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A/N: Do I need to say it? If I owned it I would own more then a cat.
The first face he was greeted with upon walking down the dormitory steps was the tear streaked one of Mrs. Molly Weasley herself. Harry had thought to avoid her for perhaps another day yet, when he had gathered the courage to face her. As it was he couldn't bear to look her in the eyes even as she gave a small squeal and rushed to hug him.
They had been worried.
Well, duh, he told himself. He had just slept for 3 days. That is not normal. Harry justified it to himself by recalling the past year and those final exhausting days searching and destroying the final horcruxes and, of course, the battle. Anybody who had gone through what he had deserved a 3 day nap. Speaking of which, where were Ron and Hermoine? Merlin knows those two needed it as much as he did. For the time being though he was stuck here with Mrs. Weasley. Every tear streak he saw cut in to him a little more.
It was his fault.
But it wasn't, not really. He didn't cast the spell that caused Fred's death. He might as well have, he reminded himself, they were fighting to buy him time after all. He tried to shake these thoughts away but they were stubborn, latching to his psyche unwilling to be fettered in their draining emotional drama. Harry knew he had an.. issue with blaming himself for everything bad that happened. But honestly, who wouldn't?
At the present time Harry could no longer think except to concentrate on breathing air in to his lungs. It seems part of the way Mrs. Weasley wanted to make sure he was all right was by suffocating him and draining every drop of precious air from his body in the tightest hug Harry had ever experienced in his short, but oh so long, life.
Ah, breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.
Seems like he cheated Death once more, ah Ha! Harry wondered how long it took for air deprivation to make you delirious..
Oh no. Arthur and Bill and Charlie and.. Percy. Hmm he didn't think he had ever seem Percy look so.. depressed. But of course Harry could understand that. Wouldn't be surprised if Percy was blaming himself for Fred, actually, though Harry had the market squared away on the Guilt Complex.
They had all been crying, that much was obvious. But they all hugged him and smiled their sad little smiles, congratulating him on his victory. Harry was sure they all knew what he was really thinking, although since Harry wasn't quite sure what Harry was thinking he didn't know how they could. But they always did have that knack about them. Though, is it a knack or did he just make a pattern out of blaming himself?
Well most likely the latter, but it seemed as if he had a right to. After all the whole Sirius thing could have been avoided easy enough but he was just too Stupid and.. Okaayy, not going there. Not thinking about it. No siree.
They all chuckled at the loud rumble that emerged from the cavern Harry supposed his stomach was hiding in. Mrs. Weasley was insisting he looked peaky and to go eat. He always looked peaky to her, no helping it, he supposed. Never did get enough to eat at the Dursleys..
He wondered if they were alright. Seemed Dudley had had a bit of a change of heart last time he saw him. Much as he hated Uncle Vernon he didn't want to have more blood on his hands. If they died it really would be because of him, unequivocally. Harry didn't know if he could deal with that.
Bloody hell he was hungry. Seems he woke the beast with all this thinking. Never could quite turn the brain off, blissful though it may have been. Darn. Mmm that smells good. Heavenly scents that always reminded him of Hogwarts. Those house-elves were bloody brilliant cooks..
Oh Dobby.
Whoa! Jeez, where they trying to give him a heart attack? Pretty sure his quota on free lives was almost up. Though if he was part cat he had, what, 6 lives left? Something like that, doesn't really matter. But speaking of Ron and Hermoine.. sheesh a guy needs to breathe. There's a lot of that squeezing Harry to death thing going round. Don't want to use up the rest of those lives.. though he was reasonably sure he was Not part cat, you never know in the Wizarding World, do you. Plus he was woefully lacking in knowledge of his family history..
Sheesh, no need to try and pull the arm off. Not like he wasn't going to get something eat anyway, what with his standing in the doorway of the Great Hall. He was starving. Didn't eat much in the days before the Battle either so his nutrition was pretty rotten right about now, though that was nothing new the Dursl.. Ok, Ok, eating now.
Harry wondered where Ginny was. And George. Maybe they were together, he hoped so. He knew the funeral was tomorrow. Seems they were waiting for him. And to be able to, doesn't seem like much could get done but preparing. Lupin and Tonks weren't buried yet either..
Oh God. If that doesn't kill an appetite. How could he eat? Especially here, right here, were they had all lain.. Merlin, Lupin and Tonks..
Where was Teddy? Harry hoped he was ok. Teddy was left with Andromeda so he probably was but he just needed to see him. Didn't want Teddy to be much more like him then he already was, though he didn't think Lupin or Tonks had Dursley-esque relatives, or many other relatives left really, but it wouldn't hurt to make sure.
And.. And then what? He was the boys godfather which meant.. was he supposed to take him in? Raise him? Not that he wouldn't just Harry didn't know if he could, not like he was raised in a proper family, besides he was messed up. Couldn't even think properly.
His brain was babbling like a bumbling baboon.
Ugh, Cedric. Ok, Stop, stop, STOP. He couldn't possibly think of every person who had died because of him.. stupid guilt complex, there it goes again.. in the span of one day without risking his sanity. Though, Harry mused, he may not have much of that left.
He still had that odd numb feeling that was from feeling too many feelings. Hmm yeah, sanity definitely in question. It was too much, there were too many people, he just wanted to get away. Harry knew Ron and Hermoine would understand, at least to a degree, not that he did. He just spent 3 days in total seclusion, he should rejoin civilization..
Well, baby steps then. He spotted Luna just outside the doors and made his way to her, head down to avoid unwanted conversation. He looked at her giving his sad half smile thing that he was sure made him look semi, well, challenged, but Luna only took his hand and led him outside.
Ahh, blissful air. Fresh, sweet air, how he had missed thee. It was a liberating feeling and he didn't realize until now just how claustrophobic he had been in the castle. Which is odd really since the castle is so much bigger then his cupboard under the stairs and he was never claustrophobic there. Oh well, must be that pesky sanity thing bothering about again.
Luna was quiet, didn't say a word. She was just. there. Of which Harry was oddly grateful. She always seemed to know what to do.
He wondered if Hogwarts would ever look the same again. There was so much damage and even just sitting here he could see the devastation that had been wrought from the Battle, even after they had begun repairs. The Lake was littered with pieces of the outer wall, the grounds had burn patches and ditches where spells went awry. Harry could imagine the very ground being blood soaked from the many casualties. Wonder if anyone had fallen right here, where he was sitting..
Probably shouldn't make such sudden movements after laying prone for so long. He may have pulled something.. Oh well, may as well add it to the list of injuries he had acquired. Should probably go get fixed up. Not that he had much more then numerous cuts and bruises. Well, there was his chest. But he should probably wait until he was alone to check that out again, didn't want to freak out Luna more then he already had, he supposed. Oh she's leaving now, going back inside. Maybe he should too, then. There has to be so much to do.. Probably should go see McGonagall anyway, seeing as she was most likely the new Headmistress, see if he could help with anything.
Would Hogwarts ever be the same?
Probably not. Didn't know if he would be able to come back here, really. But thats stupid, Hogwarts was his first home. And this is where it ended. It was Over! He shouldn't stay away because of pesky memories. He did have good ones too. Time, Harry supposed, would tell.
For now he wanted to go find Ginny.
A/N: Again, its a chapter of rambling craziness but is it good rambling craziness or bad rambling craziness?
Should I switch to make the story happen outside of his head or keep going how it is?
Next chapter he's going to encounter Ginny, don't know who else just yet. We may even find out what's up with his chest. It's not like I really plan this out before I write..
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