A/N: This story is dedicated to Severus Addicted who gave me my first review on and it was so sweet! So heres to you, SA!
(See what happens when you review? I love you forever and ever!)
Oh, yeah, I don't own him, no matter how much I wish I did and I am nothing but a poor University student who owns a cat and not much else. No matter how cute my kitty is he is a bit of a brat. He also has sharp claws. So try and sue me and I will sic him on you..
Ok, I'm done.
REVIEW! kthx.
Just like that it was over.
Harry's sense of disbelief was overshadowed by his pure, unadulterated exhaustion which permeated every iota of his body. He spent a year to get here, to this place. A year.
And it was over.
Rather then contemplate where exactly he was to go now and what exactly he was to do, Harry chose to pass out in the Gryffindor Tower dorms for 3 days straight, waking up once to eat, relieve himself, and go back to sleep. The people around him were flabbergasted, but they understood. For Harry's part, it wasn't only the exhaustion that confined him to his bed for 3 days but the overwhelming grief that, like the exhaustion had 3 days earlier, permeated every iota of his being. He knew eventually it would fade to a dull ache, he had been through this oh.. once or twice before after all, but the extent of the grief was far worse. When he lost the others, it was one at a time, and while the grief was great.. this time, it was magnified tenfold because it was so fast, and for him.
Thats what tore up Harry the most, he knew they wouldn't have died if it wasn't for him. Not just Lupin or Tonks or Colin or Fred or the numerous others that had lain in the Great Hall not 3 days ago, but Sirius and Dumbledore and.. Snape. Harry never though he could feel such complex emotions about Severus Snape, hadn't really had the chance to appreciate the memories for all they were worth just yet honestly. But in the end, Snape.. Professor Snape had died for him. Knowingly and willingly. And what do you say to that? The man seemed to hate him for all of his life and now, all of a sudden, it comes to light that he didn't actually hate him no matter how hard he tried. Harry wasn't stupid, he knew it was because of his mother that Snape took any action toward him at all, not necessarily Harry himself, but still, the amount he sacrificed.
Snape, Harry conceded, should have been in Gryffindor.
And his thoughts were babbling to him. He knew it would take time to even comprehend the last year fully but he felt.. relieved. It was over. No more Voldemort, no more Death Eaters. He didn't have to constantly be on guard for fear of an attack or a vision. His head was blissfully pain free. The losses were catastrophic. To the degree that Harry was partially numb from actually feeling so much at once. He knew those 3 days a part of him was actually hiding from the world. He wasn't sure if he could face it just yet.
It was over.
Harry wondered if he said it enough, would he believe it? Intellectually he knew, yes, it was over. The battle was over, he had won, hooray and all that. But it just didn't seem real that after everything that had happened, it was actually over. And he had died. That was a place Harry definitely wasn't ready to go. He had actually died. Knowingly and willingly, fully expecting never to see Ron or Hermoine or.. Ginny. Ginny, now that was a subject he couldn't get in to just yet. She was the reason he had the courage to die. Better make sure not to mention that to her just yet, maybe give her some time to cope with events first. I mean, not exactly something every girl wants to hear right? "Hey Ginny, your the reason I was able to die.." Hmm should probably think of a better way to phrase it too.
Again with the babbling thoughts. Harry supposed its what happens when you hunt for a year for horcruxes of all things for it all to come down to you dying, coming back to life, and defeating the Greatest bloody Dark Wizard ever, or whatever. Personally Harry thought Voldemort was kind of dim. I mean, here he was, a seventeen year old boy who just defeated this uber-wizard?! seriously. If Ol' Voldie wasn't so concerned with trying to kill him all the time he might have actually used whatever brains were left in that desecrated snake skin he called a body and put it to good use. I mean, really, all because he had to use Harry's blood. Oh Tom, maybe you should have paid a bit more attention in classes instead of releasing a bloody basilisk on the bloody school. Idiot.
Ok so he was still in the disbelief stage. He was aware his mind was making inane rambling as he tried not to deal with the real issue here.
It was over.
And they were dead.
Lupin, his last link to his parents, the last marauder. Tonks, the quirky Auror who meant so much to Harry, and to Remus. They were gone and left Teddy alone. In that moment, Harry realized how much Teddy emulated himself. Minus the megalomaniac-who-tried-to-kill-him-but-the-curse-backfired thing. Harry was angry at them for leaving Teddy alone, another orphan from the war, but at the same time he couldn't be because he knew that they only died to save.. well not him, well sort of him, but to defeat Riddle so he wouldn't try and kill Teddy, or, you know, anyone else. Ugh, did that even make sense? Perhaps it was time to leave Gryffindor Tower and face everyone. But how could he? Oh Fred. He never imagined. How could anyone imagine George without Fred or vice versa. He was crushed by Fred's loss. He never really considered that he would lose any of the Weasleys, it just didn't seem feasible. There was a close call with Ginny, which his heart skipped a beat at remembering even now, but Fred. Never in a million years would he have imagines Fred being gone. Fred couldn't be dead, he had a thousand more pranks to pull, so many more punch lines to finish. He knew eventually George would be Ok, even though right now he would be completely devastated and lost. Eventually George would start laughing and joking because he knew, better then anyone, that that was what Fred was about and to do any different would dishonor his memory.
He couldn't help but think that so many people must be angry with him. Their deaths.. oh Colin, why didn't you leave with the others?.. Their deaths were on him, like Riddle said. He gave him a chance to turn himself over and stop it. Harry knew it wouldn't have mattered, that they were right to fight, that people made that choice to fight Riddle and end it. He knew it wasn't really him, he wasn't so arrogant to think that his life dictated everyone else's. But it didn't help his guilt complex. He felt like it was all his fault, no matter how irrational. He couldn't help it. People around him died, they always had. He was just glad that it was over now, hopefully. That maybe, just maybe he could be normal now.
Harry snorted at that thought. He was the Boy-Who-Lived-Again, the slayer of Voldemort, the savior, yadda yadda. No way would he ever be left in peace. He'd be stared and gawked at for the rest of his natural born life. Joy. Well at least he'll have a naturally long life. He didn't have to worry about some. thing. killing him before he was 18. Oh wait, been there, done that.
And wouldn't you be angry if you knew that? That he, Harry Potter, had died, again, and still managed to survive. Always him. Why didn't Fred get that chance? Or Lupin or Tonks or Colin? How fair was it that he got chance after chance after chance but no one else did? He had intended to die and it still didn't take. Seriously, he wasn't sure how anyone could forgive him..
Speaking of dying, his chest hurt. Must be where the curse hit. Bloody hell! What a bruise! Well, guess he didn't come out completely unscathed. Wasn't sure if there was a scar there, had to take a closer look at that when he wasn't sitting in the dark.
Oh hell, guess he was awake then. Suppose 3 days is long enough.
Time to face the world..
A/N: Please Review! This chapter was completely.. well, rambling craziness, I'm not sure if anyone is interested but I'm going to keep writing anyway. This is all Harry's thought process, which is why its so jumbled. Can't really blame the guy.
Tell me what you think! Review!