Anna's POV:
I sat in front of the TV's glare. Yoh had just left to do his one hundred laps around town. I sighed and turned off the T.V. There was nothing to do. I went into Yoh's room. I sat on the bed and pondered.
Secretly, I love Yoh Asakura with all my heart. It's terrible. Not loving Yoh, just the fact that I'm in love at all. Yoh's a wonderful person; he's strong, yet kind and laid back. He's everything I could never be. I can't let him know I love him though. If he finds out, he'll most likely avoid me more than usual, and if he knows, he won't do as I say. He only does what I tell him to because he fears me. If he knows my weakness, he won't fear me.
Besides it's not like he loves me back. Who could love an Ice Queen like me? No one could. I know he'll protect me, but he's supposed to, he's my fiancé. He acts like he cares constantly, but I guess he's being nice. Whenever he shows any affection I give him a death stare. I don't want to get too attached to him. If I get myself in too deep…I'll never come out. I'm only going to get hurt in the end. Not that Yoh would ever hurt me…not intentionally… but when he becomes Shaman King, he won't need me. Maybe he'll find a way to get out of the engagement, so he can find a girl he really loves to be his Shaman Queen. The only thing I'll ever been queen of is the ice in my heart, and the queen of Yoh's personal hell.
Suddenly, something caught my eye. There was a small slip of paper showing from under Yoh's mattress. I lifted the mattress, and saw that the slip was falling out of a notebook that lay next to it. I opened the notebook. Yoh had written in it. I flipped through the pages skimming over them and she noticed that his feelings were spilled all over the tattered pages, in every word. Suddenly as I looked over the pages a little more closely, I was shocked beyond belief. Every single page was about…me. I began reading the first page.
Wow, Anna's really been pushing me lately! Seriously, I know I have to win Shaman fights, but when do I get a break? Seriously, she gives me SO MANY trainings and I just can't take it! Can't she back off? Even a little? I can't STAND her anymore! I dunno why she suddenly got so strict, but it's driving me crazy!!
Heh…I knew it…he can't stand me. I should've seen it coming. So why does it hurt so badly? And why am I crying!? The tears, they won't stop! I can't make them stop flowing! I can restrain the sobs being compressed in my chest but…why won't the tears obey me and stop running down my cheeks? I know why, it's because Yoh hates me. I already knew that deep down. I guess I just didn't want to truly admit it to myself. Or maybe actually seeing those words "I can't STAND her anymore!" in his handwriting, that I would recognize anywhere hurt me.
"Stupid," I mumbled almost inaudibly. "I am so STUPID!!" I screamed driving my fist into the wall. Since I was there alone no one could hear my cry. I continued to read the page, afraid of what I'd see, but curious to what else Yoh thought of me.
I'm always really tired, and she never notices. It's like she's totally oblivious to any pain I may feel! She doesn't care!! It's not like I hate her or anything, I just wish she'd back off a little. Instead of always being in my face, just trusting me to do well on my own. It'd just be nice if once in a while she'd be nice to me. If she wouldn't push me away every second and punish me for every little thing I do. If she could smile once in a while, maybe it'd be easier to tolerate her! But who am I kidding? This is Anna the Ice Queen. She can do whatever she wants, and I have no control over it. I just wish that she would be a little nicer to me once in a while.
That was all he had written. My cheeks were soaked with tears. I wiped them away, and prepared for the change of my life. I would be what Yoh wanted me to be for once…maybe…maybe he'd actually like me more. I heard the door open, and I knew it was Yoh.
He came in looking tired, and I threw my arms around him, in a tight hug, and was surprised that he didn't fall over. "I guess those trainings DID pay off" I thought to myself. He returned my hug clearly shocked. I smiled knowing that.
"Welcome home Yoh!" I cried looking up at him and hoping he'd appreciate it.
"Anna…uh, are you feeling okay?" he asked, looking at me as though I were some kind of alien that had appeared before him.
"I'm fine Yoh," I said reassuringly. He stared at me for a moment in disbelief and suddenly pressed a hand up against my forehead. Obviously he didn't believe me.
"Okay, if you say so," he said as he pulled away. I wiped the smile from my face, and it went back to its usual expression, but I was determined to be what Yoh wanted.
I got busy preparing dinner. It wasn't that hard, and I've been told that I'm a very good cook; I'd usually just rather have Yoh do it. Besides, he's an amazing cook, though I'll never admit it to him. Maybe I should, maybe if I did he'd like me better. I smiled at the thought. Yoh doesn't necessarily have to fall in love with me…I just want him to like me, because I don't care what others think of me, it's true…but what I'll never tell is that…he's the only exception.
It'd been almost a whole week since I'd been myself around him. Honestly, I didn't yell at him, or punish him. I was cheerful all the time, and I did all the chores while Yoh just trained. I eased up on him a great deal too.
Three days ago at one point, while looking at a star-filled sky, he actually grabbed my hand and looked at me with his beautiful deep eyes. I felt my heart skip about ten beats in that moment. An alarm went off in my head. The one that always told me that if I let the affection carry on, no matter how much I enjoy it, it'll only end in my pain. A powerful urge rose into me, wanting to glare at him, to yell at him, to slap him so hard he wouldn't feel the left side of his face for a week, but I didn't. Instead I squeezed his hand and looked away, glaring into the distance rather than into his eyes, and hiding the blush that covered my cheeks.
I've also become very tired lately. I haven't been getting any sleep. Instead, I use my nights to meditate, and calm myself. If I don't, I know I'll explode, and I might lash out at Yoh. I don't want to hurt him. I think I may be getting a slight fever, but I'm an itako, I can handle it. I don't need to sleep every night. I usually only sleep once ever couple of nights and only for a couple hours.
"One-hundred-ninety-nine, two-hundred!" Yoh heaved out as paused from his push-ups. I sat there timing him. "Anna…I…I'm tired…do I have to keep going?" Yoh panted, complaining the way he always does.
"No, you've done enough for today," I said as cheerfully as I could, turning off the stopwatch. I smiled, and walked away to go and prepare lunch. I knew this would happen! He doesn't fear me so he slacks off!! I'm supposed to be training him but…I can't! I want to be what he wants but I can't do that and make him train. It's impossible. Ugh, I'm too tired to think of all this! It's too complicated, I'm just going to make miso soup, and do the chores. I'll think later. When I'm meditating.
"Hey Anna," said a familiar voice from behind me. I turned around to face him, with a small smile. His eyes widened slightly as he looked into mine. I groaned mentally. By the look he had just given me, I knew he'd probably seen the dark circles under my eyes. I hid them during training by looking away from him and at the stopwatch, but now he was staring right into my eyes. I can't hide it; he's already seen my fatigue. "Anna, you don't look so good," Yoh said softly. He pressed gentle hand against my forehead softly. Oh great, now he'd know I have a fever too.
"I'm fine Yoh," I lied; as I pulled away hoping that he didn't find the fever. My wish however, was not granted.
No you're not fine! You're getting a fever, and you look like you haven't slept in days!" he cried, grabbing my shoulders. I felt a little scared seeing him that angry. His eyes were intense and angered. But suddenly the anger left them and they were filled with remorse, apology, and hurt. I hated seeing him like this.
I freed my shoulders from his grip and wrapped my arms around him. Something I never could've done a week ago but wanted to. Now I can.
"Yoh, I'm sorry if I worried you, but really, don't worry about me, I'll be fine okay?" I said as reassuringly as I could. He wrapped my arms around me tightly, as if I'd disappear any minute.
He didn't let go until about 5 minutes later. I served us lunch, and surprisingly he got back to training on his own. I didn't have to tell him too, he just strapped his weights on and went to run laps.
About half an hour later, I was outside, sitting on the grass, meditating again. I felt a drop of water hit my head, and as I looked up I noticed it had begun to drizzle. I stood up, and within seconds it began to pour. I knew Yoh would be home soon. Instead of going inside, I stood there in the freeing cold rain, training my body to endure everything. I knew that with my cold I shouldn't be enduring rain, but I didn't care. I want to be strong.
A minute later everything began to blur. I shook my head to try and focus but it just made everything spin. I felt myself swaying on the spot, and as I scolded myself mentally trying to make the stupidity and weakness stop I only got dizzier with each second. My eyes closed as I felt myself collapse and everything went black.
Ooh cliffy!! I know some of u readers'll hate me for it! Oh well just review and I'll write Remember little purple button! Review!!