Liz and Michael walked into the house to be met by a fuming Kyle, Ava and Isabel.
"Where the hell have you been?!" Isabel demanded.
"Calm down Isabel." Michael said walking past the 3.
"Liz?!" Kyle looked at her like he needed an explanation.
"Not now, I'm tired." Liz stayed close behind Michael. She didn't want to talk to her friends right now. She wanted to go into her room and figure out what the hell she was feeling.
"Michael, Liz, you guys didn't leave a note. We woke up and found you both gone." Ava was the one to express worry and fear, which made Michael and Liz stop to listen. "We didn't know if you were ok or if something bad had happened. Now, I don't know if something is going on with you and if you don't want to tell us, that's fine but do not go off again without telling us."
Michael and Liz looked at each other.
"Look guys. I'm sorry." Liz took a deep breath, thinking of how to explain. "I couldn't sleep last night. Then I got to thinking about Max and Serena and how they get here this morning. I didn't know—still don't know what will happen when they do get here. Anyway, I felt trapped, felt suffocated. I wanted to feel fresh air, feel free, feel relaxed, and feel—safe." She didn't know she actually felt like that until she just said it. She nodded to herself because she finally knew how she had felt the night before. "I woke Michael and asked him to come out with me. We left, got to talking and fell asleep in the back of Dynasty. I swear we didn't mean to scare you and didn't mean to be out this late."
She looked at her friends, needing them to understand. Kyle was the first to nod, followed by Ava and finally by Isabel.
"Next time, leave a note please." Isabel lifted an eye brow.
Liz gave her a small smile. "Promise."
"Can I go sleep now?" Michael yawned.
Before he could get his answer, the phone rang and Kyle went to pick it up.
"Night." Michael waved in arm over his back as he walked down the hall.
"It's morning." Ava called after him.
"Late morning." Isabel corrected, giving Liz a look that let her know she still wasn't off the hook.
"I'm gonna go take a nap. That camper killed my back last night." Liz grabbed her lower back turning to the door which led to the back yard.
Kyle appeared and said, "That was Max. He said they'll be here in 10."
Liz knew the three were looking at her for a reaction. She didn't give them one as she bit her lip and made her way to her small back house.
When she stepped into her little house, she locked the door and threw herself on the couch.
"How do I feel?" She asked herself.
She sat up and put her hand against the wall. As she concentrated, a whole appeared in the wall. She reached in, grabbed her journal and pen and made herself comfortable on the couch.
I don't know what will happen when Serena and Max get here. When Max left me and called off the wedding, I was upset not because my heart broke but because for all these years, my future has been Max. I felt a connection to him since the day he saved my life in the Crashdown. I've loved him all those years. I've come to depend on him, to rely on him. He has been my all, my life. I've loved him all those years and now that we're not together, I'm lost. I know it's for the best. I still love him. It's just that the love we felt somehow changed. And I can't blame anyone for this. As much as I want to blame it on Serena and even Max, I can't. Our relationship was dead before Serena even came into the picture. If I look back upon it, I realize that we were together because it was expected of us. We had fallen into a routine. When I said I loved him, I said it without meaning—a different meaning and looking back, he'd said it differently too.
I don't know what to do. Do I mourn that relationship? Do I mourn our lost love? Or do I let go with release and happiness? Should I feel glad? It's too soon for them to come back. I won't know how to act, what to say. Did Serena and Max have more than a friend relationship before we broke up? Was he cheating on me with her? How do I act around her?
And
then, there was that dream that I had of Michael. Was it a dream? Was
it a flash? If it was a dream, what did it mean? If it was a flash—oh
my God, it couldn't be. Either way, it's not good. At least—I
don't know. Do I have feelings for Michael? I don't know.
Liz
closed her journal, put her head on the back of the couch and
exhaled. She grabbed her head and shook it. She didn't know what
she was feeling for Michael but she was not about to stop spending
time with him. This morning when she was telling her friends why she
had left, when she had said she wanted to feel safe, feel relaxed,
she had omitted the fact that it had included Michael, because those
feelings were made possible with Michael there. It wouldn't have
been the same if she'd gone by herself.
Liz put her journal away and once again concentrated on the whole in the wall. Within seconds, the wall looked as normal as any other.
Liz made her way to her room and threw herself on her bed.
"What the hell's the matter with me?"
"Liz?" The pounding on the door woke her.
"Ugh. What?!" She rubbed her eyes.
She threw a pillow over her face when Michael stepped into her room.
"Get up lazy. You've been asleep for 3 hours." Michael said as he himself threw himself in bed next to her.
"Then why are you laying with me?" She asked the obvious, pulling the pillow off her face.
"Isabel woke me up. I told her I'd come get you." He pulled an extra pillow underneath his head.
"Mm." Was all Liz could get out.
They were both quiet for a while. Neither wanted to bring up the fact that Max and Serena were home.
At last, Michael was the first to speak. "We need to shower. We stink."
"Are you implying you want to shower with me?" Liz mocked being shocked.
"Don't make me laugh Parker. The sight of you naked would kill me." He rolled over. "Come on." He extended is hand for her to take it.
"Haha, very funny."
"Go on, Parker. Get in the shower. I can go in next."
"And what exactly are you going to wear when you get out of the shower?"
"My clothes are in the living room." Michael said heading towards the control.
He was flipping through channels when Liz stepped into the bathroom.
She took her time, still not knowing what to do with the Max situation. She changed and came out of the bathroom towel drying her hair.
Michael took her place in the bathroom while she watched the news. Not that she was paying attention to much of what was on TV.
She hadn't realized how long she'd been distracted until Michael said, "So, what's new?"
"Michael, you scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry." He sat next to her.
Liz switched off the TV.
"How long do you think we can postpone going back into the main house and confront them?" Michael asked.
Liz turned to him as he put his arm around her. "I think we've drawn it out as much as we possibly can."
Michael nodded and stood. "Ready?"
She nodded as she took his hand.
"What do I say?" She spoke out loud, mostly to herself but partly to Michael.
"Don't think about it too much, Liz."
As they reached the back yard, Liz panicked.
"Michael what if they're together together? What if they got married? I know they went looking for Zan but what if…"
"Liz, stop it." He held her by the arms and looked her deep in the eyes. "I don't care what they've done. If you hurt, I'll be right there next to you. I don't even think anyone expects you to come up. You're already showing more courage than you know."
Liz pressed her lips together and tried not to cry. Even if she didn't love Max anymore and their love had died that didn't mean that if would be easy to see him with someone else. She still felt a little betrayed, thinking something had happened between her friend and her ex-fiancé while they were still together was too much. Thank God she had Michael.
Liz hugged Michael tight and took a deep breath. "Ok, I can do this. Let's go." Although her insides were turning, she knew she had to face this to get past it.
When they entered the main house, they were astonished to find it as quiet as a church.
They waited and made their way to the living room thinking they'd find someone. When they finally heard something all they could both make out was Isabel's angry voice.
"I don't care how true what you say is, Maxwell. Do you know how hard it was for us to watch Liz the way she was when you left? Jeezes, you called off the wedding and instead of facing it with her, instead of being a man about it, you ran off, scared and with another woman."
"I didn't run off with her, Isabel." Max argued.
"Maybe not WITH her but you LEFT and she went with you!"
"Isabel, I thought Liz needed space!"
"Yeah and perfect way to show her you still cared and loved her by leaving with someone else!"
"Ok, I made a mistake. But I had a lead on where Zan was and Serena has been helping me. She wanted to be there if I found him." Max's voice had softened when he spoke of that relationship with Serena.
Liz swallowed.
"You wanted her with you?!" Isabel was bewildered. "Liz had been there too. She's been there for you a whole lot longer than Serena has. She was there when you had to give him up. In the years after we left Roswell, after she left everything behind for you, after she broke laws for you, she helped you get your contacts on which agency he could have gone. Gave you people to talk to on who might have adopted Zan. She was there for all that. You don't think she'd have wanted to see you find Zan if you had? You don't think she'd have wanted to see you're first hug with your son after so long? You took Serena instead. And if you said nothing ended badly and you still wanted to be friends, then why not take her?"
Liz had tears coming down her cheeks. Hearing Isabel mirror her very feelings hurt and at the same time made her feel wonderful. So she wasn't crazy, she did have a reason to see Max join with his son. Even if she wasn't a part of Max anymore, it had hurt to know he wanted to take Serena with him and not her.
Michael rubbed her back and then gently squeezed her shoulder.
"That's what I thought, Max. You were an asshole to Liz. Calling off the wedding was the best gift you could have given her. I don't know how she stood by you for so long when you've always treated her like trash. I just hope that when she loves again, that man will love her and appreciate her for everything she has to offer and never hurt her like you've done."
Liz and Michael new Isabel was coming towards them but they didn't move. They wanted Isabel to see them.
Isabel was surprised to see Liz and Michael outside of the door. "Oh, Liz. I'm sorry you had to hear all that." Isabel held her hand.
"I'm not." Liz hugged Isabel. "Thank you, Izz."
Isabel nodded and walked away.
Liz was turning to tell Michael she needed to talk to Max when Michael spoke. "I'll be in the living room if you need me."
She smiled and hugged him. "Thanks."
She walked into the room inhaling deeply. Max sat on his bed, elbows on his knees, hands on his face.
"Max?"
Max looked up and she could tell he didn't know what to say or how to act. Surprisingly, she did know. "I heard you and Isabel—"
"Oh, Liz—"
"Wait, let me talk. Last time I saw you, you did all the talking and left before I could say anything." When she saw Max accepted her request, she continued, "I agree 100 that we shouldn't get married. I knew before you called it off that our love had changed. I knew it had died. In the days you've been gone, I've come to realize that I shouldn't be angry with you for calling off the wedding but I am angry because what Izz said is true. Leaving the way you did broke my heart. Because even though I knew we were over—had been over, it hurt that you were leaving with Serena. I had to face that you two were close and that something might have happened with her while we were still together. And although we didn't feel for each other, the two of you were going behind my back and that hurts Max. When I found out you had left to find Zan I felt even worse. Izz spoke all my fears, all my true feelings. I thought that even if we weren't together, I'd be there for moments like that with your son." She took a breath. "Today, I realized that our love was wrong from the start. From the start we loved because we needed each other. We needed each other because we thought we'd die without the other. A life apart was unbearable. That's not healthy. People should be together because they want to be together. They should be together because they want that person and show them love. I don't think I loved myself when I was with you. I didn't even respect myself. If I did, I wouldn't have put up with half the shit you did to me. And I don't blame you for that, Max. I should have stood up for myself. How can you really love someone when you don't even love yourself? I needed you in my life to convince myself I was happy. I needed you to lean on when I could have just stood on my own two feet." She had been so blind before and she saw that now. "I still love you, Max. You were my first love and I could never forget you. And Serena is my friend. I love her too. I want both of you to be happy. I don't know if you did anything behind my back when we were still together and I wouldn't be surprised if you did but I really don't ever want to know if something did." With that, Liz walked out of the room.
As she walked into the living room, she saw Michael look up to meet her eyes, as if he knew she was approaching.
The look Michael gave her, made Liz feel loved. She knew things would be ok. She would still feel weird with Max and Serena around. She would have to force herself to be around them. And although Max and her had gone through so much, it was easy for her. She was finally over Max.