Ch. 4 Belladonna no Wanna

Yay, a chapter actually done! Go me! Well, it's like 10:30 and I have school tomorrow. A smart person would go to bed but….

Ah, I bought the first Strawberry Panic light novel. It was pretty bad, to be honest…everything went by too fast and all the pairings were completely random. Kinda like a bad fanfic.

"…Her crown?"

I was sitting up in bed/couch with the phone nearly plastered onto the side of my head. Miki-kun said he could help, but, still…

"Yes. Sitting on my piano yesterday night. I knew what it was immediately, of course, but really, what was I supposed to do with it?"

"Did you throw it away? Did you keep it?" I asked, leaning forward eagerly as if he were actually in the room with me.

"I, uh, kept it, but you're kind of missing the point. What was it doing there in the first place? I called Jury-san to ask her about it, and she said to call you. Honestly, I'm surprised she was in contact with you. I didn't know about it…"

"…."

I was stunned. Himemiya's crown? In Miki-kun's house? He said it wasn't there earlier in the day when he cleaned the piano, and the room it was in connected to his room, so there was no way someone could've sneaked in without him noticing.

'But, then again, why would someone break in and leave that there? Who would have that?'

Akio-san?

"…."

My mouth had gone dry. I felt sick. Would he really try to mess with me that way? Or was this directed at me at all? What was going on?

"Miki-kun, are you sure it's her crown?"

"Absolutely. I'm holding it in my hands right now. It's either the same one or someone did a good replica of it. It's surprisingly heavy…is this brass?"

I was so tired. 'But, wait a minute. If someone left that there they must know that Miki-kun was a duelist, so they must be someone we all knew…right? Or what if it was Himemiya? I don't think she'd do something like that though. And how'd this person get in through Miki's room and unlock this door?'

"Utena? Hello?"

"Huh? Sorry, it's just…really early in the morning."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I was just a little worried, especially after Jury-san said you were –!"

He cut himself off, saying something about his head hurting.

"Well, I can talk to you later, okay? If it's too early?"

"What about me? What'd she say?"

"Nothing, nothing…I, um, have school tomorrow too, and –"

"Miki-kun!"

"Good night. Morning. Talk to you later."

"…He totally hung up on me…"

It was four when I got off the phone and tried to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about the crown, though, and what Miki-kun and Jury-sempai were hiding from me. I couldn't stop thinking at all, really. What if Miki-kun's crown discovery really could help? Was Himemiya looking for me, too? Was she okay? Would I ever find her? 'Gah. So tired.'

It was five when I fell asleep and ten minutes later had to wake up for work.

I took an hour-long shower after getting off the phone with Miki (and Utena I suppose). When I woke up from the total four hours of sleep I'd gotten, I realized that Miki was a much better person than I was. 'In a lot of ways. I should be ashamed of myself…' I couldn't stop thinking about that stupid crown. Why did Miki automatically tell someone about it? 'It's not like it's a big deal. Just because it was in his house doesn't mean anything.' Yes, I was a horrible person. Unlike Miki, I didn't have any plans to speak up about my…discovery I guess you could say. In fact, I'd kicked the dumb thing out numerous times but it – he – kept finding his way back, no matter how many windows I shut and locked. 'It must be my mom who keeps letting him in. Says it's cute.'

As I got out of the shower the Morning Shrieks began again, two rooms down. "I didn't invite you here!" I yelled over the sound of my blowdryer. "If you can't wait to eat go somewhere else!" There was another loud "CHU!" before he shut up for good. Really, it was creepy how he seemed to be able to understand me. That dumb thing was nothing but a bother. He kept me up all night with his crying, he ate all my food…'He's a monster. Thinks he can disappear for days on end and then demand food. Such a pain.'

"Chu!"

"Be quiet, already, I'm curling my hair! Shut up!"

Deep down inside part of me was telling myself to tell Utena about it, to speak up, but that was a very deep part of me. The same part of me that said Shiori wasn't right for me, and that I was digging my own hole.

I tended not to listen to that part of myself very much.

I was sent home from work due to "negligence". Well, I shouldn't have used the quotes – I really was being negligent. I'd fallen asleep twice when I'd gone to pick up more books to deliver, and then passed out again on my way back from a customer's house. So, it wasn't too surprising when my boss had gotten sick of it. Well, I shouldn't have used the words "Sent home from work", 'cause I'd been fired.

'Ugh. This sucks. How am I gonna pay rent? Gotta get another job…and I still have school stuff to do.'

Not to mention I hadn't had any time to search for Anthy, which was depressing, more so than my loss of a job (which didn't even pay that well). I could find the time to get another job, but could I find the time to find her? Was time really of the essence? 'I'm so tired. I just won't do any classes today.' Which meant I'd have to make it up over the weekend, just like last week.

Really, I was considering quitting school, seeing as how it wasn't really a priority of mine. 'But I need a lot of money to be able to go more places to find Anthy. I need college to make more money. I have to finish high school to go to college. This sucks.'

I ordered a hot sweet potato from the vendor, cursing myself immediately afterwards for spending money when I'd just got canned.

'Jury-sempai can't know about this…she'll try to give me money. And, knowing her, I'll give in eventually. Crap, this thing costs a lot more than I thought! I could've bought more fish with this money! Crap!'

For the rest of the day, I walked around my neighborhood in a daze. It was only ten o'clock-ish, so I could've easily just gone back to bed. 'I'll call Miki-kun again after he gets out of school and talk to him some more.' He said he'd look around his area for anyone who could've possibly seen Anthy, and we both agreed he'd have better luck, seeing as how (unlike me) he actually had a picture of her for others to go by. "Come to think of it" I mumbled, biting off another piece of my expensive sweet potato, "why does he still have that picture? Does he still like her?"

'….'

It shouldn't really matter, right? Before I didn't care if he liked her; I mean I actually encouraged any kind of relationship with a non-Chu Chu organism for Himemiya. "If it didn't matter then it shouldn't matter now" I said to myself, although in all honesty it wasn't really convincing. 'What does it matter? He's helping me find her – that's what matters. Although…'

I didn't even know if she'd left Ohtori. That was the most hurtful thing. After half a year of looking for her it was starting to dawn on me – I might never find her. She might never have left Ohtori. What if she's still the Rose Bride, still pining a white rose to a Victor's chest?

My mood was getting worse and worse as I thought more about nothing, and my sense of direction was completely out of the window; I wasn't in my neighborhood anymore. "Damn! I'm lost…and this dumb potato doesn't even taste good for how much it costs!" I had the right mind to throw it aimlessly into the crowd of people, but suddenly –

I walked headfirst into an armful of orange and white flowers, almost plowing down the person holding them.

Had this been any other day I most likely would've apologized or something, but any other day I would've had at least an hour of sleep (and a job).

"Watch where you're going!"

"Watch where you're -! Oh. Utena."

It was Jury, standing on the sidewalk in clothes that looked more like she was supposed to be riding in a car to a dinner party than…walking around on the sidewalk.

With an armful of flowers.

She started to apologize, saw me eyeing the flowers, and tried to relocate them behind her back, even though they were still awkwardly visible (and clashed with her black blouse and slacks).

I started to apologize, heard the snide remarks people were making as they jostled by (through) me, and blushed like crazy, for whatever reason.

Instead of moving out of the way, we both stood there looking at everyone and everything that wasn't each other.

It felt like hours. Maybe it was hours; my concept of time had been pretty much shot since I'd started my Himemiya hunt almost a year ago.

Point was, though, that I was still blushing and she was still cradling the flowers behind her back, murmuring to herself.

I had to resist the urge to fade into the background and die.

"I…am not in school today" Jury loudly declared, tossing her hair in a nonchalant way that really showed how embarrassed she was. "I'm skipping, or whatever. I mean, I had things to do…"

She stopped there, considering the statement she'd just made. As far as I knew, she didn't live anywhere near me. It was hard to imagine what business she'd have in that area.

'Or how she even knows where I live in the first place…'

"So…are you not working today?"

Opening my mouth to talk was like prying open a rusted door. My jaw was pretty much locked. What I meant to say was "No, sempai, I'm not working today because I was laid off and am also considering not doing my classes today because I'm so incredibly depressed", but all that came out was "Mhnhhhnfhgh."

Which wasn't really the same thing, when you think about it.

"Well…" Jury-sempai said, tossing her hair again (causing for spectators), "since I'm not in school…and you're not working…it is still morning…"

"Ah, but I was thinking about going to the sale at CheapMarket and buying some croquettes."

"…Ah. Well then…some other time…"

She stepped back, flapped the flowers (which kind of looked like a peacock tail, now that you mention it), turned slightly, and looked at me again before saying "if you need to talk or anything…you know my number."

"Yeah."

By this time she looked utterly shocked, her eyebrows raised and her mouth slightly agape, holing the huge bouquet of flowers down at her side.

"Goodbye, then."

"Bye!"

Still looking as if she'd been struck by lightning, Jury-sempai walked slowly and gracefully – a little too gracefully; as if she knew she were being watched and was trying to look oblivious – away into the crowd, standing out with her gigantic array of floral products.

'Wonder what's wrong with her…'

You've got to understand, I was in a particularly bad mood. No job, no Himemiya, no sleep – my mood was reasonable. So, at the time, I didn't even realize how much of an idiot I was being, even though it was disgustingly obvious. I didn't realize was she was just short of pounding into my head. I didn't even realize why my face was still warm, or why I still felt giddy.

'Must be lack of sleep…'

Yeah, my idiocy was more than a little frustrating to think about now…

But, then again, I'd been more naïve in the past.

And I missed Himemiya then, at that moment as I turned away from the image of Jury fading into the crowd as I walked back home without a thought.

I missed her a lot.