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"
"Oh, you know, I just wanted to call and find out how everything is going."
"What's wrong? Is everything alright?"
Derek was surprised that his mother had recognized his voice so easily over the phone after nearly a year and a half. Actually, he expected her to be pissed, if he were to be totally honest with himself.
"Everything is fine," he assured her, "I just thought it was time to call."
He heard his mother "tsk" at him and he smiled. Alright, so he missed his Mom and this was as good an excuse as any. He had been used to seeing any or all of his sisters at anytime on any given day, even though Nancy lived in Connecticut and Tessa lived in Pennsylvania. Kathleen and Emma were the only ones left in New York City now. His Mom lived further upstate.
"How are you, Derek? How are you really?"
"Good," Derek said, surprised at the amount of concern in her voice. He shouldn't have been, but he was. "Mom, really, I'm fine. Mark and I are talking. Meredith and I are talking. Everything and everyone is fine."
"You're talking to Mark," his mother asked, sounding slightly outraged.
"Yes," he said, confused, "why wouldn't I? He's my brother. He's my best friend." That fact was, Derek was immensely glad to have Mark back in his life. He had missed his oldest friend and, as Emma had repeatedly pointed out, he wouldn't have ended up in Seattle or have met Meredith. Even when he and Meredith weren't doing so well, he was glad to be in Seattle, glad he had met her. She had changed his life, in so many ways, and he often took her for granted.
"He slept with your wife."
"Ex-wife," Derek corrected. "Addison and I weren't exactly happy, Mom."
"So you work on it," his mother cut in, "you don't give up. You don't run away."
"It wouldn't have been worth it," Derek told her. "We're both much happier now." He had talked to Addison when she had made it back to Seattle and Emma had brought him up-to-date the other day. Addison was much happier in L.A., without him. If they had stayed together, she never would have ended up there, of that Derek was certain. And now she had Naomi and Sam and the cop and she was happy. Addison was happy.
Derek had moments of happiness. He spent most of his time being miserable and he was coming to the conclusion that it was mostly his fault. Alright, so it was his fault he was unhappy but his mother didn't need to know that.
"Mom, seriously, things are good," he lied. Well, not really lied. They were on their way to good. Close enough. "I miss you."
"Oh, honey, I miss you, too," she said. "I can't believe it's been so long. We're coming out to visit soon. Me and all of your sisters. You just started at a new hospital and I'm sure it's not easy to get some time off. I'm still working on the arrangements. Is that okay?"
"Perfect," Derek found himself saying. "That sounds great. Just, the last time Nancy was here, well . . ."
"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll take care of Nancy. Don't be a stranger now, Derek. You'll call me soon, right?"
"Right," Derek said. "I, uh, have to go. I have an appointment I don't want to be late for."
He was surprised his mother hadn't outright yelled at him. His family was coming to Seattle. They were going to be mean to Mark. Mark would act like he didn't care, but Derek would know better.
His pager went off. Psych. Derek got up off the floor and went into the hallway.
"In there by yourself, Shep?"
Derek turned to find Mark standing there. "What if I was?"
Mark smiled. "Just checking? Drinks after work?"
"I'll think about it," Derek said. He was hoping for more time with Meredith, to work on things, but so much depended on this appointment with her therapist. "See you, later."
"Yeah," Mark said, grabbing a chart and walking off.
Derek hadn't wanted to tell him he'd been talking to Mom. He took the stairs two at a time and knocked on Dr. Wyatt's door before going in. Meredith was sitting on a coach, her eyes bloodshot with tears brimming in them. "Are you alright," he asked, crossing the room in two strides to sit beside her. Cautiously, he snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her into his chest where her sniffles turned into full-blown sobbing. "It's okay," he soothed, "let it out. It's okay."
He was completely out of his element here and he had no idea why she was crying. He glanced at the therapist, who had an amused smile on her face. Derek rolled his eyes and pulled Meredith into his lap, secretly glad she was letting him do so.
His phone rang.
"Shepard," he said.
"What did you do now," Emma asked, exasperated, "that you have a woman crying?"
"Who said I did anything," Derek asked, indignantly. "I don't have time to talk right, now, Emma . . ."
"Whatever," Emma cut him off. "Mom told me you called her. You made her day. I just wanted to say thank you before my meeting with Travers."
"Everything okay," he asked. He had a lot of things to smooth over apparently, abandoning Emma during her tryst as Chief Resident last year was one of them.
"Fine," she said, easily, "he has a consult coming up, I think he wants me to go. Listen, I'll talk to you later. But, I just wanted to remind you to continue talking to Meredith. Communication and all that jazz. And for goodness sake, take care of yourself, you sound exhausted. Oh, and one more thing, it's a good thing that girl loves you so much because I would have kicked your ass to the curb long ago."
"Love you, too," he said, hanging up the phone and tossing it on the small table in front of him.
"Who was that," Dr. Wyatt asked, curiously.
"My youngest sister, Emma," Derek told her, still rocking Meredith back and forth gently as she got her breathing under control and her sobbing started to subside. "Are you alright," he asked her quietly. She nodded, her face still pressed into his chest. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" She shook her head, no. "And why not," he asked, a smile on his face. It reminded Derek of when his sisters were younger or when his nieces were upset. Deciding that was the best way to go about it, he leaned back so Meredith could no long bury her face and used two fingers to lift her chin. "C'mon, tell me what's wrong."
She hiccupped. "Everyone always leaves me," she said, taking a deep breath, "and I don't want you to leave. I don't want to be alone, not like my mother, but it's the only thing I know how to do. I've always been . . . And Cristina . . . Burke . . . and I don't want to be alone." She broke into fresh sobs.
Derek always suspected that the demise of her friend's relationship with Preston Burke had something to do with pushing him away these last months. The "only thing I know how to do" comment threw him off. She had always been alone, ever since she was five. He knew that. He . . .
"You are a remarkably strong person, Meredith Grey," Derek told her, "and you've done things on your own that you shouldn't have. You don't have to anymore. You have Cristina, Izzie, George, and Alex. Heck, you even have Bailey and the Chief . . . and Mark and Lexie, if you want. And me. Always, Meredith, always." She leaned back away from him. "What?"
"Seriously," she asked him, exasperated, as silent tears fell down her pale face.
"Yes," he told her, holding his ground, "I know that we haven't exactly had the easiest relationship but nothing easy is worth it. We have to fight for what we want, work for it. You've been fighting all your life just to stay afloat. Let me fight for us, just don't fight me."
"That will fix everything," Meredith asked, sarcastically.
"No," Derek told her, shaking his head, "but it's a start."
Author's Notes: I don't always get a chance to write everyone back when they review, so I wanted to do it here. I really appreciate your reviews and they brighten up my day. Keep it up! Also, if anyone has any suggestions for this story, I'd appreciate that, too.